Get well soon sweetie.. <3
Monday, July 31, 2006
Love and Hate
I don't know what it means to be a good daughter. It doesn't help when my father has a relatively unique viewpoint of almost everything, which he keeps from me most of the time.
Most days I am torn between love and hate for him.
Today I found him with red bleary eyes when I came home after dinner. He had gone to attend a friend's funeral earlier in the afternoon.
I asked him if he had eaten and he glanced at his gf and said, "Er, had something."
I looked at her too, and realised, "Urgh. HER cooking."
So I offered him my green tea red bean cake :s I sliced it into 5 parts and offered 3 to the both of them. The other 2 will be my lunch tomorrow.
Sigh. Sometimes I really don't know if I should worry about my father's welfare when it is entrusted into her hands.
It is a real pity that my dad, who could have chosen anyone he wanted, has chosen such a poor excuse for a companion.
Sometimes I wish humans were by nature less blinded by their own idiosyncrasies. I think their lives in general would be greatly improved in quality.
As much as I dislike his gf, I do think that she has sacrificed a lot for my father, who, like all middle-aged men, can be rather selfish sometimes. Sometimes I catch myself pitying her. She does so much for a man who ultimately would rather not "lose face" and marry her.
I don't know why my mind is so clouded over when it comes to my dad and his gf. Maybe if I knew he really does care for her and is not merely using her as a housekeeper cum personal secretary which he does sometimes, I might begin to see their relationship differently.
Of course in saying all these, I have ommitted my personal opinions about her manners and mannerisms, least of all her habit of pretending I don't even exist.
I'm soft-hearted and old-fashioned, and I've been told that many times. However, I guess I really put my father's happiness above all else.
So maybe even though I don't know how to be a good daughter, I actually do know how to love?
...
Enjoyed Friday very much with Fb. We went to Pet Safari at Simei because I heard it reopened recently. I thought it would be super boring, but Simei was quite interesting after all. Perhaps it is because I haven't been there since 2002 lol.
After walking ourselves to exhaustion, we headed over to Pasir Ris and bought food back to Fb's place :)
Met her 3 month old baby Fluffy :) I actually took many many pictures of her, but I haven't had the time to edit all of them.
...
Been trying to finish Seagrave, and it is still very enjoyable, despite being a rather thick volume, full of criticisms of the KMT regime.
Also been balancing this with a healthy diet of DMC, which I found is very useful in training sniper rifles and pistols.
Fell in love again with the dual beretta lol ;) There's really so much you can do with 30 bullets rofl.
...
Furthering my theme of Love and Hate, the two brothers, Tako and Tofu have been separated. It almost broke my heart when I found Tofu bleeding yesterday. But yeah, he has to be separated in order to heal.
Tako is doing very well. He seems happy to have gotten rid of his pesky little brother at last. No more squeaking in his face when he is trying to sleep!
As for Tofu, the-little-lost-boy-look is perpetually on his face these days. I think he is feeling lonely.
But he will have to remain so until he heals 100%, and puts back a bit of weight. Not that he is scrawny, he is far from it, but because he lost some from when Tako kept chasing him around lol.
I find myself wondering if I can afford to get mates for them both lol. I mean it is one thing to purchase two female hamsters. But what if all three pairs, including Lemon and Pepsi, give birth at once?! *faint*
Also, time is another factor that cannot be overlooked.
- 31 July 2006 3:24am -
Most days I am torn between love and hate for him.
Today I found him with red bleary eyes when I came home after dinner. He had gone to attend a friend's funeral earlier in the afternoon.
I asked him if he had eaten and he glanced at his gf and said, "Er, had something."
I looked at her too, and realised, "Urgh. HER cooking."
So I offered him my green tea red bean cake :s I sliced it into 5 parts and offered 3 to the both of them. The other 2 will be my lunch tomorrow.
Sigh. Sometimes I really don't know if I should worry about my father's welfare when it is entrusted into her hands.
It is a real pity that my dad, who could have chosen anyone he wanted, has chosen such a poor excuse for a companion.
Sometimes I wish humans were by nature less blinded by their own idiosyncrasies. I think their lives in general would be greatly improved in quality.
As much as I dislike his gf, I do think that she has sacrificed a lot for my father, who, like all middle-aged men, can be rather selfish sometimes. Sometimes I catch myself pitying her. She does so much for a man who ultimately would rather not "lose face" and marry her.
I don't know why my mind is so clouded over when it comes to my dad and his gf. Maybe if I knew he really does care for her and is not merely using her as a housekeeper cum personal secretary which he does sometimes, I might begin to see their relationship differently.
Of course in saying all these, I have ommitted my personal opinions about her manners and mannerisms, least of all her habit of pretending I don't even exist.
I'm soft-hearted and old-fashioned, and I've been told that many times. However, I guess I really put my father's happiness above all else.
So maybe even though I don't know how to be a good daughter, I actually do know how to love?
...
Enjoyed Friday very much with Fb. We went to Pet Safari at Simei because I heard it reopened recently. I thought it would be super boring, but Simei was quite interesting after all. Perhaps it is because I haven't been there since 2002 lol.
After walking ourselves to exhaustion, we headed over to Pasir Ris and bought food back to Fb's place :)
Met her 3 month old baby Fluffy :) I actually took many many pictures of her, but I haven't had the time to edit all of them.
...
Been trying to finish Seagrave, and it is still very enjoyable, despite being a rather thick volume, full of criticisms of the KMT regime.
Also been balancing this with a healthy diet of DMC, which I found is very useful in training sniper rifles and pistols.
Fell in love again with the dual beretta lol ;) There's really so much you can do with 30 bullets rofl.
...
Furthering my theme of Love and Hate, the two brothers, Tako and Tofu have been separated. It almost broke my heart when I found Tofu bleeding yesterday. But yeah, he has to be separated in order to heal.
Tako is doing very well. He seems happy to have gotten rid of his pesky little brother at last. No more squeaking in his face when he is trying to sleep!
As for Tofu, the-little-lost-boy-look is perpetually on his face these days. I think he is feeling lonely.
But he will have to remain so until he heals 100%, and puts back a bit of weight. Not that he is scrawny, he is far from it, but because he lost some from when Tako kept chasing him around lol.
I find myself wondering if I can afford to get mates for them both lol. I mean it is one thing to purchase two female hamsters. But what if all three pairs, including Lemon and Pepsi, give birth at once?! *faint*
Also, time is another factor that cannot be overlooked.
- 31 July 2006 3:24am -
Friday, July 28, 2006
Ann Siang Hill and Seagrave
It's so difficult to block sgWar related thoughts from my mind these days. I keep trying to prevent myself from blogging about anything remotely sgWar. I'm sure people will think I have no life pretty soon enough.
Especially the past two months, it has been a hell of a rush to get everything I've been procrastinating for ages in sgWar, done. Maybe that's why I'm so full of it, I can think of nothing else.
