She's here

EM was born 8 days ago in NJ.  She is beautiful, and we love her immensely.

Upon arriving in NJ, after two days in the car, baby flipped breech.  From there on out, she kept flipping.  Finally, when we were at 39 and 2, our midwife induced me.  After 14 hours (only 1 hours shorter than A's labor!), she was born.

I'm not ready to say this blog is done for good, but it is looking that way. I'm going to give it some time to see how life is with two kids.  If anyone wants to be friends on FB, let me know in the comments or email me at itstakingavillage at sbcglobal dot com.

Why I am moving to NJ to have my baby girl

Originally posted on my FB account 4/20/2011

...because she deserves two legal parents. 

Michigan allows no way for E to be a recognized parent.  I can't even appoint her guardian. We knew that moving to MI meant that adoption of our child would be nearly impossible, but we were beyond surprised when we learned in January when we had NO legal recourse given the laws in MI.  E and I cannot be legally married here, and she cannot even obtain legal standing as a parent or guardian to our children here.

Our lawyer here in MI helped us find a way to protect our daughter (E adopted our son in WI when we lived there- another story for another day).  New Jersey is one of three states that takes jurisdiction over adoptions based on place of birth.  Most states that allow second parent adoptions use residency as a deciding factor.  So, we are leaving in 2.5 weeks for an undefined amount of time to be spent in Jersey.

Sure we are making a vacation of it.  We found a nice little house, and we are taking our dogs.  E's dad is accompanying us, so we even have familial support while we are there.  (He is AMAZING!)  Even so, I'm pissed we have to go.  I'm so mad that we moved home after A was born because we swore we couldn't be away from our strong family support system for big things (like the birth(s) of our child(ren)!!!).  I am angry that I don't get to just be at home waiting for baby girl to show up, focusing on things like freezing meals for after her arrival. I have to pack up my life and my family and go somewhere to wait until she is born.  I'm mad that I have the creeping feeling that I just want her to come quickly, even if that means she is early; I mean, I know better than that. I want her to come when she is ready to be in this world because that will be the healthiest thing for her. I'm angry that we will have to drive my days old infant 12.5 hours to come home. I'm angry we have to jump through so many hoops and spend so much money.  I'm angry that the state I call home doesn't care for me, my family or my children enough to allow us to protect and take care of one another. I'm angry that Erin feels disrespected as a parent, when she is the most amazing parent I know. I'm angry that I've been so overwhelmed by it all that I haven't told most of my friends that we're even leaving in a couple of weeks.  I feel like a child stomping my feet and screaming, "It's not fair! it's not fair!" ... Well, I guess it's not.

I mostly choose to focus on the positive.  We are so fortunate that we found a lawyer here and in NJ that can help us secure protections for our daughter. We are fortunate to have E's dad - for reasons too numerous to list here, and because he supports us 200%. We are fortunate to have loving families that see the injustice; they are on our side, and they are helping out while we are gone too. We are blessed that E's BoD has approved a 30 day remote location from which she can work allowing us to all be together  in NJ. Our daughter will have two legal parents because we have such a supportive community that understands how important this is to us, and how important this is for our child.

If you are wondering what you can do for us, you can tell other people our story. This is pure crazy, right? Who moves 12.5 hours away to have a baby? Who puts their family through a massive amount of stress just as a new family member is joining the world? Who goes on vacation at 36 weeks pregnant? Only someone that really has to because their home state doesn't properly protect its children.

In addition to telling our story, please send us your good thoughts and prayers for safe travels, safe birth, and relatively low stress. Oh, and if you have good restaurant recommendations for Clifton and/or Asbury Park, please let us know!

Please feel free to repost. 

NJ

Two weeks ago, we finally met with the lawyer about securing as many protections for baby girl as possible.  We were able to both adopt A in WI as long as I first severed my rights as a bio mom.  (Totally, not awesome that I had to do so, but two legal parents is way better than one.)

So, we knew that MI would in no way offer us any such options. We had also found out a few weeks prior that a guardianship would not even be an option, which was VERY upsetting.  So, when we met with our lawyer, we were hoping to hear that there was something we could do other than moving to another state to establish residency over the course of 3-6 months and then pursue a second parent adoption.

