THE MOMENT HAS ARRIVED
I think it’s finally time to come out of the closet and make it very clear to my austrian friends that I am, in fact, deeply brazilian. They can be very innocent sometimes, and they love to romanticize things like, “Oh, but your Austrian ancestry…” Yes, I do have my 50% Austrian share, as well as many other % bits and pieces, which collectively inform me that I am 200% Brazilian. Somehow, the implications of that sometimes just don’t fully land to them.
For example, every week I have what could be described as “almost dinners” with three different friend groups. I contribute enthusiastically to plans that will absolutely never happen, but the intention behind them is immaculate. My Brazilian friends understand this perfectly. Our WhatsApp group is a very carefully curated list of things we will never do. Still, the relationship is always served. The cancellation memes? Hilarious. No one holds grudges. That’s the culture.
What really works for us are spontaneous events. A few weeks ago, I was having a tiring day and, at 7 PM I texted my Brazilian friend Elias: “Do you have a little one? Shitty day.” (“Little one” is our code for a joint.) I hadn’t texted Elias since October 2025, but I knew without a doubt that he’d understand. One minute later, he replied (and I quote): “Even if I didn’t, I’d find one for you. Love you. I can bring it to your place if you want. By the way, do you want to go to Oli’s concert at Kramladen?” I answered: “Relax. I can be at your place in five minutes. I’m not really in the mood though, but who’s Oli? And what time is the concert?” Turns out Oli is a Brazilian guitarist I somehow hadn’t met yet. And because Elias is my sweetheart friend and his partner, Julia, wasn’t in the mood to go either, there was no way I was going to let my friend go alone. Twenty minutes later, he shows up at U4 with my “little one” and a slice of cake Julia sent me. Love combo. We went to the concert. It was awesome. Of course we absolutely embarrassed Oli by wildly overdoing the applause.
Another lost in translation quality austrians do not get: bullying is a gesture of love for us. If a Brazilian doesn’t deliberately tease you, embarrass you on purpose or tenderly bully you just a bit, means their feelings are still warming up. Recently, a colleague who’s been dating a Brazilian guy for a few months came to talk to me. She asked if it means something the fact he was inviting her to join his friends this weekend for dinner. I had to be honest and tell her that not necessarily. Now, If he’s sarcastically agreeing with you, or playfully disagreeing just to tease you, or challenging you to do something embarrassing, that means something. An impossibility of stillness without slightly touching you or being close to you? A classic. And no it's not a strategy, we simply cannot contain it. Special kudos to my brazilian friend Gica, who told me the cutest story of how she disarmed her austrian boyfriend Andreas early on by repeatedly “discovering” imaginary things on his face for hours before their first kiss. Brazilian dribble.
Another thing you need to know, and I’m revealing our national weak spot here: you can get anything from us if you ask politely. I said anything. The biggest inconvenience of all. Because Brazilians hate saying no.
Now, the opposite is also true: be rude and you won’t get us to let you through. We were not born German shepherds to take angry commands or suggestions. Austrians deeply need to know this approach doesn’t work anywhere in the world, but especially, it won’t work with a Brazilian. It's a culture where kindness matters more than rules. Even if someone is breaking the “rules” or the expected behavior, it does not allow you to be rude. And if you are to approach the person to correct them, you better do it with a genuine open mind, because we give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I'd go picking wild strawberries in the woods for you on my lunch break if you ask me nicely. I can also make your life a living hell because you were rude to me. I don’t mind either way. Just give me the plan.
Another front: a tangled genetic code leads to confusion in one’s biological rhythm. My body is craves for a daily siesta (the Spanish speaking side). Another part is convinced this is wildly unproductive, guaranteed to cause a headache, and the right thing to do is waking up at 6 AM, maintaining relentless momentum until it's 5PM when I should be at the gym training for the marathon at Wörthersee in September (Austrian genes, obviously). By 2PM, the urge for dolce far niente and espresso sets in (Italian instincts), especially since I skipped lunch. My thoughts were lingering on that croissant from the fassade I saw in the morning (the French part is extremely laissez‑faire, laissez‑passer), so I invite my colleague sitting next to me (what is his name again?) to join me spontaneously in a croissant mission. (Brazil always wins.)
The advantages? Man, I am adaptable. My friends and acquantainces? Not a single commonality between them. I like young people, I like old people, cool people, boring people, funny people, quiet people. Friends with kids, friends with cats, friends with nothing at all but complaints about life. I find them all funny somehow.
I also don't take myself too seriously, if someone has a beef with me, it's very likely I will forget the reason why it started. That drives my mom, for instance, a bit crazy. She lingers in resentment quite long, maybe because she is 100% austrian (hahaha). The other day I messaged her: “Can we briefly pause the regular resentment programming so I can share photos of my friend’s baby that I visited this weekend?” It worked. Because my mom does not resist baby pictures and I basically have a brazilian post doc in breaking the ice.
Watching a concert while sitting down? So hard. At the very least, my feet will be tapping. Also, I fully blame my “““brazilianness”“” for taking more showers than is common around here. And for a certain obsession with brushing my teeth. And for my self deprecating humor, since we extend the bullying to ourselves, but behind it, there’s a hilarious kind of unshakable confidence and the ability to laugh at oneself. And that strange habit of having faith in life. Since it’s coming to an end and the credits are about to roll on the screen, yes, they all go to Brazil.
/Apr26