Anyway, it's kind of a good thing that I'm going to take a break from it because assignments are going to begin really soon.
...
Went to stock up on Hair Clips today after selling out on the heart shaped and raindrop shaped ones. Managed to get another packet of star shaped ones. They are so fast-selling that the supplier is always left with one packet by the time I do go -.-"
After that, I took a short walk through Ann Siang Hill. I'd always wanted to walk around it in the evening sometime, but never got around to it.
Here are some pictures :)
...
I don't know what is wrong with W. In the past, he used to be a very nice person to talk to. Matured and insightful, I used to treasure his friendship until recently.
The past months he has morphed into some unrecognisable despot that I hardly recognise anymore. Sometimes I wonder if we even speak the same language anymore.
At first, I thought I was alone in my "discovery" until I realised that other people who knew him in the past have the same impression.
Speaking to K over the phone on Tuesday night, I realised why W had been acting so strange. At the beginning I'd just had a gut feeling, but then K confirmed it.
I somehow felt this strange sadness, like I've lost W as a friend forever.
From being a close friend, he is now someone I simply dread hearing from at all. Sigh. I also did something stupid. Something I don't think I'll ever repeat again for at least 6 months.
I was reading xxx's blog, and then clicked on a link to yyy's blog.. And then on zzz's blog and viola. Ended up in W's gf's blog.
I don't know how many times I cringed internally. As in my intestines cringed. And I'm not only talking about the age gap.
I always get this funny, cringey, hair-raising feeling when I see the blog of someone intimate with someone who was even a tiny bit interested in me in the past. Exes and otherwise.
The only person to-date, who has come out of my hair-raising experiences, not only unscathed and unblemished, but risen to the status of soul mate is E - my dear girl who has been crying the whole day in Brissy. (Don't cry anymore, girl, I know you've been crying the whole day already *hugs*)
The same feeling I got when E first messaged me last year, was this tingling sensation in the direction of my heart and a slimy feeling in my guts. Not that I didn't like her or anything, but she could have been a carbon copy of the 19-year-old me.
We even look somewhat similar. Brown hair, large brown eyes, fair complexion :s
This time I simply do not wish to know what the girl is like. Unfortunately I already know enough about the situation to make my hair stand on end. Well, yeah sorry, let me clarify, it's not exactly about her. It's something like me falling for a 10 year old.
Anyway I feel really awkward about the whole thing. I have been trying to avoid W for some time now. Rz and a few others know about it. But the most unlucky thing is, I happen to keep banning people W knows in person.
Twice already. And each time it happened he has been SMS-ing me nonstop, until my poor old Samsung can't keep up with receiving 3-4 messages from him at once.
The last time it happened, he even asked me, "So when can we meet again? Very long no bug you already." I was like, "erm go bug your gf"...
*cringe*
*cringe*
Anyway I've told myself, no more clicking on blogs three to four links away from me. It will save me from a lot of discomfort. Or at least my poor intestines!
...
Hmm, I'm currently enjoying the book I'm reading (by Sterling Seagrave about the Soong Dynasty), which is the most enjoyable book I've read so far this year.
Okay, so most of them were textbooks/prescribed reading, but who's to say? They are still books!
He talks about the Chinese Revolution(s) and how the key players were simply puppets of one of the most influential Chinese families of all time. They still are until today.
Not only in terms of the massive fortune they have ammassed over the centuries, but in terms of influence as well. Their family has a history of strong chinese women for daughters, and financiers and economists as sons, who possess the modern alchemical ability to obtain funds for any campaign, with excess to spare, as their own family fortune attests.
It is ironic how this book, which has sat in my family library for almost 2 years, came into my life at a time when I am trying to get my tiny business up and running, albeit on a freelance basis. Although I'm very aware that any family with a history of money and power would generate progeny that would be already empowered by this heady concoction and find it less of a struggle to steer through the tumult of life.
However I think I just didn't realise how small a million dollars is, as compared to a million dollars in the past. No matter what the currency.
It means that whatever millions I make now or in the future, I will never ever be able to hold a candle to those people who have made them in the past.
Hmm. Don't worry, I haven't turned into a fanatic, at least not yet :) I'm just working out some stuff in my mind.
Perhaps I'm just working out the less painful way for my future and my future family in my mind. Kinda like playing chess with myself, following recommended moves from a guide book.
Really provides many things to think about, this book. And I love the way he describes things. He is funny without using obvious humour, and most times, you will only catch the joke if you read very thoroughly. I love such writers, it makes you feel rewarded for paying attention when you catch a glimpse of their personality you otherwise would have missed.
...
I should sleep earlier. But I just don't want to "waste" my last few "free days"!
Tomorrow I'm meeting Fion and she wants to make a purchase from Jewel Paws. We'll also be going to Pet Safari at Simei :)
I shall NOT spend!
- 28 July 2006 3:17am -
Especially the past two months, it has been a hell of a rush to get everything I've been procrastinating for ages in sgWar, done. Maybe that's why I'm so full of it, I can think of nothing else.
Anyway, it's kind of a good thing that I'm going to take a break from it because assignments are going to begin really soon.
...
Went to stock up on Hair Clips today after selling out on the heart shaped and raindrop shaped ones. Managed to get another packet of star shaped ones. They are so fast-selling that the supplier is always left with one packet by the time I do go -.-"
After that, I took a short walk through Ann Siang Hill. I'd always wanted to walk around it in the evening sometime, but never got around to it.
Here are some pictures :)
...
I don't know what is wrong with W. In the past, he used to be a very nice person to talk to. Matured and insightful, I used to treasure his friendship until recently.
The past months he has morphed into some unrecognisable despot that I hardly recognise anymore. Sometimes I wonder if we even speak the same language anymore.
At first, I thought I was alone in my "discovery" until I realised that other people who knew him in the past have the same impression.
Speaking to K over the phone on Tuesday night, I realised why W had been acting so strange. At the beginning I'd just had a gut feeling, but then K confirmed it.
I somehow felt this strange sadness, like I've lost W as a friend forever.
From being a close friend, he is now someone I simply dread hearing from at all. Sigh. I also did something stupid. Something I don't think I'll ever repeat again for at least 6 months.
I was reading xxx's blog, and then clicked on a link to yyy's blog.. And then on zzz's blog and viola. Ended up in W's gf's blog.
I don't know how many times I cringed internally. As in my intestines cringed. And I'm not only talking about the age gap.
I always get this funny, cringey, hair-raising feeling when I see the blog of someone intimate with someone who was even a tiny bit interested in me in the past. Exes and otherwise.
