| artë |
[Oct. 25th, 2025|04:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
feeling a kind of monumental weight today; without going into too much detail, something happened yesterday that clearly effected me deeply today and i’m reminded of things that i don’t think are happening anymore, or at least i deeply hope not. somedays i struggle to feel like a real person and today i feel closer to being a human being more than ever– everything is in a delicate balance, catharsis and grief are on the same side of a coin and lately, i think what i mistake as paranoia or echoes of a painful past are actually ways to protect me. it was an emotional week and it feels as if i can’t tell between a scar or a bruise even when i press into it, but it is nice to recall that there’s something soft and gentle underneath what i perceive as a constant plate of armor that i feel i need to put on.
lately i’ve been taking a more pastiche approach to art outside of fandom perception and it’s really been hitting a certain part of my brain that’s been actually nursing my artistic pursuits; there’s nothing better than coming home after work and doing my own art, pursuing my own creative interests which move in tandem with my teaching of art & media. there is just a well of experiences that i can take from the self and turn it into something creative. the pastiche part comes in by taking characters from media and putting them in situations that could be canon, but then re-working it to become something original down the line. one of which is going to be turned into an sov film a la jess franco and cecelia condit kind of vibes. i can’t say much for now, but claude and i have been working it into an entire production and are set to film this winter. it’s cool to see an idea i’ve had for years be turned into a film! everything leads to everything else. |
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| dreamcatharsis |
[Oct. 20th, 2025|06:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  curious | ] |
i’ve been having such vivid dreams lately. it doesn’t bother me because i’ve always had them though there was a brief point where they’ve stopped, but last night i had a dream that was a continuation of a dream i had two years ago. it was the house in peoria and the person i was talking with recalled all the shared memories in dreams— our first meeting, our arguments, our history, only about the things we shared in these dreams. i guess it’s to tie up a narrative that haunted me for so long. it just fascinates me that my brain thought to wait two years to finish it when the dreams weren’t even on my mind. who is this person i subconsciously created and why did i feel the need to tie up loose ends with them? they looked how we met too, changing their appearance into someone unrecognizable over the course of the dreams. maybe it’s a mirror of me? feeling more myself after years of not.
the weather is beautiful today— it was such a nice walk from the bus stop to my house. this weekend might be the weekend where i break out the firepit and just spend some time sitting and watching the sun set. i adore my little patio i’ve carved out; the basil from spring still smells as strong as ever and all my hard work cleaning it up has really paid off. tonight, the windows are open and i’m in the mood for a movie. |
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| the return… pt 2 ? |
[Oct. 19th, 2025|12:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  determined | ] |
well, longing for old internet and i find myself back here again! i guess i’m craving for something that feels like a doorway, something i can pass through and feel that completion instead of endless scrolling. this all really needs an upgrade though! that’s something to work on when my weekends are free. lately i’ve been so busy, but i’m not complaining — i’m seeing friends, meeting people, working on creative pursuits, teaching art & media, making my home a sanctuary, cooing over my cat, etc. i have a lot of time now to spend on my hobbies outside of work and i love it!
a lot happened since i last updated too. i’m divorced, moved states, started working in a new field. it took awhile to get things rolling, the past few years has been me doing a lot of building, working hard to get things settled, but i am at a point now where i feel i can accomplish a lot and i’m happy. closer to my sister, my friends, my grandma, living in a city with lots of things to do, it’s balmy and warm here, get to engage with a lot of horror based media and do things i really enjoy. would like to make more money, but who doesn’t? ;)
can’t wait to delve back into this! |
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| the < RETURN > |
[Dec. 8th, 2021|12:28 pm] |
wow! it's been so long. life hasn't been that busy really, i've just been taking it easy. the past few months have been a little off - wife and i got COVID in august, we had a rough break up with an ex a couple months ago, and the pandemic is really getting to me. i love staying inside and being at home 24/7 but it is hard to watch my favorite local events and artists go down under because of the pandemic... it's a shame, really. it effected a lot of the underground art here that i'm a part of. been spending a lot of time with myself watching obscure horror movies, rewatching steven universe and playing pokemon shining pearl with jen, and getting high.
