let's go rustic.

I'm pretty sure this outlet has collected enough dust bunnies till they have their own planet but I think I won't be interest to blog anymore.

I used to lament about how heartbroken or excited I was when I develop some form of feelings for someone. But I think I don't have to do that anymore to make myself feel better. I'm young, I still feel like the whole world is waiting for me to discover it. I graduated, I joined a reality competition, I foumd the love of my life through my elimination and now, I'm at a crossroad.

Besides that, life's been so good to me. I want to abandon this space, maybe start a new one in future to open another outlet for sharing. I keep myself updated through social networks like Twitter and Facebook. Feels like blogging's a chore for me. I just had to post something after eons of not doing so.

So goodbye, rustiqueshoppe. I believe you will always be here as evidence of my teenage years. Thank you to the boys that broke my heart with my one-sided adoration.

Till we meet again.

Maybe I spoke too soon. I DID try giving K time, and I guess he gave me time too. But now, I think the time we willingly gave unwillingly took away feelings. He pretends as if nothing happened between us before, and I talk to him like there's nothing special anymore. I'm appalled at myself, really. I thought ending the 'dating' period with no clean break wouldn't happen to me anymore. Thank God for friends.

It's only the 27th of the last month in the year, but I'm on my way to making sure that I stick to my resolutions. I'm going to quit smoking. I've only been at it for a year, so I don't see why I can't do it, right? The past week, I haven't had the dying urge to smoke as badly coz I was sick. I'm not going to buy a pack tomorrow. I'm quite convinced that I won't tomorrow. But wish me luck for the rest of the week. *fingers crossed*

I'm going to visit Kino or Borders more often. I am going to find my Ancient Egyptian history fiction to feed my love for it. If I don't spend on ciggs, I can definitely buy more books. Or buy more clothes. But my other resolution is to save my money. Lol.

I need to start cycling randomly again. Probably once every week during the weekend. I can't even walk to the TEP room without being breathless since I started smoking. Maybe get people who actually want to play amateur volleyball with me at the beach just to break into a sweat.

Oh yes, on a very random note. I will smile at my eyecandies in school just coz it's gonna be my last year in NYP. Just for the fun of it.

Someone left for Dubai/Abu Dhabi. We have a bookstore 'date' when he comes back. For now, I need to get ready for SI Grand Finale. I hope Charice sings Halo, she's my ultimate reason for going.

Heretic,
Nissa.

I just typed about three or four paragraphs worth of updates but I realise nothing matters if this blog seems dead. I might consider just ending this.

All this while, I've been waiting. I never really got the chance to tell you. Neither have you. Maybe it's coz we never ever brought it up in our conversations. I'm still considering what my friend suggested, telling you when we graduate. When we hold on to our certificate of completion. Maybe then, I'll feel a little complete myself. If I don't let go, I don't think I ever will.

I'll be honest, I hate the fact that you have someone now. I guess no one else treated me like you did. No one protected me like you did. No one held me like you did.

I don't have much to offer, really.

Everything's so premature,
Nissa.

I think my mom is really reliving her deprived teenage years. She is an ultimate fangirl. The checks up on Anuar Zain's website from time to time to check up on his upcoming concerts (and then makes me attend all of it). I don't mind accompanying her but sometimes I'm lazy la! The top two websites she logs on to are probably anuarzain.com and youtube.

My ipod is ancient. Oh talking about ipods, my mom got one the same time that I did and her colleague helped her upload songs, dramas and movies into her ipod. Bad move, I'm gonna hijack it now coz she has all the old school Backstreet Boys songs. First it was Twilight (I watched it three to four times on her ipod), then Shopaholic and now it's the BSB songs!

TEP has been...... Different lol. I think we're still fooling around, taking pictures and recording stupid videos. I take more smoke breaks more than when I was IPP. Suckssss. I hate how setting up for a freaking Movie Musketeers set takes us like an hour plus coz the TFA and the LTCs are not available. So now, we have to make do with Studio A. Bagus, bagus sangat eh?

Whatever.

I cannot wait for jalan raya with budak Temasek yay yay!

Now let me show you the shape of my heart,
Nissa.

If (almost) 6 months of attachment went by in a nano second, then a month was probably less that that.

