My eyes are tired of trying to
stay dry on rainy days.




We fade away when ladybirds get pale.

                   We fade away when ladybirds turn grey.

His moment of victory, followed by a
tossing into the
deep gray twilight.

And then it happens.

A moment of savagery, which
beckoned
               urged
                         drove One
in that impulsive moment to hurt
tear in rage
                  & fury, to kick and thrash,
                 hurt and incapacitate him.

Tiny eyes watch in confusion,
as the victory in Daddy Dear's eyes
flicker for a moment,
                                  shattering
into the deep gray twilight.

Vacant, cold, strange is the moment
before the storm:
                            whipping into his flesh
pain, hurt, and
                         somewhat regret.

Of the things he did,
could have done,
should have done,
would never again do.

He is Daddy Dear no more.
Ripped apart and robbed of
his soul.

He is laying very
                           still on the grass.
Still, as he stood on that warm
summer's day, watching
her make her way through the crowd.

He is laying very still,
where he stood victorious just
moments, just
seconds ago.

If only things didn't have to turn out
the way it did. Why did things have to turn out
the way they did?

He was perfect
                          in her eyes.

But his eyes are but hollow shells now.


We lost them to that dark gray twilight.

(?)

__________________________________________

Manna is a hell of a drug.

And I need a little more I think,
because enough is never
quite enough...

What's enough?

The Giant laid out on the grass full of chocolate and lemonade.

And yet, underneath it all, the Giant was afraid.

Everything is so terrifying, & fleeting.

Maybe I am the Giant of Illinois.

Live on coffee and flowers,
Try not to worry what the weather will be.

Figured out what we're missing...

I tell you miserable things after you're asleep.



I'm a confident liar
Had my head in the oven so you'd know where I'll be...

I'll try to be more romantic. I want to believe in everything you believe.

I was less than amazing, do not know what all the troubles are for.



I was afraid I'd eat your brains because I'm evil.

I'm really sorry I have to go.

I know I was supposed to be brighter,
to do better...
I was supposed to get in with you.
I wanted to, so badly.

I wish things worked out differently.

I'm sorry.
I really am...

I know I'm such a
failure.

Here we stand, together, at the crossroads.

But I'm sorry, I really have to

go now.

I can't believe it's really happening.

I hate begging.
I hate whining.
I hate it when others try to take advantage of your situation.

I hate the way you're making me beg.
I HATE THIS.
I FREAKING HATE THIS.

I need to get it out of my system.
I need to get this toxic out of my system.
I hate the situation I'm in.
I hate the shit I'm in.

I hate this.
I hate you.

Asshole.

If only we could end this game anytime we wanted, would you
give up, my dear?


I really do wish we could.


All you can do is watch it ooze,

drip drop,

(?)
tick tock.



We will heal, will we not?



________________________________________________




And there under our blanket of nightsky,
it was only you and me.

Dreaming
of that tinkling of glasses,
low chattering, lights dimmed.
No one sees us as we
prance through,

going around unseen,
unnoticed,
non-existent.


And for that stolen moment,
we're free.


________________________________________________

Good-night, good-night! Parting is such sweet sorrow

That I shall say good-night till it be morrow.

So many things to do, yet so little time.

Desperately listening to songs of the past,
hoping that it'll make me Brand New.


_____________________________________________________________



he went about in
a daze, scarcely seeing even the things he handled,
drifting, quiescent, in a state of

metamorphosis.

He submitted to that which was happening to him,
letting go his will, suffering the loss himself, dormant always on the brink of
ecstasy, like a creature evolving to a

new birth.

- "The Rainbow", D.H. Lawrence