I had a v sweet Valentine's! <3

I know it's late, but i still have to record it in my lj.

James Yap cooked for me! It's not the first time he cooked for me, it's only the second time! hahaha, and i appreciate it, considering that he learnt how to cook aglio olio for the THIRD time for me. hehehehehehe. cute la my bb.

And i brought ice cream and pulut hitam for dessert! And hubert foo called just after we spooned out the ice-cream. So my beautiful haagen daz was melting while he talk talk talk to james. -.-

Oh wells, at least he's motivating james to go job-hunting! hahahhaa.

The bf was very cute. Not just was, but still is :P

Anyways, regarding my internship applications,
Me: I forgot to submit a cover letter for XXX, and sign off my cover letter for YYY.
Him: Huh... So how? Will minus marks?

Heeheehee. So adorable right. And he's ORD-ing tomorrow! coolios! He won an award too! Best Commander for HQ or something. haha, only that I couldn't attend his ORD parade as I had a forum at the same timing. To comfort myself, the forum wasn't too bad, it was pretty useful actually! So back to ORD, I'll have more time to see him, and maybe my 'run on sat nights with him' can expand to other nights too! But so far, the plan to run on Sat hasn't been working. We've only ran once. Hahahaa. And had half a tub of peppermint icecream after that. Fun time though, we should try running again and complete the route this time! :P And my mum wants me to pull my brother along to run with me. -.- mummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

So, my week has been pretty all right, completing assignments and studying for tests. Speaking of which, Cornerstone's having their AGM this weekend, and I have a GRA test on Monday! Ahhhhh... The AGM's from sat evening till sun afternoon, which means that ISO 31000 should be my best friend sooooon. Soon! After my ethics essay is complete. The following week 7 and week 8's gonna be my catchup time for my other modules too! Been too chill for the past few weeks.

So anyway, after Monday, I would be able to resume gymming with Anna! Hopefully, lest my procrastination gets the better of me again. I should try to run 5km already. I've been stuck at running 3km for too long. But the problem is, my thigh muscles get itchy when I'm running that 3km. I don't know why either. And I get very restless. Restless as in my mind gets restless, not that I'm highly energetic and bored with the speed I'm running. I can't seem to think of stuff to occupy myself and avoid glancing at the timer every 5s!

10km sounds very puny, but I can't seem to start a r.e.g.u.l.a.r routine. ZZZ.

Anyways, looking forward to Monday night! <3 Speaking of which, I've got fatter fingers since one year ago. :(

Oh, btw. I got my CNY dress! With the help of Yuhan, Huixin, and I think James. That silly boy walked with me to the store, and glanced at the dress before saying 'I trust Yuhan's taste'.

And then! Today, he guess the colour of my dress wrongly. He thought that I chose a black dress for cny. LOLLLLLLLLLLL. Funny ah you! 

But he's been pretty sweet lately, don't know why :P even thought of me and took a prepare-for-marathon brochure for me! I'm only running a 10km distance somemore. -.- We went Coffee Club for Linner today too! I think the food's not bad, only that we had to rush and we went too late, so we couldn't use the 1-for-1 voucher. Cos I was busy helping my mum with CNY clean up earlier, and had to run errands like recontract my phone plan. I got the Nokia X3, so far so good. I'm passing it to my mum though. I think I'm too lazy to adapt to another phone while the old phone's still working acceptable for me. :P my mum can do with a new phone too!

Perhaps, I should update this space more. and huixin can read this and stay connected with me! hahahaha. :P Don't you love me? hahahahhahahaha. You'll have to update your side too! I think you confirm will one.

I have never met anyone who cancels so many freaking appointments on me. Even if it was as nice as to tell me one hour before the appointment time.

If other things matter more to you than honouring what you agree to, I'm so glad we're ending all this already. It was always your last priority, face it.  

If you wonder why people say all that about you, think about it. I cannot be standing by your actions always, even if I try to reason why you act a certain way. Cos my non-confrontational stance did not and will not be helping you. I tried the softest approach, but I guess I still can't. Even your boyfriend has mentioned this to you, I seriously can't understand why a person can continue like that. Change is slow, but it's been forever.

It's not that I'm a control inflexible person or that I am being very calculative, but spare a thought for me please? I have a tight schedule, but I still stick to my word and give you my highest committment. Even though I can't remember a specific time, but there must have been a time I cancelled on you, and of course all the times I've been late. I don't know what busy entails for you, Since every other day when you're tired or will be tired, it means you'll prefer to meet some other time. That's a lot of days by the way. In a way, I should be pleased because I can avoid the attitude? Perhaps what you could have gotten in place of meeting me for ONE hour was more valuable, and I can always accomodate, and what we're meeting to settle could be done any other day that led you to making such a decision. 

