On3 L45t T1m3: July 2007

It is hard to know where to begin a blog entry on a Monday morning. I've been staring at this page on and off since 10am, in between reading and replying mails, and there is just so much that is going on in my head but I can't make enough sense to myself to feel it would be a logical entry after all.

I think I'm just feeling very drained from the past weekend. Hungover? I'm tempted to use the word, because I do have similar symptoms, but the only alcohol I had was on Saturday night. Two paper cups of red. Far from enough to make me drunk.

I am stuck in a state of being horrified, baffled and irritated and whilst I'm feeling all that, I am trying to grapple with Pastor's book Destined to Reign. Okay, so maybe 'grapple' needs to be explained here. It's not a bad read, or a heavy book. I shall only comment about it properly when I've completed it. It does go down remarkably lightly, just like the two paper cups of red. I'm feeling more like "so, I understand this... but how does it apply to 1. my dad, 2. his girlfriend or 3. my future in-laws..."

For those who have been following my private life rather closely, it might come as no surprise that Monday seems to be my 'recovery day' - the day after the weekend, when I am finally allowed to refuse to get out of bed. Even if it was just myself doing the allowing and disallowing.

So forgive me if I get a little angsty or cynical as I try to write sensibly about the last three days.

...

Friday:
I woke up at 8am to take Tori to the vet. She was supposed to be there at 0930hrs so they could prepare her for her surgery at noon. I was worried about getting there - it's not exactly nearby, and the clinic is nestled in quite a remote area. Okay, 'remote' by Singaporean standards. Come to think of it, by Singaporean standards, Miskin Street (in Toowong, a suburb just outside Brisbane City where I lived for a year) could qualify as remote >____<"

So I packed her into a temporary tank filled with expensive, (but I like to think) purpose-bought, bedding, packed Tako into another and got their cage ready for scrubbing later.

I delivered her at the clinic safely on the dot and paid them deposit money for the surgery. But when they asked me to sign the form (permission to administer anesthesia) I almost lost my nerve and wondered if I should grab Tori and make a run for it!

No running for it - I pretended that I signed such forms everyday and quickly handed Tori over. She was staring at me, blinking twice as if to show disbelief at the ease at which I'd give her up so easily to some stranger :c

Sigh. I told myself not to think of the what-ifs and left the clinic quickly.

Rz had taken leave that day too, and wanted to accompany us to the clinic. But it just made no sense for him to come down all that way so early in the morning, plus, I reasoned that he would benefit from more rest. I promised that we could meet for lunch instead at a more sensible time and venue.

I somehow found my way out of the 'remoteness' and decided to bus down to 'civilisation', where I found a bookshop and a good book in which I could submerse myself until Rz got there.

It was good to enjoy a relatively crowd-free Friday afternoon together. Though we did see several hordes of students milling around.

...

That evening we picked Tori up from the clinic and we were assured that everything went normally and well. We thanked our vet and took her home, where we fed her before heading out to dinner again. We didn't want to take her along because we felt it would stress her. Post-op hams do need a lot of rest too.

But by the time I came home and fed all the hams, Tori was up and hopping about in distress. I'd never seen her this way - she is usually a very well-behaved and composed ham. She kept grabbing my fingers and climbing onto my palm, wanting to be carried.

Each time I put her back into her cage it was as though she went berserk all over again, jumping, thrashing... I was anxious because her wound was near her hind leg and so I decided to hold her and pat her to sleep. She did sleep - UNTIL I put her back into the tank ~______~"

Rinse and repeat for two hours. By this time both ham and owner were thoroughly exhausted. I gave up and got her one of my old socks, wrapped her in it, placed her in her tank and patted her back to sleep.

My arm ached after that. Thank God she was a lot calmer the next day. She seems okay now, except that she is not as active as before.

...

Saturday:
We met up with Bas to get the drinks for the party, though Bas got everything and we only helped him to carry them up. Overall, it was really good to meet everyone again and equally good to meet new friends such as Joan and Lucky :)

Though I must say, my impression of someone hasn't really changed, even though Bas and Wills keep affirming that "deep down he is still a good guy".

"Good guy"s in my opinion do not steal the seats of young ladies. Especially not if 1. her half-eaten plate of food was there, 2. her seat was directly opposite her fiance and 3. she only got up to refill everyone's drinks.

"Good guy"s do not sit in the seats of young ladies whilst they are standing next to them waiting for them to vacate the seat that was stolen.

"Good guy"s do not make young ladies eat standing up whilst they occupy their seats.

Fortunately some young lady realised early enough that such "good guy"s are really not worth arguing with and promptly left, with the rest of her dinner, to join another table. She also realised in good time to rescue her fiance.

After dinner and cake we decided to leave, and so we went upstairs to collect our bags and then came down to collect Wills who was embroiled in some law related discussion thingy. Which was most unfortunate, or he would have witnessed, along with Bas, how "Good guy" asked me once again, for what must have been the sixth or seventh time to date, to "call along all the girls from our course" on our next meet up before Bas goes back for uni, so that he can hook up with them or whatever.

Fantastic.

1. Polytechnic was a good four years ago for all of us. Not to mention, I'd been abroad and back in those four years. After changing jobs, institutions and continents, could anyone be expected to remain the same?
2. I hardly associated with the girls in our polytechnic course so why would I even care to begin now?
3. Even if I was close to a handful of them, why in the world would I introduce them to such an Ego? I'd be barking. Barking mad.

...

Sunday:
It is hard to remain optimistic about anything when some people are around. Some people exist, in my opinion, to make matters complicated and to condemn others into feeling bad about themselves. Some people only think for themselves and their awesome pride.

Recounting the number of words I swallowed back down yesterday is enough to remove my appetite for food today.

Speaking of food, were avocados EVER crunchy?! .. WT..

Thank God for a blessed service - at least it help to take my mind off the bulk of the nonsense and rendered me too calm to react offensively to anything that was said by some people.

..

Incredibly this blog entry took me close to five hours to write *shakes head* Anyway, I'm off to stretch my legs and rest my eyes, so photos: