Actions, not words, reveal our real values

Reading this makes me think of a problem I had:

Q. So... if I really want to do something and usually procrastinate, how do I don't?

A. Forcing myself to by introducing fear into the equation.

For example, I was procrastinating looking for alternatives after loosing my job, So I bought plane tickets to a trip where I'm likely to spend most of my savings. Now OF COURSE I am working hard!

(Im young, So I can afford to fuck up :) )

And not thinking about it will free up your brain for other things. Or nothing, if you wish.

There won't be that nagging feeling any longer. No more "I should..." Instead, "Freedom... "

SO true. If it's not too self-referential (or even if it is, I guess), I wrote about this subject on my own blog a couple years ago after realizing that my daughter was being taught more about consistency of word and deed in cosmetology school than I did in 6 years of conservatory training. The principle you bring up here (and the corresponding ultimatum) are probably more important in my own music teaching than music itself, as this is the stuff that's key to being a self-aware and effectual human, regardless of specific pursuits.

http://blog.noahjazz.com/?p=733

Reminds me of the writer's saying: I don't like to write; I like having written.

Also reminds me of this quote from Mark Manson's "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck":

It's a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn't like ot climb much. I just liked to imagine the summit.
☺ Good one! — Derek

I often feel like one thought limits another.
For example, if I had a much different living environment, with a recording studio that is not merged into the living room that the family all shares, I might make way more music. But I can't afford a different living arrangement other than the current apartment our family lives in. So, I continue to feel like 'I would love to record more music' yet am less inspired by the recording environment than I'd like to be.

The part of the human condition that fascinates me the most, is that we can draw insightful conclusions from other people's challenges but rarely our own. A few months ago I asked you how we know if we are being a donkey and you gave some excellent advise, which was to measure yourself by your output not only your actions.

So often, the most important things in life can be so simple. This is one of those simple truths.
This goes for the negative things in our life too. If you have negative people in your life it's because you like negative people. Or you like working too much. Or you like drinking too much.
We have those bad things in our life because we want them....until one day we don't.

This is a good reminder, thx

I think this is 100% true. And sometimes it isn't until it's too late that we regret not doing that thing we wanted to do. Like.. "I wish I spent more time with X" or "I wish I went there when I had the opportunity to..", etc. We might really wish we did things in the past, but it is true that if it isn't happening in the present there is something else we are choosing to fill our time and energy with. I think one of the biggest problems people have is wondering why they aren't doing the very things they think they should be doing, or that some weaker part of them wishes they were. Many just default to what is easiest because they don't want to make life harder than it has to be.

Thanks for the great article Derek, been thinking about this concept a lot lately however I hadn't considered challenging myself with the principal. Until reading this, I had been using this as an observation lense to see what people's real motivations and values really were and how they conflicted with words. Flicked on a lightbulb to my own values and need for change.

Cheers, thiswas very helpful. Glad you're writing again.

So... does this mean muckwork is going to happen? :)
Not any time soon. It still feels worth doing, some day. — Derek

The idea that you can consciously and continuously and successfully overturn the conditioning of your early development is egoic. It can't be done by sheer force of will - or not for long. Some form of interruption of the cycle has to take place - you can't just think your way out of reptilian brain impulse. We are way more complex than you implying. Admitting to yourself that you make bad choices is not even half the battle. I'm not criticizing you, I'm commiserating - patterns established early for survival or maintenance persist with great tenacity. I've found that the transformational psychology of NLP Marin to be the most helpful for change. I don't mean traditional NLP - which seems to be a bit piecemeal and localized. NLP Marin has helped me address and change some root causes of the disjunction between present and desired states. Nothing to sell here, just passing this on.
Thanks for your emails of good stuff.
Stew

So, I've been obsessed with this idea from Disney, where they had this concept of 'plus-ing'. If you made a character, or a ride or a movie, what could you do to plus it and make it better. It's a discipline of action.

Your coach telling you didn't really want to start Muckwork is good, but lots of people can give you that insight. It's easy to see that an obese man doesn't want to lose weight. So, how can we plus the advice, or the phrase?

Or is a simple, but useful, insight like that enough?
Yes! I love this one, too. I think of it often. Thanks for mentioning. — Derek

Needed this one today Derek, so thank you for posting. I took a walk and spent about an hour trying to figure out why I was able to write some things and not others, why it was easy to be motivated about some projects but not others. What I came to realize is that if I looked forward and predicted an outcome, and if that outcome was less than desirable, it would suck all the energy out of it for me. It makes it nearly impossible to work on those projects. Yet on the others I remain almost infinitely excited and determined to progress, because I see the possibilities as unlimited. Weird how we can do that to ourselves.

Very, very true and one of our family's core values. When our kids make a mistake (and they're kids, so it happens frequently) we tell them, "Don't tell me you're sorry and you won't do it again. Show us you're sorry and let your actions show us whether or not you'll do it again." Of course, we also apply the principle in positive ways with them too!
☺ !! — Derek

Hey Derek -- 644 million websites on the Internet, and yours is the only one really worth reading.

I have this idea about myself that I need to account for my predilections. And the only way I've had success at making these adjustments is having things that cannot be denied objectively--in other words, my actions. This is a great reminder.

A lot of times when I end up procrastinating things I love, it seems to be a result of momentum from other actions. But I wonder if, when I do the daily work of whatever it is I care about, I actually fall in love with the habit or if I actually do love the action itself. How do you think one differentiates the two? And is it just masturbation to think about?

Love this Derek!

Thank you :)

Of course, you just hit a "nerve" by mentioning your wonderful Muckwork! As you know, I live by your Muckwork agenda...so if it isn't you that should be the Entrepreneur, maybe you should consider being the Advisor of a Team that really believes in your idea! (that way, you win on both fronts!)

Ha! Ha! love the photo Derek! Great thoughts as usual, I know for myself, life ReallY tries to get in the way of one's dreams sometimes...and then sometimes it's just a mental block. It is interesting how one just rides the bike and sets the wheels into motion. It is the initial beginning to peddle that is psychological in nature but once accomplished has great reward if only internally...Just me thoughts!
Love and music to YOU Derek!
Rachel!

Yes! True! To build on this article: looking at what people Do tells you their values, and looking at what people Do in comparison to what people Say tells even more! It shows the truth, and sometimes the truth is brutal, but will set you free.

Understanding these 'tools' has helped me develop myself, redesign my peers and grow in sales, negotiations, work, everything really. Life is too beautiful to play around in the "muckwork" ;)

Aw, this sounds familiar. I have talked for years about finishing a choral music composition. I recently sat myself down and said to myself, "You need to stop telling people about this and go finish it. And then put it out into the world!" It was fear that was stopping me. What will people think of it once finished and out there? The good news is, that I am back at it as of last week and have a mentor working with me. I am determined to finish. :)

This hits me at an interesting time. I've been working for a while on a coloring + poetry book. Making the drawings and writing the poems have for the most part been a smooth sailing process, but now I'm stalled on doing the layout and actually turning this pile of content in to a bona fide book. I know part of the delay is not feeling confident about doing layout work, and not relishing the task as it seems to me to lack the joyfulness with which I have approached the writing and drawing. However, I've been suspecting that there is more to the story, or rather more to the stall. This next task is commitment, not just to completion, but to offering up the work for judgement. And its a lot of work. The stakes feel high from a personal point of view. So yes, I want the book, but I don't want to do the work of finishing it and I think fear has a lot to do with the latter. So my question is how does fear weigh against values?

Thank you for the poignant reminder Derek.

Anytime I'm feeling down or lost I look back over what I had been doing (or not doing) the prior days.

It's always preceded by a lack of work. Feeling amazing is preceded by constant and consistent efforts.

I agree 100%. I like the motto "Don't tell me what you're going to do, show me what you have done." This saying of mine keeps me grounded in the fact that accomplishments and results are what matter, not getting people to tell you how great your plans are. The technique I like to employ is to "Frankenstein an idea" to me that means find the most basic way to bring it to life. That way I can see if the idea has merit, and that way I don't end up wasting my time on a fantasy that's only good for talking to my friends about.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts,
Dan
Good one! Thanks Daniel. — Derek

Derek this perspective is spot on.

This is also what John Dimartini says about how you spend your time - that it reflects your underlying values - as well as how you spend your money, what you choose to talk about, every way you express yourself in the world and engage with the world is a reflection of your values.

Which, incidentally, are created by the voids you have experienced in life, which has you associate with the lack of a thing, and has you reach out to achieve it through your values.

I also like that he differentiates between values that arise internally, which give us joy in fulfilling, and values that are external - when we take on what others say we should do. Fulfilling the latter gives us unhappiness, frustration, pain.

Thanks Derek for the post and braving honest self inquiry!

I hold that wanting something and doing something are not the same thing.

It is true that doing is a sign that you really mean it when you say you want something but you can also want something without taking action.

Some situation can work well with wanting things without action, like "wanting a sunny day" or wanting more ice cream.

I do have a bias towards action. That is how I like to see the world. I know that wanting does not make it so.

That's what I wanted to say here.

Derek I've missed you and have so much to say! But I'll keep it brief. I love both of your new articles. To keep myself "true" I have a bracelet with letters more than an inch wide and tall that read "TRUTH" that I wear on my wrist as a reminder not to lie to myself about the simplest things to the biggest things. Also, when we first corresponded, I mentioned I was standing at a huge crossroads - yeah, well, I made decisions and took actions and where I am now is light years away from where I was a year ago. Some actions I honestly did NOT want to take but I took them anyway for self preservation. I could have kept talking about it. I could have denied I was in trouble and was happy was I was very unhappy. Thank you for this kind reminder that we design our lives. And it only matters that our actions are "true". :). -Annie.

Oh wow! That's indeed true!
I've always believed this - so how did I forget??

Thank you for thanking the time to share this with me. I've found a lot of value in your work.

Cordially,
Doug

WOW! You can add mind reader to your list of talents.
I knew you'd say that. — Derek

For me, it is an incremental thing. Some goals seem out of reach given the effort that can be necessary. Taking things step by step, day by day, is my successful method.

Also, a friend of mine once said that people can live with an ideal that is outdated. Maybe their current selves are no longer truly interested in a previous goal or dream. This rang true to me. I find that it is always good to reexamine a focus.

So simple, so true.

Great to hear that you are now a fellow Wellington local (I only just heard, slow I know!)

Very simply and plainly stated, Derek. I've been there myself, for years at a time. In my case, one of the things I wanted to do was to write a particular book, but when I had it close to finished I looked at it and said to myself, "This is garbage." Was it garbage? To me it was, because I didn't like what I'd written, didn't feel that it was honest or truly of value. That was maybe 2005-6. Now, I just finished a book (non-fiction like the previous one) and I had to really gag to make myself finish. It will be released very soon on Amazon, etc., and of course I'm agonizing over how it will be received. But I don't think it's ego on my part, because I genuinely hope that people enjoy it and take value from it. But the only way to find out is to do it. The proof is indeed in the pudding.