anyway, just a quick hello! you will probably be seeing more of me because for some reason online journaling in the winter makes me nostalgic haha |
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| hihihihihihih |
[May. 11th, 2021|04:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
i've been gone forever lol it's been so busy since it's warmed up, but i assure you i'm still here & reading your posts! so here's a survey to keep you interested since work is slow rn
( +++ ) |
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| celebrate!!!!! |
[Mar. 26th, 2021|03:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
it's my birthday weekend and as of today, i am completely vaccinated! my wife and best friend surprised me with an awesome gift: we are going to do a vaporwave-esque in an empty house and just chill for the whole night tomorrow. i'm so excited, i can't wait to piece together a look and just have fun w/ it. i'm having a skype dinner with my family (dad, step-mom, sis and grandma) on sunday and monday (my birthday) i'm having a celebration skype sesh with my sister. also my wife is making me one of my fave dishes she only makes once a year and i'm SOOOOO HYPE (jennifer, you will appreciate this, it's going to be vegan bulgogi LOL). i'll be turning 30!!!!!! i'm so excited!
life's been pretty busy with this foster dog. she's sooo energetic and so sweet, needs a little bit of training but she's going along very well with it! she's a pitbull and so tiny. we think she's got some beagle or pointer in her because of how tiny she is and the way she barks. it doesn't sound like a pitbull at all, it sounds like a hound. i discovered 2 days ago that she loves to play hide and seek, so i'm excited to have my wife to help me with it so one of us can hold her while we hide hahaha. she's going to be adopted out this thursday! we found a home with this guy who is already soooo in love with her, emailing us asking what are her fave toys, what kind of food she eats. he's got 2 dogs which she will adore, she's very into making friends. she tried to make friends with our cats and they have not been pleased. they're used to a much quieter life LOL
i've also been into dreams the past year. i had a lot of anxiety dreams starting out at the pandemic, but then they started to become surreal, vast and full of murder mysteries. i've really been enjoying them especially because i've been sleeping much better in this pandemic than i ever have in my life. i used to have to take kava and melatonin to go to bed, now i sleep seamlessly with no issue (still take melatonin sometimes tho just bc i like how it makes me feel). i've been writing them down and incorporating them in my work. the murder mystery dreams are solely because i've been playing mystery games since december and watching true crime youtube channels. that stuff doesn't freak me out, i love it! i tried starting a new game, but i'm just really into the paradise killer and deadly premonition aesthetic right now and i've been able to discover new things, take my time in deadly premonition, and even get a whole new ending to paradise killer which is really cool.
my art has been stalling cause of the foster dog but i've got some plans that i am ready to work on once the dog gets adopted. :) i've got a whole lotta ideas that i wanna put into fruition! and some fanfics i wanna write. |
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| sally faaaaaaace |
[Mar. 15th, 2021|04:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the goddamn paradise killer theme has been stuck in my GODDAMN HEAD FOR A WEEK | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
i finished sally face! i had to stop because i messed something up and it didn't autosave, so i had to restart quite a ways back. i got to where i was thankfully and ended up beating the game. i really enjoyed the story, i thought it was so interesting how the mystery weaved together and the doubts arising about sal. i loved his relationships with his friends, how true they felt and also how sal and larry felt very homoerotic (always appreciate it). the fifth chapter at the start was really fun, i loved the surreality of it. many other people feel the ending was disappointing but i thought it tied up pretty nicely, especially if you interact with a certain character and get to know them - then it feels as if it makes a lot of sense and isn't supposed to be a huge build up, just a subtle one. i loved the feel of it, it felt very early adult swim era but with more wholesome content and the art style especially appealed to me in a way that surprised me. i thought i wasn't going to be into it. the more time i spend with the game, the more i really began to cherish it. i enjoyed watching the characters grow up too, that made it easier for me to get attached to them.
anyway if you love storylines with ghosts, cults, the end of the world and masks - i recommend it highly. it's always teetering on that edge of uneasiness and yet, has beautiful and fragile moments as well. that's what i appreciate in a game! |
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| bzzzz bzzzz |
[Mar. 10th, 2021|02:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  busy | ] |
i've been so busy - it's been 70 degrees, i helped my friend film their drag competition video and i completed an art project i have been working on that i can't wait to set into motion these next few days. i've also been busy fostering the dog and making art at the same time, that's taken up a lot of my time and mental headspace.
