Travel without social praise

As someone currently traveling the world and posting stories on Instagram and Facebook every day, I couldn't agree more.

I think this is a good exercise to consider. Obviously, this isn't a zero-sum game and it can be done for both it's own sake, and with some praise as well. I think there are many layers and levels of engagement with social media that could fit a middle of the road approach to this idea.

Another consideration is those that use social media as a means for managing their personal digital archive. As a librarian, I don't recommend these platforms be used for that - but it's unfortunately still the case for many.

Just some thoughts.

I've noticed this can be contagious. I haven't documented or shared any travel in years, and even when I meet up on the road with folks who do, I think they pick up on the fact that I'm not picking up my phone, and they seem to do the same (all without talking about it). It's pretty neat.

Great advice.

Do it because you want to do it, not because people will like you more.

I’m with you though I use pics to help me reinforce memories. Plus, I just love to take pictures (forget about drawing or painting).

Thanks Derek!

@Roger....I'd love input on what you do recommend for personal archiving. A confusing/monumental task!

Great, timely advice, Derek. Although, it is not about travelling but I am convincing myself to start a project. My strongest argument in favor of that project is that I actually want to start that project, but the fact is that I want to start because I want to get social praise. I need to rethink about it!

Love this. I recently went to Japan and deleted all Social Media accounts. But, I did take my Sony A7iii camera to take some interesting photos (i’m a photographer / videographer in spare time). I found I was so preset with whatever showed up. It was liberating. I posted the photos on my blog when I came back and got great responses. I think the new Instagram ‘story’ era has ruined travel in some way. Thanks Derek x

Our family did a week+ roadtrip to Mt. Rushmore and Yellowstone. We brought our phones which are also our cameras, but I deleted the Twitter app, the last SM account I really use, from it. The wife and kids were surprised. As a rule I don't post family things on SM anyway, plus why tell people we're not home to rob us?! We're now going thru the pictures as a family and putting together memory books for ourselves. Have told plenty about our trip, but offer no photos unless people ask (and they haven't!).

I don't do social media as a starting point.
And I have noticed the more we travel the less photos we seem to take.
It's not that we take none.
Interestingly I was looking at the pictures I took on a quick trip to New York recently. My favourite photo is the one I took as we all worked back into their apartment building. Not the various iconic landmarks we visited.
The memories are fantastic because we saw and watched and enjoyed.

Hey Derek

This one is so hit the spot with me. I have been practicing this for last one year with food. Cooking, learning and applying things I learnt in my kitchen, not recording or telling anyone. I went on this experiment because I wanted to see if I still wanted to do it - if the world didn't seek validation from outside world. There is one thing I still have to quit is watching what other people are doing on social media. So that I become okay with not knowing what other people are doing either - Yet want to create!

"We are trying to impress an invisible crowd." <---- Yes, again! After reading Cal Newport's "Deep Work" and "Digital Minimalism", I went without social media and other online triggers for the month of August. At the end, I deleted my Twitter account, removed about half of the people I was following on IG (and muted an additional significant amount, and only use FB for the marketplace. I miss none of it.

Amazing!!!
Though I think it’s ok to receive and appreciate praise at times.
And in general we find more joy in sharing our joy with our loved ones.... But I do hear you and love your advice.
T

Agree Derek,

Gave up on sharing my tour schedule and evidence. Wonder if it’s smart, but feel better for it.

I love this. When I spend time with my bestie we're rarely take photos because we forget to. We're concentrated on our time together vs. selfies and photos for other people. I hold memories close to my heart so I don't need a photo to validate my experiences. Imagine a world where we spent more time with others for the sake of sharing rather than showcasing.

I like at #11 Mike Maddaloni noting that others don't ask for photos.

I am old enough to remember folks showing home movies (in the age of black and white TVs) when there was a cliche joke about a married couple trying to escape in the dark and kicking the power cord.

I think both Derek and blogger Pavlina have written about the change in thinking process when you no longer have to think about posting. Apparently, it's such a load off one's mind. Myself, being late middle age, I wouldn't know: I have never got into social media, I only read about it.

Part of being an artist—OK, of being a nerd—is stepping aside from anything that society sees as "new and exciting" and "other directed" and then asking, "Yes, but other than other people's hype, do I still like it?"

