considering....please weigh in.

wordpress. "littlezen" did it...and I havea few other readers who pop in from there. I feel like it may be more concealed as far as viewing is concerned. please weigh in. I'm also looking for a little more organization to my blog.

i should be getting ready.

im exhausted. and im going to the city in a lil while. like the train is coming in an hour. i spent the day with my dad which was nice, we went to look at the furniture I want for my bedroom from ikea. I'm going to get one of those PAX systems...floor to ceiling cabinetry/closetry to store EVERYTHING and the Hemnes bed that I love. Of course I'm upgrading because there's no way that as I turn a quarter of a century in a week and a half do I want to still be sleeping in a twin. i don't get to spend a lot of time with my dad, mostly because him and i are close but not in the way that we actually do a lot of things together. him and my brother do a lot more together...the car, all things car related, work, and other stuff. where as him and i agree on more stuff, our personalities mesh really well. he approved my furniture choices and now i just have to get the windows replaced...which my parents are going to pay for since its structural and the carpet replaced. I'm over the purple room thing. Then over the february break I'll empty my room, donate my current furniture, redecorate and feel like i've moved. there's no way i'm moving out yet unfortunately. and as i replied to littlezen in comments from my last post boyfriendsteve is not ready for any major steps, including moving in together. I wish he was but even i can recognize its too early in the relationship. pat always feels like boyfriendsteve and i have been together for so much longer than we actually have been (8 months this past Thursday btw) because of how we just fell into being together so comfortably and well. i wish we'd found each other sooner, but i guess its one of those things that you need to live through all the crap to be able to recognize how great certain things are. ok. i guess i will really go get ready now. could so go for a nap. and dont want to deal with my one friend tonight...wish i could bail and go catch a movie with my dad. oh well.

til tomorrow...or sooner.

been a while...

I've been busy. but I'm not going to apologize. and I'm not going to explain how crazy things have been. because that's not what life should be about. i should not have to defend my actions or lack of attendance with people and groups and at places. I should not have to deal with being told that I HAVE to invite my ex boyfriend out for my birthday when I'm uncomfortable with him being there and as much as my current boyfriend denies it he too is not comfortable with it. I should not have to get upset with my best friend because she won't listen when I say I'm not comfortable going to the bar my friends go to every week. and I should not be told that I cannot have the people at dinner for my birthday that I want there. Its bad enough i picked a cheap place knowing that she can't afford a whole lot.

so basically...i have drama again with my group of friends who i became friends with because of my ex boyfriend. I've spoken about the group before and how when him and i were together all we did was group stuff. and now the group expects me to be out wherever and whenever they are, but honestly it's wearing....how many times can i go to the same bar and listen to them sing the same karaoke songs and watch the same fools act stupid when they're drunk!? AND not for anything...on a Friday when I've worked all week i don't want to do anything but lay in bed and cuddle with my boyfriend. OR on a Saturday actually go out with him on a date without 15 other people. no one understands how much i hated having to do what the group was doing for so long and now im loving that yes we do things with both his friends and mine but we have our own agenda. I'm SO sick of the "group" mentality.

So of course my big 25th birthday is coming up---which honestly I was excited about but now as time draws closer i am SO not excited. getting older sucks especially when you think about when you were 18 and had all of these goals for when you were 25 and NONE of them have been fulfilled. really frustrating.

ok. enugh moaning and whining. gotta go teach again. hope everyone of my blogger buddies is well.

ugh

i just found out my ex boyfriend is engaged. why is it bothering me a little? because he was shitty to me and cheated on me for 6 months while i was trying to start a career? he's also a cop now...which I'm not sure how i feel because the likelihood is that his class will be dismissed due to state and city budget cuts in the next couple of years...but I'm bothered by the fact that he's engaged to the girl he was cheating on me with. ugh. That's so obnoxious. ugh. just ugh. this makes me want more to go to his house and demand the money he never paid me back. ugh. ugh. ugh.


wow. I'm really re-acting like a child. let's break things down...he's a cop who may lose his job, engaged to a girl he cheated on me with when he had everything any guy could have wanted and he never finished his degree. where as me...i'm doing what i set out to do, im in a healthy relationship finally and happy, and working on my masters.

why am i letting this bug me? ugh.

10 things

I'm creating my own survey. and i'm tagging anyone who reads my blog. have fun with this!!!

