Remember the King David's training.

Being an obedient shepherd boy and son.

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OBEDIENCE.

Do not lean on your own understanding or knowledge.
Rely on Him fully. (He will never short change us)

--

It might be long, but it shall be given in due time.

--

Remember to serve him.

Only 365 blog posts, how hard can it get?

I love all the 31st of Decembers. It is a time of resolutions. A time for me to be resolute, once again. A time of review of the happenings of 2010. I love this day more than my own birthday,

birthday is a day that I unconsciously expect from others, often get disappointed, and a day of hopeful wishing.

(Instead) today is the day that I determinedly make resolutions for myself, aiming to achieve, and a day of written resolutions.

I've written 7 resolutions. Too bad I have my previous diary back at home in Kuantan, I would love to read it to find out to what extent my 2010 resolutions are met.



2011 - bring it on. I am ready to soar.

As I listened to the silence of my surroundings, beyond the whisper of the wind; as I searched deep into my soul, piecing together the sanity of this secular world; I hear my heart says:

mediocrity entails no remorse, but hunger for betterment.

He once told me, it is Me or Mammon.

Somehow, I don't feel like I am struggling. I choose Him, yet at the same time I will pursue the copper coins, silverware, gold bars - with You as an end. And 'it' as a means.

it is 7 hours away from my General Paper A levels paper.
I slept for 2 hours, something woke me up. I guess it is probably nervousness. Most probably excitement from all the things that I am free to do in two weeks. I was reading some articles online, hoping that I'll be more equipped for tmr. But like how I always am, I get a little distracted and actually made a post-As-to-do-list. Now looking at the list, I feel so very excited. I look forward to As - doing my best. And of course, I'm holding my breath, sprinting all the way now.

For I can see the finishing line.

Tightly clenched, the hollow pen
produced nothing but barrenness.
is it the heart? or is it the hand?

so filled with, so full of - callousness.
Like the thirsty desert waiting
patiently for rain. I long for us:

A union where songs can once again sing
inseparable melodies with lyrics,
embedded perfectly like diamond with a ring.

Tears of pangs and heartaches
drizzled out of dreadful desperation.
Water mixing with the pencil-lead flakes;

Sacrificial blood to restore vision,
vainly I stabbed the paper. Desiring to kill,
blight this barrenness for inspiration.

Nothing. Silence. Nothing to feel
except fury due to failed alchemy.
I need this oasis, I plead, I kneel.

-

i bet you that you'll read this now, just because you don't get to read it.

it's like the forbidden fruit syndrome.

i really hope that you'll be too busy to read it tmr and the following days to come.

NYEH.

all my shitty, hidden past. GAH. not for you to know.

*keeps fingers crossed* that all the for my eyes only posts are kept hidden.

Josh, you have to learn how to hate those things that dumb you down or waste your time. Stevie hates the television.

You're not holding on to the passions you have in life hard enough. you're not digging deep enough. and you're struggling with school!

If you listen hard enough you can hear me. If you listen harder you can hear another voice challenging you, "what do you want to do to change the world?"What would i be? What can i do? should i conform to my parent's choices or should i fight to make my own.

i don't even know what i like. okay i do for somethings. but those are more like personal indulgence rather than contributions that can make the world go round with another perspective. it's alright, search for it slowly josh. though there is urgency, don't rush it. you'll find it soon enough. yes i will. keep doing the thing that you enjoy =)

Joshua is reading his history notes on OBL and Al-Qaeda. He wonders and will research later after he's done with this portion of the notes - how hard is it to mastermind the 911 and does the difficulty increase as OBL was 'sitting in Afganistan."

LOL. Afganistan does not pass spell check.