Time and time again I come back to this same space but I never seem to update. I've given up on posting pictures, think I lost the patience in tumpang-ing them in Isa's photobucket lol.

But since Hari Raya is coming.....

Nissa nak susun sepuluh jari (salam sikit salam sikit), nak minta ampun dan maaf atas segala salah silap yang Nissa dah buat okay? Kalau terkasar bahasa ke (tu memang la), terguriskan hati ke, secara sengaja atau tak sengaja, minta ampun!

A very advanced Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all the Muslims!

Minal Aidil Wal Faizin,
Nissa.

1) I miss you girls. Have fun at KR and the rest of Uni. <3

2) I wish I could've stayed for the chalet. It's literally like Sec One all over again, except we're juicier with gossip. Teehee.

3) I feel like I should just be permanently hired and get paid more. AND HAVE MY NAMECARDS MADE!!!!!

4) In case anyone cares, I'm no longer talking to S. Not intending to. I've made it so obvious that I was interested, ball was in his court.

5) I miss school, and I can't say this enough. I actually miss lectures and tutorials, as much as we group into our own little cliques and not really interact unless we need answers that we didn't manage to copy down.

Besides all that, all that I talk about is work and S. Well, not anymore coz I can't be fucking bothered about someone who doesn't know what he wants. Boys, can't live with them can't live without them. Well, work takes up pretty much all my time. Five interns who've been with us will be leaving on Friday. It's gonna take some getting used to. But I can't wait for the dinner + afterparty! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Old flames don't suddenly come back like your old flames,
Nissa.

No more love stories that cross racial boundaries.
No more movies with Mak Inom, Pak Atan and Orked as inspirations, except works that have been reproduced into DVDs or VCDs.
No more The Storyteller, because that was what you were.

I never knew Yasmin Ahmad personally except for the very brief session after a screening session of Gubra. I've read her blog, watched interviews and videos. I have watched Sepet, Gubra and Mukhsin and everytime I watch them again I learn something else. I start to love something else. I am still trying to get a hold of Rabun and Talentime, someone please get them for my next birthday!

Her movies have the most amazing literary details that I could ever imagine. It still hasn't hit me but we have lost one of the best storytellers in the region.

Al Fatehah.

I am actually supposed to be sleeping. I'm hungryyyyyyyyyyy. I only had fishball soup, a small tub of ice cream and two redbulls for the whole day. The event was awesome, I'm so happy I get fun accounts to work on! Met a new friend I made from attending another event. Had the CASANOVA team there. I'm so happy, my life's been hectic but I'm learning and gaining so much. I still can't wait for school, I miss the food!

What am I still doing here? I have errands to run tomorrow and I'm still awake. Shit.

We're not the same,
Nissa.

1) I just leaned back and wrinkled my skirt for tomorrow. I told D that I was planning to wear dresses the for the whole of this week, but I realised that I don't have enough dresses (the rest are maxi dresses and they look too dressy) to last me through the week. I should get two more so that I have 5, then I can wear black dresses for a whole working week!

2) I have survived with the bare amount of make up on my face (as compared to the usual). I don't even put on my eyeliner everyday. After two events last Thursday, I was shocked to see the amount of make up I usually put on my face on normal school days. Maybe the black parts of the make up removing wipes are not that obvious but with mascara, woohoo. I even took a picture of the wipe. I think part of me just stopped bothering about make up for work UNLESS we're meeting clients or having events.

3) I was having a hard time at work in the beginning, but now I'm accepting what I do. It's been almost two months and I'm still learning stuff that I do on a regular basis, just refining it as I go along. If I wasn't in this position, I wouldn't have networked at all!

4) Mas, I want to bump into R and then I'll see what he's really like.

5) Nad, we need a quadruple date. Come back and clear your quarantine quick!!

6) Afiq, my mom told me to tell you that she's seeing Anuar on 2nd July. She giggled when she said that.

7) I am actually sleepy but I want to eat my peanut butter cups. They are safely stored in the fridge but I am sooooooooo lazy to go get them.

8) I went back to school after like, three weeks maybe? I miss cheap McDs, so I had the usual McSpicy yummmm.

Now I need dessert,
Nissa.