10 things you love
1. my boyfriend
2. underwear...no joke, i always feel better buying it!!!
3. lacoste perfume
4. late nights
5. movies that make me cry
6. the twilight series
7. scrapping
8. curly hair...on girls
9. tattoos
10. jazz

10 things i don't love
1. creamed corn. ewwwwwwwww
2. my job. most days.
3. britney spears
4. my messy room
5. living at home
6. my legs
7. commercials that are so real to scare people they're gross for the people who they don't affect
8. being sick from drinking (NYE)
9. walking around NYC for 2 days in heels
10. insomnia

10 things about me
1. i only have 2 piercings...my ears and only one hole on each
2. i've never dyed my hair
3. i used to have really bad insomnia which was brought on by my first love i am convinced
4. i turned down my ex boyfriend for no strings attached "activity" the last time my boyfriend was away which made me feel really good because a year ago i wouldn't have turned him down. i've really grown in a years' time.
5. i used to paint my nails black and think i was SO rebellious
6. my toes are pink at the moment.
7. i took my best friend to prom and i've never made out with him.
8. im not tired but i shoudl be asleep
9. i have a fear of the dark
10. i'm scared of being bad at life.

10 things i have recently bought
1. scrapbook supplies
2. a mini backpack with music notes on it
3. black pointy toe flats
4. face wash cloths
5. a card for steve
6. cetaphil
7. "entertainig with Sopranos" (it was on clearance)
8. "Betty Crockers Simply Desserts"
9. "The Time Traveler's Wife"
10. printer ink...cyan

10 movies you've seen more than twice
1. Sydney White
2. Big Fish
3. Eddie and the Cruisers
4. La Bamba
5. State and Main
6. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
7. Mean Girls
8. Dawn of the Dead
9. Fight Club
10. Superbad

Merry Day after Christmas!

first off...he got it for me. The pink chromo iPod it changes songs when shook and it has video abilities. so cooler than my black nano from 3 years ago. I'm loving it. and it matches my camera...now to get a case for the crack berry so it matches too!

speaking of crackberry. left my browser open to blogger and I was found out by Steve...well kinda. it was on a profile of someone else who had left a note on my blog and he asked who had a blog and when i got quiet he asked if i had one and i said maybe. is it bad that i dont want him to know about it?? is it bad that i feel so good knowing this is one thing the people i know personally don't know about? it really made me wonder a lot of things. of course once again..how secret can my blog really be? gotta go clean up and get some scrapping in before the islanders game tonight. i'll leave a few pics from the past few days.

hope everyone had a merry christmas!!! (or hannukah!) keep the holiday sprit alive for a few extra days!! leave the trees up, keep the lights on and don't toss out the egg nog or cookies! this is the most magical time of the year and I wish people held onto it longer.

Halle-Freaking-Lujah!!!!

I have 11 glorious and wonderful days off this week!!! Who's excited?@?!??!?!?!? ME! ME! ME!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYY!!!!

ok enough of that....time for the official Laura's Teacher Gifts Christmas List. I'd rank them in order of what I like the most..but that would be mean. kinda. ok....

-a handle of bacardi mojito. No joke. a HANDLE like a bigger bottle than most bars have from one of my lil 5th graders...ok more from his mom who used to sub in our building.

- 2 of the same CD. Its a promotional CD but the cutest thing was one girl who drew inside "I hope you get some (staff with a whole rest) this christmas." I liked it. it was cute.

-J.Jill Giftcard, I bought 1 thing there for a friend...very above my price range. maybe they'll have some fancy earrings.

-panera giftcard. SWEET cause my addiction can be filled.

-DD GC. (GC=gift card) Now...I got one of these from a student and as my christmas bonus because my job couldn't afford to give us our typical big $35 bonuses this year afetr all the crap that went down with the budget at the beginning of the year. OH And love how they have a pastor (the one I'm friends with of course) take a new position in Wisconsin and leave and are now looking for a 3rd pastor to fill his position when the church is MORE than fine with 2 pastors. ugh. stupidity of the Lutheran Church. And my pastor wonders why I don't show up every sunday. I'll pray and believe my own way. The institution bothers me.

- ornaments...standard. a couple of pretty gold music notes which will hang on the wall year round in my room. and 3 instrument clad snowmen.

- an "asian" perfume set. cute...but i may be allergic. we'll see.

- about 5 things from Bath and Body Works. Though thoughtful for a female teacher I am one in like a hundred people that's allergic to stuff from BBW. WHICH I learned when I worked there for 6 months and continuously broke out from their products and still have the scars on my shoulders/back to prove it. YAY!

- a really cool compact mirror with beads on it. practical. and a nail file with it. cool.

- candy. of course. always

- a shoe bank...with music notes on it and a matching picture frame. VERY COOL. my boyfriend felt upstaged by this kid

- stuffed animals..cute but I have so much crap already. I'll be donating a whole lot of stuff come the new year.