Hi Derek,

I remember talking about doing my CD for years, my dad finally said. "hey dude, if you die you will never have released your music, shut up, dig deep and go for it" I started the next day in 2002 and it's still being played and I'm back at it working on a new CD. Talk is fine for BBQ's and social gatherings but focused work is always more fulfilling.

Hey Derek,

You're talking about a few different things here. your example does show how there can be a cognitive dissonance between our (behaviour) actions and our beliefs/values.

Check out Self-determination theory... it's a great framework with a growing body of research behind it exploring motivation internally, externally and the gradient in between.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-determination_theory


L.Deci is one of the main researchers and has a simple book summarizing and applying the research in his book "why we do what we do".

Understanding what we genuinely need and want is challenging and having people that help question our judgement and discern our own internal drives is a great benefit.
Thanks for the tip, Daniel! — Derek

Thanks, Derek. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks, Meggan, for sparking Derek.

So true, i always see this by my friends around me. I think the biggest problem is to make a reality check, or to come to that conclusion that you need a reality check.

Mostly there is a big gap between " i want this" and " i would love to have this" the first is sincere the 2nd just a empty fairytale.

Many people push there goals or so called goals infront of them there whole life. Maybe they need this psychologically to give there lives something meaningfull or they are just lazy ass fuck and unrealpeople :)

I think actions are the telltale sign of everything. I know it's true in my life. thanks for the 2 new articles. We like hearing from you

Hi Derek,

I think that's very true. But it can be hard to let go of an 'idea' you have about yourself. The 'cooler' you as opposed to the 'real' you, who might be just like your parents.

Confronting stuff.

Thanks once again,
Nicole :-:)

Great timing on this. I've been wondering if some of the career goals I thought I had aren't panning out because they really aren't that important to me. I have a great opportunity at my feet, but I think I'm happier keeping to simplicity. Interestingly, the catalyst for those thoughts was: sive.rs/balance

Thanks for the great insights, as always.

I think this resonates with me as an Artist. People always say they would play guitar if they had the talent but if they really wanted to sit around playing guitar all day like I do, then they probably would have done it and gotten good by now. Circumstances can get in the way though. When I have the privacy I write a lot of songs. When I don't have the privacy (due to the living situations I can afford) I don't write any songs. If I had a soundproof studio I probably would be a much better songwriter by now.

This is true, but (as with most personal truths) I don't believe it to be 100% true. Sometimes we don't follow through with actions because we don't believe we deserve what we want. That's not the same as not prioritizing it, it's being blocked by our own fears and/or doubts and not allowing ourselves to grow into the "next thing".

i would say that the litmus test here is to ask yourself if you believe you could achieve what you want. Often I find people don't believe they should achieve their goals, so they fail to ever start them in earnest or sabotage their own efforts. Much like that scene from Empire Strikes Back where Yoda raises the X-Wing from the swamp after Luke failed to do it. Luke looked at him and said "I don't believe it", to which Yoda replied "and that is why you fail".

Looks like me. This is so true.

Unlike the ego/enemy post this one I completely agree with. What's sad is that people need to be reminded of it as if it were something new.

Nicely put, Derek.

Echoes a quote I always remember from Tony Robbins:

“A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”

And if you have decided but there's still no action, well then your WHY just isn't big enough.

Welcome back from your silence :)

I had a teacher that told me something very similar to what your coach told you. I didn't realize at the time how many opinions, judgements, and fabrications of reality I had. I have a strong imagination, which can help at times and can also distort at others

I've experimented with many tools and tricks to help me take more action over the past several years. What works best for me is to limit my interests. I only learn one new thing at a time. Once I go deep enough into a subject and add it into my routine (whether daily, weekly, or monthly), I will add something only if I feel passionate about it. Otherwise, I will intellectualize it and never actually know it through experience.

I meditate and practice yoga on a daily basis. I just started a calligraphy class tonight. I am constantly learning about entrepreneurship, marketing, and sales already since I run a business. These plus reading with my fiancée every night is plenty. It helps me stay accountable on a daily basis and I can be structured, as well as allow myself to be relaxed because of it.

Hope this helps. Thanks for posting, Derek.

Derek I'm quoting you from your "colors between black and white" article on Meggan's site.

"If our work is making progress, but not finished yet, we don’t need to kick ourselves."

What's missing here is commitment. One can want
to do many things, but in the end one will only take
action until the desire is fulfilled if they are committed.
The commitment is bigger than the "I don't
feel like it moments,when it's not convenient etc.

Wang Yang Ming, an ancient philosopher, said "You live what you know. To know and not follow through is actually not yet to know."

知行合一，知而不行，只是未知。

Hey Derek,

Ouch, a double whammy just when I was sulking in the frustrations of dreams unmet :(

Thanks for the kick in the pants.

B

p.s. Pleased to see you writing again.

Thank you!

That is enough to evaluate myself once again.
Thanks
Carol

Thanks, Derek! I immediately put this article into my "Read Regularly" notebook in Evernote.

The language we use drives the stories we tell ourselves. Our stories will, eventually, become our realities. So if we want to do something, the empowering language and stories would be "I can do it, and this is how and when I will start," then we will do it. Everything we ever did, has to start as a thought, a feeling or a word. It is the story we tell that could be the bridge or the barrier.

Yes so true! We are what we do, not what we say we'd like to do.

Derek
I hate it when I'm forced into looking at my true self. Actions really do define you. Reminds me of Edison. Inspiration is 1%. Execution is the 99%. Some people watch things happen. Others make things happen and then we have those that wondered what the hell happened. Action is ke
Thank you for all that you do
Don

This past Sunday I told a friend the same thing your coach told you. She's talking the talk but in no way shape or form is she walking the walk. No one wanted to call her on so I bit the bullet and had the talk. She's mad at me now but she'll thank me later.

I'm going to keep your blog post to show her when she calms down. Your timing couldn't have been better.

Thx.

Carole

Hmm... I certainly think there's an element (well, actually a whole lot of..) truth in what you say - wishing/hoping/saying something's going to happen or you're going to do something, is NOT actually getting it done. BUT that sentiment also needs to be tempered with other influencing factors like: it's actually not the right time to; or, I'm not ready to.... so long as you're still working towards the end game

This made alot of sense to me

I like the ballerina with the pig head!

This is a deep truth. But sometimes I don't do something I think I want to do for a long time, even years, but in fact I do want to do it, just not quite enough to break through...and then eventually sometimes I find a way to do it. And then I really want to be doing it. Meditation is like that for me.

Amen! Just like my Dad used to say; "watch the feet!" XO - M

Yes Derek,

You just point out the common behavior most of us do have. But I do believe that action speaks louder than words. No need to worry, your heart would direct you what to do whether you enjoy playing with kids or build another company. They are all great. I trust you did the best for the time being and are ready for your next creative move...

All the best,
Gong Qian

Do our actions speak, for example a bad habit like over eating or sugar? Do we want to fall sick with diabetes et al? Thoughts people?

Dear Derek,

You have always seemed to me, at heart, a kind and thoughtful man, trying to do the best you can. What more can one do? The rest is fluff.

Love and peace,

Maggie

No wonder it was a Hope that never escaped the Pandora's box, otherwise we wouldn't have a civilization but instead a world full of dreamers. I wonder is social media turning us into these dreamers and allowing us through cognitive dissonance to slow down the progress?

I took option #2. I said I wanted to quit my job, but it took me about 3 years to actually do it. Fear is the number one reason why we don't do things. If you get to the root of the fear and really examine what is making you not do that thing you say you want to do, then I think your actions will take over and you will do it.

Figure out your FEARS!

There is a Zen tale that goes like this: no words, no thoughts, no ideas, just what you do is what you want.

This is essentially the exercise equipment lesson. How many have ever bought an item used to exercise or enhance your exercise (say running shoes or a fitbit) which at best most use for a short time only if at all.

I had a large drone because I had made a comment to my wife that it would be fun to have one (this goes back way before the common fad of today) and sure enough she bought it for me and it still sits unflown (apparently not a word, but it accurately describes it) by me all these years later. I liked the idea of flying it around over our neighborhood but I obviously wasn't ready to make it happen, even with a perfectly good one sitting almost exactly where it was sat moments after I opened it.

I do think, however, there are no absolutes and also there's a lot of benefit to an unfulfilled idea or dream sometimes. It's a positive vision to daydream about in our free time and that "dream" itself can be a positive escape for someone, just as sitting down and playing a guitar without writing a song might enhance your life. So don't be so hard on your unfulfilled ideas and dreams. We all have them and I think this article/idea belittles them and gives them a bum rap. Now if they keep you from doing anything else, THEN it is a problem. All circumstances are different.

My initial reaction was the opposite of Derek's. At first I said "of course that's a fact." But after thinking about it, I think it's not a bad thing to have some ideas and dreams you aspire to without actually pursuing them. It's like a mental hobby. I enjoy writing film treatments for hundreds of ideas, often for films I would love to see. But that's the extent of my hobby, I have no real interest in pursuing that career change. But I enjoy coming up with the ideas, plots, characters, twists and turns, and even imagine dialog and casting. But I also have no intention in going further with it.

I spent 30 minutes writing out a thoughtful response and when I submitted it your software said it sounded like spam and rejected and erased it.

You might want to fix that Derek. I included no links, no media, no attempts to promote anything, sell anything, advocate for anything. So a half hour wasted for naught.

Brian

Action speaks louder than words. True.
The mind guides the action. True.
Success is when mind, body (action) and words are one.
Meditation is a way to align body, mind and our subconscious to get there.

Good observation Derek and like the article, thanks. I believe this is true and that there's another dimension to explore.

What is also true is that our values are shaped, adjusted and reprioritised by our life experiences. Our beliefs also shape our experience of life.

When we've had bad experiences or trauma in our lives, no matter how major or relatively minor, we may feel motivated to get away from that situation. For example, if someone has been through a tough time going bankrupt, they may develop a strong motivation away from being poor, which drives an increase in importance on the value of wealth/money/abundance.

Our values are held in a hierarchy for different areas of our life. Let's say this person really wanted to be creative in the career area of life but due to this bankruptcy situation the value of money is higher priority and they are driven to earn money so they are never poor again. There may be some conflicts in values due to different motivations, which skew and alter the priority of different values in that area of life. There may also be some beliefs getting in the way, such as "I can't be creative AND earn lots of money".

Resolving these conflicts can restructure a persons values heirarchy, and allow the persons true values to come to the fore. Values are what's important to us.This means that when the conflicts are resolved what is really important to us is available to us and motivates us towards it.

When this happens, typically the person is able to effortlessly act on their true values, which in my simplified example would enable the person to be creative in their work, do a creative job or start a creative project. What they wanted to do, but previously their actions demonstrated they didn't (appear to), would subsequently be supported by actions (driven by motivating values) that move them towards their desire and goal.

And with belief work, for example resolving the belief that one can be creative and earn money this opens us up to be able to do just that.

where's the line between talking about an idea
and disarming it, and brainstorming an idea?
is this the same thing?

What if you are trying but not succeeding? Two more quotes comes to mind (sorry I don´t know the authors)

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

"What Got You Here Won't Get You There" (this is the title of one of your recommended books ☺ )

Well, I guess those are actually actions ... (wanting muckwork to happen or working on muckwork to happen?)

