-
Mailman Strongly Hinting He Wants To Be Chased
-
Lower Class Dismissed
-
Cycle Of Violence Running Smoothly
-
Recently Discovered Egyptian Tomb Sure Smells Like Mummies
-
Wrong Spray Merely Freshens Attacker
-
Chardonnay Vomited Into NPR Tote
-
Harlem Globetrotters Keep Basketball Just Out Of Reach Of Make-A-Wish Kid
-
Headlights Caught In Deer
-
Laugh Track Easily Amused
-
Gun Owner Ready For Them
-
SAIC Earns Top Seed In Conceptual Basketball Tournament
-
Coin Flip Disputed
-
Vibrator Left On All Night
-
Everything Riding On Second Flush Attempt
-
Mom Reminds Adult Son It’s His Birthday
-
Movie Under Impression Being ‘A Hulu Original’ A Selling Point
-
Respectful Song Addresses DJ As Mr. DJ
-
Other Guy In Wheelchair Sized Up
-
Married Porn Star Changes Name To Fellatia Juggs-Dunwiddie
-
Area Man Can’t Stop Playing With Piercing
Recent Videos
The Onion: Sending Emails For Over A Hundred Years.
Get All The Latest Headlines By Email, Once A Day.
In Other News
-
Breaking: All Of World’s Problems Solved Overnight While You Were Sleeping
NEW YORK—In a string of overwhelming and unexpected successes, all of the world’s problems, from hunger to disease to war,…
Politics
-
Trump Wakes From Beautiful Dream Kissing Underage Girl To Find Face Being Licked By St. Bernard
WASHINGTON—Opening his eyes after nodding off for several minutes at his desk in the Oval Office, President Donald Trump is…
Local
-
‘Deadwood—Now That’s A Great Show,’ Says Dad After 17-Minute Lapse In Conversation
NASHUA, NH—Suddenly breaking his silence to extol the virtues of the decades-old HBO series, local dad Henry Breckner reportedly ended…
Sports
Entertainment
Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault
Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history.
In Other News