The only person to-date, who has come out of my hair-raising experiences, not only unscathed and unblemished, but risen to the status of soul mate is E - my dear girl who has been crying the whole day in Brissy. (Don't cry anymore, girl, I know you've been crying the whole day already *hugs*)
The same feeling I got when E first messaged me last year, was this tingling sensation in the direction of my heart and a slimy feeling in my guts. Not that I didn't like her or anything, but she could have been a carbon copy of the 19-year-old me.
We even look somewhat similar. Brown hair, large brown eyes, fair complexion :s
This time I simply do not wish to know what the girl is like. Unfortunately I already know enough about the situation to make my hair stand on end. Well, yeah sorry, let me clarify, it's not exactly about her. It's something like me falling for a 10 year old.
Anyway I feel really awkward about the whole thing. I have been trying to avoid W for some time now. Rz and a few others know about it. But the most unlucky thing is, I happen to keep banning people W knows in person.
Twice already. And each time it happened he has been SMS-ing me nonstop, until my poor old Samsung can't keep up with receiving 3-4 messages from him at once.
The last time it happened, he even asked me, "So when can we meet again? Very long no bug you already." I was like, "erm go bug your gf"...
*cringe*
*cringe*
Anyway I've told myself, no more clicking on blogs three to four links away from me. It will save me from a lot of discomfort. Or at least my poor intestines!
...
Hmm, I'm currently enjoying the book I'm reading (by Sterling Seagrave about the Soong Dynasty), which is the most enjoyable book I've read so far this year.
Okay, so most of them were textbooks/prescribed reading, but who's to say? They are still books!
He talks about the Chinese Revolution(s) and how the key players were simply puppets of one of the most influential Chinese families of all time. They still are until today.
Not only in terms of the massive fortune they have ammassed over the centuries, but in terms of influence as well. Their family has a history of strong chinese women for daughters, and financiers and economists as sons, who possess the modern alchemical ability to obtain funds for any campaign, with excess to spare, as their own family fortune attests.
It is ironic how this book, which has sat in my family library for almost 2 years, came into my life at a time when I am trying to get my tiny business up and running, albeit on a freelance basis. Although I'm very aware that any family with a history of money and power would generate progeny that would be already empowered by this heady concoction and find it less of a struggle to steer through the tumult of life.
However I think I just didn't realise how small a million dollars is, as compared to a million dollars in the past. No matter what the currency.
It means that whatever millions I make now or in the future, I will never ever be able to hold a candle to those people who have made them in the past.
Hmm. Don't worry, I haven't turned into a fanatic, at least not yet :) I'm just working out some stuff in my mind.
Perhaps I'm just working out the less painful way for my future and my future family in my mind. Kinda like playing chess with myself, following recommended moves from a guide book.
Really provides many things to think about, this book. And I love the way he describes things. He is funny without using obvious humour, and most times, you will only catch the joke if you read very thoroughly. I love such writers, it makes you feel rewarded for paying attention when you catch a glimpse of their personality you otherwise would have missed.
...
I should sleep earlier. But I just don't want to "waste" my last few "free days"!
Tomorrow I'm meeting Fion and she wants to make a purchase from Jewel Paws. We'll also be going to Pet Safari at Simei :)
I shall NOT spend!
- 28 July 2006 3:17am -
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
cl_freedays 999999
It's already week 2 coming to week 3 and I can't believe it.
I only just confirmed my results for last semester yesterday, and my assignments are still not back yet. Also, I haven't received any of my unit materials. But yeah, term's started and it's going to be week 3 very soon.
Sigh. This semester break seems to have flew past. Maybe it's because of all the time I've spent working on Jewel Paws and sgWar, that I feel that I simply haven't rested enough.
I need another semester break already!!!
Anyway, I've been spending the past few days rather quietly, avoiding as many types of stimulus at once. Perhaps I feel the need to "prepare" myself, to gear down into a study-friendly state of mind.
I still wish I didn't have to :s
Sometimes on days like this, I regret pretending to be brainy and running off to university, deliberately squandering my father's savings on tuition fees, when instead, I could have pretended to be some simpleton happy to marry any rich guy that came along, in order to move up in the natural order of life as a tai-tai.
Hmmm, after reading that last sentence I just suddenly feel so tickled. ROFL.
Anyway, yeah, I deliberately get my dad to pay my fees. This is because of 2 reasons.
1. My mum left me her CPF funds but my dad took the entire -6 digit figure- and poured it into the house loan to pay it off. So in a way, although I stay in this house too, he owes me that amount, because the house is not under my name.
2. My father's gf is a very ill-mannered character, with questionable intentions. This is, already, a very mild description, and I would prefer not to leave my father with so much money that it should fall into her hands, especially when you consider that 1. is already a good reason enough.
Sigh, yes of course I have a conscience, which is why I often feel the pressure to work, even though I am sure, a person with a lesser conscience would feel completely at ease living off her father.
Now with Jewel Paws slowly taking baby steps, perhaps I'd stop feeling like I owe him everything (because it's not true, most of it was my mother's hard work and efforts).
...
Hmmm the arrival of my niece in my life has also made me realised I'm not getting any younger at 24. Just seeing her cute smile, even on youtube, can make my day :)
She makes me think that perhaps it would be possible for me to settle down soon too. But yeah, here comes the "job pressure" again lol. This is Singapore for you, I guess.
Everything is money money money, house house house :)
Right, I think I need some CS to clear my mind.
- 26 July 2006 12:52am -
I only just confirmed my results for last semester yesterday, and my assignments are still not back yet. Also, I haven't received any of my unit materials. But yeah, term's started and it's going to be week 3 very soon.
Sigh. This semester break seems to have flew past. Maybe it's because of all the time I've spent working on Jewel Paws and sgWar, that I feel that I simply haven't rested enough.
I need another semester break already!!!
Anyway, I've been spending the past few days rather quietly, avoiding as many types of stimulus at once. Perhaps I feel the need to "prepare" myself, to gear down into a study-friendly state of mind.
I still wish I didn't have to :s
Sometimes on days like this, I regret pretending to be brainy and running off to university, deliberately squandering my father's savings on tuition fees, when instead, I could have pretended to be some simpleton happy to marry any rich guy that came along, in order to move up in the natural order of life as a tai-tai.
Hmmm, after reading that last sentence I just suddenly feel so tickled. ROFL.
Anyway, yeah, I deliberately get my dad to pay my fees. This is because of 2 reasons.
1. My mum left me her CPF funds but my dad took the entire -6 digit figure- and poured it into the house loan to pay it off. So in a way, although I stay in this house too, he owes me that amount, because the house is not under my name.
2. My father's gf is a very ill-mannered character, with questionable intentions. This is, already, a very mild description, and I would prefer not to leave my father with so much money that it should fall into her hands, especially when you consider that 1. is already a good reason enough.
Sigh, yes of course I have a conscience, which is why I often feel the pressure to work, even though I am sure, a person with a lesser conscience would feel completely at ease living off her father.