You ever complained to me about people cancelling on you, and yet you do this to me repeatedly. There are some acceptable reasons, and others that are not. Those that are not are especially those that you think thrice about telling me about. And if this goes on, how can anything positive happen?

I shitty feel like a back-up.  How do you call me your friend? A best friend at that, with this treatment.

I don't know if you'll be reading this. Maybe you can call me cowardly for posting this online, but wth, there needs to be some way I can get this across to you. I'm exhausted with all this pent-up feelings. 

I think a true friend would be one that is reliable, and one whom I have a magical connection with. As much as I agree with the statement that we turn to different friends for different needs, I think my one true friend would be the one that I can talk to about anything. Maybe I am mixing this up with the idea of who is my best friend. If that were so, I think I would be very sad. I'll only have one friend. A friend is one who you want to care for genuinely and you''ll want to make time to spend time with. A hi-bye 'friend' is an acquaintance. Nothing more, nothing less, but there is still room for it to blossom into a friendship.

Firstly, of course my best friend has to be my true friend. But the true friend might not be my best friend. It sounds all very transactional and stuff, but I think ultimately what determines a best friend would be where the feelings part comes in. I can feel that the person in all honesty is treating me with all due respect and provides me with a support that only true friends give. And that is something I want to wholeheartedly give back to that person.

Now having established that I can have many true friends, I think that it is not difficult to be a true friend. A true friend is a loyal confidante, who keeps all your secrets safe. A true friend is one who offers you help when you feel like shit or is in shit. This help can also be simply defined as a person who can listen to you problems without making you feel judged.

A true friend shares in your joys and never feels jealousy or envy for you. A true friend gives you humble advice, and supports you in all that you do as much as they disagree with your action. But this is not withstanding that they must have given you their true opinion before ending with the 'i'll still support you, because you are my friend and i'm not in your shoes'.

A true friend also listens and reciprocates your effort placed in the relationship. This is highly important because no human is a true saint and is able to withstand a longterm friendship without reciprocity in the care given. If the person can give you support always and you're not reciprocating it, then you're becoming a true bitch undeserving of that friendship. As much as a true friend should not expect anything in return, I feel that this must be justified that the true friend is given the due respect a friend should have - care.

As such, a true friend is where the party gives and the receiver also seeks to give. Give that not of quantitative things, but of intangibles, to make life more humanly. A true friend never waits for you to think of them, they think of you. To have to wait for the initiative of the other party to initiate contact would not be the genuinity of care a true friend gives. To sum up, to have a true friend, you must be the truest friend to that person first.

To end a friendship would be drastic. One can simply let live a friendship, without initiative on each part, though it would be a dormant one. The sharing of experiences will have been reason enough for this friendship not to die. I do not think a friendship can ever backtrack other than zooming down to enemies- the worst ever level of a relationship. Perhaps this is because I am a person who is more pre-occupied about not making bad blood, I would simply let live the friendship and it will fade. I believe time makes a difference. A previous feud can always soften as time passes. 50 years down the road, any bad blood can be unclotted. A feud can be unwinded, and a topic for both parties to laugh about. To be in a friendship is to share an experience valued by both.

Prhaps one day you can ask yourself, was that feud necessary? As much as you do not talk to another, it does not mean there is still anger and disappointment, but more rather the time gives rise to awkwardness, and pride prevents one from talking to the other. Circumstances give rise to friendships, and circumstances dent friendships. No friendship can be unsalvaged, it just takes effort and the environment to bring it around.

We remain hopeful :)

I am so unhappy with my telco. And not just them, but with all those inefficient organisations as well. Including one bank that required their customer to call each department he has an account with to change his address. Doesn't the system have a central system to update all records across the departments if the customer requests?  

First, when we wanted to change the billing address for our bills, the CSO requested that each and every one of our family members call them up to change. ?!?!?!?!?! Firstly, we were all billed under the Same previous address, and all the accounts are under the the same account in the rewards programme. Secondly, how the heck do you recognise the difference in voices? If I asked my friend to post as my brother, wouldn't you guys still accept the change in address cos he can still give the nric number all the same? So in the end, instead of all 5 of us calling to change, my sister told them off and they accepted the change.

And then now, I have not recontracted with them after my 24 months were up. Initially at the 24th month, I received their mailed brochure and was pleasantly surprise that I would be given bill rebates of up to $15 each month should I decide not to get a new phone. Unknowingly, I did not know that this required active participation on my part ot sign up for it, as I just found out 15 minutes ago. 

So anyway, when I received my bill, I got a shock, cos my unlimited SMS perk was removed. What the hell is the reasoning for that? The CSO told me that this service was only valid for the 2 years of the contract. Then why did the rest of my contract hold still, including my free incoming etc. ? Okay, so this additional sms charges can be waived if I recontract within the next 3-5 days. It's a hefty $70 for a student like me to pay. There was no notification prior to the removal of the service. And I don't understand why there's minimum of 3 days before I can recontract either.