Good one Derek.
Don't you think saying something over and over again even if you 're nothing about it yet will get you off your arse at some point? Isn't it better than not talking about it at all? Keep talking about Muckwork. Maybe on a random uninspiring day, you may actually begin.

I am just laugh laugh laugh while reading this post.
Last night I talked about the same thing with my uncle.
I talk to him "I learn one thing after 'this bad thing'. I would never ever ever trust ANYONE again. Just trust what they proving of the doing, the reality of what they REALLY did. Some of my friends said they inteded to do good things, but they almost make my business in bankrupt. Everyone can be a good person when nothing failure happen. But when bad things happen they would show who they really are."

Some of my close friends almost make my business bankrupt.
I couldn't believed it. But that is what they really doing, not the intentions, but the reality telling the truth.
I said to myself "Don't trust the people, trust my verification system to look at what they REALLY doing."

Derek, thankyou for posting this reminder :)

One of the best coaches I know told me: "Your words don't tell me what you value. Tell me where you spend your time and money and I'll tell you what you value."

Thanks for posting this.

"Start doing what you say you want, and see if it’s really true."

Makes sense. But my current question is "for how long should I sustain my effort (I.e. do tasks that I don't enjoy but are necessary to achieve what I want) before being sure that I don't actually want to achieve that?"

Example: I believe that I want to make a living by crafting and selling my own software product (a.k.a. being a solopreneur / indie hacker). So I started doing it, and now I realize that, while I love solving a problem for my prospective clients and myself (i.e. programming teachers) by developing the software, I procrastinate as soon as I have to reach new clients and work on business development and marketing tasks. Does that mean that I'm pursuing the wrong goal? Or does the fact that I started doing it confirms that I should accept the struggle? If so, for how long should I sustain these efforts?

Do you have any clues / directions to suggest in that matter?

Joe Biden said something related that's stuck with me:
"Don't tell me what you value. Show me your budget and I will tell you what you value."
Ha! Another nice twist on it. — Derek

Ideas come and go. It's part of our lives. When the timing is right, we act immediately. So in this sense, I agree that actions reveal values.

On the other hand, some ideas just have a longer process of "incubation" - an important puzzle piece might be missing, and that's why you feel like something is holding you back.

All in all, I believe it's about living in the moment - anything that is not a clear YES should be a NO. And who knows whether this NO turns into a YES in the future? We don't have to worry about it now, we can trust the flow of life...

That's so true, but also -as you taught us ;)- the opposite can be true.
In this case you're not taking into account 'Resistance', fear of failure, self-esteem, ecc.
I totally agree that actions tramps words; words don't make things. But we are weak and not always we do what we'd really like to do.

So when writing down our list of priorities We should edit It analyzing our actual actions on each one. Just to stop fooling ourselves. Then take action. Or not.

You've heard the saying, action speaks louder than words. Very true, intending to do something but not doing it for fear of failure, is failure already. Procrastination can be your ruination. If you try and fail, at least you will know that you tried, not trying will leave you wondering, what if.

Hi Derek,

I shared on facebook ifudofhumanrights
best regards
Jan

Although I agree with the point of the article and has inspired me to start one of my goals for 2017, to learn Italian, sometimes the timing is not right a great idea you want to pursue. Or in my case, the people/company that I am working with which I can't pull of the idea(private label Italian wine)without are slow in responding or non responsive makes the IDEA had to pull off. I feel good that the things I do have control of like getting my level 2 WSET Sommelier Certificate (which I studied for 6 weeks online and took test Tuesday) and learning more about cooking (interning at famous Philly restaurant) are happing. But I do face one major problem...Time in the day.
With Muckworks..is a timing thing? Which is different than no action proving you don't want to do it? I have more things I want to accomplish like Celebrity Kitchens Cooking School. I tried this Winter to pull it off but logistically it didn't work out. Its on back burner but does that mean it won't happen because the action has stopped. Or does it?
BTW I really enjoy you insight, articles and links to articles and would love to see more of these.

Is putting this into words part of the problem? Or is that an action?

Couldn't agree more, Derek: actions speak louder than words!

I'd add bank statements can be revealing, too. How we spend our money can offer insights as to what we value and how we prioritise certain decisions.

Inspirational article - always.

I'm pretty sure I read a post of yours about the importance of not talking about something you want to do because it just won't happen...

Also, want is closely related to need. E.g. losing your job with vs without a cushion can yield very different actions!

Spent so much time beating myself up for not doing the things I thought I wanted to do. Turns out those things are merely interests...and that's ok.

Great to have you back.

This is true on a theoretical level but in practice human psychology comes into play as well. Many people are blocked, by fear, neurosis, circumstances etc from accomplishing or even effectively attempting what they genuinely want. The answer from you coach is still accurate, but for many the key is overcoming these barriers to wants. Or maybe that's all bullshit and obfuscation from accepting that one's wants may not be what they think they are? 😀

Hi Derek,
I had a similar revelation watching Batman Begins with Christian Bale. There is a scene when Bruce Wayne is coming out of the hotel after dinner and swimming in the water fountain. Bruce and Katie Holmes' character (Rachel) bump into each other after not having seen each other For many years. Bruce tries to explain his sophomoric actions to Rachel, but Rachel responds by saying "...it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you". Crap! That hit me like a bolt of lightning. Of course there is a yin and yang to this statement. If you think negative thoughts but don't act upon them then the experience you express to others is positive (assuming you're not dripping with sleeze ;o). The other side is, if you have all these wonderful thoughts of helping people but never do anything, you are simply ordinary. Deep thoughts for a Friday morning. Would love to grab a cup of coffee if you are ever in NYC. I read your book shortly after I started my engineering company. As the Irish say, we'd have great craic! Cheers!

So true. I also started a new company last year and it is not at the place where I've expected it to be because of other priorities.

One thing to add though; this doesn't mean it is not important any more. It's just on another level. Accept that, make slow progress if you still want it to happen. You're still fine!
Only kill it if you look at other priorities and see it is totally irrelevant!

Thanks for dropping this gem. (words)

Will share (action)

I needed to hear this. Thank you. Your timing was perfect.

Agreed 100%. I heard what you said in a similar fashion many years ago. It went like this.

Most people are a member of NATO... no action talk only.

So true! Thabk you Derek for sharing. Now we can all get to living the lives we want! :)

My Pop preached the same message to me since I was a kid: "Actions speak louder than words."

twitter.com/leroygardner/status/875682472096223232

Truth. I will know you by your actions. Thanks again as usual for reinforcing this.

Love it! In a world of overly erudite, long winded blogs, yours is a breath of fresh air

I really need this :).

Wow, an amazing idea, and very very true. Thanks for sharing that :)

Although this is true, the solution is usually not as simple as "just trying harder", and there are areas where we just can't face the truth and give up.

I would recommend checking out the book "Immunity to Change" by Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey, two professors from Harvard's Graduate School of Education.

They have designed a very powerful and effective process to deal with our internal dilemmas, our "immunities to change", which is especially important to apply in those areas where we must change.

For a summarized version, you can check their HBR article "The Real Reason People Won't Change".

I hope this is useful.

Love this Derek. I have a friend who is always talking about losing weight and all his plans for making it happen. I always nodded and was supportive for years. One day I matter of fact(ly) looked up and said "No you aren't." He hesitated and was like what? I stated I'd been listening to him say the same stuff for years and it was ok. Me being the fitness type maybe he felt it was what I wanted to hear. I reminded him it was his life and to do what he wanted. This motivated him more than any encouragement I ever gave him. This was a good friend and I am a blunt guy but sometimes calling people we care about out is necessary. It's actually a rare quality I seek in my friends. To have the courage to call me out on my own bs. Anyway, thank you for the write-up Derek. Starting my day off right! :)

Rob

You might want to check www.getleverage.com. It's a virtual assistant service, mainly for entrepreneurs. They do a good job, so it might be a good benchmark.

So simple, so obvious, and yet many people never figure this out. There are TWO minds in your head, two brains. One is the feeling side (your subconscious) the other is the thinking side (conscious mind). Some people refer to these as "Head and Heart."

Set your goals with your heart, make your plans with your head. Plans made by the heart usually fail and goals set by the head rarely satisfy.

Your subconscious mind can't speak, but wow can it make its choices felt! I often tell my friends who are struggling to be happy, "Better pay attention to what your heart wants because you'll be miserable until you do."

And yes, all you need to discover what you really want is to watch your own actions.

Good post, Derek! :)

It is time to be truthful with yourself. That is the great richness in life. New times and vibrations . Feelings for your truth is a more valuable action. Thanks Derek.
Anaya

I think this could be a great practice for people like me, who tend to have lots of ideas and constantly pick one up, examine it for a while, then put it back down and do the same with the others. Over & Over & Over.

Seems like a great way to finally clear this stuff out of your mind by finding out if it really has a place there. Then you can see what you really want much clearer.

You said “Yes, I do! This is really important to me!” "I had been fooling myself for years, telling myself I wanted to do this, but my actions prove otherwise. Yes I want it a little bit, but I want something else more."

I have several online work projects that are important to me - and at the same time - have had so many other projects in life going on that it has been impossible to complete everything that I have to do. Yes, they are my real priorities.
I believe women have so many things that compete for their attention - that they are slaves to so many masters, we realize that TIME is something you need to deal with and learn to keep going - keep working at it - even when you think things are never going to happen and are at a stand still.
Timing - being in touch with times - doing things ahead of time or too late... there is right place and a right time - who knows if you stalled out for a good reason!
I will continue - I will keep going - as long as I believe in the work there is no deadline I need to meet except my own desire to see it done.
No one is the boss of me. I am the only one who decides when I'm finished, I don't give a shit what someone else thinks about my actions. Fuck them!

I think it was Willie Nelson that said "dream it, believe it, live it"

Does your coach know me?
This must be why I got an extension for my taxes and now have (almost) forgotten August is coming . . .

Truth. For a while I've been announcing my values to people I love and being defensive. I love when I see myself being defensive because it uncovers an inconsistency in my self. Here, I saw my thoughts were not aligned with my actions.

It's been tough but I'm applying Kaizen to move my actions toward what I want to be, and so far it's been very refreshing! I'm doing more of what I want and I don't see the trend stopping. Still I have certain ideas of what I want which I will have to release as they are no longer who I am. It's hard because for some reason, whether it be vested effort or emotional appeal, I am attached in my identity to valuing these things even when it's beyond their time.

This article has served as a good reminder to continue on this path!

Love it - this and Ego is the Enemy. You have a subtle and nice way of encouraging. Thank you.

I agree - up to a point. I think about it like this - our actions show our values. AND we often have competing values. For example, we may value feeling comfortable over feeling scared. And taking action towards creating this new project is scary. So we choose not to in order to stay comfortable.

It's not that we don't value the new project, it's that we value comfort MORE. Knowing that, seeing that can be very empowering - because we can choose to build different values. We can choose to increase one value and decrease the other. We can work on valuing the right kind of discomfort - for example.

