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Swiftie Disaster
Swiftie Disaster
WARNING! Due to a silly goose infiltration, this article is satirical in nature and should not be interpreted as factual. The Kansas City Chiefs relocated to Grand Junction after their 4 year contract with Mark Eur expired. The new signer Pent Sol required that they spend the first six months of their signed deal in Grand...
Rowdy Beats Off 30 Freshmen
Rowdy Beats Off 30 Freshmen
WARNING! Due to a silly goose infiltration, all articles in this edition are satirical in nature and should not be interpreted as factual. Fight Club staged a contest with Rowdy on the Elm Avenue Quad last week. 30 of the club’s finest freshmen went fist-to-hoof against the beloved mascot to demonstrate CMU’s core value—power. To...
Fanfic Fiasco
Fanfic Fiasco
Amidst the leaking of the image of Major Maverick and The Misinformer making out, a story of their potential falling in love has emerged from the bowels Ao3. Written by user @Mavalovers6769420 under the hashtags #yaoi #lemon #enemiestolovers #smut #mlm, the fanfic goes as follows: When Major Maverick’s eyes met milky orbs of The Misinformer...
Sheet Smarts
Sheet Smarts
WARNING! Due to a silly goose infiltration, this article is satirical in nature and should not be interpreted as factual. Students started summer loving early. Recent sexual activity led to an outbreak of hepatitsyphilaids on campus and Residence Life plans to enlighten students with a mandatory ‘Week of Sex Education.’ Starting on April 6, all classes...
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UPDATES ON THETA XI – The Criterion
UPDATES ON THETA XI – The Criterion
The Criterion requested and was sent over 20 police incident reports from 2025 for the unofficial Theta Xi house at 1904 N 7th St. CMU does not sanction Greek Life housing. It connected the house to patterns of noise complaints, suspicious activity and harassment. This includes parties that were shut down due to noise (some...
Letter to the Editor: CMU Young Democratic Socialists of America Suspension Statement – The Criterion
Letter to the Editor: CMU Young Democratic Socialists of America Suspension Statement – The Criterion
We are happy to announce that the CMU chapter of the Young Democratic Socialists of America (CMU YDSA) has been reinstated as an official club, with our suspension lifted. This is thanks to organized pushback, our multiday social media campaign, and support from the community. We backed them into a corner, giving the CMU administration...
MUSIC PROFESSOR ON ART IN THE AGE OF AI
MUSIC PROFESSOR ON ART IN THE AGE OF AI
Artificial intelligence’s (AI) effects on the arts has been a controversial subject at the forefront of artists’ minds for several years. Recent advancements in AI and language learning models have rendered it capable of creating entire songs from simple prompts, mimicking instrumental tracks and writing lyrics that sound indistinguishable from human-made music. In Moss Performing...
GETTING STOKED ON GETTING OUTSIDE
GETTING STOKED ON GETTING OUTSIDE
“Things are better than ever,” said Outdoor Program Coordinator Alec Sica. Sica joined the Outdoor Program, or the OP as most people at Mesa call it, about two years ago. He said the focus during that time has been expanding into new sports that aren’t available at other universities’ outdoor programs and utilizing the abundance...
STUDENT SCULPTURES CELEBRATE TRIO DAY
STUDENT SCULPTURES CELEBRATE TRIO DAY
On National TRIO Day, Friday, Feb. 20, TRIO hosted an event. The event had snacks, rock painting, and a raffle. Students helped complete an art piece that will soon be on display in the TRIO office. Each student that attended put a metal item onto the wooden canvas, where they then signed their name. Program...
ENTRE DOS MUNDOS (BETWEEN TWO WORLDS)
ENTRE DOS MUNDOS (BETWEEN TWO WORLDS)
Augusto Latorre from Venezuela held a Cultural Café in CMU’s Tomlinson Library on Feb. 17 Cultural Café invites students, faculty and staff to share stories, photographs and traditions from countries they are from or have visited. The goal is to promote cultural awareness and create dialogue/a voice across campus. Before taking the stage, Latorre spoke...
Former Party House Demolished
Former Party House Demolished
Editorial: Criterion Responds to Recent Criticism – The Criterion
Editorial: Criterion Responds to Recent Criticism – The Criterion
(March 18, 2026) The Criterion has recently faced scrutiny in regards to the overrepresentation of republican activity on campus. Readers are right to criticize this. The Editorial Board at the Criterion does report more on republican activity. Why is that? This is what is happening on campus. Generally speaking, events that promote progressive ideology are...
RATIO CHRISTI HOSTS CHRISTIAN APOLOGIST
RATIO CHRISTI HOSTS CHRISTIAN APOLOGIST
Ratio Christi invited Christian apologist Frank Turek to campus. Turek, described by Ratio Christi as a “world-renowned speaker,” will be hosting a talk titled “I Don’t Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist” on March 24 at 7 p.m. in the UC Ballroom. Turek maintained a close relationship with the now deceased Charlie Kirk. Kirk,...
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Advertise With Us
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Anonymous Tip Line
Anonymous Tip Line
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Advice Column Submission Form
Advice Column Submission Form
This anonymous form allows anybody to ask the Crite's advice columnist about anything. Do you need advice on how to break up with your best friend? Do you need advice on which major to choose? No topics are off limits. Questions with answers may be published in the Criterion.
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