even tho i don't comment, i do read all ur entries! i'll get back to commenting soon, i've just gotta be busy with this great weather for a few months first lol. spring came early this year and i'm gonna soak it up. |
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| it's a mystery (ghost) |
[Mar. 1st, 2021|01:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | artistic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | eleanore neale's yt channel | ] |
the weather has changed my mood and motivation DRASTICALLY. i didn't do much end of january and through most of february because the weather was so grueling and now that there is sun and warmth (even if its 30-50 degrees warmth) has reminded me that my motivation takes dips during the winter and returns when it's warm. i'm starting on my first zine with all my work featured today and i am very excited. i'm giving myself a deadline of 2 weeks since it's going to be a smaller zine. it'll feature my photography and writing. i am super excited! i am going to start typing up the writing today.
so i beat coffee talk! i love sim-like games that have an air of mystery to them, especially when it has to do with monsters haha. i love all the different kinds of monsters that come into the cafe, their stories, hearing what it's like to be immortal, serving them drinks, etc. and i appreciate that if you get their drink wrong, they don't shame you for it! it's understandable to them. i'm not big on coffee shop fanfiction and i really enjoyed how chill it is. i want to playthrough it again to get more of the post-story stuff and get all the profiles up to 3 bars. i really liked the fact that there are nekomimi in the game LOL. it's a short game that's worth a try!
i started on sally face after beating coffee talk and hoooooly shit, i really REALLY love this game. it's got such a unique feel to it - the art gives me early era adult swim vibes and the mystery unravels itself in such an interesting way. there aren't many twists but to me, the surprise factor in mysteries isn't a requirement for me to enjoy them, just as long as it's engaging and interesting. i am nearly finished with it, i just have a bit more to go. it gives me pre-blow up homestuck vibes in how the characters and story are presented. i'm excited to see how it ends! i will do a detailed write up once i finish it and process it for a few days. for now, i would consider it a favorite that i would love to replay. great soundtrack too, it gets me nostalgic for the days i first started dating my wife (i listened to a lot of grunge).
i don't know what i'm going to play after sally face though... stardew valley because of the updates and start one of the other mystery games in my roster because i am O B S E S S E D with mysteries right now. i've always loved mysteries and paradise killer got me on this roll of playing mysteries only... and that's why my wife and i started watching twin peaks too (she's never seen it, i've seen it many times and have only seen the return once). i just love the characters, the drama, especially if it's WEIRD. it's gotta have elements of magical realism or surrealism to really excite me, otherwise it doesn't captivate me.
my wife and i decided to begin fostering dogs! our house is big enough, we have a fenced in yard and we will be able to socialize it since we know our neighbors well. our first dog will be coming in tomorrow and we decided to name her callisto (callie for short). we get to decide who we adopt the dogs out out to, make home visits to see if it will be a good fit for the home, take them to the vet and everything. i am really excited since i am home a lot now and seeking a remote job. we aren't able to afford our own dog yet, so we figured why not give back to the community and foster? especially because it will get our cats used to dogs (one doesn't care, the other is scared of everything and takes time to warm up, our guinea pig is fine with having his own place with none of his siblings though he likes them lol) so when we do get one, they will acclimate the having a dog in the house. |
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| ⁂SPRING⁂ |
[Feb. 24th, 2021|11:02 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
i have an interview for a remote social media job in an hour AAAAAAAAAAAAA. she liked my test design work so fingers crossed... i would love to do that stuff remotely and just be at home all the time lol. we're going to start fostering dogs soon so it would be nice to have a job where i can do that and also not interact with many people, work in my home office, etc. the pandemic has made me a recluse when it comes to work LOL when everything has dissipated i'll go to clubs, go out to eat, concerts, etc. but when it comes to work... especially work that i can easily do at home... i would much rather just stay in.