Now with Jewel Paws slowly taking baby steps, perhaps I'd stop feeling like I owe him everything (because it's not true, most of it was my mother's hard work and efforts).
...
Hmmm the arrival of my niece in my life has also made me realised I'm not getting any younger at 24. Just seeing her cute smile, even on youtube, can make my day :)
She makes me think that perhaps it would be possible for me to settle down soon too. But yeah, here comes the "job pressure" again lol. This is Singapore for you, I guess.
Everything is money money money, house house house :)
Right, I think I need some CS to clear my mind.
- 26 July 2006 12:52am -
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Happy Yummy Day :D
Had a very nice day today relaxing and chatting with Rz. We went to meet Bny to deliver his order. Nice of him to buy more than he initially asked for :)
He wanted to sell Rz a TARANTULA :s Yes, it's illegal to keep one as a pet in Singapore, which is why I'm not disclosing his name or the company he works for, or where we met him at. LOL! Had quite a nice talk with him but he had to rush off cos he was still working today.
After he left, we decided to walk around the nearby supermarket and look what we bought! Tohato Caramel Corn snacks! :D The green one is green tea flavoured :D
Later we went back to our new favourite hawker centre: Zion Riverside! Hehee~!
Here's my dinner :D Wanton Meeee!
Rz had Char Kway Teow, fried with lard and chinese sausages. Not for the health conscious!
We digested our sinfulness by walking from Zion all the way to Clarke Quay MRT Station :D Was really so nice to stroll along the river in the cool night air. Saw places I've not been to in ages :)
Was really happy and contented :) Very satisfying day :)
I wonder when I'll be able to move out and get my own home. Sigh :)
- 23 July 2006 3:12am -
He wanted to sell Rz a TARANTULA :s Yes, it's illegal to keep one as a pet in Singapore, which is why I'm not disclosing his name or the company he works for, or where we met him at. LOL! Had quite a nice talk with him but he had to rush off cos he was still working today.
After he left, we decided to walk around the nearby supermarket and look what we bought! Tohato Caramel Corn snacks! :D The green one is green tea flavoured :D
Later we went back to our new favourite hawker centre: Zion Riverside! Hehee~!
Here's my dinner :D Wanton Meeee!
Rz had Char Kway Teow, fried with lard and chinese sausages. Not for the health conscious!
We digested our sinfulness by walking from Zion all the way to Clarke Quay MRT Station :D Was really so nice to stroll along the river in the cool night air. Saw places I've not been to in ages :)
Was really happy and contented :) Very satisfying day :)
I wonder when I'll be able to move out and get my own home. Sigh :)
- 23 July 2006 3:12am -
Whatever Eugene.
This is going to be a very angry post. If you dislike reading an angry blogger I kindly advise you to close this window now.
...
Stop asking my friends why I am "avoiding" you. Go ask yourself. Who started ignoring me first when I was just showing concern???
When I saw you again in the servers after 1265162514256124 months, I said hi to you more than three times. Did you answer me? No lor. But you were happily talking to our other friends, excluding me very deliberately.
Ok fine, I know when to back off unlike some people.
That was back when you had a girlfriend and told us oh, you can't CS with us cos you were "chionging MU", every moment you have you have to up your rankings. Fine, to each it's own.
I even told you very generously back then, that if you ever need us, you can always look us up. Guess what? You never did bother to contact us the whole time you were with your gf, until she broke up with you.
So why the hell you think I wanna answer you now? Just cos your gf is no longer around?
Don't act as though you're some big shot please. You can choose to ignore people, but people have to hang around waiting to talk to you?
Grow up. You are already 21. Please act your age.
Just for your information, I am not blind or deaf. I can see what you type and hear what you say on the mic. Last night was COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR. Go ask yourself. What have you become? Vulgarities every SINGLE round. If you are perhaps thinking I will not take any action the next time around, good luck to you.
Don't pretend to be the innocent party and tell my friends "Oh I don't know why rox is angry with me". I know you have a very nice way of twisting the facts until it seems like the whole world is at fault.
Wake up Eugene. I was not alone in the servers. So don't think you can tell Sol a nice little story to put the blame one someone else whom "you quoted". Oh please, you're saying you ACTUALLY NEED TO QUOTE VULGARITIES?
I specfically heard you several times without quoting anything. I may be older than you, but my sense of hearing is still intact.
If you ever let me catch you at it again, you can forget about ever being unbanned. Even if you get unbanned by someone else, I will personally make sure every single time I play in the servers I will re-execute your ban across. It is not as though you are ignorant of the server rules. You have been playing with us for so long, way before your MU stint. So don't give me that kinda crap.
I will make it clear today, since you seem to have doubts of my intentions. Yes, what you suspect is correct. I am not interested in talking to you. I don't have time or patience for immature people like you who think the whole world revolves around them. I have my own life to run and my own game to enjoy, with friends whom I care about and who care about me too.
Unlike you, I happen to treasure my friends very much. Whatever concern I show each of them is for real. I rather spend more time on people like Junk, JL, ES, Gerg, and Sol, than to even indulge in petty converstation with you. Unfortunately to say, I've wasted enough time and energy on you already. I would prefer to forget you ever existed in my life.
If you think that by my being angry with you makes you "deserving" of an explanation from me like you told Sol, this is as good as it gets. I don't need to explain anything to you, especially since it was you who already made it so clear long ago that my friendship wasn't needed.
This explanation is here only because I want you to read for yourself and stop bothering my friends and acting like you are the injured party.
By the way, I don't give a damn about any reply you may want to post on your blog. You can post whatever shit you wish. I don't even GO to any of your many blogs anymore. So my advice to you is, if you're thinking of starting a blog-post war, have fun spamming yourself.
Don't even bother yourself to MSN me. You were blocked and deleted a long time ago.
- 23 July 2006 1:07am -
...
Stop asking my friends why I am "avoiding" you. Go ask yourself. Who started ignoring me first when I was just showing concern???
When I saw you again in the servers after 1265162514256124 months, I said hi to you more than three times. Did you answer me? No lor. But you were happily talking to our other friends, excluding me very deliberately.
Ok fine, I know when to back off unlike some people.
That was back when you had a girlfriend and told us oh, you can't CS with us cos you were "chionging MU", every moment you have you have to up your rankings. Fine, to each it's own.
I even told you very generously back then, that if you ever need us, you can always look us up. Guess what? You never did bother to contact us the whole time you were with your gf, until she broke up with you.
So why the hell you think I wanna answer you now? Just cos your gf is no longer around?
Don't act as though you're some big shot please. You can choose to ignore people, but people have to hang around waiting to talk to you?
Grow up. You are already 21. Please act your age.
Just for your information, I am not blind or deaf. I can see what you type and hear what you say on the mic. Last night was COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR. Go ask yourself. What have you become? Vulgarities every SINGLE round. If you are perhaps thinking I will not take any action the next time around, good luck to you.
