We always knew we wanted at least one more, but it was really hard to take the plunge. Things were good with just Luke and Madelyn. Our lives were predictable and comfortable. I don't have to buy diapers all the time. I get sleep. I even get a few hours to myself when Luke is at preschool! But I realized that if we didn't hurry and get pregnant, I'd probably talk myself out of it forever. As it is, Luke and the baby will be 4 3/4 years apart, just like he and Madelyn are (which is actually a great age gap, if you ask me). But still, once I did get pregnant, I panicked. WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING?!?! Pregnancy is the worst! We don't have enough room for another kid! We're going to be stuck with paying for every single bill ourselves! (Lousy insurance.)
But it's too late now! Haha.
I am really grateful that we are able to have another one, and know that he or she will be loved to pieces.
But, y'all.
For the past 6 weeks I have had to struggle with not feeling good and not being able to tell anybody, and keep up appearances of still being a functioning human being. Showing up for stuff, completing assignments. Driving the kids everywhere. Getting dressed. (If you ask Mark or the kids, though, all attempts at cooking, cleaning and parental responsibility at home have pretty much ceased on my part and we are living in squalor. Which is true...)
I haven't had quite as much nausea as with the other two. Madelyn's pregnancy was unspeakably horrible and I had hyperemesis gravidarum. I still threw up a couple dozen times with Luke and was super tired. This time has been markedly better in some ways, but I've still been dealing with a lot of crap. I'm going to record it now for posterity's sake, and because I have weeks worth of venting to do. Ready???
I felt fine for the first 5 weeks or so. Then I started to get tired really easily--just in time for Luke's birthday and our family pictures!
Then I became lactose intolerant (?!?), which I have never been in my life! I was starving all the time and hypoglycemic...I couldn't keep my blood sugar stable. But every time I ate anything with milk products in it, it felt like a lead weight in my stomach. I had similar problems with Madelyn's pregnancy, and it was NOT COOL. Finally after two weeks of that nonsense, I hauled myself over to my allergist in St. George who does NAET and had him treat me for milk/calcium/various other digestive enzymes. He was like, "You can just avoid milk products..." NO I CANNOT. I CAN'T LIVE THIS WAY. (Milk, cheese, cream cheese, sour cream, yogurt, chocolate, hello....)
Anyway, after that I was okay eating that stuff again, but still struggled with being starving all the time but not being able to find anything appealing to eat. And when I would finally decide on something, I could only have like, four bites. And everything turns into gas. The few times I've thrown up have been because of a big burp that was not forthcoming. Fun huh. Oh and then I had the biggest breakout of my life all over my face, which lasted for a few weeks. Stupid hormones.
Have you ever had a really bad case of the flu before? And when you finally decide to cross back over into the land of the living, you have absolutely no energy left? I have spent so much time napping and just lying around, it it ridiculous. I can't get enough sleep. Even if I sleep all day, I'm exhausted. And what is truly telling is that stuff that drives me nuts at any other time, i.e. dirty house, not being able to do projects/crafts, going whole days without getting out of my pajamas, not cooking, I have honestly not cared about it one iota. I'm just TOO TIRED! I had to abruptly stop my nightly walks and my Pilates classes, because by about 6:00 pm I can no longer do anything but lie down. When I overdo it during the day, I usually end up nauseous at night. I've been going through a lot of Phenergan gel.
I have been feeling better in the mornings, and sometimes get up and go places. I can usually manage to get a couple errands done if I need to, but then I have to rest for the remainder of the day. Two days ago, I had to get up and go do visiting teaching at 9:30 am (after a long night of Luke constantly coming into our bed), and was doing that and other errands for a few hours. I came home and ate lunch and then had to spend the next SEVEN HOURS lying down recovering, and then just went to bed. It is so frustrating!
I find myself watching a lot more TV, and I lie there and scrutinize everyone I see: "They don't look sick. They probably feel great. Lucky &*^@(%#@(^#s." Yesterday, I was getting lapped by old people at Walmart. That did not help.
We went and saw Dr. Sanders (who delivered my other two, love him) last Thursday, and to our surprise, we got to have an ultrasound! He has the latest 3D machine that does color and it is so cool.
It was a HUGE relief to see that there really was a baby in there, and that I wasn't being crabby and exhausted and hormonal for no reason, haha. The baby was measuring two days ahead of schedule, but he kept my due date at May 19th 2014.
We finally told the kids about their new baby brother or sister that day when we had the photos. Luke pretty much took it in stride, "Okay!" He has talked to my belly and given it some kisses.
Madelyn, who has been really worried about me and keeps making me get well cards, had just come home from school when we told her, and her eyes went really wide and (between shoving huge bites of banana in her mouth) said, "HOLY CRAP!" And "That is so weird." Hahahahhahahaha. But now she is just excited and hoping that it's a little sister.
Everything is looking great so far with the baby, and Dr. Sanders said I should be feeling better pretty soon. But my heart issues have come back. Remember how I had to wear a heart monitor for a month while I was pregnant with Luke? I was diagnosed with tachycardia back then, and we initially thought it was just pregnancy related, but it's not. It's something I've had for at least 15 years or so, and it just gets worse with pregnancy. My heart races really fast and it's really uncomfortable. It gets as high as 140 beats per minute when I come out of a hot shower. But even just sitting and eating breakfast, sometimes it's up to 120.
I'm going to a cardiologist tomorrow to see if I need to get put back on a beta blocker, which should help slow my heart down. BUT, it will also lower my blood pressure, which is low to begin with, so then we start with the dizziness and lightheadedness. It's either that or feel like I'm having a heart attack five times a day. I don't know which is worse.
So here I am at 11 weeks! Nothing to show yet, which means I can still sleep on my stomach. Ahhh. I actually lost 3 lbs this past month. I'll be happy to get a belly in exchange for the ability to eat again.
My follow up pregnancy posts should hopefully be a little less whiny!
And a HUGE thank you to my dear husband, who has been incredibly patient, long suffering and helpful and willing to get takeout, and has not batted an eye when he comes home for lunch to find me still in my jammies and the house still a mess, as he is about to do right now.
Now, on to Halloween! If I can just manage to get the kid's costumes ready today. Wish me luck.