i'm SOOOO CLOSE TO BEATING HYPNOSPACE OUTLAW. i think i have just one more thing to do and i'm done. it's a fun game and i love how reminiscent it is of early internet. the story is very simple and yet, i enjoyed it a lot. the sadness laced within it is surprisingly heartfelt and really sweet. it's funny how something symbolizing early internet can get SO overwhelming because there are so many websites lmao, that's what i was feeling for a good portion of it. i was determined to really get to know the characters though which is actually a huge payoff story-wise. you really get attached to these characters despite you only knowing them through internet pages which is a unique way to present something. i won't do a spoiler review because it's just a game that i feel needs to be played without any knowledge of what's going on when you go in. it's really exploration-based and requires a lot of curiosity. i give it a 4/5!! lots of replayability value.
it's warm here now and it's soooo nice. it's all muddy from the snow which kinda sucks but it's nice to have nearly 60 degree weather after 2 weeks of negative degrees. it looks like it's going to be this way for awhile so fingers crossed that it stays this way. i feel very motivated now LOL... i needed it.
last night i made corn fritters with tomato jam and holy moly, it was delicious. all vegan too. i can't even begin to describe the flavor. i wish i could post the recipe but she hasn't put it anywhere online. it's in the the superfun times vegan holiday cookbook by isa chandra. we use her recipes frequently in this household and they do not disappoint. |
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| whooooo are you |
[Feb. 22nd, 2021|02:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | paradise killer - idle lands | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | optimistic | ] |
i finished deadly premonition! here is my write up about it, featuring spoilers.
( +++ )
it's definitely a game i want to revisit after a few years and i would like to play 2 when it's on sale. i haven't heard much but it doesn't sound like it carries the same charm of 1. i'm still curious though and would like to check it out, especially since they patched the deadnaming and misgendering lines.
i'm almost done with hypnospace outlaw too. i don't know what i expected it to be, but it turned into a mystery LOL i'm really enjoying it. i went slow at the beginning so that i could really look at websites and interact with the browser, download things and get a feel for the system. it gives me digital: a love story vibes. it's short but i love it, it's definitely one of my favorites for sure. keeps me wanting to create my art series that deal with early era internet.
i'm obsessed with mysteries lately, as you can see. paradise killer kicked it off. watching twin peaks is going to be a big chunk of that... and i'm going to beat coffee talk and start on sally face cuz i wanna solve mysteries!!!!
it's finally 30 degrees and balmy outside after 2 weeks of negative temps and 6 feet of snow on the ground constantly. i'm alive again. i wanna go outside again! amazing. |
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| hehe cold body go brrrrrr |
[Feb. 19th, 2021|10:33 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | jessi campo - get into your heart | ] |
i wish i had something to update about but there's 6 inches of snow that's been outside for 2 weeks now because of negative degree weather (also for 2 weeks) so i'm just trying to stay warm and work on selling some of my work. winter is a great reminder to be still and patient.
i beat deadly premonition (which i will talk about my thoughts in another entry) and started watching twin peaks with my wife which i am excited about! playing deadly premonition made me want to rewatch it. already i'm noticing things i haven't realized before which is fun. it feels like i'm watching a brand new show. the last time i watched it was 2017 before the return. the return i've only seen once when it was first showing, so it'll be interesting to watch it again. i do think some of the romantic plotlines are weak, but the lore and a lot of the characters are interesting so it's nice to revisit it again. really excited for when it gets weird and lore heavy.
ok that's it. it's going to warm up next week (aka in the 30s/40s) so hopefully the snow will melt and i can go outside again.
edit: oh!! i got my first round of vaccines for COVID. mid-march is my second round. i'm so relieved. we have friends in public health that are allowed to have family&friends get the vaccines which is really nice. |
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| zZzZzZz |
[Feb. 8th, 2021|02:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | OH RED SKIES, WHERE LOVE DIES | ] |
wowwweeee i'm graduated! it was an interesting, frustrating, amazing and invigorating 3 months and now i'm gonna sleep... and then start creating my new deadline goals. graduation weekend was actually really chill and fun. i was spotlighted for basically "playing the game" as rigorously and creatively as i did which was awesome, there were 4 other women that were too which was absolutely badass haha. all of them i have a connection with! it was very cool.