Don't pretend to be the innocent party and tell my friends "Oh I don't know why rox is angry with me". I know you have a very nice way of twisting the facts until it seems like the whole world is at fault.
Wake up Eugene. I was not alone in the servers. So don't think you can tell Sol a nice little story to put the blame one someone else whom "you quoted". Oh please, you're saying you ACTUALLY NEED TO QUOTE VULGARITIES?
I specfically heard you several times without quoting anything. I may be older than you, but my sense of hearing is still intact.
If you ever let me catch you at it again, you can forget about ever being unbanned. Even if you get unbanned by someone else, I will personally make sure every single time I play in the servers I will re-execute your ban across. It is not as though you are ignorant of the server rules. You have been playing with us for so long, way before your MU stint. So don't give me that kinda crap.
I will make it clear today, since you seem to have doubts of my intentions. Yes, what you suspect is correct. I am not interested in talking to you. I don't have time or patience for immature people like you who think the whole world revolves around them. I have my own life to run and my own game to enjoy, with friends whom I care about and who care about me too.
Unlike you, I happen to treasure my friends very much. Whatever concern I show each of them is for real. I rather spend more time on people like Junk, JL, ES, Gerg, and Sol, than to even indulge in petty converstation with you. Unfortunately to say, I've wasted enough time and energy on you already. I would prefer to forget you ever existed in my life.
If you think that by my being angry with you makes you "deserving" of an explanation from me like you told Sol, this is as good as it gets. I don't need to explain anything to you, especially since it was you who already made it so clear long ago that my friendship wasn't needed.
This explanation is here only because I want you to read for yourself and stop bothering my friends and acting like you are the injured party.
By the way, I don't give a damn about any reply you may want to post on your blog. You can post whatever shit you wish. I don't even GO to any of your many blogs anymore. So my advice to you is, if you're thinking of starting a blog-post war, have fun spamming yourself.
Don't even bother yourself to MSN me. You were blocked and deleted a long time ago.
- 23 July 2006 1:07am -
Friday, July 21, 2006
Niece and Sheen
The good thing about dad being home again is that I can re-access the camera, which I brought to the lunch meeting yesterday (pix below).
The bad thing about him being home is the return of his girlfriend's perpetual presence plaguing the house again. Sigh.
Recently, she has begun to steal from my hoarde of snacks. Whilst I'm trying to maintain my courtesy in dealing with her and her antics, I feel I'm beginning to lose my struggle with Patience.
It is not as though I intend to keep all my snacks for myself. It's just that I don't understand why she cannot, as an adult, behave like one and respect other people's property. I wouldn't have minded at all if she could have just asked me first. It doesn't mean that being my dad's girlfriend allows her unlimited access to my things as well.
Talking to dad about her is useless as he gets unnaturally defensive and I'll be tempting another war.
Maybe the only way out of this crappy situation is to marry and move out. Until I can actually afford to move out, which could take a long time in such a fine city, I'll probably have to bear with this bane of my life.
Dear mum, I'm really glad you don't have to bear this as well. I only pray that when you look down at us from heaven you could do something to ease your daughter's pain.
...
On a happier note, (yes, I'm trying to steer from this being another emotional post) yesterday's lunch was quite successful. We met at Holland Village and had my old fave, Crystal Jade Xiao Long Bao :)
I still can't believe she's already 5months old! Just yesterday she was only a day old at KKH and we rushed down with goodies for her and Junk :)
She was really delightful and didn't cry a single time the entire afternoon :) Didn't struggle at all when I carried her, and kept laughing whenever Sol played with her :)
During the lunch, Andy said sarcastically of me, "she (Taryn) must be thinking who's that mad woman beside her.."
And I said, "well, her mum is very noisy too, so should be no problem!"
Hahaha, which is really true, we are well-matched when it comes to howling with laughter and screaming in CS :P You can ask Rz, Sol, Gerg, tbt, JL or ES to prove my point :P
Also I think what they say about babies recognising sounds they hear from when they are inside their mummies tummies is really true. I used to accompany Junk and her hubby whenever they had their monthly checkup at KKH during her pregnancy, and we also went out in groups with them and made lots of noise :) So most likely she can recognise my voice (and laughter) from her "distant" past.
As for her personality, she seems completely like my sis. She loves going out, and meeting everyone, even strangers. She loves to laugh too and seems to love all things colourful. And I suspect she has a violent streak from all that in-tummy CS exposure she's gotten..
That's cos she was busy whacking me with her waving arms and pulling my hair whenever she got excited haha :D
Here's Junk's entry for yesterday's lunch :D
...
Yesterday after the lunch and a drink at TCC, Sol said he wanted to buy a new watch, so we headed over to my favourite watch buying place at Bencoolen ehehe, names will not be divulged.
This shop has seen me through about 4 years of watch purchasing, and they specialise in a generally wide range of Casio watches, all at prices 30-60% (depending on the model) lower than elsewhere!
I've taken JL there before, and he made a successful purchase. That shows this shop can withstand even the most picky customers! LOL!
As I'd already expected, Sol got his watch, and even found himself a clock. And it is all HIS fault that I also felt I had to buy a watch!
Here's the Casio Sheen 4000, an older model, but it won my heart with its elegant, classic lines and shimmery, cool face.
Was admiring this the whole time, but I felt $52 was too much for an impulse buy at first. So I looked around at cheaper models, and almost paid up until Sol and Rz kept psychoing me to get this one.
So I caved in :s
On my hand..
...
Sigh, term's already begun. I wish I could just hide somewhere and come out when it's all over.
- 21 July 2006 11:55am -
The bad thing about him being home is the return of his girlfriend's perpetual presence plaguing the house again. Sigh.
Recently, she has begun to steal from my hoarde of snacks. Whilst I'm trying to maintain my courtesy in dealing with her and her antics, I feel I'm beginning to lose my struggle with Patience.
It is not as though I intend to keep all my snacks for myself. It's just that I don't understand why she cannot, as an adult, behave like one and respect other people's property. I wouldn't have minded at all if she could have just asked me first. It doesn't mean that being my dad's girlfriend allows her unlimited access to my things as well.
Talking to dad about her is useless as he gets unnaturally defensive and I'll be tempting another war.
Maybe the only way out of this crappy situation is to marry and move out. Until I can actually afford to move out, which could take a long time in such a fine city, I'll probably have to bear with this bane of my life.
Dear mum, I'm really glad you don't have to bear this as well. I only pray that when you look down at us from heaven you could do something to ease your daughter's pain.
...
On a happier note, (yes, I'm trying to steer from this being another emotional post) yesterday's lunch was quite successful. We met at Holland Village and had my old fave, Crystal Jade Xiao Long Bao :)
Here's Sol and Taryn making friends :)
LOL! Taryn gets a new armrest and Sol gets a pacifier flung at his ear!! ROFL!!