With awareness comes choice.

Man... this article hit me straight to the heart.

I didn't know you experienced that too. Actually, I spent 10 years of my youth trying to establish myself as a recording artist in Singapore but it's just really challenging getting the bills paid. Singapore doesn't really support local music talent like our South East Asian neighbours. I always tell myself that once I have saved enough money I'll do music full-time but I never did. Once I had the opportunity to, I went to work in the tech industry instead. I learned to like it.

Only this year did I realise it's actually my ego that didnt want to part ways with the decade spent on my music. When I searched myself deep down, I didn't really want to be a music artist (as hard as it is to admit). I found out I'm more passionate about entrepreneurship and the path where it will lead.

For a few years, my music peers look at me like I'm washed up. When in actual fact, I just found my REAL passion. My actions proved it.

I struggle with this a lot at times too. I have notebooks filled of books I'll never finish, at least five different business ideas that I wanted to try at one point, and half a dozen places I want to visit around the world.

I remind myself of this joke fairly regularly. It helps to avoid traps like this and it's funny as hell too :) http://aumamen.com/joke/sadhguru-jaggi-vasudev-bullshit-joke
This guy is my hero.

I've been looking for a mentor for years- (so I tell myself) Now you come full circle- I've got the talent, but not necessarily the skills to properly promote my music- Would you like to be my promotional mentor?
See FAQ">sive.rs/faq#mentor">FAQ on mentor. Sorry! — Derek

This is one that is already integrated into my life and behavior--but it took over 70 years for me to "get it."

Now, at 75 years of life, every day begins a new chapter -- and there may not be any apparent segue from the day before.

My father repeatedly and enthusiastically encouraged me to always finish what I started.

He also gave me other bad advice, like "Money doesn't grow on trees." Fortunately for all those who love fruit, orchardists never bought into that idea.

When a young child is engaged in something, and a butterfly flutters by, odds are the child will experience the freedom to abandon the activity in favor of chasing the butterfly -- right up to the point where they encounter that huge bumblebee taking pollen from a blossom.

With even the least capacity for awareness, we cannot help but be a bit envious of the joy being experienced by the child.

I allowed myself to be distracted by "duty" for over 65 years.

Now I am back to figuratively chasing butterflies and studying bumblebees.

I highly recommend it!

YES! This is so true. I learned a HUGE lesson in 2016 in leadership of a large company. The lesson was based along the same lines. You judge what you do/ don't do by your intentions. People judge what you do/don't do by your actions. It's all they can see, they don't see your reasons, excuses, intention, mindset... all they see are your actions and we have to learn to see ourselves in the same way, through our actions for they will reveal where we place our value.

Great post Derek!

~Dirk

This is the best article that I have read from you that will stick to me for a long time; maybe I also miss having to receive a thought from you but it's your life and you do what's important to you.

Most of all, the reason why it will stick is because it is something I needed to hear and I respect you enough to hear it and push me to action right now.

Thanks Derek for this article again and for the inspiration. Wishing you peace and love.

Hello Derek, I agree with what your old coach said. One can say he's thinking of doing something, and never do it. But,actions speak louder than words. This is true value.

This article perfectly complements the old and famous one: sive.rs/multiply

'' Your actions show you what you actually want.''

That's for America. Not for the rest of the world. HOPEFULLY.

I agree, but I've also seen many examples of people whose actions and behavior changed overnight once they realized it was OK to do what they really wanted. They were not doing what they really wanted until after they had that realization. Pressure from family, society, and early conditioning can dictate our actions even more strongly than our latent true desires.

I'm just saying this to be the Devil's advocate, because I do think you're spot on for most of us. Lately I've been trying to figure out what I should be doing, and your post just showed me that I'm already doing it.

As the 2nd Star Wars movie, "Do or do not, there is no try"
Try to pick up your phone you will never do it!
You pick it up or you don't pick it up and it is that plain and simple!
THank you for this as I talk it to so many people to stop lying to themselves, get it done for forget it!
Take care keep safe and enjoy Life....

after traveling and volunteering with Mother Teresa an her sisters for 25 years, serving the poor I lived the talk!

Derek you always walk in loving service to all, always!

Agree. I've been busting ass trying to make the changes that I want, and have been admitting that other things aren't important right now. A /now list with weekly time commitments helped me really cement that. If I want more than two hobbies I have to be willing to pursue them slowly, and that's ok, as long as I'm happy with it.
And I revisit the list semi-frequently, because if I'm not happy then I need to rebalance.
I'm really only happy if I'm learning and challenging myself and my capabilities.

This post is spot on.

For a little validation, check out Bernard Roth's ( co-founder and academic director of Stanford University's d.school) talk at the Stanford Tech Ventures lecture series here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR8LQTfLvfw

Some good excerpts at 9:30 min (are you thinking about the right problem?), 25:45 min, 27:50 (all reasons are bullshit),42:44 min (nobody is signing up for your workshop)...

Js

A horse will always tell you what’s on his mind by where his feet take him.
If he simply looks away when you’re working with him, it’s almost guaranteed he wants to get away.

I’ve learned to apply this to people.

Instead of listening and believing every spoken word, I take a step back and look at what their feet are telling me.

When someone tells me something and then does the opposite, I’m learning that the real truth is revealed by watching their feet.

If you tell me you want to be here, but you’re always over there… that’s the truth.

If you tell me you want to quit something, but you’re always doing it… that’s the truth.

If you tell that you want to start something, but never start… that’s the truth.

Until someone’s feet line up with their words they aren’t serious about what they’re saying…yet.

So I wait for the sign.

I’ve learned that the majority of people never get aligned, but the ones who do…watchout!

They are the ones who are really making things happen.

(An excerpt from a blog I wrote about 3 weeks ago. I thought it was neat that we are saying the same thing...except I learned from working with horses 😊)
☺ Great horse comparison! Thanks Jodi. — Derek

Circumstances in life can make you put your dreams and goals in life on a back burner. But you should revive them as soon as you can, and move forward again.

For example, I just got kicked in the balls after investing 10k and 2 years of part-time work into a startup that was on the verge of an angel investment. The issue was, that the startup didn't solve a big enough problem, and we discovered that right before the investment check would have cleared. I had to tell the investors, the team, and most heart-breakingly, my wife, that I had failed.

At least I didn't have to do it after burning through $20 million in investor funds.

It took months of misery to get the courage back up, but the ideas didn't stop. Just my actions.

I am now coming out of it, and working on something bigger, better, and closer to my heart.

It can be the same for any other circumstance, a death, divorce, accident, but we beat ourselves up for failure.

But, as Derek says, you have to look at your actions and output. I have tried a lot in the past, and some have been successes, and some failures. If you consider that output and action, then that is a success.

Derek,
This stirred me and I can really see how making excuses is such a waste of time/energy.
So I shall watch for that roadsign "making excuses" to remind me that I probably want something different.
Always is appreciation of your genius,
Oya

Wonderful Derek, it seems that you have let my heart opened and write.
But the thing which i found the most difficult is to actually understood what we actually wants. I have so many start up proposals but struggling hard to give them a shape.

Life is always morphing. We can make plans but we can't plan it all out.

This one is good, Derek!

I've been pondering the same issue - what a lot of bullshiting I'm talking myself. Actions show your priorities. Some are good others bad... any way Thanks.

Derek.
With the comoing post-job economy, you will be helping humanity if you focus on your productive non-business pursuits. As we've all been hearing, with the coming AI revolution, most of us won't have jobs in the future. How will we spend our time? You can be one of the pioneers, providing one model or template for how to live life in a post job world. So, keep doing what you've been doing. It's going to help us all out!!

Ouch! Truth hurts!

Heya Derek,
your old coach is not correct by saying you dont want it! You clearly do want it :) What he means to be saying is you dont want it, the whole package including bearing the opportunity costs involved, more than the status quo.

I think what you want is the reward ,money, sense of accomplishment, the being helpful to others and all the other things you value highly.
What you dont want is the combination of all that PERCEIVED positive stuff in relation to bearing the PERCEIVED costs, probably for you personally, Derek, mostly opportunity costs:
Less writing,
less Learning,
not being able to spend as much time with your loved ones, etc.

But you can only choose one package and it seems that the "simple life" package is the one that you wanted more up to this point of time :)

This idea cuts through all the wishy-washy stuff in our lives. When I feel unmotivated to move towards a goal it is because I am chasing after other people's goals or acceptance from others. Basically, it's not what I truly believe in... yet. I think it is easy to look around and see what other people are doing and their successes and want that for ourselves. Or we like the idea of something. For instance, I always say I want to be more generous, but is that because I want the perception of me to be a generous person or is it because I truly believe in generosity? I think we can work towards believing in something but we need to try it first. Just like you said. Try it and see if it's true. Thanks for the truthful words.

Absolutely spot on. Stop talking, start doing.

This reminds me one of your previous stuff 'zipit' sive.rs/zipit :)

I'm lucky! I have no job, a thousand documented failures that prove I do the work and an imaginary dog everybody is jealous of because I don't have to pick up his poop! When I do work as a comedian, artist, writer or babysitter I get to vent my frustrations on paper on stage or in somebody else's backyard. That saves a lot of money on therapy. I'm thinking of starting another house painting company but this time I plan on asking the owners first. Peace

MUCKWORKS!!! I so want you to launch it for all my musician friends out there. But I hear what your coach is saying.
I finally quit my Corporate job. I also resigned from my Musician Manager job. I am taking time off. I kept saying I want to do something different in the Arts (for me) and this is it - I am doing it. Thank you for sharing words of wisdom. May we have courage to put them into action in our lives.

Basically you're saying "Deeds, not words" which was the motto of the Air Rescue Service. Very true statement.

Thanks for the reminder of the old adage, " Actions speak louder than words."
I needed the wake up call.
Oh, and ego or not, thank you for speaking out to us all again. You really are important! I would say it's fear stemming from ego that causes us to withdraw. That old fear of failing thing. Fail already! Some advice I got from a sage. Be well and know that you are remarkable!

Just a quick note to say thanks. I'm going to try option 2: start doing what you say you really want, and see if it's true. Great reframe. So simple.

This is gospel!

As a actively retired heroin addict, I get calls often from junkies that say they are desperate to quit. They are about to loose their families, careers, etc. and it's now or never. What I've learned over the years of counseling addicts (and reflecting on my own addiction) is that it doesn't much matter what they say or what they're about to loose. Most opioid addicts are so because they've faced some serious trauma in their lives and opioids have allowed them to continue with life not having to dwell on or deal with the trauma.

The only time an opiate addict will quit is when it becomes their highest priority to do so. When it gets to the point of "I'd rather die than use again" they are finally ready, willing, and able to quit. This happens when either a: the past trauma has healed through either counseling or (more likely) enough time has passed OR b: the addiction has spawned a greater trauma than the trauma it was used to "cover up".

the pic you chose is amazing. and i couldn't agree more with the post. i use this same example to illustrate energy vs. time. "i don't have time to ...."

