stackcats

stackcats @ 2019-04-09T11:53:00

2019-04-09T02:47:03Z

One of the most powerful tools I have discovered for coping with executive dysfunction problems is Guilt Reduction.

You need to manage when and why you feel guilt, and when and why you dismiss it and move on. When you have executive function and/or working memory problems you are going to make a lot of mistakes. You’re just gonna. That’s a lot of potential guilt to be carrying around at all times. But you’re not a bad person who deserves to feel so bad all the time; you’re a person whose brain doesn’t do all the things it’s supposed to do, through no fault of your own. So you need to assess the problem, decide whether you made the mistake because you genuinely made a poor choice out of bad motivations, or if it was because of your Useless Brain™. If it was Useless Brain™, then you need to try and Let It Go. You also need to allow yourself to not do things (or to do them) when you know it'll overwhelm you but you are being driven by guilt.

Examples!

Forgot to respond to that message? Was it a week ago? A month? More? Don't panic. Think about why you haven't responded. Did you put off replying because you were overwhelmed by the very thought of communication, of stringing a sentence together, of trying to make sense and convey the correct tone? Did the idea of even picking up your phone and opening the app sound exhausting to you? Did you just genuinely, straight-up forget that replying to the message was a thing you needed to do, because your disorder causes that to happen sometimes? Then you have done nothing wrong. Reply as soon as you're able, if it's appropriate, or apologise if that will help your relationship with the person, and move on.
You missed an appointment. See above. Apologise or explain if you will feel better that way. Reschedule. Learn from your mistake and set a reminder or write it down or ask for a day-before reminder text from the person or place. Move on.
You have left-over food. You know you shouldn't throw good food away. But you know that if you put it in the fridge, there it will remain until the end of days, and it will go mouldy and it will stress you out every time you open the fridge. You won't eat it, and there's no one to eat it for you. Throw it away now. Just throw it away. Put the whole pot in the bin if you have to. Move on.
In fact, throw away ANYTHING you don't want around you and cannot deal with maintaining, if you don't need it. Tupperware with mouldy remains? Bin it. Clothes that need ironing? Get rid of them. Shoes with laces? Gone. That stupid plant your friend gave you but just makes you sad every time you look at it wilting away in the corner? Bye bye. Move on.
If you don't need something, but it's still useful, it's good to donate it to a friend or a charity shop! Right? Sure. But we're not making a blog post about how to be a good Samaritan who never wastes anything, we're making a blog post about how to cope with being tied to the material plane and trapped within linear time while in possession of a Useless Brain™, and a good tool for dealing with that is to walk around with a black bin-liner and fill it with shit you need gone from your space. You are one singular human. Your one bag of wasted food and clothes was never going to solve poverty. The world will be no different if you keep this rubbish festering away in your home, or put it in the bin, so put it in the goddamn bin and move on.

You may have to deal with consequences for your actions, especially if they affect other people; you can't control how others react, you can't force people to not be angry or upset or lecture you. But you can learn to control whether or not you beat yourself up for doing it in the first place. You can learn to be gentle to yourself, you must learn to be gentle to yourself, especially if you have no one else around who can be relied upon to treat you gently. Your forgetfulness, your lack of working memory, your executive functioning problems, don't make you a bad person, and you don't deserve to carry around a suitcase full of guilt over things you could not control. Because guilt is a horrible, crippling emotion that will stress you out, make you sad, and further reduce your ability to function. If your mental illness or disorder caused you to do something wrong, or forget something, or mess something up, you have no more reason to feel guilty than a physically disabled person would have for not joining their local charity fun-run. You didn't do the thing because you can't and it's not your fault. Even if you can do it sometimes, even if you've done it before. It's not your fault.

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stackcats @ 2019-03-11T14:53:00

2019-03-11T05:32:13Z

I’m really confused by a lot of weight loss culture and also by aspects of fat acceptance. I’m trying to lose weight and I know I’m doing the right thing for me, but yesterday I saw an instagram post where a fat positive plus size fashion blogger stated that “before and after” weight loss photos are "toxic and an aspect of weight loss culture".

It made me question everything. I’ve been following r/progresspics and commenting on lots of people’s success stories because they’ve worked so hard and achieved so much, and the “after” photos feature more genuine smiling faces than the “befores”. I even posted my own first progress pic when I realised my face no longer looks bloated and tired (I’ve lost 11 kg so far).

I thought I was pro-fat acceptance, and I am indeed so. How much adipose tissue you possess, and how much space you occupy, and indeed any aspect of your appearance, is no indication of your personality, values, qualities, ethics, or anything else. If someone is happy with the way they are, that's no one else's concern.

But to call weight loss celebration/encouragement communities "toxic" by default seems... well, a little toxic to me. I can understand where this comes from, because there is a LOT of fat-shaming in the world, every other women's magazing contains slimming tips, slimming aids are promoted constantly, I know because I've dealt with it myself. I have been fat-shamed to my face, I have been judged unworthy because I'm not sleek and gorgeous, and I have a lot of self-loathing and anxiety because of that. However, none of that actually means that losing weight is a bad thing.

I want to lose weight because I want to be able to do things like sit comfrotably in an aeroplane seat, walk around a new city for hours, run up stairs, take my dog out for longer runs, fit in more styles of clothing, feel less hot in summer, not wear out shoes so quickly... lots of things that are more difficult when you're lugging around an extra 50kg you don't need. And to achieve that I'm going to have to put in a lot of hard work. I've been going to the gym (cardio & weight machines) and counting calories and fighting food cravings, and I've ached physically and mentally for these first 11kg. The next 40 or so are gonna be even tougher, especially since I'm adding muscle. I'm fighting to stay motivated, to get to the gym with unfavourable work shifts and study recommencing, to resist all the new vegan junk food that's coming out these days. It is, pure and simple, putting in the work to achieve a desired result. A result that affects nobody but myself. Just as staying overweight would affect nobody but myself.

Can we try and move towards a culture where we can accept other people's choices about how they physically present themselves, and what they value in their lives, to the extent that it doesn't affect others? People who value fitness and slimness should be happy to have that for themselves and accept that not everyone desires it, and people who are larger can love themselves and their lives without judging others for wanting something different.

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stackcats @ 2019-02-27T09:55:00

2019-02-26T23:55:34Z

Ah, okay! It looks like DW crossposts to LJ, not the other way around! That'll help me not to spam everyone multiple times :)

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stackcats @ 2017-05-01T21:27:00

2017-05-01T11:30:01Z

Today on things I've watched that are good: American Gods. Wednesday is basically a flawless interpretation, and I like Shadow a lot too. And the music/blood everywhere feel very Bryan Fuller.

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stackcats @ 2017-04-30T21:54:00

2017-04-30T11:58:55Z

I am... tentatively enjoying this series of Doctor Who. Having watched 2 episodes so far (3 is not quite available here yet). Bill is great, I love her, and the Doctor is... good.

I have no idea wtf Nardole is all about, but I do like him though.

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stackcats @ 2013-10-28T21:15:00

2013-10-28T11:15:56Z

Just a perfect day
you made me forget myself
I thought I was
someone else, someone good

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