Here Today, Ghana Tomorrow

So before I booked my flight, I was hoping to leave on May 14.  That is the week we have been aiming for the past month.  I told TR that I would not be able to leave by the 14th and may have to leave on Monday the 19th.  He had a really loving response that shared how much I would be missed…

“We just can’t take you to the airport on Saturday the 17th.  I am sorry, I thought you would be gone by then- the kids and I have a really busy day.  Kman has soccer assessments, then an indoor soccer scrimmage and maybe a baseball tournament playoff.  After that, I was thinking about taking them to a Dbacks game depending on how they are going.  I just don’t know how we can get you to the airport”

Oh, okay, not like I am leaving for a month to go to AFRICA to be by myself most of the time.  Don’t worry about me, I can call Supershuttle or something!!!

So anyway, when you heard I was leaving my family for a month or two, you may have been thinking how horrible that would be for TR and the kids.  Maybe you thought I was focusing on Selina and leaving my poor husband home with my children that will miss me terribly.  How can a mother leave her precious family alone like that?  Surely they can’t live without her…

Well, now you know…. I had to schedule my flight on Friday night so they could take me to the airport!!!!

I have done a lot of things so that my family is happy, healthy and fabulous when I am gone. 

*I have made a schedule that has the kids basically having the most exciting month of their lives.  They are at different friends and families homes each day.  It will be like a new adventure when they wake up each morning.  It is crazy.  Somedays they go to the same place, other days they are separated.  – NOTE if you are one of these people who offered to take the kids a day, per our conversation you will be getting a detailed email on Wednesday with your day and time with details, phone numbers and every thing you wanted to know.

*I have the housekeeper coming weekly

*I have purchased toys, treats and have notes for the kids for TR to pull out and give to them throughout the month.

*I have done some deep cleaning so there is some room when you open the closets to just toss things in a new pile that I will lovingly go through again when I go home.

*I have purchased some favorites that we don’t always have: cinamon rolls, ice cream sandwiches, sports drinks, etc so the kids will have some food and drink choices that will be a special treat.

*I have been preparing the kids for my absence for about a month now.  We have had discussions about why I will be gone for so long and what I am doing there.  We have also discussed things that they can do when they miss me.

So, I actually am thinking that my family will do beautifully without me.  They may miss me sometimes but the kids are secure and confident and understand the importance of my trip.  I know they will have their moments but overall, they should be great.  TR has already stated that he feels they will be fine because his job will be “to have fun”.  He says, “I won’t be straightening the house up as much as you would- I am going to focus on what the kids and I do.  I will just make sure it looks good when you come home”  This all made me laugh as I know he means it.

With all this done, I am about ready.  My flight leaves on Friday night.  The baseball coach just called with the tournament schedule.  If Kman’s team wins, this game, loses this game and the stars are all aligned precisely- they will have a playoff game on Friday night.  This puts me back at square ones and asking….

Can I get a ride to the airport please???

I just wanted to let you know that I will be blogging whenever possible while in Ghana.  I have created a blog just for that at… 

goingghanagone.blogspot.com

It will be a nice way to keep the kids, family and friends updated all at once! 

Right now, I am taking any monetary donations that people want to make.  The money will be used to help out two orphanages as well as a project I decide on after touring the places Fr. Fran did his work.  Either way, it will all go towards helping children and those that need help in Ghana.  I will update everyone on what I do with the money.  Donations can be made on my travel blog.

I had a fun time working on my travel blog over the past month.  I included the time in Ghana, stories shared by other families that have traveled to Ghana and some of my favorite songs!   I am excited I am finally traveling so I can share it with you!!!

It is time for me to go to Ghana!  I am so excited!  I leave on Friday, May 16.  I plan on being gone four to eight weeks! 

Before going, several people mentioned that they wanted to go to Africa with me.  I knew that it is one thing to want to go and another to get the shots, take the time off of work, spend the money on the plane fare, prepare you visas and to be totally flexible in that you have no idea when you will actually leave.  You just wait for my call saying, “Hurry up let’s go!”

Well, my best friend has done all that and will be going with me for the first two weeks of my trip!!!

Cater and her Godmother,  Molly…

I can’t even convey how excited I am that Molly is going with me!  When I called her on a Sunday and told her I was going for one long trip instead, I didn’t think she would still want to come meet me while I was there as she would probably had to have traveled alone.  Well, she spoke to her boss and got the okay on Monday and the shots on Tuesday!  She is ready to go!

It has actually worked out so that we will travel there together and she will stay with me two weeks.  We are really looking forward to it.  It will be so wonderful for me to have someone else there with me when I meet Selina!  We also will do some traveling and will be making donations at local orphanages. 

So I just can’t say Molly is coming and leave it at that…I have to share a little history of Molly and I.  We met our freshman year at college.  We lived in the same dorm on the same floor and had just both pledged the same sorority and did not know it.  One night we both happened to call the on campus security golf cart to come and get us and take us to the library.  We ended up alone on the golf cart with an obviously new golf cart driver.  Our “safe” ride almost ended tragically for us as he almost crashed a few times.  At one point, he said we had to go to the “cart corral” to get a different cart because there was a problem with his.  When he got the new cart, he couldn’t figure out how to put it in reverse and almost hit all the other parked carts.  Needless to say, Molly and I kept looking at each other, rolling our eyes, and trying not to laugh outloud. 

We started talking and decided that we would be safer braving the campus on our own and headed off to the dismay of the cart guy.  At the library we realized all that we had in common.  I was hoping to find another best friend at the new school as I was basically there alone.  I immediately decided that Molly was perfect and to top it off, she was much nicer than me!

So the story goes that I basically stalked her.  I invited her over after the library for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then planned our next get together.  She was so nice, she just kept going along with my plans.  I always wanted brothers and she had three younger ones and her family lived in town so before long, I was an unofficial member of her family.  Her brothers loved me because I drove faster than Molly and I loved all of them including the family dog, “Sherman” a big yellow lab (which is why I now own labs).

Molly and I had so much fun in college.  We lived together for four years and never argued.  How many people can do that?   I know that I annoyed her often but she was just so nice.  She was the one that when we took 8am Chinese Civilization together and then went from there to Geography and I fell asleep- she would wake me up when the professor was looking at me!  Then when we went to study for the test and I realized my notes were not readable (because they had long lines going down them from when I dozed off) she shared her notes with me.  She decided never to take an 8 am class with me again BUT we got through it together (I think she had to feel a little better that she got an A and I got a B in Geography)…    We always looked out for each other and had so much fun. 

The rest is history, we have been best friends ever since even though we have lived apart the last 13 years.  We may lose touch and get busy depending on what is happening in our lives but when we catch up, it is like we just spoke yesterday…  And when one hears that the other is going to Africa alone for a month or so to meet and bring home her daughter she says, “I want to come with you, and she does”  MOLLY ROCKS

So when Molly emailed me that her flight was confirmed, I responded, “Awesome!  I am so glad I stalked you 17 years ago!”

Grandma

I am sorry it has been awhile since I have posted.  It has been a busy time as I have been getting ready to go from Africa and in the midst of this, God decided it was time to call my grandmother home.

After years of declining health in which my grandmother suffered from multiple physical issues along with dementia, she is finally free.  This last week has been very emotionally overwhelming for my entire family.  It is so difficult to watch someone that you love so much slip away even though you know that in the end they will be in a better place.  I finally mourned the grandmother that I lost years ago and celebrated as I was able to be with her and to tell her all the things that I wanted to say.

I was fortunate in that I had a moment with her that brought me so much peace.  

I have been telling her about the adoption and traveling to Ghana for over a year now.  She never really understood or was able to talk about it.  That always made me sad as I think we would have had a wonderful conversation about it.  She was such a spiritual and religious woman that I would have loved to have discussed this with her in great length to get her input and advice on raising Selina.  She is Fr. Fran’s sister and Ghana has always held a special place in her heart.