Retrieval of the pacifier that started it all :D Look at Sol's forced smile wahaha!!
After the armrest and pacifier flinging, you can see I haven't really gotten over it.. Here's me laughing like mad and Sol unsure of how to react lol!
I still can't believe she's already 5months old! Just yesterday she was only a day old at KKH and we rushed down with goodies for her and Junk :)
She was really delightful and didn't cry a single time the entire afternoon :) Didn't struggle at all when I carried her, and kept laughing whenever Sol played with her :)
During the lunch, Andy said sarcastically of me, "she (Taryn) must be thinking who's that mad woman beside her.."
And I said, "well, her mum is very noisy too, so should be no problem!"
Hahaha, which is really true, we are well-matched when it comes to howling with laughter and screaming in CS :P You can ask Rz, Sol, Gerg, tbt, JL or ES to prove my point :P
Also I think what they say about babies recognising sounds they hear from when they are inside their mummies tummies is really true. I used to accompany Junk and her hubby whenever they had their monthly checkup at KKH during her pregnancy, and we also went out in groups with them and made lots of noise :) So most likely she can recognise my voice (and laughter) from her "distant" past.
As for her personality, she seems completely like my sis. She loves going out, and meeting everyone, even strangers. She loves to laugh too and seems to love all things colourful. And I suspect she has a violent streak from all that in-tummy CS exposure she's gotten..
That's cos she was busy whacking me with her waving arms and pulling my hair whenever she got excited haha :D
Here's Junk's entry for yesterday's lunch :D
...
Yesterday after the lunch and a drink at TCC, Sol said he wanted to buy a new watch, so we headed over to my favourite watch buying place at Bencoolen ehehe, names will not be divulged.
This shop has seen me through about 4 years of watch purchasing, and they specialise in a generally wide range of Casio watches, all at prices 30-60% (depending on the model) lower than elsewhere!
I've taken JL there before, and he made a successful purchase. That shows this shop can withstand even the most picky customers! LOL!
As I'd already expected, Sol got his watch, and even found himself a clock. And it is all HIS fault that I also felt I had to buy a watch!
Here's the Casio Sheen 4000, an older model, but it won my heart with its elegant, classic lines and shimmery, cool face.
Was admiring this the whole time, but I felt $52 was too much for an impulse buy at first. So I looked around at cheaper models, and almost paid up until Sol and Rz kept psychoing me to get this one.So I caved in :s
On my hand..
...
Sigh, term's already begun. I wish I could just hide somewhere and come out when it's all over.
- 21 July 2006 11:55am -
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
It's Where the Wind Blows
The days seem to have swept by so quickly and though I don't want Semester 2 to happen so fast, it's already knocking at the door of my life. Before long I'll be once again caught up in another flux of assignments, and looking to Him.
I realise this semester won't be a plateful of pie because it's supposed to be Year 3 Semester 2 for other people - I have yet to undertake Year 3 Semester 1.
Perhaps this is how I am, always doing things in opposites of people and never fitting in? Hehe :) Well I am really excited that I can actually begin to see the light at the end of this tunnel that is QUT.
That is quite an appropriate metaphor for QUT, because whilst they boast about their "advance" technology, they indulge in severe tunnel-vision that tends to cause my skin to prick with impatience at least once every semester :s
...
I found out last night that the hammies have conquered Flickr!
Page after page of hammies in all positions, sleeping and eating their way into Flickr from all walks of life! :D
I'm rather slow I have to admit, in securing a Flickr account :s Forgive me, for I don't really like the idea of maintaining too many accounts at too many websites. It's just me :s
Anyway, do enjoy the pix :D
...
Dad just came home last night from the USA and HK. He went with one medium-sized bag and was away two weeks. Somehow that bag copulated with itself and he came home with 3 *faint*.
I presume the two larger bags are full of reading material.
This morning the moment he woke up at 7am, he began packing and unpacking and rummaging around the entire house. Rather like a large bespectacled, rotund hammy himself.
All that ruckus, coupled with Tofu's squeaking, woke me up with a headache again.
I got out of bed in time to see him switch on the air conditioning in the study room for his precious books :s After another extended rummage and pottering around the house, he left for work with instructions to "switch off the air con in the study when you go out later hor" =.=
Presently I decided daughter > books. So here I am, in my own room, with my own hammies in air con too :D
Oh and dad brought home my fave HK snack : wife cake! :D
...
Tofu is officially no longer tiny, but will continue to publish at the same url :) He is now even bigger than Pepsi and one of his sisters.
He is getting more spoiled by the day and sometimes can be seen ordering his elder brother Tako around. And being such a wonderful big brother, Tako simply cannot be ruffled and always gives in!
Presently, his blog is creating a stir amongst some of my friends whose reactions range from cold to hot, and some strangers who seem to have taken a linking to him.
Note that I didn't say liking but linking. Yes, Tofu has been linked to places that even his owner hasn't been to til recently :)
I've also just put on a hit counter for him recently :) And what does it count but sunflower seeds! :D
...
Initially I approached this coming Thursday's lunch with dread. After all that has taken place, I didn't feel very much like meeting up.
However, things took a turn last night during CS when I realised jie (JG) would be on leave to take care of Taryn! So I invited her to come along with Sol and I hehe :D
Guess what? Taryn's coming too! Yay! :D Niece...
...
Speaking of CS..
After approximately 6 years of playing this game, I'd never in those years thought it would come to this!
A BLISTER!
It is painful and completely no fun, especially when the blister is positioned right where my finger touches the gap of the button and the rest of the mouse!
Too much DMC! *winces*
See my CS gloves? I wanted them in black :( But it only came in one colour :s
- 19 July 2006 11:35am -
I realise this semester won't be a plateful of pie because it's supposed to be Year 3 Semester 2 for other people - I have yet to undertake Year 3 Semester 1.
Perhaps this is how I am, always doing things in opposites of people and never fitting in? Hehe :) Well I am really excited that I can actually begin to see the light at the end of this tunnel that is QUT.
That is quite an appropriate metaphor for QUT, because whilst they boast about their "advance" technology, they indulge in severe tunnel-vision that tends to cause my skin to prick with impatience at least once every semester :s
...
I found out last night that the hammies have conquered Flickr!
Page after page of hammies in all positions, sleeping and eating their way into Flickr from all walks of life! :D
I'm rather slow I have to admit, in securing a Flickr account :s Forgive me, for I don't really like the idea of maintaining too many accounts at too many websites. It's just me :s
Anyway, do enjoy the pix :D
...
Dad just came home last night from the USA and HK. He went with one medium-sized bag and was away two weeks. Somehow that bag copulated with itself and he came home with 3 *faint*.
I presume the two larger bags are full of reading material.
This morning the moment he woke up at 7am, he began packing and unpacking and rummaging around the entire house. Rather like a large bespectacled, rotund hammy himself.
