Leslie J.B.

“Many things about tomorrow, I don’t seem to understand….
But I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand…….“

The refrain to a song keep on playing in my head.

We want to be certain of our future but the only known certainty is uncertainty itself. Life has been good with all the ups and down along the journey. Many have come by, and many have gone too. But all are etched vividly in my memory.

This journey will end, sooner or later. When? No one knows. But one thing is sure, there will be more ups and downs, more will come by and stop for a while, and many more will go too. Life’s a cycle and that’s for sure.

Perhaps, I should just sit back, reminisce and reflect. And hoping life will shed some light along my path.

When the old clock strikes one, it reminds me of you …

This is the first two verse of a song composed by a friend of mine many years ago. I suppose the the verses reflect our life precisely.

In life, there are things which remind us of something, someone, an experience, our pasts … We are being with a history. Our history somehow will come back to us. Whether it is painful, pleasant or just plain, they are still a very much a part of us. A lot of our experience really shaped our lives. But I suppose no one wants one’s past to dictate what kind of life one wants to live.

For me, the past has always been a good teacher, something that I cherish very much. My past helps me to tread on the future, but as far as I can, I don’t let my past dictate my life. Well, it has been hard, but life still has to go on.

Hmmm … ever wonder how does it feel to have no reminiscence of the past at all?

I can’t quite remember when was the last time I tread into this page. It’s been ages and it feels so ancient. This page, which I faithfully plaited some ages ago, now lie abandoned. Perhaps this place may come to see the light one more time …..yes perhaps …..but hey… isn’t this considered a modest attempt? Even if it is only for the slightest moment?

Hmm … I wondered if this is a reflection of our life …..but perhaps it is ….yes …just perhaps ………

Today, my mind was bombarded with a stream of heavy postings. Well, actually I should blame myself for reading them. No, I should not blame myself for reading them, but I am guilty for thinking them over.

I was wondering how elastic our brain is. Don’t you ever wonder just how our brain is able to accommodate all sorts of thoughts (some of them are rubbish actually). At the same time, our brain is able to remove just everything, some purposely but some against our will (this is called forgetfulness).

But, I like all those postings I read today and all of them really got me going, I mean, they keep me away from idleness albeit at the end of the day I will be exhausted to the brim.

If I were to choose, I’d rather keep myself busy with all those heavy stuffs than sitting idly (although this is more fun).

The moral of the story, err…. let me think… no, I don’t want to think… better sleep!

Suddenly, past memories came rushing, filling my already saturated mind to the brim. The yesteryears form a tapestry that plays in front of my closed eyes.

Why this sudden nostalgia? A glancing view of the past brings an ache to my heart. Memories bring back the undead that was lying deep and forgotten in the deep sea of my mind.

But when I came to think of it again, the memories bring the joy of yesterdays – the forgotten laughter, the hidden smiles, the lost love and the buried hope.

Soon, the present too will come to past. Oh Time, why can’t you slow down a bit or at least wait till I etch all these memories so that I may never forget. But I guess you never wait, do you?

Well then, that’s too bad because by tomorrow you will have made one more heart broken and one too many enemies.

As for me, I’ll just sit back and smile, while drinking my Coca Cola, enjoying it to the very last drop.

Life is about celebration. Now, hold on. Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that life is all blissful and we forgo all the suffering and pain in the world. No.

When I say “celebration” I am talking about the things that we should be thankful and grateful in life. Not all that we should be grateful about are happiness or the good things. We can be grateful with both the positive and negative things in life. Celebrating is about being aware, aware of our surroundings, with all the elements that come to play in our lives, be it happiness or sadness.

Sometimes we are just too preoccupied with the things that please us without knowing its potential to bring pain not just to ourselves, but to people around us, including those precious to us.

Life is about celebration. When we live, we are actually celebrating life. We should be aware of what makes life matters to us. All things play a part in our lives, the pains and happiness, birth, death, losing a love one…. This is life. When we acknowledge all these we are being aware of them and giving due to their contribution in our lives. These are the things that shape and build our live. Without them, our life is empty.

When we sum up all these things and try to look for a pattern that can link the dots, at last we will come to a point where it all came from one source, love.

And finally, despites all things, it is love that prevails.

Oh, it has been quite a while since I last wrote. I will not offer any excuse. Or perhaps I should just say that I have been busy. Yes, busy.

I will not promise anything. One thing for sure, I will try my best to write again. (Hmm …I think that one counts as a promise, right?)

I enjoyed penning my thought. I wonder why such a good pastime became such a bore. Perhaps I was just burnt out, and the next time I disappear into nowhere I’ll use this excuse again. It’s so convenient and easy. Hmm …why not?

Well, I was just going to say hello again … but it turned out that I said just a little too much this time. Ok … see you again.

I stand, and I go. Not because boredom worn me out, but because I have come to believe. Believe? Yes, believe.

I believe there is light waiting at the end of a long and dark tunnel. There is silence at the end of damp and tumultuous alley.

Something, yes, something better and bigger is waiting, if only we stand up and go. And then, perhaps, we can be grateful that our faith has saved us.

How long can a person stay true to his commitment before slipping into some kind of idleness? It is easy to start something but it harder still to maintain straight on course. This saying has been shown to be true time and again.

Perhaps staying out of the main course has its benefits (if it can be called one). It gives time for a person to think and perhaps to reevaluate and make some reflection on him/her own self and hopefully get up on his/her feet again, to start the journey. Well, this is what ideally should happen but then only the individuals themselves can decide on this.

As for me, time away from blogging has given me a much needed refreshment for my mind. Not that I was headed into some kind of mind block, but I needed some time to think again to where I heading with my ideas. I hope this will be a beginning of many more writings to come, and of course, I’ll take some time off along the way but I hope it will not be a long one.

Some people said that to start something is easy, but to maintain the momentum is hard. As for me, I am experiencing the opposite.

As I embarked on a writing project, there is so much in my mind and so much material to begin with. But, there is one problem – I am finding it hard to start. I have a habit of collecting materials before finally put it in writings. But that is for short writings. I dare not depend on my habit for this particular project. It’s too risky.

Well, I am not the only one who is in the same boat. There are others, my friends who are embarking on the same journey as I am.

I think the most logical solution is I have to force myself to start. Perhaps just write something and just hope that mother fortune will give her overflowing blessings upon me.