Goals. I set goals not resolutions. I wrote about why this word choice is important last year. I'm pleased with how last year's goals went. The reading and writing have become enough of a habit again that I don't think I need to continue them as goals for 2015. After some thought, I've set new goals for 2015 that will stretch me in a variety of ways:
1) Bake a new type of bread every month. I miss baking, but really I miss eating homemade bread. I think this goal will be a do-able way to get back into bread baking. I've already started looking for recipes I want to try so I can get started with January's bread. As it turns out, I've already made a lot of different kinds of bread. It will be a real stretch, I think, to get to 12 entirely new breads by the end of the year.
2) Give back to the "apostate" Mormon community. I wrote before about how much I've gained from interacting with ex-Mormons. Hearing the experiences and advice of people who had walked this road before me was invaluable. I find myself needing less and less of that support these days. I don't want to be someone who takes and doesn't give back. So, this year I'm giving back. Much like grief, people go through somewhat predictable phases as they experience a religious transition. Even just knowing that what I was experience was a phase was helpful sometimes. I found myself paying attention when certain people wrote or commented because they seemed grounded and wise. If everyone is in the angry phase or the go-try-all-the-things-that-were-forbidden phase they may ramp themselves up into some real trouble. It's good to have some experienced voices to caution not to go too fast, not to burn bridges, not to take steps you'll regret later. I can take a turn being that voice.
My giving back here will take a few forms. First, I'm staying in a few of my Mormon themed groups and choosing one topic/thread per week in which to participate. If there isn't something I'm interested in happening already, I'll start something. Second, I've volunteered to help with a new podcast called the Debrief Society Podcast. The aim is to help women transitioning out of the church recreate identity, community, and belief systems in a healthy way. I have no idea how it will go as it's just in the planning stages now, but I'm excited to participate.
3) Prepare myself professionally. I'm not certain yet what my work situation will be like this year, so my goal is more conceptual. Along the lines of giving back, I'm putting a work focus this year on educating myself to prepare to better serve populations I am interested in. One of these is individuals and families experiencing religious transitions. I think having been through one myself, I am well-suited to help. However, my own personal experience isn't enough for a professional setting. So, I'm studying. I've been collecting a list of books and articles about religious transitions, leaving fundamentalist faiths, identity formation, and spiritual abuse. I'll be reading, reading, reading.
4) Understand and be comfortable with my own sexuality. I've got some hangups about my own sexuality, specifically I feel uncomfortable with the idea that I am a sexual being. In a professional setting I can talk very openly and comfortably with people about their sexual lives and practices. Unfortunately, that doesn't translate to my personal life. I think this is largely coming from socialization and cultural attitudes about women's sexuality in the greater American culture and in the Mormon subculture. I recognize that it's not healthy, and I'm not happy. My hope is that exploring and deconstructing some of these ideas will help me own my sexuality. My plan is to do some reading on the subject and a whole lot of writing. I don't think many people read this blog anymore, so it's mostly just a journal for me. Still, I do think about an audience and censor myself occasionally. This goal is a private one. I'll be doing this writing in private. I may decide to share an insight or two as the year progresses.
I'm intrigued by the idea of doing this with a group, having a sort of accountability group or people to bounce ideas off of, an audience for sharing stories. However, that's also scary. And I'm not going to just put this stuff out there publicly or force it on any of my readers without consent. If you want to join in this goal with me, email me or something.
A final thought about my goal setting: I set goals that will stretch me, that I want to do, and that I think are realistic. I do this to set myself up for success. I like success. I like feeling good about myself. If you've been around me for any length of time, you might have noticed that I talk a lot about my fitness successes, my cooking successes, my work successes, my parenting successes. Who wants to focus on failure? I invite you to do the same! (share your successes, that is, not focus on failure)
