Last week was a very confusing week for me, I must admit. The program ILP had accepted me to join them in teaching English in china. As you may know, this was a really big deal for me. The Chinese culture has been a part of my life for quite some time now. Training in the Martial Arts for seven years really got me to appreciate and respect the culture. I heard about the program in my sophomore year in high school and it became a very big aspiration of mine. Being accepted was such an exciting experience in itself and I immediately made plans to prepare myself. I started brainstorming fund raisers that I could use. I started my deferment for my college and I canceled my contract for my apartment. I took so many steps toward it and everyday my heart grew more and more ready to serve the chinese children and actually live in the country.
Just last week I got a painful call. ILP informed me that I was not going to be able to go to China with them. They apparently had too many people and could not make any more room. Embarrassing as it is, this was devastating to me. I had worked up so much excitement that it was such a huge let down. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and God is constantly guiding us to help shape us into what we are capable of becoming. I had a very hard time accepting the fact that I was not able to go to China. I have had many experiences in life where I realize my dreams don't match up with God's and they have always been real inspiring experiences. After all, I really do want my desires to compliment what he wants for me. I couldn't understand why this experience was not the same. I began feeling the, so often, cliche phrase 'this isn't fair' and I wanted to be mad and frustrated. I truly believed that this experience would teach me so much and help me grow. Why would this not be right for me if so much good can come out of it?
After I was able to cry and pray for a little while, I started remembering all the things that I am really grateful for. It is amazing how we can be so filled with gratitude in only moments. I decided that this set back wasn't worth making me upset and so I spent the entire next day reflecting on all the things I love and am grateful for. My day was amazing! To spend an entire day in the attitude of love and gratitude makes such a difference. I was so happy even though my dream was falling apart. I went and got my contract for my apartment back, and I registered myself for a full time schedule for the next semester. I received a text message from my sweet daddy towards the end of the day telling me how much he loved me. It was so nice to be able to tell him that I was truly happy and I was accepting it and moving forward.
Now this is the part that I still have a hard time believing. The very day after I spent reflecting on all my blessings, I got another call from ILP. A few girls had dropped out, ILP viewed my application a second time and decided that they really wanted me to come a long. If only you could imagine my emotions at that point in time. haha. Beyond words. My dream was swung back into view and it was after I had basically accepted not having it. Doesn't God bless us in crazy ways sometimes. I laugh now at how this experience taught me. I am learning to love life no matter what happens. I love what Elder Wirthlin was able to teach all of us before he passed. 'Come what may, and LOVE It'. We can bring Joy into our lives at any time. I am thankful that I can still go to China but I am even more grateful that I was able to learn this valuable lesson on the way.
