Under Pressure - Like Queen and David Bowie

Not under stress, just under pressure. The last 10 days have made me realize how susceptible I am to high's and low's in life. It doesn't take much. I have been criticized many times in my life for being 'too happy', but I shrug it off because it is more like, 'well, the things going on are small in comparison to the big picture, it does me no good to gritch about it, and I have faith that it will turn out the way it is supposed to' type of attitude, so why not be happy? My oldest daughter had me almost in tears today because she did not want me to leave her at school. I knew the novelty would wear off, but I did not believe it would wear off this fast. She is such a smart girl and I know she is going to have a wonderful day, but that face and those tears just broke my heart. On top of that, my wife has been very sick for several days. We were unable to really do much over the long weekend, but that was not necessarily a bad thing. Our baby boy woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat and a nasty cough. In addition, I have never seen so many goopy eyes as I have the last 10 days.
I realize I am at my worst when I am tired, feeling picked on, and if I am under the gun with money. That is a recipe for disaster. :-) Just like many human beings, I begin to look inward, become more selfish with my time, and less willing to do service. On a positive note, I believe, for all intents and purposes, that I am down to 205 lbs. That is a far cry from where I started at 232 lbs. I am super proud and excited. I would like to break the 200 lbs. mark and lose the rest of this belly, but all things in time. My epiphany for the day stems from my physical, mental, and spiritual well being. By going to the gym literally every day except for Sunday, I allow myself some time to work on my physical and mental health (certainly more on the physical), but I spend no time on the spiritual side. If I spend as much time working out my spiritual side as I do my physical side, I will become a spiritual giant! I need to ensure I do not let the pressure get to me and cause that I forget the most important things in life.
Now, if I could just find that money tree I planted 20 years ago......

Buffalo Soldier

What am I willing to give up to keep growing?

That question has haunted me for the last few hours. Darn thought provoking leadership books! What am I willing to give up to keep growing? I believe that you do have to give something up in order to focus more on something else and to keep growing. If you want to be a better friend, you have to give up time you would normally spend on yourself or with your family. If you would like to lose weight, you have to give up eating certain foods or quantities of food. If you want to be a better salesman, you have to give up time at home and in the office to get out in front of customers and research the products. If you want more financial independence, you have to give up your spending habits and prioritize what's most important. All of these things are based humility, recognition, desire, motivation, and ability to work towards a common goal. I may have to come back to this one. I need to decide what I will be striving towards.

So, interesting story for today. Years ago, Bear Bryant was coaching the Alabama Crimson Tide. They were ahead in the game by six points with less than two minutes to go. Bryant sent his quarterback in with instructions to play it safe and run out the clock. In the huddle, the quarterback came in and said, "The coach says to play it safe, but that is exactly what the other team is expecting. Let's give them a surprise." And with that, he called a pass play. When the quarterback dropped back and threw the pass, the defending cornerback, who was a champion sprinter, intercepted the ball and headed back towards the end zone, expecting to score a touchdown. The quarterback, who was not known as a good runner, took off after the cornerback and ran him down from behind, tackling him at the 5-yard line. His effort saved the game. After the clock ran out, the opposing coach came over to Bryant and said, "What's this business about your quarterback not being a runner? He ran down my speedster from behind!" Bryant responded by saying, "Your man was running for six points. My man was running for his life."

I thought that was a great example of how failure or adversity can cause an individual to excel. Many times we instantly think that a mistake is failure. However, the only way to smooth out a stone is through adversity and rough patches. This applies to every situation in life; whether that be work, play, family, hobbies, religion, and leadership. Ultimately, the person who will bring you down is only you. I know that if I could only realize my potential every hour of every day, the world would be in trouble. I hope to pass this along to my children, to help them succeed.

But to act that each tomorrow....

Not enjoyment and not sorrow
Is our destined end or way;
But to act that each tomorrow
Find us further than today? - Longfellow