All that ruckus, coupled with Tofu's squeaking, woke me up with a headache again.
I got out of bed in time to see him switch on the air conditioning in the study room for his precious books :s After another extended rummage and pottering around the house, he left for work with instructions to "switch off the air con in the study when you go out later hor" =.=
Presently I decided daughter > books. So here I am, in my own room, with my own hammies in air con too :D
Oh and dad brought home my fave HK snack : wife cake! :D
...
Tofu is officially no longer tiny, but will continue to publish at the same url :) He is now even bigger than Pepsi and one of his sisters.
He is getting more spoiled by the day and sometimes can be seen ordering his elder brother Tako around. And being such a wonderful big brother, Tako simply cannot be ruffled and always gives in!
Presently, his blog is creating a stir amongst some of my friends whose reactions range from cold to hot, and some strangers who seem to have taken a linking to him.
Note that I didn't say liking but linking. Yes, Tofu has been linked to places that even his owner hasn't been to til recently :)
I've also just put on a hit counter for him recently :) And what does it count but sunflower seeds! :D
...
Initially I approached this coming Thursday's lunch with dread. After all that has taken place, I didn't feel very much like meeting up.
However, things took a turn last night during CS when I realised jie (JG) would be on leave to take care of Taryn! So I invited her to come along with Sol and I hehe :D
Guess what? Taryn's coming too! Yay! :D Niece...
...
Speaking of CS..
After approximately 6 years of playing this game, I'd never in those years thought it would come to this!
A BLISTER!
It is painful and completely no fun, especially when the blister is positioned right where my finger touches the gap of the button and the rest of the mouse!
Too much DMC! *winces*
See my CS gloves? I wanted them in black :( But it only came in one colour :s
- 19 July 2006 11:35am -
Monday, July 17, 2006
Someday Soon
The weekend was uneventful, just as we planned it to be. I guess I just felt like I needed to forget everything for awhile, though everything is going well except for one or two minor issues, mainly SGWG related.
This week, in particular, somehow made me miss Brissy even more. If I were there right now, I'd probably be tucked away at Bryon :s sigh.
I've also finally been able to enrol for the coming semester with QUT, though the IT helpdesk was of no help at all lol :s So at least, that is one less thing keeping me awake at night :)
Life's good, so pardon my slightly grouchy rant below, if you will.
...
Recently I've gotten quite frustrated with the way things are, to the extent that I've been doing the bare minimum. I guess I'm at a point where I am tired of always being the one who does things. It is very challenging being in my position, and it's one reason why I used to love it, and still do. However, when I see certain people acting like they couldn't care less about their own company, I get really turned off.
To me, if you have a company, you should build it up from scratch, and be involved in all aspects of the running of it, until such time it can take care of itself, then and only then can you take a back seat. To me, you can't call something your own when you have not purchased it with sweat and toil.
- edited -
Someday soon I'll move on from here. It is not as though I do not have other projects up my sleeve.
- 17 July 2006 11:56am -
This week, in particular, somehow made me miss Brissy even more. If I were there right now, I'd probably be tucked away at Bryon :s sigh.
I've also finally been able to enrol for the coming semester with QUT, though the IT helpdesk was of no help at all lol :s So at least, that is one less thing keeping me awake at night :)
Life's good, so pardon my slightly grouchy rant below, if you will.
...
Recently I've gotten quite frustrated with the way things are, to the extent that I've been doing the bare minimum. I guess I'm at a point where I am tired of always being the one who does things. It is very challenging being in my position, and it's one reason why I used to love it, and still do. However, when I see certain people acting like they couldn't care less about their own company, I get really turned off.
To me, if you have a company, you should build it up from scratch, and be involved in all aspects of the running of it, until such time it can take care of itself, then and only then can you take a back seat. To me, you can't call something your own when you have not purchased it with sweat and toil.
- edited -
Someday soon I'll move on from here. It is not as though I do not have other projects up my sleeve.
- 17 July 2006 11:56am -
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
QUIT
Recovery after last week's "disturbance" has been slow and it sort of clashed with the end of SGWG's recruitment and other misc. stuff for Jewel Paws.
I feel kind of like a headless chicken running around. Like one moment it's SGWG - masses and masses of email replies, then the next I'm scuttling off to a photoshoot with cutie pie Dino. Thanks Yee Pheng for your delightful fur-son, hope he enjoys his well-earned shark cartilage treats!
And damn QUT is supposed to start semester 2 in under two weeks, but they still won't open enrolment for me to pick my subjects! I haven't got my results and all my assignments back from last semester either!
QUT makes me wanna QUIT.
Sigh. It's amazing how days can pass by so fast like this.
Off to get my laundry done, and then it's off to hunt for a pudding/pearl winterwhite female for the male hamster that can't get along with his siblings *rolls eyes*
Oh, did I mention Tofu is getting fatter (again)?
- 12 July 2006 12:36pm -
I feel kind of like a headless chicken running around. Like one moment it's SGWG - masses and masses of email replies, then the next I'm scuttling off to a photoshoot with cutie pie Dino. Thanks Yee Pheng for your delightful fur-son, hope he enjoys his well-earned shark cartilage treats!
And damn QUT is supposed to start semester 2 in under two weeks, but they still won't open enrolment for me to pick my subjects! I haven't got my results and all my assignments back from last semester either!
QUT makes me wanna QUIT.
Sigh. It's amazing how days can pass by so fast like this.
Off to get my laundry done, and then it's off to hunt for a pudding/pearl winterwhite female for the male hamster that can't get along with his siblings *rolls eyes*
Oh, did I mention Tofu is getting fatter (again)?
- 12 July 2006 12:36pm -
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Familial Ties
Yesterday I had the shock of my life when in the afternoon my aunt called me to tell me she had an urgent problem and wanted me to go over as soon as possible.
She was in the office so she didn't elaborate.
Knowing her wonderful temperament, which is very much like my own short-fused one, I called her younger daughter to ask what's going on that is so urgent. I needed to do a background on what not to say, lest I trigger another verbal attack from her.
The last time I saw the family of them was on Fathers' Day, and there had been no indicators that something was brewing then, except my aunt's rather quiet disposition throughout dinner.
I hadn't asked her then, because I know how she hates it when people assume something is wrong and then asks her in front of everyone. Some will say it is pride, but others will say she has a right to privacy. Sigh. Being her only confidante after grandma passed on, I can only note her idiosyncrasies and approach her carefully. Usually this means that I wait for her to call me and complain.
TLX told me everything in a condensed semi-incomprehensible 6 minute nutshell over the phone. The poor girl was rushing some stupid TP project that is due quite soon. TLT was having attachment also, but I told TLX to tell her to go home early also.
I don't know which made me worry more, the lack of detail from my aunt's sudden demand that I go over, or TLX's frantic mess of information.