Read a book in the 80's by Harold Geneen, Managing. The final chapter included this quote:

It is an immutable law in business that
words are words,
explanations are explanations,
promises are promises
-but only performance is reality.

I'm struggling a lot with these kind of situations, setting for myself wrong/fake objectives. Wrong in the sense that they do not reflect my profound needs and wishes. And although I can see with my mind that are fake, unreal for me, still it's difficult to accept the fact that they are nor my real needs/wishes. The reason why it's so difficult is that I like too much the idea (of doing something, of being something), it really flatters my self-image. But this inflated ego doesn't determine action, at least not in my case.

The same should hold true in intimate relationships. However, some people will say they have a specific "love language." If you don't meet their "love language" things don't work.

I'm much more of an action oriented person. So the words don't mean as much. Despite actions, someone else might be more of a words person where actions don't mean as much.

Actions only speak louder than words if you want to get things done. Actions unfortunately won't mean much to someone that wants to constantly be told affirmations.

So true Derek and great to have this reinforced. I have always believed that other's should be judged by their actions, not their thoughts or their words, but somehow I forgot to apply this to thoughts about myself.

We should all pay closer attention to what we DO, not what we think/say because what we do constantly reveals our true priorities.

Thanks for this post; it's a super timely reminder for me that I really needed to hear.

I think that an explanation about why muckwork is so appealing to so many musicians and then why it ain't gonna happen would be be both very useful and revealing.

Let me add to this conversation. I've learned a very neat distinction over the years i.e. we all have multiple values that are deeply embedded in our psychological system and are mostly causing our actions. We also have a hierarchy within these multiple values. So for me, authenticity & peace of mind are very important (my no. 2 & 3) but never will I compromise on freedom/independence (my no. 1) even if it was at the cost of authenticity. And I can quote instances from my life where I exhibited such behaviour.
So one takeaway is that sometimes we actually want something we say we want, but it may be in conflict with one of our higher values. Tony Robbins talks about such value conflicts in Awaken the Giant Within & how crippling they can be for a person.
Conversely, resolving such conflicts through out of the box & creative solutions can lead to a state Tony refers to as 'congruence' where huge amount of motivation unleashes itself and the person starts taking action.
Let me know if someone have any views on it.

this's me right now... or I must say, this is me since 2009 when I said I would like to have a blog and write about my journey in NZ.
Yep, I'm in NZ and I do not have a blog yet. My lack of action makes my "words" disappear... I keep making excuses and giving power to "procrastination".
That's why I don't believe in myself as I use to. I don't have words for my words...
no actions, no results... no values...

Thanks for the reminder on this, Derek! I have been talking about something for a looong time as well.

Ok, i want to study more, but i don't usually do that.

But if i traveled to a peaceful place that i really like, i start studying without even thinking about it.

So, do i really want to study or not?

The best way to start doing what you really want to do is to: START NOW!
The best way to stop doing what you don't want to do is to: STOP NOW!
If you say you can; you're right!
If you say you can't; you're right again!

While I agree with you, (and it can be completely true) I also believe that we can want something that we're just not READY to do yet, for whatever the reason.

For example, I've been telling myself that I wanted to make a new solo record for a year or two, but I hadn't done it. Finally, I started it a couple weeks ago and it's going strong. Why now and not two years ago? Who knows. But really, I think I just wasn't ready until now.

My two cents...
xoxo

This is a great insight; staring at you in the face but not very apparent unless you stop believing the excuses your mind is making up all the time, If only I had .......(fill in the blanks) I would do it. How do you get over this mental excuse machine?

Ha sounds like me but I am happy to dream and muck on (:

Thanks for the post Derek. It's great to hear from you again.

I like the idea that through everything, we're all exactly where we want to be. We may claim to want a new job. Or we may say we want to launch a new business. But we just don't want it enough to take the risks. Or invite the possible sacrifices.

It's a good reminder that the main thing holding us back is our own inaction. And we can either own it or change it.

Reminds me of what Yoda said: "Do or do not, there is no try."

So have you taken action on MuckWork to see if it's what you really want or have you let it go? Very curious

Yeah buddy. Hell yes or fuck no.

I remember my advisor at the school on engineering in Madison asking "Do you really want to be an engineer?" as I was on the verge of getting kicked out. I said "yeah, I really want to be an engineer", so he wrote a letter to the Dean and persevered a couple more years and got my BS in Engineering Mechanics. Haven't used it one bit. I play bass in a Guns N' Roses Tribute. I'm a musician. It's who I am and want to be.
☺ — Derek

Love it. Ready to do that even in the strong waves of change. Moving. :)

Oh wow. That’s true.

How do you know when it's a question of what you value, versus some other form of head trash like fear?

Wow - I feel a bit annoyed for not reading this earlier. It truly outlines what things have taken priority despite whats being said out loud.

Seems like a good time to repriotise those goals and to keep focused.

As always thabks for sharing Derek!

What about those who DO live by, and silently communicate, their values through a thousand and one daily dedicated actions - which prevent them from doing what they long to be doing?

I agree. I see a lot of people (including myself) saying that they want to do something but in reality, they kind of want it.

The ability to execute depends on our intrinsic motivation which is not easy to develop. For me, to make myself intrinsically motivated I use tools like:

1. Meaning: Knowing our 'why' is crucial. Sometimes, I create meaning in my mind even if it's not present in reality. I like to tell myself stories.

2. Awareness: If I'm not informed about the potential benefits or drawbacks of action/inaction, I don't execute. Self-reflection or research helps me in this case.

3. Ownership: I tie my values to a certain action. The actions become part of who I am. I take full responsibility for my actions.

4. Feelings: When I do something which is hard, I feel proud. I always try to remind myself of the feeling I will get after executing.

5. Empowerment: I have an extreme desire to always get better. When an action/inaction tries to drag me down, I let it go. I like to get closer to my higher self everyday.

These tools help me to develop intrinsic motivation to do anything I want. Having said that, sometimes I function just like another imperfect human being. Those times, I forgive myself and get back on track.

You're spot on. It is much easier to fantasize about and imagine what we want, and what we think we want, than it is to break the inertia and make a decision to act on what we want. The mind can't do if the body won't move. The mind thinks about acting, but it is the body that acts (pushes a button, opens a door, etc.). If the body won't act then something inside us does not want us to, and thus means that whatever we thought we wanted really isn't what we want at all.

Speaking truth. Excellent insight.

"Our actions always reveal our real values."

Thanks for sending this, as you've been MIA by choice a long while.

EGO : perhaps...trying to live within ones Core nature is key, knowing difference between good and bad ego whilst being Confident, Vulnerable and Happy in a challenging Professional and Personal world

ACTIONS : important to see though to core of Why a person makes a certain Action --- is it due to absolute Necessity or Need or Outside Influences or just Want Want Want

WRITING : Absolutely, must have Translator co writer

PARENTING : Best 18 years of my eventful life thus far. Like coaching, it's for Both, yet always ultimately for Child -- parent thru their eyes is wise...boundaries and privileges...support what they do

Ain't you going to credit Gandhi for bring this up first?

and give yourself permission to not do something just because it's what others expect you to do

Interesting post.. it reminds me of how I never told a soul about the book I was writing because I wanted to make it happen before ever talking about it, and when I published it, close relatives kept saying they never knew I was even writing a book, and that's when I said if I had talked about it, it may have never happened, mainly because people would have kept asking me if it's done, and the more I would have said it wasn't done, the more that would have become the reality.

Quite relevant for me at this point in my life, thanks Derek, you are a legend ))

Check out Klemmer and Associates seminars. They have a free one called Champions. Great material along the same line you just wrote.

In the end, it's not the work you've done but how
you have affected the people in your life.

Agreed. I was once told that RESULTS=INTENTION. I don't believe in being a victim of my own life; how things are are exactly how I want them to be, for whatever nefarious reasons I may have. Recently I bought a new phone - a Pixel. I decided I was going to treat myself to a new phone 9 months ago. I decided on the Pixel around 6 months ago. But I still waited just a little longer for no reason at all, except maybe I just wanted to enjoy thinking about it a little longer. Perhaps this is how you feel about Muckwork. People criticize procrastination & mental masturbation, but... I don't think I know anyone who doesn't find masturbation enjoyable. lol

What can I say....You finally did it! You look great in that tutu!!!

Actions are what we're actually graded on. However, at 77, I still have things on my bucket list that have not been fulfilled, but it's not TIME yet. I promised myself when I was younger with children to raise and partner in a family owned/run sales and marketing business, I'd give these things all my energy..but at which time my children were grown and gone, I'd go back to music performance and try my luck at writing and recording. And I did just that. That's about the time I met YOU! Wow... At some point, when I slow down a bit, I want to do more photography... I'm joining Bugles across America to play Taps at Veteran's funerals (National Cemetery here in Dallas or other areas). Was a band manjor..trumpet and French horn...The time is almost right.. I'm working on my chops now! Still singin and swingin occasionally.. still playing on senior olympics basketball team.. but still have a few things I want to do...and when the time is right, I'll do them! Absolutely! I totally get your point. Don't talk about it, DO IT! best to you, kay s. KC - Singin' and Swingin her Own Tunes.

Good one

My desk, piles high, with the work that is calling, while my guitar gently weeps.

I agree with your philosophy, Derek. Self-confidence makes it easier, too.
Looking forward to reading your other inputs.

sometimes our real priorities are deep and rich, and 'good enough is good enough'. I sometimes suggest to friends to "Lower your expectations...lower...nope, even lower. There you go."

Self reflection and honest dealings with ourselves...leads to good stuff.

Love this Derek. Truly agree with this point of thinking we want something but really don't know until we take action and just do it. I just started doing live chats on Facebook a little over a month ago because a part of me for years keep saying I want to be a life coach and my friend who I respect said to try it out on an broad outlet first, to see if I actually like doing it. Well, I gotta say, I love incorporating it into my present music career. It's been wonderful. Not sure how it's all gonna unfold, but I'm willing to continue this path to see what comes out of it. Thanks for sharing on this topic.

Sometimes fear of failure or success can stop you in your tracks too.

YES. About time someone said (or wrote about) it.

My friends ask me:
"How do I lose weight?"
"How do I start a business?"
"How do I..."

I say:
"You need to WANT it first."

Thanks for the insight Derek, this gave me some much needed clarity about my priorities. Excellent post.

Simple but true.

Action!!!!
There's a lot of people who wants to play the keyboard for example"! because it looks like fun, and you woud want to show your friends that you can play! But do you really have the passion for it? Because it's two different thing! Until you start trying to play ,you're going realize if it's something you want that bad! How many times you see someone start college for a subject and two years in it they realize that's not what they want! It was a waste of time! Sometimes your action is just an ego! So apply action to your passion that's going to be your true value!!

Derek. Remember Mark Mansons story about not becoming a rock star? It was the very same conclusion that he came to. I'm sure you have, you've discussed him before. Cathal

This one offers a harsh judgment on the individual who fails - simply because he or she lacks the confidence - the conviction that what he or she desires is the most important thing that should be addressed. Many great artists "failed" - and are failing today in the eyes of the world - because although they may have the passion to dedicate and apply their talents to creative ideas and projects the do not have the single minded ambition to put all else in life aside in order to achieve
Public, material success in their fields

Another great point Derek, you have really become the wise man on the mountain

Absolutely true for me.