I believe this to be a sound piece of advice. How many times do we look into the future or into the past and live for events that may happen or fill our souls with regret? I am guilty of this, but I find when I find hope in the moment, life is good. I spent some time with my baby boy last night, and what a special spirit. He ate is weight in avocado, cantaloupe, and breast milk. His stomach was so full, I was worried about pushing on it. My children are so great, even when they try my patience. My wife has her hands full every day, and I commend her for her efforts. I would switch with her, despite what she may think, because I love being a dad, but that will have to wait. I went on some visits with my friend Stevie last night (just because I hear Stevie Nixx playing in the background), and it was good. I am still sore from my workout on Tuesday night, but I love it. The gym was a struggle again this morning. I found out he went to dinner with another couple that lives right next door. Man, jumping from 0 to 2 to 4 children sure makes a difference when it comes to free time. My wife went over and enjoyed some BFF time with Jessy, watching, SYTYCD. I believe that is the appropriate acronym. I am not even sure what time she came home, but I guess that is the way it goes sometimes. I had some crazy dreams last night, mainly negative. I was getting mad at my wife for doing some things she would never do in real life. That always drives me crazy. Work has been a test and I hope that motivation will soon return to get to the top. I am falling behind, yet I feel busy, and I am lacking motivation. Sounds like the victims circle to me.
The USA tied Mexico last night, 1-1. That was a good thing. Mexico really outplayed them, but USA managed to score a goal at the end and played some great defense. For just changing coaches 12 days ago, I think it was a positive outcome. I want to get some food, get some rest, and do something competitive tonight. I hope I can continue to re-commit myself. It has been a struggle so far this week. Human nature never ceases to amaze me. Go Jazz!

Quote of the day: "The best strategy for building a competitive organization is to help individuals become more of who they are." - Marcus Buckingham

I have to share some great experiences I have had the past couple of days. My oldest daughter, who is now 5 and a half, lost her second tooth. For some unknown reason, she does not let me play with it much. However, both teeth up to this point have been pulled out by mom. I am not sure if it is a pride issue, or just a role reversal thing, but that made me a little jealous. I am very proud of her, and she was very excited when the tooth fairy brought her a new $1 bill. The second event, earlier that evening, revolved around the new bike she got for Christmas. She has been very paranoid about riding around on her two-wheeler without someone right there holding on. I tried a new tactic, holding on to her shoulders, but she continually leaned to the left. She would randomly stop or fall down, thus causing me some physical harm, but I was having fun. The frustration was superficial, simply because she was doing exactly what I asked her not to do. Mommy came over and took the reigns while I wrangled the other two. It wasn't two minutes later, I look back and see my oldest pedaling on her own and just proud as can be. Another victory for mommy, because she helped my oldest get over her fear and she loves her bike now. Again, jealousy crept up, but more because I would have liked to share more in the success. On the other hand, I married an incredible woman, who should never doubt what kind of mommy she is, and capable of being.
We had two showings at our house in Colorado over the past 48 hours, and still not a single offer. I would really like to have the opportunity to move on with life, but we shall see. I know it will be good for my family to have their own place, but we cannot afford to pay the mortgage on one house and the rent on another.
I went to the gym with my wife last evening, and I tell you what, I have never been so dead tired, humiliated, or sweaty, as I was last night when we were finished. Several exercises were ones I have never seen before, and my body was just not ready to handle it all. When all was said and done this morning, I was down a pound from yesterday's weigh in. Pretty crazy. My youngest daughter will be going to pre-school, for about 1/3 of the cost of my oldest daughter's school, so that makes me happy. Although, my children are just growing up so fast that I cannot handle it. I love them so much, and soon I will be dealing with my oldest going to Kindergarten; hearing all the big kid talk, probably getting bullied in some way, getting her little heart broken, and eventually growing up to the point where dad is just a gleam in her eye. I know there are going to be fabulous things happening as well, so I am not trying to be Mr. Negative Pants, but I want to keep her under my protective umbrella, and that will not be the case as much as it has been in the past.
Do you agree with the comment made by my boy Marcus? I believe it is true, with some exceptions. It depends on the caliber of people you have working with you or for you. You do not want a person to be more of who they are if that enhances negative performance or negative behavior. Otherwise, individualism is a key component to a successful organization. Without it, opportunities are lost.
The USA plays Mexico tonight, the first soccer game under new head coach Klinnesman. I hope the team gives a good showing. We shall see!

Secret Garden

Literally two years have passed since I last posted a message on this blog. I am amazed how my life has changed, perspectives have changed, people have changed, the country has changed, society has changed, and priorities have changed. To sum up the last two years, I am going to provide a long, run-on sentence that captures the main overview; I moved departments at my previous job, then I quit my previous job (see previous posts about the situation there), we moved to Utah to live with my father, after my parents divorced, started working with my oldest brother, younger brother, and father, my fourth child was born, and we are going to call him Hunt, and our oldest daughter has been diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. We are hoping to sell our home in Colorado as soon as possible, and find a way to fully start our lives here in Utah, but financially, we are still reeling a little bit. We are counting our blessings, and I am currently in the "Am I fully committed" phase. I am surprised what I take for granted. I choose to treat many people with a level of indifference that makes me uncomfortable, yet I desire to have the social companionship of those around me and to be a good example. I pray that I may find the happiness I seek by living a Christ centered life. I love my family, even though I do not always show it. I cannot imagine how lonely life would be without them.