46.95 saved, and an jackass put in his place.

As always, I work for a large Cable ISP

Me: Thank you for calling XXX, my name is Attack Gypsy, how may I assist you today?
Jackass: You can fix my muther fucking internet, that's how you can assist me, you fucker.
M: Certainly I can help you sir. Can I have the phone number on your account?
J: I put that in during the fucking stupid recording! What the fuck do you need it for again? Are you some kind of fucking retard?
M: We need to verify it so I can be sure that I bring up the correct account.
J: XXX-XXX-XXXX
M: Thank you sir. One moment please while I bring up the account.

(I bring up the account and verify everything. I look at the signals coming from the modem and see that the device attached to it is sending back a 0. IP address. This is easy)

M: Sir, can you tell me what lights on lit on the modem?
J: I don't fucking care. get a fucking tech out here to fix it now!
M: I can certainly do that, sir. However, I am seeing that this modem is online, and if I send a tech out, he's going to plug his laptop into the modem, find nothing wrong, and then will leave, adding a 46.95 charge for doing nothing. Would you like to have me save you that money sir?
J: Ok, there's three lights on. Power, Tel 1, and Standby.
M: Push the button on the top of the modem, and you'll be back up and running.

(J does so, and like magic, its working again)

J: What happened?
M: You pushed the standby button and shut the ports off.
J: Well why the fuck do they have this fucking button?
M: Why don't you call Motorola and find out, then call me and let me know?

*click*

You're welcome. Asshole.