i've been asked to coach from like 3 different people which is hilarious. i definitely want to coach but i think there's going to need to be a little time in between with my relationship and the plans that i have. my coach showed me to a shorter leadership training which is cool that i would love to help coach. i'm open to coaching being outside of this training and even through social media. i'm definitely interested in servant leadership and using creative endeavors to do that. it's always been my dream as an artist to bring art and creativity to anyone, especially those in poverty and working class areas.
one of the exercises was to go on a silent meditative walk in nature. most of them live in warm climates but me, i am in a climate that had 3 inches of snow and was 0 degrees LOL i still did it though: i bundled up extra hard, i walked for 30 minutes in the snowy silence and i was really proud of myself for it... not that it's unusual at all, i have walked in negative degree weather while it's snowy/icy just because i wanted to.
that's pretty much it for now. i am exhausted and slept a little more today. i want to decompress, play deadly premonition and go to bed early to start the week anew hahaha. i'm excited for this weekend though! my wife and i have plans for the entire valentine's weekend and it's a 3 day weekend (and she gets off at noon on friday!) so we're going to have a lot of time. we came up with something where we will be in the house the entire time since we can't have a usual valentine's outing due to COVID. we're going to make dinner together and bake a dessert together - all vegan :') have some hot chocolate + whiskey and curl up in giant blankets because it'll be in the negatives for at least a week. |
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| art job pls |
[Feb. 4th, 2021|02:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | artistic | ] |
i had a job interview today for an art instructor position at the local art guild and i think it went very well! they love working artists and are working for people to instruct in the morning because they don't have many of those so i'm like yeeeaaaahhh that's what i want! they were very impressed with my references and my skills, which was great, and i got to talk about a few of my artist friends and acquaintances which they really enjoyed too. one actually came into the guild at the end of the interview and they were like "i see you know danny!" and i was like "yeah! his wife too!" because they're both artists haha. i am really confident about it, i've been looking for a remote art job for awhile but the applicants are so high - a friend sent this one to me and i thought why not? i want to be an art therapist and this is a great way to start, especially if they need more morning trainers.
it also helps that it's downtown and i would be across the street from where my wife works hahaha, pleaaasseee.
( deadly premonition spoilers )
the tension is still rolling and the other world still makes me tense up and curse which to me, is great. hiding and running from the raincoat killer is way more fun than constantly mashing buttons so i don't die. the running especially is right up my alley and makes me hold my breath, i feel like i am actually running away from the RK in that moment which is *chefs kiss* love me some immersion.
i've been writing my dreams down this past year in hope to make them into something. i wanna get into using blender to create odd 3D human models like 918 and the original version of the godawful date ariane that was uncanny central to recreate these dreams or bits of these dreams. drawing them is fine but it doesn't let me get that dreamy almost-nightmare feel that i want for these. i add writing to my photography a lot too and i wanna make a zine with those things tied close together to create an uncanny, unsettling yet comforting atmosphere to go along with the rest of my work. i've got a lot planned that a part time job would be great for so i am able to get more supplies for these kinds of things!
my recommendation for you all, if you enjoy art or art commentary that is feedback based and not like the usual art critique videos, is solar sands. he has a lot of interesting topics that i don't see talked about and he's great to listen to when i'm making dinner, doing dishes, etc.
AS A FINAL NOTE, I'M SO CLOSE TO GRADUATION. i can't believe it. i'm so excited!!! the journey is going to be new after this, i'm ready to just like... make art and make art and make MORE art and then kiss my wife in between all of that. |
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| where! love! dies! |
[Jan. 29th, 2021|09:49 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | paradise killer - welcome | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | nerdy | ] |
i never got to fully talk about paradise killer and it's always on my brain, i'm thinking about it constantly and trying to relive playing it through other games, so here it is: ALL (OR MOST) OF MY THOUGHTS ON PARADISE KILLER. spoilers ahead, obviously.
