Dear hungry asshole.....
Stop. Fucking. Eating. Directly. Into. The. Phone.
I'm serious. Put down your ice-cream cone, or slobbery chew-toy, or chilled monkey brains, and have the decency to talk to another human being who is trying to fucking help you in a like manner. Every time you pause to fill your gob and dribble most of it down your chin is another few precious seconds I can't hasten to get your starving ass off my phone. You wouldn't talk to me face to face chewing on your cud and expect the same sort of polite service now, would you? Have some decency and treat us like the humans we actually are (or try to be, with people like you devouring our sanity): eating quietly even after I've politely requested for you to stop shovelling shit into your ever-munching hole does certainly not endear me to aiding you with your brainless questions on an issue you fucking started. If you must, chew some gum or something, but man, when I can hear that shit trickle back out of your mouth or the occasional gurgle as you try to swallow it too fast, I have to physically drag my Finger of Stabbity™ away from the Answer/Release button and quitely choke the shit out of my stress-toy.
Do us a favour. Inhale at the wrong moment and fucking choke to death or something. It will end my pain, and hopefully, yours.
No love,
LS
I'm serious. Put down your ice-cream cone, or slobbery chew-toy, or chilled monkey brains, and have the decency to talk to another human being who is trying to fucking help you in a like manner. Every time you pause to fill your gob and dribble most of it down your chin is another few precious seconds I can't hasten to get your starving ass off my phone. You wouldn't talk to me face to face chewing on your cud and expect the same sort of polite service now, would you? Have some decency and treat us like the humans we actually are (or try to be, with people like you devouring our sanity): eating quietly even after I've politely requested for you to stop shovelling shit into your ever-munching hole does certainly not endear me to aiding you with your brainless questions on an issue you fucking started. If you must, chew some gum or something, but man, when I can hear that shit trickle back out of your mouth or the occasional gurgle as you try to swallow it too fast, I have to physically drag my Finger of Stabbity™ away from the Answer/Release button and quitely choke the shit out of my stress-toy.
Do us a favour. Inhale at the wrong moment and fucking choke to death or something. It will end my pain, and hopefully, yours.
No love,
LS