I can relate to this. Most of my treasured travel memories still remembered by me and my sisters are the ones we had when smartphones are still unknown to us and camera is still too expensive to have.

Derek,
Your messages on how to live a meaningful life are inspirational. I wholeheartedly agree with the suggestion to leave the camera and social media posts behind. My family and I traveled to South Africa, and my phone was stolen...what a gift! The people who mattered most were with me, so I didn’t need to receive calls. From that moment on I was fully engaged for the remainder of our trip: in nature, with the animals, my three teenage sons, and husband on a safari. Bliss.

I like Kahleen's bliss comment above at #20.

I found a link. Like Derek, Pavlina doesn't like to be chained down by bad habits. Even though I don't do social media myself, I found his story fascinating.
Pavlina's post is lengthy, as he uses many paragraphs to approach many angles.

www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2015/07/one-year-without-social-media/

Derek, I love this. I think this is so true and honest. And I, too, travel to learn and see and live...and not to curate my reality for others. Thank you for sharing this important notion.

That's a bit simplified, black and white recommendation.

I almost agree with it. But then it reminded me Daniel Kahneman and his studies about happiness.
He argues that we have two models in our mind: the experiencing self, the one that lives moment to moment. The remembering self, the ones who keeps score.

The experiencing self would be delight with traveling the world. It doesn't require of memory to be satisfied.

The remembering self might be a bit disappointed. On of the reasons why people travel, and to all sorts of things for the matter, is to create memories for future consumption.

The whole point here is that our mind, when re-visiting a certain situation, will make use of the remembering self. And if you have tools to enhance your memory of that passage (for the matter pictures), you will have the perception that the experience was more intense than it really was.

Same about telling your story to other people. While telling the story, you are creating memories in other's mind and consolidating yours. That can be use for future consumption and memory enhancement.


I still agree that there is no need of over exposure to social media. The memories can be shared more intimately via postcards, journaling, you name it.

I have a hard time relating to this. I haven't traveled in many many years and will probably never travel again unless something drastic happens in my life.

We are the only animal on the planet that judges...many view this ‘joke’ as a competition...it’s made more real by our introduction of money...which nurtured greed...which feeds status...of course it’s still true if we don’t announce it...if you don’t believe that...you have no faith in humanity...many people are fortunate to obtain more than they need...and those particularly those whose fortune was come upon through their own labour invention or endeavour not inherited...I have to believe do good and charitable deeds without it being common knowledge because they cannot believe their good fortune and they remember where they came from...

This would've been unsettling to read 3-4 years ago, and it makes perfect sense reading it now. Getting off social media has done such good things for my brain. I'm doing the things I actually enjoy. I'm doing the things the way that I enjoy them.

In April, I get married. It will be a small city hall ceremony, followed by dinner at a favorite restaurant, surrounded by close family. If I were still plugged in to social media, I'd probably be having a much more "traditional" big wedding, white dress, huge guest list... all things I don't actually want, but make "good" pictures.

Instead, I get to focus on marrying my best friend, and spending time with loved ones who I rarely get to see.

On three of my last four trips I've taken photos and short videos but not shared them with anyone. I like to look at the images and remember.

Another excellent point ...

Cogito, ergo sum (Descartes). Do I need other's acknowledgement to make it more real. Or just self-ascription of thoughts suffice.

A brilliant thought

I agree. But, to zoom in on this one layer deeper, I do believe that there could be a way to post all the travel in a way (with the heart and mind) to instigate curiosity and compassion with humility. A very fine line - ego will hijack it quickly... BUT, I do think it's possible. (I've never been able to accomplish it)… I usually slip into the 'look at me' mode - but I am still holding hope for myself!! Appreciate your heart and brain Mr. Sivers!

Present

I have been going back and forth on this thought for some time. Removing my Instagram app for periods and then checking once a week. Stopped posting. I enjoyed capturing moments, dressing the photos, but I feel less anxiety without it. Tried creating a separate, me only account as a place to hold photos I took but didn’t post.

Food for thought.

M

I agree with this comment "Do it because you want to do it, not because people will like you more."