( +++ )
overall the atmosphere was incredible. i think about how "dear esther" felt when i first played it, how it reminds me of that, and the empty open world of island 24, abandoned after evacuation. it was very eerie, very unsettling and glamorous all in one. seeing the ghosts of citizens still tied to the island was a very unique touch. the soundtrack was a perfect match of typical city pop/vaporwave/synthwave and the upbeat energy of the songs really made it even creepier and at the same time, reminds me of when i walk around where i live when i don't come across another soul and how alluring that is.
my favorite part of it all though is the title card. for a game to really stand out to me, the title card needs to be strong. the way the menu opens up to the song playing, the saxophone in the background, it makes it hard to even get past the title because of how it lulls you in. i think a games most important point should always be the title card because it's what starts your game, what defines it. the only other standout title card i can remember is the one for killer7. that one accurately describes the game even in it's simplicity.
now i am on my way playing deadly premonition and i think i'm either going to finish coffee talk after or play sally face next (with paradise killer in between hahaaaaaaaa). i am super hooked on open world murder mysteries now that it's tempting to just keep playing the ones i have over and over but i really need to get to the rest of my list so i can buy neo-cab! |
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[Jan. 27th, 2021|11:03 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | pnau - embrace | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sore | ] |
playing deadly premonition is intense, less because of the horror and more because of the vast open worldness of it all. knowing that you can run out of gas in the middle of nowhere and how huge the map is... it's very intimidating. getting lost in the vast virtual wilderness kicks my flight or flight in and i have to constantly check just how much gas i have...
overall, it's a really fun game that i'm enjoying. minus the boss fights, those are absolute shit so far. dying and them having to remember a sequence of buttons each time does not make a boss fight, it just makes an incredibly frustrating way to keep dying until you remember each one that killed you before. they're lucky i love the tension and twin peaks references.
i have, not surprisingly, been wanting to play MGS2 lately especially with what i know now. it's been 5 years too long since my last replay and watching the scene with the A.I.s yesterday really made me remember just how genius the game is and what the intention is with the message.
these past two weeks i was forced into slowing down which meant a lot of great research into how i was to present my work, how i want to write about it, what i want to write, etc. i've got special journals dedicated to these things that i can't wait to continuously pour over and add to while working on my own practice, while finding niche places where my tastes and my skills lie. it feels intimidating at times, even when i know it's where i fit best, and the need for small art has made a huge resurgence with the exhaustion of gloss and sharp edges and toned bodies that we're met with every day. it gets to be that space of creation where i no longer think, is this what people want? but this is what i want, i want to create this, i want to showcase this, this is how i share my vulnerability and it is for everyone and no one.
i want to have my first real mini-showing once COVID is gone, i have enough now that i can showcase more than just one or two things and i'm so ready for it! i've been an observer, a curator - only the transformer once or twice and i'm excited to step into that role even more, especially with the renewed vigor i've found in being an artist full time. this is all kinda vague but i'm really shy with this stuff haha, it's a growing process! i've had a good group of artists surrounding me the past few years who have been encouraging me so it's great motivation and encouragement to really get out there...
next week, i'm gonna add my videos on my website because i am very proud of those lol and maybe figure out what to do with this journal as a part of an art piece too like i have done with my deadjournal... |
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| is it a mausoleum or a dead mall? |
[Jan. 25th, 2021|01:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | curious | ] |
when will the tiredness end???? i feel like since i started sleeping 7.5 hours a night with a regular sleep schedule, i am more tired than i have ever been... like my body is trying to catch up on the years of shit sleep. it doesn't help that its cold either. i enjoy the vivid dreams i have been having though which also may be a side effect of how little sleep my body used to get oops. ah well... its nice to be able to sleep deeply and have detailed dreams.
i've been thinking a lot about 90s rave culture lately and how much i want to rave and wear my rave fits because its been so long since ive done that... well, a year bc covid but still!!!! i wanna run a virtual rave where i play a different trance album every time and use all my lights for aesthetics, create flyers, etc.
my classes end on feb 7 and i am taking a sabbatical to really work on my art, fully and wholly without distraction to continue working on my series, start new ones and really just hone in my photography and design. my team has not really been respectful of my time no matter how much i speak up (minus a few) so i'm just heading for my deadline and then going into deep into my art since the people in my life currently understand my time boundaries and are much more lenient. the people in my class are not people i would hang out with in real life (again, minus a few) and are really attached to enabling lmao so it'll be refreshing to get back to my life 100% renewed and refreshed to start creating virtual raves and dressing up lol.
