You've Got a Friend in Me

I had a friend blog about feeling like an emotional wreck and how lonely she has been.  As I was reading my blog I felt like she had tapped into my thoughts and written them for me.  I told my husby my friend was feeling blue and I drove over to her house to tell her she is not alone. 


Sure there are some differences.  She's pregnant, her family is in a different state, her best girlfriend lives in her house, her visiting teachers don't seem to be friendly.  I currently have excellent visiting teachers--though I haven't always.  Other than feelings, we also both are home alone a lot of the time because our husbands are working or studying.  Even when my husby is home, I sometimes feel very lonely because I can't distract him.  He doesn't have as much time as I do to be flexible with.  


I gave my friend a big long hug when she came into her front room.  Her husband sat down with us and we talked and laughed.  Then M. came home and we talked and LAUGHED a lot more!  


When I left, I wondered if my friend really got why I came over.  Did she understand that she's not alone in feeling sad?  I never had the chance to really speak my thoughts.  So I'm going to write her a note that mirrors what she wrote in a way.  This note is also for any of my friends who aren't voicing similar thoughts or just don't know that they have a friend who is wishing they'd remember them.


Dear Friend, this is really what I wanted to say to you:
Sometimes I don't want to be here (Rexburg, Idaho, stuck indoors, etc.) anymore. No one likes me. No one wants to be my friend. The friends I do have here don't treat me like they used to because I am married and not pregnant so I obviously don't want to do anything with them or babysit their beautiful children.  And I obviously wouldn't want  them to tell me anything about their personal lives because they have no thoughts about anything besides diapers and naptime. No one really treats me the same.

To top it off...I don't think my bff's want to be my friends anymore.  They never call, text, write, fb, or comment on my blog.

When I'm lonely I miss my bff's and life when I was single.  I know I can call them or write...I don't need to suffer.  It's just hard to try remembering all the busy tones, unanswered messages, no one coming to the door when I knock, no replies in the mail to postcards, and flat out rejection to my face from friends and family that have filled so much of my life when I do try.  I've had to give up on some relationships forever.  

I am emotional. People have their lives and they are living them. That is what they are supposed to do. I just pray for an angel to come be my friend-to really want to be involved in my life and me in theirs.


I visited my psychologist last week.  We spoke about some of my anxieties and he told me something no one has ever said to me before.  "You are emotional."  I asked him some clarifying questions and left understanding that I am emotional and that's okay.


To end, just remember, you've got a friend in me.

Blueberries n'Cream Oatmeal

That's right, I'm eating oatmeal at 3 in the morning.  I started my day with s'mores, had Kiwi Loco for supper, and now I'm enjoying oatmeal.
I haven't really been putting much effort into eating lately.  I'm not starving myself completely and it's not anorexia or bulemia---trust me I'm ~ twenty pounds overweight and thoroughly embarrassed for myself.  I just don't bother to eat much or at consistent times.  Oh, and I'm not pregnant either in case you entertained the thought despite reading my "When the World Ends" post.
Ahem...anyway...
I won't be sleeping much tonight...this morning...whatever...because I'm hauling all the stuff we didn't sell last weekend to a parking lot at 7am and I won't be leaving till every last bit of it is sold.  I put a pin in my mental calendar that I would work till August 20th...gave my boss notice.  I took a few days off to sort some things for my externship this fall and when I call to say I'll be in the next day my boss tells me they've found a replacement and don't need me anymore.  Great.  Out of work a month earlier and hence the yard sales.
My shin is screaming!  I really need to start moving more and build up my energy, stamina, endurance, and strength skills!
So last year I went by Sarah Jane for awhile to avoid being called Sarah S. in my classes that had multiple Sarah's. I despised having to answer to Sarah R. during my public school education.  My parents didn't give me a middle name but I've always wanted one. There are so many Sarah Smith's though that I think I actually have grounds to add a middle name easily enough. However last night as I was falling asleep, the thought came to me that instead of Jane (God is gracious), my middle name could be Charlotte (free, strong). Thoughts?
Hmmm...I had thoughts of more interesting stuff to blog about but I seem to be succumbing to my oatmeal's comforting powers... 
: l
: o
Zzzzzz :)

Ideas?

I have several email addresses...one at hotmail; one at yahoo; two at gmail; and of course my student BYU-I email.  I use the hotmail one for spam.  Funny---it was my first ever email.  I also used to have a juno email and I think a gobigwest email when they were our ISP.

Know what I need an idea for yet?

I'm tired of my general username for my gmail address.  Totally fine with the one I have for professional purposes.  I think it's time for something new though.  maraccaprincess just isn't me anymore.  I want something creative, unique (w/out a randomly generated number or letter sequence), that describes my personality but is ladylike and timeless.

I've tried to come up with something that has one of my various nicknames: maracca princess is out; Sarap (a lil girl I babysat called me Sarap (syrup) because she couldn't say my name yet; Que Sera; Sarah Jane (gave myself this one because my parents didn't give me a middle name and I wanted one); Sarita (what my Papa and Lita call me---they are really my sister's parents-in-law but I love them like grandparents and I met them when I was 11).

I also need something simple to spell w/out my help.  So, you see...I need ideas!  I still haven't been inspired what to name my mini...I can drive it all by myself now and not stall the engine!  I <3 car="" my="" nbsp="" p="">
So please, nothing cheesy or dumb...a little quirky but sweet...any ideas?   I'll bake you cookies if I pick your suggestion!

When the World Ends

Today marks 3 years since my wonderful husby proposed to me.  Wish we could enjoy this beautiful summer together...go to some lakes with my uncle's fam, have some awesome bonfires, do something fun for my birthday---instead I will be sitting inside working Monday-Saturday (including 4th of July and my birthday) while Clint does homework everyday and works 2 days a week. If I get to eat s'mores, they'll be made in my microwave or over my gas stove.  Birthday cake or a clean house?  Forget it.  Boise was the best it was going to get. Oh and I still have 4 semesters left before I'll finally finish my Bachelor's (total of 7 years)...pathetic. And people think I'm going to have a baby soon?! When the world ends people...when the world ends.  Seriously, that's probably how long it's going to be by the time we're done with school and both have degrees.

Please pray this bid I've been working on goes through.  It's the only way I'm going to get paid anytime soon.  A lot of these have got to start happening and coming through for this summer to be worth it. 

Next year, I will at least make my body beach worthy even if I never hit the local pool (which may or may not be built yet and since I've got 30 credits left to graduate I'll probably be hitting the books).  Just gotta keep the damages to a minimum so I don't actually die when I go hardcore fit.

slow low

It has been so nice not working this week---must be why I haven't touched any of the HUGE amount of cleaning I absolutely NEED to do and now may not get done till September---GROSS! 


also, I miss my cats being tiny


My list of things I must do in the next 24 hours so we can leave for Twin Falls:
Put together an AWESOME wedding gift for Jonathan and Keili
Laundry/Dishes
Basic clean-up of the house even though it needs way more than that
Groom the kittehs---their dandruff is nasty w/their shedding of winter coat phase
etcetera...


Not the best time for me to be feeling low. sigh