For example, I'm a photographer. I like to share my work because I like to share it. It's sort of like being able to reflect on memories of my time traveling.

Not for me, I'm a home person.

This is a perfect observation to ponder everyday. Praise should be handled as a narcotic. Most people in the entertainment industry will keep doing anything to get praised until the day they die. Despite their wealth and achievements, they can't retire and appreciate the simple things in life because there's a lack of applause. Praise is great when you or someone else is down and need a boost in self esteem. Praise can also be used as a tool for someone else to exploit you. When you are a program director at a radio station, your butt appears to be clean because everybody keeps kissing it in hopes of getting free air time or a job. Once you leave that position, the praise and constant attention you received ends.
And besides. if you get praised by somebody, it's likely that they are not considering all your faults, which would eliminate all applause if they were known.

Hello Derek,

Just spend part of my evening reading your wonderful articles, but this one really resonated with me. I have successfully eliminated most of my accounts and now I don’t have a personal presence on the internet at all. It’s wonderfully liberating.

I am even contemplating posting even less on my work account which is semi-active but honestly, the thought of having to post fills me with dread because I feel under pressure to post for the sake of it: reading this article is really making me question my work posts. I can’t tell whether or not the exposure is really helping me with my career or not...

Be well and enjoy your weekend,

Jordan

I've been to England about 20 times and toured Europe......I never took one picture, so I guess I did it for its own sake.

Roger at #2, why do you not recommend it as a way for personal digital archive?
I feel the same. Businesses shut down, and delete their archives. In 1999. mp3.com was the place everyone put all their music and totally depended on it. A few years later it shut down, all music destroyed. In 2004 it was MySpace. Everyone uploaded their whole lives there. Now it's basically gone. This will probably happen to Facebook, Instagram, and the rest. If you care about something, keep it yourself. — Derek

I believe a tree still makes a sound if it falls in the forest even if there is no one around to hear it. :)

I understand the meaning of travel from the individual experience, yet I share the photos in the journey just in order to share one kind of emotion, instead of a willing to a social reward. I guess, if no social media, photos are also required to keep the wonderful moments.So no sharing, it's all right, no photo,it's no chance to recall the old memory, a bit pity.

I really like what you are saying here and for a large part I agree. About 2 years ago my family of 4 sold everything we own and our home to travel the country for 14 months. I chose at the time to purposely share a lot of it online. Reading the words here made me think if I was doing the travel for the sake of sharing it and I truly believe I was not. To me, the sharing was more about saying "you can do anything you want to if you put your mind to it" - and showing people that. My sharing was related to letting people know all these great places are out there and that if you plan and work hard and create a life and type of work that can help you do these things - you can also go see it all..and please do.

Thanks again for sharing!

I just had one of the best travel months of my life. I went to see old friends in Alabama, went to the college football game of the year, met amazing people, could not have been prouder of my old friend and the work he is doing, and did not post a thing. A thing. I then went to Puerto Rico with my family on a trip where everything went right. I did not post a thing. I took pictures. But I posted nothing. I took pictures for ME. Things I wanted. Memories I wanted. Smiles I need to see on a shitty day. But not for anyone else to see. This is how life used to be lived. Bot this bullshit of posting for nameless, faceless people. Posting for myself so someday when I'm addled with senility I can sit there and muddle through my life and have a twinkle in my eye, and not forget how I felt then.

Sal at #39 and Bill at #8 who asked about Roger's personal digital archive: I doubt you will see this but uncommonly used hashtags do work well as an archiving method. Ex: I use #charleythewhipador on IG for my dog. I click on the hashtag and I can see all pics of him I've tagged. That's about the best use of it... I see people do the same for their kids.

As a Dharma bum traveling the world I totally agree with addictive phones and social media corrupting our travels. But can we not have a middle way of appreciating and capturing momemts? Some supplemental input from my travels.

1. I delay posting pics by weeks or months on end, I find this provides a buffer to orevent getting caught in humble bragging cycles online.

2. I check my intention before I post, am I lonely and/or am I bragging or is this sharing ? I use to not post at all, but I found this is to be an over rotation - self righteous pride of being too good to post. Some people were inspired by travels , so I try to find a middle way.