As I wanted to save the trip down to their stores, I went online to search for a phone that would appeal to me. And at the bottom corner of their website, I saw Bill Rebate "Save on your monthly bill when you recontract with us". !!! So I do get a rebate after all if I do not sign up for a new phone. :) So I signed up for it. On my part, I later decided to check up with their CS if this is possible and counts as a recontract. There was a very interesting icon to chat with their CSOs. The guy was very friendly, I think partly it's due also to the fact that we can plan our words first before typing them out. OH! And amazingly, he tells me that this bill rebate thing is NOT a recontract.

Up till now, I'm super irritated and disappointed. And the rest of the story is yet to be heard till I make my way to one of their stores.

I am set on not getting a smartphone - which is probably the way telcos earn their monies now. As much as I am not a high income contributor to them, I do not feel I should be treated any more unfairly than a smartphone subscriber. My mind might change anytime right? All customers can change their minds any time.

It's nice to be home and doing nothing on a Friday :) Well, knowing that the good bf took leave and is out at RWS and people around me are celebrating the start of their holidays and all, you know.

Finally, I can say that I only have one paper left. And that's the module with the most readings. Oh wells, at least I had only one exam per day, and sufficient time to study for them. My exams have been pretty all right even though there were careless mistakes here and there. Hope for the best! Others might make more mistakes than me, or I may have just been worrying needlessly. My level of confidence is just not there for this semester.

I feel like I have been practically wasting my time. Rushing to complete assignments and study for tests cos I haven't been doing my work regularly. It is not a good feeling. And it is very very unhealthy. I've been really blessed to have three good semesters with workload that's evened out and exam dates that are spread out. Sounds pretty advantageous to me, but I can't find the motivation to do well. Uni is so different from the other schools. Maybe I'm not feeling enough 'near' pressure.

To my sec sch and jc study mates: I'm grateful for the kanchiongness, study buddies! And we all did well together :)

29th is looming near. That means the three days I have to do everything I wanted to do for post exam is coming fast! Mad rush. And I will most likely not be able to have internet access when I'm overseas. So that means I have to do my stuff before I fly. Wheeeee

- Internship applications
- Blogshop
- Meet up with friends
- Haircut
- Check up stuff about Abu Dhabi, cos I really have no clue what to expect of the culture etc and what to pack.
- Google interesting places to visit when I'm there (Oh, I might be going to Egypt as well! And the bf's gonna be there too! But we'll most likely not meet, cos we'll be on two separate tours. Rah. If I could speak Egyptian, then we could go there free and easy. And I heard that there are escalators in the Great Pyramid. Haha)
- Competition stuff

That's really a lot of things to do in 3 days, and I hate it when people change plans cos time is so tight for me.

Nex is opened, but I may not visit it before I leave. LOL. I'm gonna go enjoy my XL Crispy Seaweed.

I'm feeling so fidgety while studying.

Sigh, and I'm only half way done with exams.

I want 29th to come sooner, and i don't really want it to come either.. :(

I look across the mrt cabin at 9.02am, and all the people seated except for one were using an iPhone. Lol.

I was reading abt perceptions yesterday, and social identity theory etc etc. not really trying to sound smart here, cos i'm only reading it to revise for my exams. Interesting how I read it and NOT relate it to what i'm thinking about. As much as perceptions are roadblocks, they are what i can only rely upon to relate to a person right? After all, i only know zero persons inside out. I know I'm not always right, but too bad, i have super high self esteem. And i'm stubborn, or assertive or whatever you call it. I do put in effort to control it, you know. To have the balanced view thingy.

I also get blocked by what I perceive others to think of me. And my tb says that this hinders a person from exhibiting their full potential. I believe so :P im being hopeful here! But in another light, these perceptions of other people's perceptions keep me disciplined, not? Rofl, only I know what I am talking about here.

So how do I perceive myself? What do I build my identity on? It's not easy to admit, I suppose. The way I live my life and make my decisions are rather contradictory. But I believe another hundred million thousand people are doing the same things with their lives.

After the chat yesternight, well it isn't easy at all to build an identity on something everlasting. There are many reasons for that. For now at least, I know there are some other things that I base my identity on - my family, Cs, my studies. And praise God! they've all been steady sources. I don't want them to be taken away or spoiled or anything, because they are rather irreplaceable. I'm a big big girl, in a big big world, it's not a big big thing if you leave me... ♫ Lol. I might be a really sad kid and all alone. :( 

Might.  I trust in You that I won't be :) ah well, i better get on with studying. it doesn't help that I'm in the SR with a couple. The same couple that was sitting in front of me two days ago, and touchy touchy. How the hell do you study like that? -.-