Last Friday when talking to grandma, I mentioned that I would be leaving to Ghana soon.  The last few months, grandma wasn’t talking much and if she did, it did not make a lot of sense.  She looked at me and said , “I am going with you”.  This of course brought me to tears as I knew that she would be going with me and to hear her say it was so unexpected as in that moment she made perfect sense.  A minute later she said. “but I will be alone, who will go with me?”  I asked her “who is always with you?” We agreed that God would be with her and that she would not make the journey alone.  

I will forever be grateful for that moment with her as I had been nervous for the time that I would be alone in Ghana.  When it is late at night and I am alone in my bed in this place where I know no one and all my family is an ocean away, I know that I will feel the comfort that my grandmother is with me.  I know she will watch over me.

For the last week, I (along with many family members) struggled with God’s timing.  We gathered around grandma several times thinking that she was about to be called to heaven but it was not to be.  It was hard to understand why she had to endure her last few days on Earth as they were very difficult for her and for her loved ones.

As we prayed over her it became clear. 

I learned the last few days of grandma’s life that we can all have plans- they are called “our plans”.  We can think that we can control when things will happen and that we know best what the timing of things should be.  We can even try to convince God that we know what is best for us and that he should go along with “our plans”.  In reality- he has his plans and he has his reasons for his plans.

I now know that grandma spent her last few days on earth teaching us.  While she lay there in bed, her family surrounded her and had to look to God for answers for her needless suffering.  We found them.  In that time, we became closer.  We caught up with each other and made plans for the future.  We realized the importance of family and how we often took it for granted.  We talked about our own spirituality and decided that we wanted to get become closer to God and to come together as a family to worship him.  We talked about ways in which we could do this.

I realized that God does have a plan.  He had his perfect plan all along.  He waited for the perfect moment for the angels to call my grandmother to heaven.   He called grandma to heaven on Thursday, May 1 at 9am. 

This year, May 1 marks The Ascension of Our Lord, which occurred 40 days after Jesus Christ rose from the dead on Easter Sunday, is the final act of our redemption that Christ began on Good Friday. On this day, the risen Christ, in the sight of His apostles, ascended bodily into Heaven (Luke 24:51; Mark 16:19; Acts 1:9-11).

“Christ’s bodily Ascension foreshadows our own entrance into Heaven not simply as souls, after our death, but as glorified bodies, after the resurrection of the dead at the Final Judgment. In redeeming mankind, Christ not only offered salvation to our souls but began the restoration of the material world itself to the glory that God intended before Adam’s fall.”

May 1 also marks the beginning of May.  Catholics celebrate May as the month of our Blessed Mother Mary.  Nothing can be more fitting as my grandmother prayed the rosary everyday.  She so loved Mary.  To have passed away on April 30 would have been just April 30.  For her to have been called to God on May 1 has meaning and purpose.  It is also the same day of the year her wonderful brother Matthew was called home.

I thank God for giving me a grandmother that taught me so much in her life.  She was a woman that I will always look up to and that I will continue to go to for guidance and wisdom.  I admired her so much that I named my first daughter after her.   I look forward to having her with me and from contunuing to learn from her.  I only hope that I can make her proud.

Also, I hope that from this experience, I can learn to trust more in God and in “his plan”

I love you grandma…

Because I can now….

More pictures of our sweet little girl!  We can’t believe we have another daughter!  We are so blessed!  TR says so far, so good, he can hardly notice the difference!  Selina is pictured above with an employee at the adoption center.  He was instrumental in Selina coming into the home and their love for each other is apparant! 🙂

This is what happens now that we have passed court…

We wait for the adoption decree to be issued by the government in Ghana- (2-3 weeks)

Once we have the decree, I leave for Africa.  I am anticipating to travel in the middle of May.

When I get to Africa, I immediately file the I600- a document that allows us to bring Selina back to the US- It will take 3-8 weeks for this document to be processed

After we receive approval for the I600, we apply for and receive Selina’s visa- this will take about 1-2 weeks.