I feel that our actions are the mirror of our subconscious.
Our thoughts belong to the conscious mind.

When the subconscious wants something it leads all our actions towards that outcome and therefore we act, we are inspired to do that particular thing.

When the conscious mind wants something it needs motivation which is a very weak form of energy.

I feel that doing what you feel leads to a better quality of life for you and the people around you.

Wish you all the best!

So, so true. Thanks.

Sometimes we take a word which is a verb and make it into a noun or adjective. For example love is not something we name but something we do; it is an action verb. It has to constantly be acted upon in order to be love.

It's kinda like there's two answers to the question what do you really want. One answer is for the future and one is for right now. Which reminds me I should stop reading emails and go back to practicing music.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS
Derek... I have been reading too much microfiction. :)

I'm glad you are still sharing with us Derek. Do you think maybe there are digrees of want / desire though. As you were hinting at with the "haven't quit yet" analogy. Sometime's jut because we don't yet have a result to point to, we may be on the path to something like a new business...even if not the top priority.
So the proof in the pudding philosophy may not be as binary as "yes or no". But hey what do I know? I takes me a year to release a single,song on Spotify.

Hope you're well and thanks for continuing to do what you do.

Allan

Yes.

I've thought on these things.
I observe my behaviors.
There may be conflict, but I know, we are known by our fruits.

Love you, M.

Oh, so true! Thankfully I am living most of what I say is important. Now to that which I say is important but haven't yet done it!

Derek, I just read each of your four "short posts."

Conclusion: short posts, filled with truth, are sooner read and longer remembered than long posts filled with fluff.

So hey, keep them short and honest. And keep them coming. Long live the truth and the messenger who honors it. Nuff said. - Tony Brigmon (tonybrigmon.com)

Reminds me of this quote:

"What You Do Speaks so Loudly That I Cannot Hear What You Say" Ralph Waldo Emerson

LOL...I'v asked you about this now and then. Time to do my own Muckwork."

One thing I think I've learned after 60+ years on this planet: You always get what you want the most.

The problem, of course, is that we often don't realise or admit what it is that we really want the most.

Your point exactly. Well said!

I keep saying to myself, " I have to vocalize every day. I have to play guitar every day." But weeks go by and not a note! I'm 67 and I say I don't want to lose my voice or guitar chops, but...is this true? I'm going to find out starting today!

Action speaks louder than words! Always has and always will.

Great one D. Super relevant and true. My words mean so much less than my actions with my kid.

Absolutely, I've been living by this rule since my divorce. Thanks for sharing these life tips Derek 🤜🏾💯

I agree Derek. I have procrastinated since 2004 on a follow up album to my original project. I have continued to make excuses (mostly financial) on why I haven't started. Actions do speak louder than words. A motto I have even accepted as my own creed. I guess, not so much.

I dreamed of starting the worlds first recovery talk and positive music radio station for years but until I put feet to my dream it didn't happen. Now it's been broadcasting for 14 years.
-The Monty'man

Derek, I am reminded of a scene in Seinfeld, where Jerry asks George how can he tell a lie and beat a polygraph test that he has to take as a contest about watching a TV show "Melrose Place" that he told an attractive police lady that he never watches. George is an avowed liar that is an expert. George tells Jerry that he can't explain how to do it, because it would be like explaining how to play a Beethoven symphony to a novice. Jerry gets ready to leave and George shares a little secret about lying successfully. He states that if you truly believe something in your heart, no matter how great lie it is, then you aren't really lying.

I am also reminded of watching a scene from a homesteader on TV, who chose to live out in the country with little influence from society. He talked about getting his children to experience live with no marketing slant on how we get our food. Case in point, he showed the camera crew how he kills chickens for their supper. He said that he wanted to be as humane as possible, and had invented a metal cone with a small opening at the end. He took one of the hens from the yard, and gently put her into the cone, head first so that only her head was sticking out at the bottom. He did not actually kill her, in this demonstration, but said that he would cut her head off and she would bleed to death with no wild flailing about. I was immediately reminded of my grandfather who I grew up next door, and had 50 or so chickens. He had been raised out in the country in a very desolate part of N.C.. He had a very hard early life. He was a skilled artistic painter, who was one of the 1st pin stripers who worked for Ford Motor Co. His job was to hand stripe the most expensive Ford's coming off the assembly line in Norfolk VA. He only had a 3rd grade education. When Ford no longer needed him, he went to work for the US Navy, and when he told them that was a painter, they put him to work to by painting furniture and to paint the insides of those ships coming in for repair. It was dangerous work due to the fumes. He developed emphysema which eventually killed him. Getting back to the chicken story, When he needed to kill a chicken for supper for his family, he would catch one, and put its head on a chopping block and while holding the bird with one hand, he would hold an axe in the other, and chop her head off. I remember one time I was watching and he did not make a clean cut and when he tried to put her in the orange crate box, she got away from him and started flying around in a circle, with blood spurting while her head was dangling down as she flew. I remember she was a white chicken, so the crimson red on her white feathers made it very vivid scene.

I know that this story is straying from the original question of do actions, not words, reveal our real values? I submit that as humans, we are very astute at rationalizing actions, vs. values. How many of us think about how the chicken in our take out box, led her life and how she met her end. We never think about it. I do remember my parents always said grace to the eternal one, to thank that entity for the meal they were about to partake. This is almost never done, and most people find it quaint nowadays.

This innocent sounding question that you have put out there has profound implications. People gloss over details of what they want to do vs. what they really do. I think that is one of the reasons that people are so influenced by propaganda, and are led astray by people who claim to have a good idea, or are telling the absolute truth, when all they are really doing is playing to a rationalization that sounds good, until the idea starts being implemented, and things start going awry. Derek, I know I sound a little cynical. Perhaps I am. Still, I am skeptical about intentions vs. good deeds or people with a hankering to do something, but never do it. Some people only approach life on a case by case basis. They love intrigue as much as they love insight, or lack of sight. frankie

Great point Derek. Reminds me of a quote from the book Rework by Jason Freid: "When you want something bad enough, you make the time - regardless of your other obligations. The truth is most people just don't want it bad enough. Then they protect their ego with the excuse of time.

That photo is actually not a photo. It's a photoshoppery.

I was going to spend a long time creating a deep and meaninful comment about this subject, as it is in fact something that came up last night, watching an episode of "Granchester," which takes place in the '50s. It struck me that people often found it very difficult to do things that seem easy nowadays when we don't have the same social pressures. Anyway, to cut a long story short, it made me think that so often we don't take the action because we don't believe it can succeed, and we don't believe it can succeed because we don't have an established framework in which to base that action. For example, I think of myself as a musician/artist and and often underplay my ability to market my talents. So my question is do I really not want to do that, or am I simply afraid of being unsuccesful at it? And now, I am going to stop talking, and go do all the stuff I need to do today.

This is an interesting point and I agree with it to an extent. I'm not entirely convinced that people lie to themselves about their "real priorities". There's a reason we procrastinate. It could be because deep down we know we just don't have the available time and energy needed. I believe that rational, logical people tend to establish their priorities in a particular order that is most often governed by necessity. One's economic situation (for right or wrong),usually sits at the top of the "necessity" pyramid. Your fixed and variable monthly expenses are "x", there are certain deliverables you must execute in order to achieve the compensation required to meet or surpass your financial commitments. Most people need to spend a certain number of hours per day, per week, per month "working" in order for this equation to "balance out". Let's assume that to accomplish this, it takes an average of 38 to 40 hours per week. Then, if a person has children, assume another 18 to 20 hours a week dedicated to them, preparing their meals, their hobbies, driving them to activities or being involved in activities etc. House work to do (laundry, vacuum, cleaning bathrooms (5 hours a week). As we get older we all learn that we need to exercise - at least 4 to 5 times a week. A few friends you like to have lunch with now and then? Another 3 - 5 hours a week. A hobby? Play a musical instrument? Have a book on the go? Have to mow the lawn? Weed the garden? Take out the recycling? Do groceries again? Like to watch the odd movie, sporting event or TV show to unwind? Add another 6 - 7 hours a week. I sleep well, so I tend to get a minimum of 8 hrs a night for optimum focus and health. 9 on weekends. There are only 168 hours in a week. Total. Subtract 60 for sleep (108). Minus 40 for work obligations (68). Keep going. Subtract all the hours. For me, it quickly diminishes down to maybe 6 to 8 hours a week that I'm left with to execute my actions for any additional projects, goals or "priorities" I might have in mind. Just about an hour a day. Then you need to make sure you have the energy to do it. I can see how easy it is to talk yourself out of taking on any significant, time-consuming new projects when you break it down this way. This is pretty close to my reality and I often don't exercise enough, don't spend as much time with my kids as I would like to, have not read a book cover to cover in over a decade and I certainly don't have space to suddenly dedicate any meaningful time to a new venture in additional to my existing commitments / priorities. That's how I see it.

I got to go with the Coach on this. People make happen what they really really want to happen. They find a way. The rest is just finding reasons not to because its really not a "want". It's kind of like attraction. Men find a way to get to the girls they really like through rain, snow and sleet just like the mailman. Or playing music. Same drive

It seems to me that is a matter of peeling away the layers of contradiction we call kind of just live with. The primary tool for that is self discipline (and if it was easy every body would be a concert pianist!)Something that really helped me was meditation (including some of Wim Hoff's breathing methods)
My friends all say "meditation is hard" I say " why is so hard you just breathe" they say " because doing nothing is hard its boring". Begin with 1 minute a day add 1 minute every week and at the end of the year you have almost and hour. Learning how to be 'un-bored' with your self if the key to retrain the ego and unlock your potential to do the things you are afraid are boring. When the ego is checked and the mind focused nothing is boring everything can be done, at least to a greater degree than ever before. So get an meditation AP and start your 1 minute a day transformation

wow, verry eye opening Truth man !!!

Derek,

Bravo my friend! This article hits the nail directly on the head. "It's not what you say! It's what you do that defines you!" This is a life lesion I'm presently trying to teach my daughter!
Keep up the writing!

Charles Schwab

Hi Derek - you probably won't believe this, but I was actually thinking of you the other day - wondering if you had disappeared, 'cause I hadn't heard much lately. I was also thinking about Muckwork, as I have been doing all kinds of muck work myself lately. In the lasts month I've booked shows, promoted shows, worked on a stage crew, run sound, made posters, written preview articles, updated websites, etc., etc. Oh, and played shows too, of course, (which involve all of the above). Of course when you live in Vermont, that's par for the course usually. I've had several ongoing conversations with people interested in doing some of the "muddy work" and artists looking for people to do that for them...Regarding your coaches word/ the above article I tend to find myself being one of those people who sees "the ideal world" and the "real world" and gets stuck in-between. For example, I believe with all of the varied skills I have related to music/ entertainment industry that I could support myself financially, leaving the day job and allowing me to do what I want to do...in the ideal world. Of course in the real world there is the mortgage and health insurance. If my spouse weren't reliant on my health insurance, I might throw caution to the wind and jump, but...hope this isn't too far off course. I have really seriously thought of leaving my job in the last year and "making it happen" but feel it's less about my values and more about a few concrete and real barriers. Sorry, if I'm rambling on. I'm really glad to hear from you again as well as read the comment people leave below. Look forward to reading the other articles you sent. Keep on doing your thing...George from Rutland, VT

Yup, rings my bells big time......saying something don't make it happen..(I've been doing that for years)
Taking action and keeping taking action will make it happen!
This is where reality really happens.
Ciao
Jimu

I agree and sometimes poor health prevents us from doing well what we always liked to do.

