Dear Tacit: Discussing mental health with kids
Dear Tacit, How can I talk to my kids about mental health without scaring them? Signed: Talking To Kids About Mental Health Dear Talking To Kids About Mental Health, Talking to your kids about mental health can feel daunting. Many parents worry about saying the wrong thing, giving their children ideas they’re not ready for, or frightening them with heavy topics. The good news is that talking about mental health doesn’t have to result in any of these things. When approached gently and age-appropriately, these conversations can actually help children feel safer, more understood, and better equipped to handle their emotions as they grow. One of the simplest ways to introduce the topic of mental health is by bringing up feelings that your children already recognize. Use familiar terms and phrases. Instead of labelling things with concepts like anxiety, depression, or disorders, talk about the emotions – happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, fear, or worry. Be sure to normalize the fact that everyone has days when they experience tough feelings (like being low, tired, overwhelmed, etc). By framing mental health as part of normal human experience, you reduce the fear and stigma around the topic. Children need to learn that emotions come and go (they do not have to be avoided or controlled all the time). And they need to know that having difficult feelings doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with them. They are not limited in any way by their feelings – they just need to learn how to embrace their emotions in healthy ways. Children also don’t need all the details. Younger kids especially benefit from simple explanations. For example, you might explain mental health as “how our thoughts and feelings work together” or “how our brain helps us feel calm or excited.” Older children and teens can handle more knowledge, but even then, clarity matters more than complexity. If a child asks a big question, answer honestly but briefly, then let them guide you to how much more they want to know. Don’t be afraid to ask them (rather than making assumptions) if they would like you to explain a little bit more or if they feel the discussion has been enough, to that point. One common fear that parents often have is that talking about mental health will make children worry about their own safety or the safety of others. Reassurance is key. If you’re discussing mental illness or emotional struggles, emphasize that help exists and that adults are there to keep them safe. Our kids need to know from an early age that no one can thrive in isolation – we all need to be able to lean on the right resources at the right times. A great way to explain this is to share that some people need extra support with their feelings, just like others need help with asthma or allergies. Teach your kids that healthy support networks consist of many different types of people – like doctors, teachers, counsellors, friends and family members who all work together to help when someone needs this kind of emotional support. This reinforces the idea that challenges can be managed and that children are not alone. Kids learn from what we say and from what we model. So let them see that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. You can share your own age-appropriate examples – times when you feel overwhelmed, and you talk to someone you trust; or times when you take deep breaths or go for a walk to help your mind feel calmer. When children see adults handling emotions in healthy ways, they’re more likely to do the same. This also opens the door for them to come to you when they’re struggling. Mental health conversations work best when they’re ongoing (not one big sit-down talk). Look for natural moments (after a tough day at school, during a bedtime routine, or while watching a movie where a character experiences big feelings). Ask your child open-ended questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you think they could do to feel better?” If your child doesn’t want to talk, that’s okay. Let them know you’re always available when they’re ready. And revisit the invitation regularly (don’t wait for them to come to you). If mental health has affected your family or someone your child knows, honesty builds trust. You don’t need to share everything, but acknowledging the reality in a calm, hopeful way can be reassuring. Lessen the stigma that surrounds mental health issues by making sure your child doesn’t feel it is a secret they have to keep (based on embarrassment or shame). Always pair honesty with hope. Children should come away knowing that while struggles exist, people can heal, grow, and find support. Perhaps the most important message you can give your children is that their feelings matter and that they can talk to you about anything. You don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes listening and validating is enough. You can say things like “That sounds really hard” or “I’m glad you told me”. And if more is needed, you can let your child know that you will find some answers for them or that you can go together to talk to someone who has more information about their feelings and their questions. Talking about mental health doesn’t have to be scary. When you approach it with warmth, simplicity, and openness, you’re not burdening your children – you are giving them tools for life. Over time, these small, gentle conversations build emotional resilience and let your kids know they’re never alone with their feelings. Take care! Kim Silverthorn is a registered master practitioner of clinical counselling (M.P.C.C.) through the Canadian Professional Counsellors Association and the owner of/therapist with Tacit Knowledge, a local counselling agency in Beaumont. She has been providing therapeutic supports for more than 30 years.