We learned that there are three states in the United States of America that claim jurisdiction based on place of birth when it comes to second parent adoption: New Jersey, Texas, and Washington.  (Texas? - anyone care to explain? Austin only? I have so much to learn!)  So, as of mid-May (early June due date), we are packing up and taking an extended vacation to NJ to birth and begin second parent adoption paperwork.  It is our understanding that we won't even have to return to the state after the initial filing.  We will just pay big bucks to the lawyer there and then wait for the confirmation paperwork in the mail.  Given our other options, sounds pretty easy.

The irony of all of this (well, there are many ironies, actually, but we shall focus on just one for today) is that we moved back to MI from WI to be near our family.  A's birth was so traumatic for me, and having family six hours away only enhanced the terror/fear etc... I/we had.  We thought we'd move home and never have to be away from our family for anything big again.  Well, obviously not so.

The good news is that E's dad will be coming with us. He's always an amazing support system, and we are fortunate that he will be able to journey with us on yet another adventure. We will need him, for sure.

We are meeting with the lawyer again tomorrow. Lots to learn, plan, and accomplish in the next few months. If only my pregnant brain would go away so that I could do all three!

Our girl

Yup that is right, we are having a girl! Here are a few glimpses of our sweet girl.

A update

Countdown to the u/s continues.  We are waiting with great- and I do mean GREAT- anticipation.

In other news, A is everything amazing.  He is still telling us that he is not "big", he's a " big brother".  He's also been telling us that "Pa" (E's dad) is his dad.  He did finally tell her that he would "share."  I think it's interesting that he's managed to fill in the pieces to his own story, and grandpa is absolutely flattered.  Everybody wins (especially since E still gets to "share" him!)  Today he told my sister to "be careful, and don't cut yourself, K!" as she sliced him some apple.  He also read a book to his very brand new cousin Z.

I love how he "reads" now.  He loves to spell - stringing random letters together- and then tell us what that spells.  For example, "xkrpa spells airplane!"  He has moved on from loving pink, to loving purple. He loves to cook, and in giving up his pacificers this week he chose a battery power mixer and cookie cutter set as his prize. He also loves his tools and garbage trucks, oh and the Little People Bus is still one of his very favorite- going on two years now! He's also proud that he can make us feel "happy" or "better" by giving us hugs and telling us he loves us. He's the sweetest.

I could go on and on.  I could tell you that the teachers at his pre-school (it's a parent participation program) were absolutely surprised at his drawing ability this week as well as his ability to retain information (raisins come from grapes!).  I do go on and on, I guess.  I'm going to be one of those annoying moms who thinks her children are perfect... (he won't sing the alphabet- STILL, he is painfully shy, and is terrible at catching a ball.  See, I can see the truth!)

He's the most amazing thing in my life, and since I actually slept a bit last night, I truly enjoyed my day with him.  It felt really good to be loving my job again.  It is, by far, the best one I've ever had.

or does it?

Does the ring test use circles for girls or boys?  Perhaps this is why it always works: no one knows if circles are girl or boy!

Our two friends are both having boys and both got circles.  We got lines.  Maybe it's a girl afterall!

Boy or Girl?

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am sick of hearing that we are going to have a girl.  Not so much because it's impossible, but because the fortunetellers are so adamant about their predictions.  Why do they have to be so sure? It's my body and our baby?

Well, over here at the Village, we have been far less than sure.  With everyone around us working so hard to convince us we are having a girl, we've been rather ambivalent in our own predictions. That being said, we are ravenous to know if our little Twig is a boy or a girl.  We've been starting to organize baby things, including a few girl things we've collected from my sister who has two older girls.  The wanting to know is wearing us!

So, in my internet research, it seems that most non-ultrasound prediction methods are easily discredited, including the dra.no test and the how-do-you-carry-test.  (In my own anecdotal experience, it does seem to work overall, but I've also noticed that people that carry babies a particular way carry both their girls and their boys that way, which suggests there is perhaps another correlating factor- but that's for someone else to determine.)  However, the internets seems to be relatively convinced that the ring test actually works.

So.... the ring predicts that those convinced "girl" are wrong. I guess we'll know in a couple of weeks. Argh! 21 weeks u/s is so far away!