Derek. Thanks for putting a knife in my heart. Seriously.

Just days ago...I re-listened to a Tim Ferris podcast from December 2015 featuring the one and only Derek Sivers. Still one of my favorites. Then, out of nowhere, I get this email from you. The email with the dagger.

So here's my deal. I have about 7 half-baked books in the works. All non-fiction. The power of giving & personal generosity. Marketing. Strategic planning. Fundraising. Leadership. Spiritual growth. I've hemmed and hawed over the name of a web site, which one should come first, my target audience, how to find time, and a long list of creative excuses.

I know, it's kind of like wanting to have the success of CD Baby without setting up the first store or selling the first CD. Crazy, right? But that's where I've been stuck. Your short blog post was a painful, convicting, but important wake up call.

So thanks. You are right. Actions, not words, reveal my values.

I like and appreciate your two questions. I'd like to believe I'm still at #2. It's time to exercise the courage to do what I say I want to do and see what happens.

Your reflection, along with the post about ego, were both genuinely helpful. It appears others feel the same.
Wow. Thank you. — Derek

Right on the nose a second time! I coulda sworn you wrote this for me!

Hmm. It is definitely true that your "actions speak louder than words", but I don't know if that can be applied to EVERYTHING. For example, sometimes you're not going for what you REALLY want to do because following your dreams can be a very scary thing to some. I say that because I have experienced that for a long time. I've been avoiding following my dreams. Then again, perhaps I'm not fully understanding this concept yet. Sometimes it takes me a while before I "get it".

True that. I want to post a longer comment, but.....(hmm, perhaps some other time ;) ).

Yes, this ties nicely into your ego post... People are talking of what you,
the individual want but... most people don't live in a vacuum. It's not just
about you but you and the relationship to those around you. Like everything it
has to be about balance.
The fear from not doing could be from what it would do to your family life
since there is more than one kind of failure potentially involved. If you get
all round support the barriers won't be a problem. Again, the fear may be that
you don't have that support or can retain it. That is, of course, not to say
"Don't proceed" but be aware of what is involved

I am now in a position of doing what I always wanted to do.

However, it has taken over 40 years to get here.

So if you 'really want to do it' does it matter how long it takes?

Totally agree, I've always thought of words as the cheapest commodity, actions are what count. Thank you.

A teacher/mentor/healer once told me, "Thinking about doing something and not doing something are the same thing."

So, "your actions reveal your real values" seems eerily similar. And true.

I can't help but wonder if there are a few caveats though; for instance, if one has begun "the project" that they've been thinking about....and then stopped and started again because, say for one example, being in the project produces adverse effects, mentally, emotionally or physically even though ultimately upon completion, all will be well, ...is it still not doing anything or indicative of ones values that the project isn't completed? IDK

Well said, Derek. I need to apply that to myself more. ☺.

Yes! If we procrastinate, then it must not be a serious priority. There are some things I would like to do, but I put it on the back burner simply because I don't make it a priority.

very true. if you really want to know someone look at what he does. also a known phenomenon: the more you tell about your plans to others the less likely you're gone do it. why is that? is it because you're not convinced and by sharing and repeating your plans you try to overcome your own doubts? interesting.

I like this entry.

I think we all fail to recognize messages we are sending ourselves - messages which are obvious to people around us. That's probably a big problem if you are a hermit. Or a fire spotter in a remote station of a national park.

Please add me to your mailing list.

I'm agreeing with #12 that whilst this IS a truism, it's too simplistic.

We are all programmed (and I'll even go further and state that in my understanding, we come into to this re-birth already pre-programmed from many lifetimes previous to this one!), and we are all wounded.

What we DO is a reflection not only of our Will, but our Wounds.

Free Will is a gift inherent to our incarnation(s), but until we are Perfect (!?!), our Free Will will reflect results imperfectly; period.

In other words, whatever our Actions will reveal us to be, will show the wounds as well as what we are prioritising at this point in time, according to the best of our ability, depending on our degree of personal evolution.

"The Solution begins with the Evolution".

ALL our Actions are driven by our Needs.

Realising that we have a Dream, Desire, &/or Need is the first step; figuring out what we need to do to manifest that is the next; most people stop not because they're lazy, but because they're blocked by programming.

Ergo, the road to Success - however we individually define it - begins with an Evolutionary step of some sort…even if it's just the most simple and immediate one of finding our way forward to take necessary steps!

The truism 'It's about the Journey, not the Destination' holds true because of this Evolutionary process.

When we are perfectly evolved (!!?!), our priorities will reflect our Will, perfectly. Until then, we each of us have to find our way forward with what we've got.
:)

Derek,
This is beautiful. How many times do I/we focus on what is what we "think" we must do only to find as we dive deeper into our mind and our true mind, our heart, that the truth is revealed. It is lovely to allow time to feel into something and hold space and intention and it seems as though the Universe responds always right on time.
Deep gratitude for sharing your mindfulness practice
.

True. I remember someone saying, if you want to know what really matters to a person, look at their calendar and their check book. ;-)

Putting this one on my booklist. ;-)

great post, certainly hone my thoughts

On point as usual, Derek. Your writing always catalyzes some semblance of clarity in my own thinking. Thank you for that.

I havent checked this blog in years! But after reading this post and for the first time in a long time I realized that my current priorities make me happy even though they have nothing to do with anything creative anymore. My kids and my wife are all that matters. So what if I have a job I hate? Realistically I'm just feeling bad for myself. Does it really matter that my dreams and hopes were never realized? Nope. What matters is that I make the best of what I am now and that's a dad and a husband, plain and simple. In reality my life started getting good again when I let the unattainable things go and got off Facebook. Perhaps, since all sorts of people are reading this post there will be some who need the push to let the unattainable things go and just enjoy where you are and what you have.

Greetings Derek,
I have two related responses:
When I was growing up and having a tough time fitting in socially as a young teenager, people around me were misleading me and basically not being straight. My father said to me "judge a person by their actions not by there words. Particularly watch the way a person would treat someone that they don't care for or don't want anything from because and honest kind person will treat everyone decently". My father is now 89 and I'll be 66 July 5th. That basic principle has worked well for me through life.
Currently I have a good friend/musician that I have been working with as a music duo for over three years. He's always saying he wants to get together more, find gigs, make it happen. But the reality is he seldom has time to rehearse, and gigs don't happen unless I pursue them. Other things are always come up and he's been saying "next month" for 3 years now . Just last week I had a similar conversation with him as your old coach had with you.
There was a moment of silence as he took it in the reality of his priorities.

Each time I take the time to click on a link you share, I am always rewarded with insightful and useful information. I'm glad that you have decided to put a little more out into the world again.

Always like to read your posts. Hi Derek. Also, love that your site still feels like the old web.

good inspiration.

I think this is a valuable notion but not something that is 100% true in all situations for all people. Lots of folks have real obstacles to action toward things they genuinely want.

Knowing what you want and having low enough fear and high enough "I can" plus all the other privileges and resources that may be needed to move toward them are not things everyone can take for granted. And history, trauma, acculturation all play in there.

Just adding some nuance to the thing. I think there are lots of ways to learn about your self and learn what you really want. Looking at your actions is one. It's good.

But it's also one that can be used to pummel oneself: "if I really wanted this I'd do it. I don't work hard enough. If you want something I'd just being doing it."

And that, frankly, isn't a really helpful thing to help someone who is frozen or who has to deal with all kinds of other real obstacles to self.

I'll give you just one small example. Do you really think that all the gay folks who don't come out till they are much older don't really want and desire the folks the do if they aren't taking actions toward dating having relationships, coming out?

And for someone who is gay who has grown up in a world that made that practically unsafe or unimaginable, or something with insane stakes (like possibly being homeless or losing the love or acceptance of their community or family) may, unsurprisingly, lose connection with their own want or awareness of their want for a long time. Just look at those folks who don't come out til they are much older.

And if you can lose connection with your own basic emotional impulses sexual desires, what else can you lose connection with in wanting?

Action is not always a useful indicator of who you are or what you want.

Yep...the coach is right....I think every one of us has been down that road a few times. It didn't actually dawn on me until I got old that whatever I thought I wanted to do, but never did it, wasn't important enough to me to go through with it. (Whatever it was.) I thank you, Derek, for this little article. You've opened my eyes once again.

Thanks for this, Derek.

Last year I finally did a few things and failed at a few of those and I now tell myself that at least my head is not filled with wanting to do those things I failed at. There's space to think of other ideas.

I have to careful though cuz I get in trouble for not prioritizing. I have sticker, "don't be a donkey" on my computer that I ignore sometimes and ignoring that is a bad idea.

Btw: why "old" coach?

I needed to read this except today. Right on time. I also enjoyed this "Ego is the Enemy ". I plan on getting the full writings. Thanks

Yes Derek,We all are guilty of saying what we are going to do & never getting around to it! I myself have a few goals that I will reach by the end of this year & have been putting it off for years. Thanks for the reminder again.Sincerely,Jose L. Ortiz Sr.

As an additional actionable, it may be useful to practice being aware of when we say we're going to do anything.

I used to be in the habit of saying I was going to do things, but this resulted in me failing quite often on things I said I was going to do.

Now, by just doing things, there isn't even a chance for say/do misalignment. Just do.

Some things become almost impossible to accomplish because of circumstances, not because of a lack of innate desire. To push through all the excuses and procrastination, to feel my blood quicken, and my purpose renewed, is all I can do...

Converting thought to action, needs determination, focus and the most imp prioritization as you get older.

This takes up tremendous energy. We may have 200% thoughts firing off in our neurons, however only 1% of that is converted to action. And in that 1% only those actions are deemed worthy that are self realized without pressures from society.

p.s - learn't a new word 'Muckwork' :)

So true! It's difficult to admit to ourselves that we are procrastinators or lazy. I've done that myself. Two years ago on my birthday I vowed to myself that I would start talking less and start doing more. I've taken little steps, but I've made some progress in accomplishing goals I've been putting off! Thanks for the reminder.

All true, but is it only because we want something else more? Maybe sometimes, maybe often, maybe more often; it's that we fear something else less.

So maybe our actions not only reveal our values, but also our fears.

I like how commenter #82 quotes Joe Biden. It was Biden who said, in effect, "How can the American people be at war against terror yet be giving (the rich?) the biggest tax cut in history?"