3. Capturing photos can become a trap, whether for online crowds or your ego. But I do like them. I invented the spiritual selfie- a mindful process of going from mindless Pics to PIACs.

First pausing (breaking habit loop of phone) - inhaling (the moment) - appreciating and then capturing the pic. That's changed how I appreciate her still capture moments. More info if you're interested - www.zenrants.com/blog/spiritual-selfies

Hello Derek,

I wrote this little thing on Notion.so as a more or less "reply" to "Travel Without Social Praise", and just wanted to let you know that I got a lot out of your story. Thank you :)


www.notion.so/olearyxyz/Private-Creation-As-A-Form-Of-Self-Fulfillment-11ef270dfb1240289fc13bec66403c85

SO SO SO SO GOOD. I love this and exactly why I'm off social for 3 months while in Portugal.

I agree with this on a very personal level. I've always been apprehensive of social media. Why should anyone know about what you do with your life? I think attention seeking is pretty natural but is also unnecessary.

I am skeptical that other people care about our social media.

During a student so-call debate where people could line up to speak on a stump, back when the Soviets were fighting in Afghanistan, a man mentioned traveling through that country. Note: He was a true civilian, not a spy, although he often mingled with rebel forces.

Except for me, not a single student went over and spoke to him about his adventures. I still remember things like playing polo on an open field even though they were vulnerable to air attack, because they loved playing.

Since then I have noticed that so many people, looking so ordinary, have returned from a foreign country, perhaps trekking, teaching English or with the Peace Corps... and nobody asks them anything. So my own policy is to say that I would love to get some milk and cookies and then listen to their stories of what surprised them.

Because I would want someone to be that considerate with me.

Completely right. It feels as though we're living in some sort of competition, kind of "who's having the most interesting life?" situation. I am sure you too have been through this: having a shitty time at a shitty away-from-home place, on an overall shitty weekend / vacation / whatever, and the girl you're travelling w/ posting a super happy photo w/ a comment like "wish I could be here 4 ever" / "what else?" / "live life to the fullest",... or any other cheap motel artwork phrase. Pretty damn sad how travelling has been prostitutionized

Haha I had to laugh because I did this back in 2013 (run a marathon without telling anyone—except my family and a couple of Very close friends). It was something I did entirely for myself, to learn about my limits and grow as a person. I thought that sharing it would take the focus off of my true motivation and dilute the impact of my experience. Was one of the most transformational experiences of my life (not so much the actual race but the whole process of training working towards something beyond my preconceived notions of the possible. Anyway, this struck a chord with me; thanks for the great post!
Cool! Nice to hear a real example. Thanks Margaret! — Derek

Hello Derek,

All you do is needed for us. Wonderful things. Therefore, no sweet comments.
I am following you because of your intelligence and helpful advices.
Many thanks.
Kind regards from Leeds, England and Riga, Latvia
PS. I consider your read book list is just Great!!! 👋👋👋👌✌️👍💪

Great advice Derek.
In July 1976 my wife, and I left Berkeley to travel as long as our money would carry us. We got back to my parents house in upstate NY for Christmas 1978. We headed to Asia, but China wasn't really open to backpackers - Tourists only. It took us four months of Japan, down through Taiwan, Hong Kong and into Singapore before staying with a friend (who once lived in Berkeley) who helped us opened our eyes to the travelers circuit. Not tourism. Clean inexpensive hotels, camping places, and good food are available around the world when you ask and talk with people who live there. Not demanding service and no absolute scheduled departures means that you can stop to talk with people for who they are and not what they can do for you.
The number 1 means of communication is still talking about people; where you are coming from; where you live; what are the prices for food in the city you came from; what is the government like where you live; and (one of my favorite) how many busses does it take to get to your home town? These are the exchanges of information that let other people make changes in their life. There were several times from India, through Pakistan, Afghanistan, Syria, Iran, Turkey, etc. where carpet prices eventually dropped to 20% of the original asking price because people felt they were selling to new friends and acquaintances. Not passing tourist. We didn't have money to buy any of the items, but 40 years later were still writing to them and their children.
I can tell you names and places where artillery woke us in the Himalayas; Kashmiri police that arrested us as spys because we were in the mountains hiking (a bribe with a large handful of Indian Rupees, about $7 US, got us free); police chiefs that shared a hookah with us that he filled with hashish, but none to take away; mullahs that let us sleep at the back of a mosque with their families; Albanian truck drivers that gave us rides across the mountains in Turkey; thieves in the night that stole camping equipment while we slept on Mount Etna; on the summer solstice camping over night in the temple of Athena and waking to see the sun rise that came right down the center aisle;...all of these memories and more are available only when we sit down and talk with friends and sharing travelers.

