Why I'm Not In Tech Support
I don't post here much anymore. I'm not in tech support much anymore. I got fired from my last job and started a customer service/sales job in another call center. I handle cell phones. People call me up wanting to make changes, ask about their bill, or %75 of the time have me try to undo what the last 3 people did. People ask me "Why don't you want to go to tech support?" The people at my current job don't get it, and keep asking. The people I count as friends are a little smarter than that and stopped asking after I answered the question, but hey, who can be picky?
I suppose they ask me because it's obvious I hate the customer. I could really care less about the customer in %90 of the cases, just the problems they bring. Since %80 of the problems are the customers own making, I could care less. That would normally say 'tech support', right? I used to think it was. I used to take pride in not BEING in straight 'customer service', because I would think people who need their bills explained to them are obviously more stupid than people who call technical support, right? Wrong. The customers are just as asstarded. True, in a customer service position I get to deal with fallout from store representatives using the customer like a toilet after a fun day of drinking tap water in tijuana. True, in a customer service position I get to deal with people who should not be trusted to drive, breed, vote, or breathe, and yet are handed a credit card and then call me up to ask why a phone bill keeps coming EACH MONTH.
The thing is, with customer service, I get commissions, well, more than I would with tech support. That and I rarely if ever have to have this conversation:
Paco: "Okay, look at our website."
Idiot: "What website?"
Paco: "www.oursite.com"
Idiot: "Where do I put that?"
Paco: "Open internet explorer. You see the address bar at the top? It probably has something written in there already. Erase all that. Type www.oursite.com."
Idiot: "I get a bunch of results."
Paco: "Results?"
Idiot: "Do...you...want..a..bigger...peen...one.
Paco: "Okay, you typed that in some kind of search bar. Do you see the address bar?"
Idiot: "You mean where I typed in www.oursite.com?"
Paco: "No, that's a search bar. What's above that."
Idiot: "Uh... it's blank."
Paco: "What's above the blank?"
Idiot: "Uh... this little box that says http... dot dot... blacklash blacklash www.Imafuckingidiotwhoinstalled18searchb
Paco: "Okay, erase all that."
Idiot: "How?"
Paco: "click in the box once with your mouse to highlight it, then hit the backspace key."
Idiot: "The what?"
Paco: "The backspace key."
Idiot: "I don't see that on the screen."
Paco: "That's because it's on the keyboard."
Idiot: "Oh... okay, I did that."
Paco: "Okay, now ty-"
Idiot: "Did you want me to delete the http dot dot thing too?"
Paco: "Yes."
Idiot: "Oh... okay. Wow. This is hard."
Paco: *Mute* "Only because you're a retarded mouthbreathing assfucking dipshit insect-brained dickbugler who can't be bothered to THINK, let alone FOLLOW DIRECTIONS, you ignorant worthless little SHIT of a man. I hope you DIE! If they handed me a gun right now I WOULD KILL YOU! I would MURDER you and no one would convict me! I hope you and your family die in a horrible isolated ebola outbreak, and I hope you live just long enough to infect your entire cadre of drinking buddies too, you fucking retard! I can't fucking STAND you and your kind, and you should be wiped from this EARTH! If Adolf Hitler woke up out of his grave today and said "You know what, fuck the Jews, we're going to kill every single retarded motherfucker who can't use a computer yet INSISTS on buying one and then inflicting their idiocy upon others." I would be RIGHT THERE. The Fascist movement would be alive and fucking well, and there would be genocide the likes of which the world has NEVER seen, and it wouldn't be based on something idiotic like religion, it would be based PURELY on recorded calls received in this call center. They would call me El General Paco, Murderer of the Great Unwashed. I would have giant bronze statues of me and Zombie Hitler with headsets on, SHOOTING people in the back of the head. Men, women, children... especiallyyourscreaminglittlerudefoulmou
...
Idiot: "Hey, are you there?"
Paco: "Yes sir, sorry about that... now, do you see our website?"
