Here I am. I erased my old account Johnny_Bulldawg after I got raped this June. The reason I did that was because I had been fresh out of the the fetish closet and all my LJ content/ friends/ groups were sex related, and obviously the rape made me asexual for awhile. So if you are an old friend from my Johnny days, I'd love to get back in touch.
Some stuff has changed since then. I've been doing a lot of self-discovery and soul searching. The biggest change is I've found my soul mate. Its only been a month , but I know she's my destiny. I have never loved anyone the way I love my girl. So some of the sketchier LJ things I was doing, like cyber-roleplay are done now. I still want other roleplayers to friend me. We're a rare and special fetish group, lol.
Change #2- I came out as a lesbian at 12, saw Rocky Horror at 14, got a huge crush on Tim Curry, decided I was bi, dated a bunch of boys I hated because there were no lesbians in the shitty Jersey county I grew up in, ended my latest engagement this year, decided I was a Lesbian-With-The-Exception-of James-Marsters and then most recently really started realizing that I'm more trans than genderqueer. Which totally fucks with my head because if I'm a guy and my hot m2f girlfriend is a girl...that makes us straight and I am SEVERELY heterophobic. I am really struggling with this. Being part of the gay community has always been a big part of my identity. Ugh....
So besides gender and orientation, I've been dealing with a lot of stuff. I have dubbbed this summer the Summer o'Hell. It started in June when the much older scumbag I was living with and I ended a mutually abusive, dysfunction relationship on June 2nd. I tried to be cool about it and he went out of his way to be a douche constantly. I had a hellish month of living with him before I could get my own place. During that time I came out as a fetishist genderqueer and started experimenting with polyamory. I dated some really shitty people and couples and ended up getting violently raped. I tried dating a bit after the rape but after another "getting used" ordeal on July 4th I erased all my dating profiles and went asexual. Things started looking up when I met my girlfriend but everything else in my life remained shitty. My new apartment flooded with sewage and then black-molded. Not one but two of my pets have grown tumors. I've gained a bunch of weight. I had to stay at my girl's house for a few weeks while I got my housing situation sussed out, which would have been epic if her roomate wasn't her spoiled twat of an ex. I am still fighting my leasing office about paying my moving/ medical fees and I will probably have to get a lawyer. Meanwhile NONE of my IRL friends gave a toss about any of my tragedies so I unfriended almost everyone in my life.
I've been on a medical leave from school due to the severity of my mold allergy. I go back on Tuesday and I'm dreading it for a myriad of reasons. The biggest problem is that my girl name makes my skin crawl. So does the forced feminization of the dress code. No matter how male I'm feeling, I'm required to wear make-up. I haven't been called by my birth name for a few weeks and I love it. Its going to take some getting used to. I have a feeling I'm not going to get away with introducing myself to clients as William. ;-P
And btw how the hell is that going to work when I actually transition? Am I going to need to switch salons? Seriously- if you are trans and in the beauty industry come chat with me. I am full of questions and anxiety.
Anyway I guess thats enough of an intro. Right now I'm sitting on the bed with my rageful kitten and doing metric fucktons of laundry because all of my clothes mildewed.
lonely
cheerful
aggravated