today i've been researching about the fetishization of nostalgia and hauntology because a lot of my art is influenced on my own past and how my identity was formed by the internet and also by my unusual family. it's interesting to me to think of a future that is not related to your past and a past that is not related to your future. i agree that being present can be considered a farce in a way and that your life is not entirely dependent on present/past/future but all of them as a whole, they all exist at once which creates the human existence. i'm curious to read derridas to see how it ties into the working class and i'm not attached to needing context for what i know i will not know wether i will read the book or not. it will be an interesting exercise, at least, which is always something i am up for. lately, i am interested in learning without the intention to know but to take in information and see where it fits for me because i don't know shit! and that's freeing to admit, babieeeee
also i started paradise killer again because i missed it so it seems like the perfect thing to tie into that, especially because paradise killer is also haunting me |
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| Mature Adult Craves Soup and Horror Video Games |
[Jan. 19th, 2021|03:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hungry | ] |
today was a day with a lot of fun graphic design research. i have taken the challenge of researching graphic design history to find my favorite movements and styles to add to my own work in terms of technique and color and because i'm also interested in sociology, i've been looking into the history of black, asian, queer, women and working class designers too and i'm shocked at how hard it is to find some of these things... especially working class and queer designers! it inspires me to start my own working class artist collective where i live because i think it's important to bring the working class conversation into the stratosphere of art, especially since diversity & inclusiveness is important to break down the mediocre, hegemony of art that is prevalent in my community & art communities outside of where i live.
lol lately i've been thinking about going to school to become an art therapist... i would love to major in sociology, minor in art and then get my master's in art therapy bc i think it would be important representation and to also contribute to an artist's approach to therapy. i'd love to work with working class children and adults and help them discover how art is a healing tool because it's done the same thing for me.
i finished my team's t-shirt design which was........... something. i wanted to bring up idk how you can get 30+ people to align to a design because art is subjective lmao we align to things like numbers on how much money to raise, how many acts of kindness, etc. all done by our graduation date, which makes sense. aligning on art though?? it really gave a few people the entitlement to be an asshole and say "i don't like this" without any suggestions. if i have to do again, i may. it was interesting to see how it works on such a huge scale though. it's good resume and portfolio stuff tho.
tonight is soup night yeaaahhh thai coconut soup!!!! i'm hungry and it's cold outside. gonna play some deadly premonition origins tonight bc i got that 90s point and click nostalgia and it itches that (and it's spooky). |
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| sleepsleepsleepover |
[Jan. 16th, 2021|12:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | jen playing botw | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
last night was a lot of fun, jen and i threw a virtual bday sleepover for my little sister! we played games, danced to the paradise killer ost, hung out in our PJs, did face masks while listening to vaporwave and watched a few eps of reboot thru synctube then fell asleep together. we’ve decided to do it as a celebration for every time she tracks out at school so that she has something fun to look forward too since we can see each other irl right now :)
now this weekend is all about relaxation - i am making sure nobody from class can reach me about anything class related lmao. ive been so nostalgic lately, i wanna bring more of my past into the present to make it as fun as it was back then!! it’s been easier than i realized lol. my therapist has been suggesting i do it to get that same feeling of confidence, creativity and fun as i did as a kid.
i wanna go raving so fucking bad, i miss going out and dancing... we need some day raves here so that local djs can make bank and we can have fun early in the day |
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| welcome |
[Jan. 14th, 2021|03:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | paradise killer - EGO 24/7 | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
WELCOME 2 MY JOURNAL
i am excited to start this up again with a few of my friends. i was watching of herbs and altars yesterday and he was talking about how the face of the internet is different now and talking about their time on LJ and the night before ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png) moongirlvibes (wrote your name moonbeamprincess at first, usagi????) mentioned how much she missed journal, when we all journaled, etc. so here i am and i'm very excited. it will be nice to put out some public thoughts into the sphere and see what happens !
i even made my journal look like the original journal layouts. i'm gonna work on the theme tomorrow. i redid my website today so i'm kinda sick of looking at design stuff lol and want a break on my eyes.
can't wait to do this more yay. tonight i am making japanese curry, having a virtual wine night and going to my weekly meting for class. |
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