Who am I?

## Who am I? ![Man with a blurred face](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1537290030920-ce0c15681846?q=80&w=1000&h=622&fit=crop)

Photo by [Javi Hoffens](https://unsplash.com/@javihoffens) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/)

It's a simple enough question, isn't it? The truth is: I don't know. It's more than that though, I don't think I have ever known. I am a second-generation immigrant in the United Kingdom, who doesn't feel *quite* British enough when here, but also doesn't feel *quite* Georgian enough when back there either. I've lived in four different countries, and visited about 30. My closest friends have often been the ones furthest away, and, sometimes, I don't know if I'm a little bit of everything, or nothing at all. As an example of this: I have always said I would hate to have a Georgian partner. Not because of the person themselves, but because of all of the cultural touchpoints I would be missing. I can communicate in Georgian, but I can't understand what it truly means to be *from* Georgia. I can't relate to my parents, who left the former Soviet Union, coming to the UK to find a better life. Then again, it has been 16 years since I was literally caught up in a war, and even now Russia occupies 20% of Georgia. Yet in England I'll always have a weird surname that is hard to spell and harder to pronounce. It is **NOT** lost on me how insanely lucky I am that my first name is "George", that I am white, and that I "sound local". Even then I have had occasions where I have given someone my surname and they give me a funny look, or ask me "So where are you really from?". I can't imagine what it's like to be someone who doesn't "fit in". > "Would I be who I am without the sadness in me?" - [Blue Sky & The Painter by Bastille](https://song.link/gb/i/1758813104) ### Past Lives I often tell people I have many "past lives". This is normally the three very distinct time periods in my childhood pre-, during, and post living in Hong Kong. But I have had that as an adult also, first working in Software Development, then Video Production, and now in Project Management. My only real constant has been change. It's something I am proud of, being able to experience large chunks of the world, and meet incredible people. At the same time, that makes it hard to form long-lasting friendships. Maybe the reason all of my best friendships are online is because I'm never in one place long enough. I can easily weave in and out of different situations, but I never feel like I "belong" in any of them. Whilst Project Managing, I have often found myself saying "We can't know where we're going, if we don't first know where we are.", something that has been necessary because of a lack of clear documentation on what exact has and has not been done, a lack of clear boundaries. Yet, ironically, that is also how my life feels. Who am I? Ultimately, it's up to me to decide who I am. To find that path on a dark, foggy night. Maybe the scariest thing this Halloween is not quite knowing where I'm from, and being even less certain of where I'm going.