This when by their pentagon budget, and spending on counter-insurgency, anti-terror was not as important as a conventional war with post-communist Russia. This when, by their budget spending on preparing the Iraqis to defend themselves... the Iraqi police didn't have enough Toyotas, walkie talkies and bulletproof vests.

Budget talks, as does man hours. After President Kennedy pointed out we were entering a new age of warfare someone counted the training hours, just after Vietnam, that had been spent on counter insurgency at various bases. Very little time.

More on training hours: As you know, the British won their anti-guerrilla war against the communists in Malaysia. They have a jungle warfare school. During Vietnam the rest of the English speaking world sent senior officers there to learn. Only the U.S. sent junior officers.

As for the two current U.S. wars, I wonder if a mathematician would say the American people are dooming themselves in advance to not-win. Well, we can always sit around and compose songs.

Actually, composing songs is productive, needless to say.

Above, I was thinking of that line from Buffy the musical, when they are trying to somehow take action against the singing spell, and are almost too upset to act, because of the magnitude of their task. "...or we can just sit around and glare."

Glaring is not productive. Understandable, but not productive.

Wow! I absolutely love your messages , truths really as they are. I'm name is Marie, and I am a network marketer for a health and wellness company my good friend launched a few years ago. I've had a good deal of success and making a nice living from this career. I stumbled upon your Ted Talk while trying to find a topic to discuss on our company's morning motivation call that I've agreed to host every Friday this month. Completely stumped for ideas (I have done lots of these calls and currently nothing was tugging at my heart to speak about) I asked my friend, our very own CEO what the thought people really needs to hear right now. He said "quit talking the talk, start walking the walk". So I started my research to expand on my own thoughts on the topic. That's how I found you. I'm fascinated by how the mind works, and am constantly trying to find more information specifically relating to motivation and why so many people say they are going to do something or want to do something, but rarely follow through. (I guilty of this too, more often than I'd like to admit). Your research and summary on this topic makes complete sense to me and I just want to thank you for that. Now I am actually excited to present my findings on this topic tomorrow whereas before I really had no desire to be hosting the call at all.

I think this information will be eye opening for a lot of people, will resonate with them , and might be the start, of helping some (including myself) to become more aware of why we think and do the things we do...and how we can begin to change the way we make asssociations with meanings.

Sorry for the run-on sentences, I'm just excited to have come across you.

Thanks and keep doing what you do! : )

The clarity of this hit me like a lightning bolt. I too often suffer from "paralysis by analysis". There are projects that I have been contemplating/planning/postponing for months. I could have been done with them six times over, or realized I didn't really want to do them at all and moved on to something else. I'm implementing the 2 step process from now on.

So true! Thanks for opening my eyes!

I totally agree that actions speak louder than words.

However, I wonder how you feel this relates to your TED talk about how talking to much about doing something gives your brain the same dopamine hit as if you did already and this makes you less motivated to actually do it. (Did I understand that correctly?)

Another thing that occurred to me while reading your post was the methodology of extroverts to come to certain conclusions about their values. Like how bats use sonar to send sound waves off surfaces to get a sense of orientation. I wonder if talking about your plans and bouncing them off friends and family is a way of finding one's orientation. regardless of if they support your plan or not, sometimes seeing it through another persons eyes can illuminate a deeper sense of your own values on the matter. Even if you disagree with the person who you are telling about it.
That “Announcing your plans makes you less motivated to accomplish them” talk just applies to “identity goals”. For developing ideas, or group efforts, it's very useful to talk with others. — Derek

Man is that ever the truth my actions and my talk haven't been matching up. I own a small business in the Midwest. Its a great "little" company and I love it. The "bigger" company I do my processing though has been offering to buy me out and move me into Management in there company. I keep telling myself that I want to do this. Take a pay day and then work on at a bigger company with bigger opportunities. My actions however don't tell the story of an individual who wants to sell. Its in fact quite the opposite. Really great in sight look forward to reading more of your work.
Thanks
Kurt

Great reminder Derek. We talk too much but no action.
Thank you

Great post Derek. I often get so caught up in the idea and planning phase of a project that by the time I get around to taking action I am already far behind.

An imperfect plan executed NOW is better than a perfect plan executed later. Plus, there are no perfect plans because life always alters them and we have to adapt and be flexible.

I'm off the take action!

In a Coaching course I followed, we discussed a topic close to what you write. Since the principles of Coaching are action, to doing, movement, one of the requirements of those who want to follow a path of Coaching is the true will to do. If you do not reach a goal, there are two possibilities, or in fact you do not care or it is difficult to find the right path. For sure, those who want something are working to get it.
Thanks, good job.

Very well said. It has given me a spark to look at my folly too. Planning something and making no move to start it.

Damn!!!. You destroyed all my excuses in a blow!!!

I needed to read this today.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Derek

I get what your saying, however I realize that many people are stuck in situations that make them miserable and cannot find a way out. Yes, you could argue that it's a personal failing that they can't muster the strength, discipline, etc to get to out but I don't think it's fair to say that they secretly want to be there. Maybe it's samantics.

I'm so glad you're back. Just in the nick of time for me.

Covid isolation has been hard, but it has given me plenty of solitude to reflect on my own wants and needs. Just the other day I realized that in spite of having NINE WEEKS to "accomplish" many of the things I say I WANT to finish, I have done virtually nothing. Yes, I know that the stress of fear for my family through this is somewhat debilitating, but if I truly WANTED to do this stuff and, more importantly, be living with the results, THE STUFF WOULD BE DONE BY NOW.

You have reminded me today of the two steps. I'm not sure I know what my own priorities are right now as I'm feeling overwhelmed with my responsibility to Others. But I'm going to start with Step 2. I trust that if I "start doing what [I] say I want to do," it will help me reach more clarity on my own values and priorities.

I was just thinking of HELL YEAH OR NO yesterday. Wondering where my copy is. Clearly it's time for a re-read.

My problem is I can’t get around to procrastinating... :)

Whoa ! Derek.. you just slapped me in the face ! (in the nice.. "WAKE UP" way) ... :D Thank you so much !

Derek,

This is so true. Thanks for writing this.

so true, it is our actions that define us.

I keep coming back to your blog Derek. Every few months I open your site to see what's new and sometimes go over some old posts.
Your writing is brilliant.

This makes perfect sense.
An action can be measured and seen, intentions are invisible.

notapolymath.substack.com/p/intent-vs-action-2

Loved this article !! No questions, just wanted to put it out there !! ... Enjoying the book my friend !

I'm 53 and a perfectionist. Im worried now that I'm lying to myself about most everything. But how could I be?

I do MANY things. A hundred pages of "to-do's". A recent "truth hurts" moment was hearing that procrastination because of perfectionism is simply FEAR. I work full-time in a job I know I am overqualified for, strictly for the health insurance for us. I'm in school full-time again graduating in six months. I'm holding a 4.0 GPA. I write a lot of good pop songs. Mostly with others. I write piano solos, mostly alone. I've won awards. I dream ALOT of financial freedom through licensing my songs. I've studied that business for over 4 years. I know it's there. I made a little money from my music. The admin left-brain work is intense. I start and stop. Life passes quickly.

I'm American but dreaming of spending 5 months each year in Europe (2-3) and India (2-3). Currently I feel lost. But I'm busy.

Nice

Guilty!

It's about trying to be yourself and not please someone else or live someone's version of life!

아, 지금까지 나는 나를 속이고 있었구나. 내 말이 내가 원하는 것이고 그게 맞다고 생각했는데 아니였어. 언제나 말과 행동이 다른 나 자신의 모습에 스트레스받았는데 그 이유가 이거였구나.

Actions are reflections of one's heart. Nowdays I'm really trying to be honest with myself. If I think I want to do something but I don't, that means I don't "really want" to do the thing. Now days I ask my self this question often, "Do I actually want to do this activity/task? And why?". Knowing the clear motive gives me more motivation to work.

I have been studying oral literature for years, especially myth, and they never describe about emotions and feelings of heroes. They even barely conversations between characters. They only tell the 'actions' of heroes and what happened as their consequences. Yeah, actions are like choices. What they choose and make actions are their ideas and such story shows the worldview of the people. In shorts, traditional tales show what the people want and pursuit and even what is right or beautiful. Sorry if my English sentences are wrong, I'm not a fluent English speaker.
Great point! — Derek

Timely . Relevant . And very true. Also - I think both can be true. What if two people potentially drive a car . And you wake up and the other driver has taken you to a different destination . You’d need to stay awake to make sure you went to the destination you chose. Think this he why life gets confusing. There are two drivers and most of the time it’s not you! Lol

What do I really want?

I want to interview people about their purpose in life, and I would like to write a book about it.

I had even made a name card for that. I made my nickname as starseller. I would like to reflect people’s dreams like a sea reflecting starlights.

It was my dream when I was graduating high school. At that time, I was too shy to go out and interview people. And, now, I feel like there is no point for me to do that. There has already been interviews about people.

However, as I think about it, there is difference. It will be me interviewing people. It will be me seeking the purpose of life. It will be me realizing it in real life, not just through media.

After reading your book, I will go out and interview people. I will ask them what they live for.

평온한 것.

하지만, 내려 놓아야 겠지. 삶이 그렇지 않으니.

I think it's a good insight. As I look back to what I thought, I had done things I was desperate about. I believe it's important to differentiate the wants by wondering there are alternative options or not. If I can think of an option, it's not that important and has low priority. If I can't bear to select the option over the want,I must take action.

Found me doing this…. I don’t intend lying to myself but I end up acting the opposite way of what I intend doing

live fun

1. ’인생을 살 준비‘를 그만두고 ’인생을 사는 것‘

Working to make money is my priority

Starting my own business without being hired by others🔥

원하는 것을 할 수 있는 여유로운 자금과 시간

That's so true. I say I want to be a writer, a lecturer, and a businessman, but I have been living as an office worker for over 50 years. If action tells the truth, do I want to live as an office worker?! An office worker can't continue. You won't be able to work for a company. You have to be an office worker. That's why I thought of a writer, a lecturer, and a businessman. What do I really want? I really want to find it.

this section of the book opened my eyes, i was fooling myself all these years. now i have clarity.

I totally agree with that. People sometimes seem that they don't really know what they want. If I say something to do, I need to think deeply that I really want to do it. Then, Action should follow.

Hello. I'm Korean.
My name is Sally. Nice to meet you.
I'm reading your book now.
This place is very interesting.
So I'm visiting now.
I think so too.
Have a good day.

결혼을 해서 아이를 낳는거
엄마랑 계속 잘 지내는거

At #212 Marla shares that she'd like to do guitar and vocal stuff, but is not doing so. I wish her well.

For my part, being a writer of nonfiction, a few years ago I was putting off starting fiction by always escaping into my first love, nonfiction...
So what I did was join a fiction writer's group that met frequently and wrote a lot. (Like joining a band or music class)

One of my values is "keeping my word." To not let the others down, I had to write as much as they did. And humbly take their feedback.

And I'm in a nonfiction group too, but that one is merely for the group's feedback, as I will write nonfiction on my own... I hope that doesn't mean I don't really want to write stories, ha-ha.