Met Rz and G for a brief dinner of mee pok. Then had to rush off to my aunt's already. Took me awhile to walk across to her place in the dark from the station. All the way I kept asking Him for help. I just felt so small. I'm unmarried, without children. What do I know about marital problems? What do I know about bringing up a 16 year old?
When I got there I found TLT yelling at her brother downstairs with TLX upstairs crying and pleading with my aunt -.-" It took me some time to register my shock.
Then after that we spent the entire night just trying to "talk" things over. This sounds like such a docile sentence as compared to all the crying/screaming/pleading/yelling that actually took place.
By the time it was 2345, I had such a headache I knew I had to ask dad to pick me. As usual he took his own sweet time and it was almost an hour later when he arrived, but it didn't matter, I was just thankful to be able to go home to my beloved pillow.
After all that trauma, I couldn't sleep til 4+ again. Needless to say, I woke up late today as well. Thankfully it's a cool day, or my headache would have been even more unbearable.
And I still have to select my subjects for next semester. I so can't bring myself to click on the damn QUT website lor. Just looking at the damn logo on my ffx quicklauncher makes me wanna quit studying.
Hear my inaudible groan.
- 6 July 2006 5:39pm -
She was in the office so she didn't elaborate.
Knowing her wonderful temperament, which is very much like my own short-fused one, I called her younger daughter to ask what's going on that is so urgent. I needed to do a background on what not to say, lest I trigger another verbal attack from her.
The last time I saw the family of them was on Fathers' Day, and there had been no indicators that something was brewing then, except my aunt's rather quiet disposition throughout dinner.
I hadn't asked her then, because I know how she hates it when people assume something is wrong and then asks her in front of everyone. Some will say it is pride, but others will say she has a right to privacy. Sigh. Being her only confidante after grandma passed on, I can only note her idiosyncrasies and approach her carefully. Usually this means that I wait for her to call me and complain.
TLX told me everything in a condensed semi-incomprehensible 6 minute nutshell over the phone. The poor girl was rushing some stupid TP project that is due quite soon. TLT was having attachment also, but I told TLX to tell her to go home early also.
I don't know which made me worry more, the lack of detail from my aunt's sudden demand that I go over, or TLX's frantic mess of information.
Met Rz and G for a brief dinner of mee pok. Then had to rush off to my aunt's already. Took me awhile to walk across to her place in the dark from the station. All the way I kept asking Him for help. I just felt so small. I'm unmarried, without children. What do I know about marital problems? What do I know about bringing up a 16 year old?
When I got there I found TLT yelling at her brother downstairs with TLX upstairs crying and pleading with my aunt -.-" It took me some time to register my shock.
Then after that we spent the entire night just trying to "talk" things over. This sounds like such a docile sentence as compared to all the crying/screaming/pleading/yelling that actually took place.
By the time it was 2345, I had such a headache I knew I had to ask dad to pick me. As usual he took his own sweet time and it was almost an hour later when he arrived, but it didn't matter, I was just thankful to be able to go home to my beloved pillow.
After all that trauma, I couldn't sleep til 4+ again. Needless to say, I woke up late today as well. Thankfully it's a cool day, or my headache would have been even more unbearable.
And I still have to select my subjects for next semester. I so can't bring myself to click on the damn QUT website lor. Just looking at the damn logo on my ffx quicklauncher makes me wanna quit studying.
Hear my inaudible groan.
- 6 July 2006 5:39pm -
Monday, July 03, 2006
Pearl and Ice
In my struggle to launch my small internet company, I've sacrificed a few nights of CS and sleep. It also begins to frustrate me when I have to monitor the servers when I have already so little time to play.
I even broke a nail just now when my pliers slipped :s Thank goodness the broken nail did not cut into flesh....
I've been busy but I've been hanging on to a certain happiness that is not entirely false. It is like a driftwood in a sea of change. I'm happy and hoping for the best, that it will slowly take off, but then I still feel uncertain and everything.
That's when I remind myself to "sit still" in Him. Then I manage to calm myself again.
The past few nights it has become really apparent to me that people trying to grow their own businesses require a lot of supportive friends. Basically, no one needs to be told that their business is a bad idea, or that it is "a waste of time".
My dad just said this to me earlier today. And I tell you, it is the most disheartening he could have said.
Whilst others grew up with unconditional love and support from their parents, I grew up with criticism and a sense that nothing I ever did would make my parents proud of me.
Towards the end, mum did make several attempts to tell me she was proud of me and loved me. She was so sorry to say goodbye, it grew painful to look her in the eyes. But we all knew the pain that was in store for her had we chosen to prolong her life unnaturally.
Well dad, all I can say is, I still love you. Though there are things you say that hurt me and make me doubt myself all the time, I know you love me too. Perhaps I may never repay the great debt I owe you, but I truly long for the day when for once you beam with pride cos of me.
I'm not asking for presents or attention. I guess it's a little too late for all that now.
Perhaps a kind word of encouragement now and then? Instead of comments that leave my heart bleeding.
I may look like I'm fine, but deep inside I'm not.
There, now that that is out of my system, I shall go upload more photos. I just created another new piece like 10mins ago...
It's called rather whimsically: Pearl and Ice.
- 3 July 2006 3:12am -
I even broke a nail just now when my pliers slipped :s Thank goodness the broken nail did not cut into flesh....
I've been busy but I've been hanging on to a certain happiness that is not entirely false. It is like a driftwood in a sea of change. I'm happy and hoping for the best, that it will slowly take off, but then I still feel uncertain and everything.
That's when I remind myself to "sit still" in Him. Then I manage to calm myself again.
The past few nights it has become really apparent to me that people trying to grow their own businesses require a lot of supportive friends. Basically, no one needs to be told that their business is a bad idea, or that it is "a waste of time".
My dad just said this to me earlier today. And I tell you, it is the most disheartening he could have said.
Whilst others grew up with unconditional love and support from their parents, I grew up with criticism and a sense that nothing I ever did would make my parents proud of me.
Towards the end, mum did make several attempts to tell me she was proud of me and loved me. She was so sorry to say goodbye, it grew painful to look her in the eyes. But we all knew the pain that was in store for her had we chosen to prolong her life unnaturally.
Well dad, all I can say is, I still love you. Though there are things you say that hurt me and make me doubt myself all the time, I know you love me too. Perhaps I may never repay the great debt I owe you, but I truly long for the day when for once you beam with pride cos of me.
I'm not asking for presents or attention. I guess it's a little too late for all that now.
Perhaps a kind word of encouragement now and then? Instead of comments that leave my heart bleeding.
I may look like I'm fine, but deep inside I'm not.
There, now that that is out of my system, I shall go upload more photos. I just created another new piece like 10mins ago...
It's called rather whimsically: Pearl and Ice.
- 3 July 2006 3:12am -
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