So now I'm in customer care. The people are slightly less retarded on a whole. I'm making good money, and you know what.... It's just as unrewarding and repetative as technical support was, but at least here I get commissions, and I get to go home and NOT have to actively stop myself from stockpiling guns and supplies, and I can finally sell that plot of land in Montana.
... well, not yet... let's not go crazy here.
I suppose they ask me because it's obvious I hate the customer. I could really care less about the customer in %90 of the cases, just the problems they bring. Since %80 of the problems are the customers own making, I could care less. That would normally say 'tech support', right? I used to think it was. I used to take pride in not BEING in straight 'customer service', because I would think people who need their bills explained to them are obviously more stupid than people who call technical support, right? Wrong. The customers are just as asstarded. True, in a customer service position I get to deal with fallout from store representatives using the customer like a toilet after a fun day of drinking tap water in tijuana. True, in a customer service position I get to deal with people who should not be trusted to drive, breed, vote, or breathe, and yet are handed a credit card and then call me up to ask why a phone bill keeps coming EACH MONTH.
The thing is, with customer service, I get commissions, well, more than I would with tech support. That and I rarely if ever have to have this conversation:
Paco: "Okay, look at our website."
Idiot: "What website?"
Paco: "www.oursite.com"
Idiot: "Where do I put that?"
Paco: "Open internet explorer. You see the address bar at the top? It probably has something written in there already. Erase all that. Type www.oursite.com."
Idiot: "I get a bunch of results."
Paco: "Results?"
Idiot: "Do...you...want..a..bigger...peen...one.
Paco: "Okay, you typed that in some kind of search bar. Do you see the address bar?"
Idiot: "You mean where I typed in www.oursite.com?"
Paco: "No, that's a search bar. What's above that."
Idiot: "Uh... it's blank."
Paco: "What's above the blank?"
Idiot: "Uh... this little box that says http... dot dot... blacklash blacklash www.Imafuckingidiotwhoinstalled18searchb
Paco: "Okay, erase all that."
Idiot: "How?"
Paco: "click in the box once with your mouse to highlight it, then hit the backspace key."
Idiot: "The what?"
Paco: "The backspace key."
Idiot: "I don't see that on the screen."
Paco: "That's because it's on the keyboard."
Idiot: "Oh... okay, I did that."
Paco: "Okay, now ty-"
Idiot: "Did you want me to delete the http dot dot thing too?"
Paco: "Yes."
Idiot: "Oh... okay. Wow. This is hard."
Paco: *Mute* "Only because you're a retarded mouthbreathing assfucking dipshit insect-brained dickbugler who can't be bothered to THINK, let alone FOLLOW DIRECTIONS, you ignorant worthless little SHIT of a man. I hope you DIE! If they handed me a gun right now I WOULD KILL YOU! I would MURDER you and no one would convict me! I hope you and your family die in a horrible isolated ebola outbreak, and I hope you live just long enough to infect your entire cadre of drinking buddies too, you fucking retard! I can't fucking STAND you and your kind, and you should be wiped from this EARTH! If Adolf Hitler woke up out of his grave today and said "You know what, fuck the Jews, we're going to kill every single retarded motherfucker who can't use a computer yet INSISTS on buying one and then inflicting their idiocy upon others." I would be RIGHT THERE. The Fascist movement would be alive and fucking well, and there would be genocide the likes of which the world has NEVER seen, and it wouldn't be based on something idiotic like religion, it would be based PURELY on recorded calls received in this call center. They would call me El General Paco, Murderer of the Great Unwashed. I would have giant bronze statues of me and Zombie Hitler with headsets on, SHOOTING people in the back of the head. Men, women, children... especiallyyourscreaminglittlerudefoulmou
...
Idiot: "Hey, are you there?"
Paco: "Yes sir, sorry about that... now, do you see our website?"
So now I'm in customer care. The people are slightly less retarded on a whole. I'm making good money, and you know what.... It's just as unrewarding and repetative as technical support was, but at least here I get commissions, and I get to go home and NOT have to actively stop myself from stockpiling guns and supplies, and I can finally sell that plot of land in Montana.
... well, not yet... let's not go crazy here.