- a HUGE Bath and Body set from a drug store. NICE caddy it came on but again...I'll be allergic. I don't even chance it anymore.

- Pat got me a Michaels giftcard (SCORE) and the scarf I liked at Utopia (local store by work that has quite some interesting stuff including an 18+ section which you MUST show ID to get into and has an "ADULT section" and a section with lots of paraphernalia...for recreational purposes....yea.) It was great because I actually went and bought Pat a hat from Utopia last night when i found out he was buying me a gift. I do however need to get a nice winter jacket to match the scarf. yes this is how my mind works.

- a GIANT popcorn tin. I wondered who bought these...and apparently my secret santa did for me! Big up to Nat...I haven't had one of these since i was a kid and honestly I liked them growing up..even if the popcorn is kinda stale i like flavored things.

- a really pretty frame/ornament and an air freshner...wonder if they're trying to say something!?

- another instrument picture frame from my ex's mom and an ornament about friends being a blessing. It was really nice. I love that she still is a friend after all the crap that happened between me and him.

I think that was it. Tomorrow I will be taking the day to bake rainbow cookies. I have orders from SO many people so I figure maybe tomorrow I'll also run around with them delivering. Tomorrow night I'm going to Steve's for Christmas Eve and then church. Christmas is the next day. Its amazing to think of all the things that have happened in the past year, literally from one Christmas to another. Thank you to those who have been reading and commenting and even to those who just read this. I really do write this blog for me, but its nice to know that people care enough to read it, even if we've never met! I don't think that I could ask for a better place right now...well with the exception of the job..BY THE WAY!!! PHONE INTERVIEW ON MONDAY! kinda a Christmas miracle...not gonna lie.

ok....time to get to target with my dad to finish up shopping for my mom. as she started crying. literally crying over how we shouldn't be going out because she didn't buy a lot for him...Honestly we're gonna buy like 3 things...and then wrapping paper and come home to wrap. maybe we'll just go to the CVS by my house instead.

There's a few surveys I've found on some new blogs I'm starting to follow so look forward to the fun of those!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!



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quick sunday catch up

AMAZING night last night at LAXMAS (lacrosse+christmas=laxmas=amzing)

nativity tonight. i don't want to go but i'll be a good daughter and make my dad happy. we're SO close to christmas and I'm so excited.

i'm hungary.

here's a few photos from last night...

Christmas Parties at Work

No. I'm not talking about the lampshade drunk...who slept with who in the front closet...boss promises everyone a raise kind of parties. I'm talking the little kids bringing in TONS of sugary treats and sipping juice boxes as you watch your students socialize and remember that they're only little kids who really do incredible things.

Today is my Beginner Band party. At Christmas I only throw them a party because the Middle School goes on a trip and has an entire non-class day devoted to activities and parties. The beginners at Christmas are only the 5th graders, they are all about 9 or 10, and I forget as a band director how cute they can be when I'm not begging them to spend more time practicing.

I only had 1 student bring in juice packs and a tray of cookies though, and although this would be enough for every student to have 2 cookies and 1 juice pack...that's not enough for all of their hard work in my eyes. So what do I do? Run to the grocery store and buy $35 worth of crap. Iced cookies...mini cupcakes. and extra 2 packs of juice boxes (I've finally learned these are the best option when having a little kid party...less mess and everyone has the same amount!) I'm hoping a few of them show up with some goodies. And I always feel bad that I can't afford to get them all presents. My paycheck here isn't big and I'm barely making my credit card bills lately especially after my recent car repairs and accident after the repairs. I'd love to get them all ornaments and decorate them...but who has the time at this time of the year to decorate 30 ornaments for kids who will probably forget who their music teacher is in ten years...or maybe the ornament is how they'd remember. I don't know.

The problem is....there are SOOOO many of these little christmas parties going on throughout the building in the next couple of days that it almost loses its charm AND it causes a weight gain of an immediate 4 pounds...SO many leftovers tossed n the faculty room that everytime you go to the bathroom you leave with a cookie or a piece of cake...yes its a matter of willpower...but its also the holidays and one last sugar cookie with peppermint icing wouldn't KILL ME! right?!?!?!

Anywho...I'll be attending a small soiree with dome real cuties in a few minutes so please excuse me...the conversations are always hysterical...I'll try to remember a few to post.

what i figured out i want for christmas

nano chromatic pink ipod with 16MB of space (4000 songs)however I feel like its too much to be asking Steve for. I told him I want it but that its too much. I know he disagrees. whatever.