May the road rise to greet your step; may the wind be always at your back; may the sun shine warm upon your resting place, and may God protect you on your travels.

Stuart
I love this example! Thanks Stuart! — Derek

Yes !
Don’t do it for the likes thumbs up & retweets & kudos.

Happened to listen to this episode just after I finished a 10-day trip with my girlfriend. I am not a guy that posts my daily activities that much often, but I trained myself to be recently, because everyone is talking about the importance of being active on your social media, and I agreed with that. Now after reading this I doubt that, I also find myself still not an independent thinker, I didn't think it thoroughly.

Post your activity maybe not just for social praise, you can provide value as well, your original thoughts that may help other people. So, you still can post after you finish your first Marathon, to inspire and encourage your friends.

Here's an example of not being other-directed: I needed a humble car. I knew from the novel The DaVinci Code that Europe had those tiny "Smart Cars" before they arrived—wow!—in North America. All the car reviews went, "Imagine what people will say about your cute..." I didn't care (much) what others would say.

My thought experimentt: If these cars were common like in Europe, if all the novelty wore off, if others wouldn't care, then would I still find the car worthwhile? I answered "no" and got a Toyota Yaris-Echo instead. Good idea, because now Smart Cars are not selling anymore in America. Who knows how long spare parts will still be sent here?

And with the money I saved I later got a hybrid Prius. Which impresses many people by accident. I wasn't trying to be a forward thinking ecological guy; no, I was merely going by what the Consumers Report car magazine recommended.

I'd go further and suggest you don't take pictures when you are travelling, or at an event with family and friends.

I know I've hosted the perfect party if no one is taking pictures- they are too absorbed in the activities they are doing.

When you see something amazing, you are filled with inspiration, with awe. That is ruined when you engage the analytical part of your brain to frame the picture and get people to pose for it.

For instance, I had the chance to go to the Hermitage Museum twice during a conference. The first time I went I was blown away by its beauty. By the workmanship. By the vision. It was almost a spiritual experience. However the second time I went I took the tour. It gave endless facts about the place and it just took all the magic away. It was just another building on a traveller's to do list. I don't remember any of the facts.

I am always disappointed when I see a picture of an amazing place I've been. It's always way worse than what I remember. Then all I can remember is the photo, not the picture in my head which was vastly superior to that.

I only take pictures if I later want to do a painting of the subject, or if i want to do some research on it, or I want to use it in some way.

As for social media, I don't read it much and I don't post much. I'm not important. Why would anyone care?

Like an art gallery patron who returns to look at one painting, I return to Central London. And when I am struck by a view, I can just say to myself, "Don't worry about taking a picture, I probably took one here in the past." I find this both amusing and freeing.

I once arrived in London with only about a dozen pictures left to take in my camera and that was just fine.

I suppose it helps that I have zero desire to get better at photography.

Can I just take photos to keep a record of what I did, without sharing them with anybody?

I get your point Derek. Spot on. Been doing the same for the past 20 years. I still took some pictures with my digital cameras, but they live on my hard disk. And I barely look at them. I keep the memories and the experience though.

Or maybe bring an old-style polaroid/roll analog camera. Once you shoot your 36 pictures, you are done. So choose wisely.

And if you want a new 36 shots roll or expose the taken ones... you'll have to talk and walk so much nowadays on any modern city to find a place that do it, that it would have been worth it.

Should we start a kickstart project for a dumb digital camera that only takes 10 pics x month and no way to hack it/reverse engineer it? No display. Nothing. Point and shoot like the old disposable ones where all our childhood pictures are. Like one of those "dumb phones" without apps and stuff. Interested? Let me know.

Cheers and thanks for your website. I just came here yesterday and could not stop reading your articles. Love'em.

M