Your ways are higher than my ways, your thoughts higher than my thoughts.
Thank you Jesus.
I prayed for a chance to say I love you, Jesus loves you. I prayed for paradise… But in your mercy you delivered healing. In your mercy, you gave life.
You are indeed the one in control of our lives. Thank you for not just listening to me and doing everything I ask for, in your infinite wisdom.
And so, even as I struggle to understand why your deliverance has not come in other circumstances, I will still choose to anchor my hope and trust in you. In your perfect timing. Please, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus.
I wonder how I felt when I first received those letters. Was I touched or was I cringing, I cannot remember.
Well, I also thanked you for being patient with me, as I worked through my feelings for you, so I wasn’t the only patient one in the relationship, I guess.
*
Came across another note addressed to Princess Alyssa. I REALLY CANNOT!!!
Just not a damsel-in-distress princess kinda girl.
*
But when you call me 欧洲公主 so naturally, somehow it doesn’t feel cringy hahaha.
*
Looking at the things you guys thanked me for being, it seems like I haven’t changed much at all. Fundamentally, I would continue to hold on and stay by your side as long as I believed in a future together. Perhaps that is my greatest strength but also my greatest weakness.
The realization that the solution to all your feelings of insecurity can only come within. Because the expectations will only keep increasing with each “solution” you think can be implemented. And even then, true security comes only from believing in the unchanging, sovereign God. - So many systemic problems at work which I feel so powerless to change. Where do we go from here?
I rehearsed the scene a thousand times in my head (okay maybe just 20) and each time I ended up in tears.
But with you, somehow, reality always exceeds expectations.
As I shared the exasperated thoughts running through my mind that night (“Tell me you reach home for what!? 我想吃什么关你屁事！ How dare this person still send me nonsense emojis and act cute!?”), you suddenly let out a laugh. Which also made me laugh. And the tears, they were history.
I thought Dec was a one-off of me not valuing myself. I thought that because my primary concern was making sure things weren’t awkward for you, I managed to put aside my feelings and somehow laugh it off with you, even when I should be feeling as though I was dying the death of a thousand cuts.
But now I think I’m starting to realize that it wasn’t the case. That actually, that’s just the way things are between us. That I can be myself around you and speak my mind without fear. That even in the darkest of nights, you wouldn’t make light of my feelings and yet we can always find laughter.
And how precious it is, for me to have someone like you.
This week’s takeaway while talking to Cheryl: our HR problems are so small...
How do you patiently listen to my 微不足道 complaints and whining and not tell me how small, insignificant and frivolous they are?? Despite being more tired and hungry than myself, you still make time for me, you never delegitimise my experiences & you even try to lift my moods in your... highly unorthodox ways.
Today as I listened to your own struggles that are way way bigger than mine, I really don’t know what I am complaining about. I think you should really give me a hard knock on the head hahaha.
I’ve been looking forward to ending the BSF year and stepping down from leadership #byeresponsibilities but as we edge closer and closer to the last session for the year, the prospect of it truly coming to an end suddenly seems a little... sad.
Last week my girls very enthusiastically asked me to give a life update in the “5mins talk nonsense time” before discussion started (yes I know the intention is not to talk nonsense 😬). Turns out they “caught” me eating dinner with a guy HAHAHA. I asked them why didn’t they just come and say hi and all their doubts would be resolved and they were all “we understand, don’t need to explain” HAHAHAHA and suddenly at that point I felt like I would really miss their nonsense.
This week, a record number of them turned up for class and I finally found a method to get them thinking about/sharing the 6th day question!!! (Which they said worked! #glorytoGod)
Suddenly it seems like everything is ending a little too quickly and I’m just wondering whether I should re-evaluate my decision. Sigh.
