Pity Party... table for one.

I know no one reads these....but I write anyway....sort of self therapy....perhaps it will provide someone something therapeutic or some knowledge later down the road. Im having another one of those "i wanna quit social media" moments. Mostly because of self pity... I am no one's godmother.... no one trusts me with their kids. I have no friends I spend time with. No "girls night out" No "girls weekend away" No family vacations No trips to Disney Blah to half that...really, it doesnt bother me.... except the friends part. Im tired of people going on and on about their awesome friends....how much they love them... awesome nights and weekends... parties.... yea...the Halloween parties. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Halloween. As my Mom (cause really, shes the only person that knows me, mostly). But I have NEVER once been invited to an adult Halloween party. Never. I would go in a HEART BEAT! I love costumes, and the creativity! Its just fun and awesome. Im 35.... and never, ever been to one. *sigh*. Welcome to my pity party, can I offer you a beverage? I want a friend that notices when Im down. That calls me at random or texts me a random joke or just a Hi. Do you know the last time my phone rang from someone other than a telemarketer or my husband? Probably a year ago...maybe longer. Even my parents just send me messages on Facebook. :-/ The value of a voice is so lost these days.... Maybe Im depressed. Maybe I need medication. Who knows. I just.... I just .... I want to be liked. I want to feel like I matter to someone other than my kids. They are my world, and that is fine... i know I should just stay focused on them. But.... I want to be ME...and not JUST A MOM. :-/ I guess thats a shitty way to think....

Another Habit...and it's long over due...

The title hasnt much to do with the post....just a song line that got stuck in my head.

So...my daughter is almost 10. 10. Did you see that? 2 digits. A decade old. Im learning who she is...who she is becoming more and more over time. She's a realist. She struggles between wanting to stay naive and young, and wanting to accept that the world is the way it really is (which is not always good). She is a brainiac. She struggles with human empathy. She loves animals with all her heart & soul (we call her the animal whisperer). She is popular and well liked by everyone at school. She is a tad bit boy-crazed, but she won't quite admit it--- when on the playground these days, she gravitates toward a boy or two ...they talk, goof around or tease each other, rather than run around with other kids. A boy recently gave her a love letter. I remember vividly being this age. I love her dearly and think she is becoming a strong young lady...

My son is officially 4 and a half now. Yea, thats right... seems like just yesterday I was yearning to meet him! He is ....quite the unique little guy. Some things i go back and forth on being proud of, and then being concerned about. He is OBSESSED with music. Not all music though....god forbid you turn on something not in his select favorite, he will cry like you killed a puppy. Right now its between live Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains and Godsmack. Some days he lets in some Cold or STP, or regular Pearl Jam....but every day its Alice in Chains, to a scary obsession. He sneaks it somehow if its taken away from him, and lies, lies lies. He drums his aggression out using a couple of popcorn tins & a coffee can. And by aggression... i mean when he gets mad...he growls, yells, fist & teeth clenching anger. :-/ What happened to my sweet, wouldnt hurt a flea, boy? Ive thought maybe the rock music was the culprit and took away his cds and put only kid music cds back in his room (Raffi, Pooh Bear, etc)....he just seeks it elsewhere and obsesses--- i.e, cons someone into using their phone...then he finds Alice in Chains on youtube and watches the videos ad nauseum. I feel bad for him at times...because he doesnt always relate to other boys his age in interests. The other day he was playing on his Leappad while his sister was at Karate...and a 6 yr old boy wandered over. Dylan goes over the top and does really well trying to make friends...he is polite, does the "My name is Dylan, whats your name?" and even thanks the kid afterward for being his friend and playing with him (its kinda cute and makes me proud he tries). So the boys were taking turns playing games on his leappad...and the other boy tried to strike up a conversation about cartoons and toys....Dylan couldnt be bothered and instead turned the conversation to music, asking him what his favorite band was.... the boy had no response...and Dylan proceeded to go on and on about Alice n Chains and Pearl Jam, and about how he once watched videos on his Grandpa's phone...... the other kid was soooo disinterested and lost.
Should I be concerned with his obsession...or feed it? I go back and forth on this topic.... one day I wanna get him a real drum set and more rock music cds to listen too....the next day I wanna take away his tin cans and drum sticks and never let him listen to rock music again, for fear it's making him fall deeper into it.... Ugh... the struggle of parenting.

Happy birthday to me......

Jealousy is an awful thing...yet im riddled with it often. I know I shouldn't be...and I dont want to be...but it still fills my heart and guts.....and makes me feel so left out and forgotten.  I know they are busy and there is new fun in life.....but......im here....and my birthday came and went.....and no one really seemed to care. That hurts. I dont want it to hurt. I want to shake it off and hold my head up high....but I cant seem to do it. I want someone to make a big deal about me..just once.....just maybe one day a year.....i thought at least parents were good for that...but...outta sight, out of mind. My fault for moving so far away.  :-(
People just disapoint. Not sure why I bother.

That Selfie is Cray Cray! (Click ,click.....*BOOM!*)

My blog. My opinions. I hate the word "selfie". Not one word makes us sound even stupider as a nation. Ok, "sammies" ranks up there too. And "cray cray".... Really...how is breaking a 2 syllable word into 2 separate words easier to say? My 9 year old used it twice in my house before i banished the word. Yea, this Mom is cray cray. F-that! Selfie. Ugh.. I cannot wait til this trend is over. It basically stands for self-centered nation. Why do people have to photograph themselves daily? Don't you have a mirror and functioning visual processing? I am embarrassed to be an American some days...