花ざかりの君たちへ!

After months of trying to push myself harder and harder, I finally threw in the towel and resigned.

I am so drained mentally and I can barely find the physical energy to do anything more than the necessary everyday.

I don't find joy in my work and I am frustrated with colleagues who just keep dumping more and more work onto me without the permissions of my immediate or senior bosses. I am also sick and tired of being lectured for other people's mistakes.

All in all, I'm tired of being tired and sick of being sick. Everyday I get to deal with people with huge attitude problems. I find myself becoming more and more like someone I don't want to be. It's not like they are paying me properly too. And so it's sayonara.

I've already stopped being angry, bitter or upset. I just can't wait to get out of there.

My last days here at this firm will be spent covering for one colleague after another on top of my own duties but I am still determined to leave on a good note.


- 31 May 2008 10:42am -

Shiraz & Kimchi

Apart from being sick and making sense of office politicking, I don't really see any difference between April and May 2008. All I seem to be doing is to get myself feeling sicker and more exhausted.

As the big day draws ever closer, I find myself getting more and more skittish when people ask about preparations. I know everyone is excited and happy for good reason, but somehow it all equates to additional pressure. I know I'm blessed to have so many people want to be involved and I am indeed very, very thankful. But ask me to give a definite time and venue or where to stand, what to do, etc and I freak out because I haven't got a clue. And then later the same day I'll find that I get worried about not having a clue. And so on and so forth >____< style="font-style: italic;">three family fronts, things have not been rosy healthwise. Which serves to explain further why I don't feel very celebratory or excited even though the actual day is so close. In fact there were several whole days I actually felt more like grieving.

Sigh. Growing up is so painful sometimes.

...

A number of random people have invaded my Flickr photostream the past two weeks.

They seemingly appear out of nowhere, fave up all my random photos from goodness-knows-when, sometimes I can even tell when a user has gone through ALL my 100+ pages (who knows how they find the time?!), leave comments like "Hey, you look cute, wanna be friends?" or "Hey your hammy looks like my hammy.. can I ask you a question" and then they add me, leaving me with a severely flooded Flickr inbox (288 mails at last login) and a moderately sour aftertaste.

Sure, I'm thankful my account has views and that people actually want to see my photos. But I feel a 'little' obsession can get a bit much.

After some random left me a comment something along the lines of "Hi, I used to have an Asian friend too.. If I get to see her again in this lifetime I'll die happy", I decided to deploy an 'energy saving device': I had a whole bunch of my photos restricted to friends and family only >___< href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/-d/2419293275/" title=""Hello!" Kimchi by hesedetang *, on Flickr">

Shiraz



- 8 May 2008 1:35am -