Most parents are choosing to file the I600 in Ghana at this time as to file it in the states adds time and so it would take longer to bring Selina home.  Since the government in Ghana is requiring parents to file this document in person, most families are making two trips.  One to file the I600 and then a second trip to pick up their child about 4-8 weeks later.

After discussion and analyzing of different scenerios, TR and I have decided that I will go to Africa and will remain there the until our paperwork is processed. 

I am prepared for this to take between 4 and 8 weeks!  This will give me this amount of time to spend getting to know Selina, seeing the places and meeting some of the people that were important to Fr. Fran.  I will also do a little sightseeing and visiting local orphanages.  The best part is that once I see Selina, I will get to be in Africa with her until I bring her home!!

I am very nervous and excited about this extended trip.   I have had great practice traveling alone- you see, I went to Seattle in April for three days!  I stayed in a nice hotel and sipped on Starbucks!  This will be a very new experience for me!

I have three weeks to get ready-

ready for Selina to come home,

ready to travel to Africa for over a month,

ready for TR to be alone and take care of the kids for that amount of time and

ready to gather donations so I can help the other orphans that need homes that may or may not find them.

If I stop to think about it too much, I get overwhelmed so I am taking it one day at a time and picking one or two things to do each day to get ready.

Today we cleaned out the garage and I bought a few shirts and undergarments!  Only about 100 more things to do!  Thank God for lists!

                                               Our little girl!! 

We are so excited to announce that we have passed court!!  Selina is our daughter!  Thank you God!  Now we just need to bring her home!  More later on what is next… just wanted to share our wonderful news!

THE BOYS   Nicholas (yellow) and Apollo (black)

As I think about all of the things that Selina will be learning and getting used to when she comes to live with us, I know that some will be wonderful and fun for her and others, well, they may be slightly terrifying…

We love the boys.  Yes they are big but they are so sweet. 

Apollo is my old man- he was born the day we were married and is 12.   Apollo is the sweetest and most gentle dog ever.  Now that he is older, his age has been really showing.  His life span is 10-12 years so he is actually on borrowed time.  We enjoy every day we have with him. 

Nicholas, who is four,  is our playful puppy.  He will always be a puppy.  He doesn’t know he is a boy (technically I guess he isn’t anymore anyway), he doesn’t know he should be territorial.  He just wants to love and be loved.

They would never hurt a child on purpose BUT have been known to step on a foot, knock someone over or wag a tail so hard that a child has fallen down.  For Kman and Cater- they have had the dogs in their lives since they were born and so they are used to them and are not afraid of them.  They love them so much.

Selina, on the other hand, will suddenly arrive at a home with these large, scary creatures in the backyard.  In Ghana, having a dog as a pet is not uncommon but loving on them and making them a big part of the family like many of us do is .  Most of the adopted kiddos that have come home so far to homes with dogs have been nervous about them.  The good news is that they seem to come around pretty quickly or are at least tolerant of the dogs.  It also seems, though,  that a lot of people have cute little fluffy dogs.  The dogs most common in Africa are smaller terrior type dogs.  I have a feeling that Selina may fear cohabitating with these large dogs for a little longer than most kiddos!

Imagine coming from another country being about 25 pounds and having this 90 pound animal doing this next to you…

This means, “please rub my belly”  but I don’t think Selina will interpret it that way…

What about this…

This means “I love you Kman and I want to hug you, love me, love me, love me!”  Nicholas is our hugger and comes up and puts his head over your shoulder.  He also is confused and believes he weighs about 10 pounds.  He wants to sit in your lap but unfortunately he can’t find many people that will allow him to do this although he keeps trying!

Yes the closest thing that the children in the Eban House had to an animal the size of my dogs was a goat.  The goat may have been about 20 to 30 pounds.  They had the goat in the backyard for a few days- it was a special treat.  I have pictures of the kids looking at this goat curiously but then  THEY ATE IT!   You read that right, it was a “special treat” called Christmas Dinner.

  Yes, there he is, Christmans Dinner!!

So as I think about all the things Selina is going to have to get used to here in America, I think the dogs may be one of the hardest adjustments. 

Hopefully she will come around and will end up loving the dogs as much as we do…

PS- Just for Anita.  In the completion of this post, I thought of you as I recalled this post…

Don’t put the black dog in front of the brown Love Sac!!!

American Idol Gives Back will be on tonight. 

According to their website: this year’s event, beginning at a special 7:30 PM start time, will be bigger and more ambitious than ever. Robin Williams, Celine Dion, Forest Whitaker, Billy Crystal, Dane Cook, Kiefer Sutherland, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale, Jennifer Connolly, Elliott Yamin, Fantasia and Amy Adams join previously announced international talent and sports figures Bono, Brad Pitt, Reese Witherspoon, Miley Cyrus, Mariah Carey, Eli Manning, Peyton Manning, Fergie, Chris Daughtry, Carrie Underwood, Annie Lennox, John Legend, Snoop Dogg, Maroon 5, Heart and Gloria Estefan.

During the show, viewers will be able to make donations via toll-free lines and the Internet.  Even though I am not a big fan of American Idol, I appreciate the help and publicity they have given to important causes that help those in Africa as well as children everywhere. 

A preview of the show…

Kman and Cater as blondes….

 Now as brunettes!! 

 So what do you think???? (ah, the beauty of picture editing!!)

We are so excited as Selina has received her welcome bag!!  I was so anxiously waiting to hear how she did when she got it.  Before you read her response, I must warn you again that Selina is a little concerned about white people (called obrunis in Ghana).   This is not abnormal for her age and experiences thus far in life.  While I am slightly concerned that it may make my experience in meeting her not the typical Hallmark card experience, it will all be okay (after several days!).   TR suggested that I consider going to a tanning booth a few times before going to Africa but I don’t think that it will darken me up enough!  I think he just thinks it would be cool to have a really tan wife! LOL!  I know that Selina won’t buy it anyway, she may only be one but she wasn’t born yesterday!!

Two mothers are in Ghana picking up their beautiful little girls.  One of them has been sending me little notes about Selina and took her the welcome bag we recently put together for her introducing our pictures and voices to her.  I wanted to share the following….

FROM TUESDAY MORNING:
Poor Selina was still scared to death of my white skin yesterday.  She recoiled, fell over and bumped her head.  I wasn’t able to comfort her because every time I got closer to her, the screams got louder.  Now that I have said that, I have spent some extra time with her today, just trying to sit close to her.  I have gradually moved my arm a few inches closer to her, so that I am almost touching her.  I have also done my best to coo at her when I am taking pictures, and she is not only getting used to that, but also seems to enjoy it.  By tonight she started to smile and reach for the camera when I would pull it out.  An adoptive father had a similar problem with his daughter on another one of my lists, and he used M&M’s.  Put one close to her, let her reach for it, and then put one a little further away from her and closer to him, etc, etc. until she was able to come to him.  If I remember correctly, he said that it was about 3-4 days before she came around. 

Selina got her welcome bag today and at first she FREAKED OUT when she heard the voices (from the bear).  But when she saw the nannies and other children facinated with this new toy, she started to want it more and more.  By the time that I left, she didn’t mind the voices so much and I really do think that it will help her get used to your voices before you come. 

NOTE: The M&M thing will not work- do you know how many M&M’s I could eat in 3-4 days alone with a child screaming at me!!!!  Especially when I am the new mother of this child and she is voicing her obvious displeasure?!!

I heard about this website for stickers on one of my yahoo groups and had to share because it was too cute!

www.headsabovestickers.com

You buy heads and bodies separate so you can make all kids of combinations for scrapbooking or fun art projects.  They have children of all different races and lots of different clothing possibilities!  It is especially helpful for those of us that have trouble finding cute stickers of African American kiddos! 🙂