I am awake at 5am this morning, of all mornings, a Saturday morning. A morning that I am not rostered to do duty or cover for anybody.
But I believe that the Lord put to me some ideas in the middle of the night because I woke up with a mind nearly exploding with numerous solutions to some of the challenges lying in front of me.
I'm not sure that this hasn't happened before, but I think today's message and direction was very clearly set down in my mind. I don't think it was ever put to me as clearly as it was today.
Awhile ago I was pondering the following verses in passing.
NIV
Deuteronomy 6:11
... houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied,
Another Translation:
The Message
Deuteronomy 6:10
When God, your God, ushers you into the land he promised through your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to give you, you're going to walk into large, bustling cities you didn't build, well-furnished houses you didn't buy, come upon wells you didn't dig, vineyards and olive orchards you didn't plant. When you take it all in and settle down, pleased and content, make sure you don't forget how you got there—God brought you out of slavery in Egypt. (The Message Bible)
NIV Nehemiah 9:25
They captured fortified cities and fertile land; they took possession of houses filled with all kinds of good things, wells already dug, vineyards, olive groves and fruit trees in abundance. They ate to the full and were well-nourished; they reveled in your great goodness.
Aother Translation:
The Message Nehemiah 9:25
... The Canaanites who lived there you brought to their knees before them. You turned over their land, kings, and peoples to do with as they pleased. They took strong cities and fertile fields, they took over well-furnished houses, Cisterns, vineyards, olive groves, and lush, extensive orchards. And they ate, grew fat on the fat of the land; they reveled in your bountiful goodness.
I was fascinated with the implications of un-numbered, undeserved blessings, heaped onto those that the Lord considered His own.
I also wondered how the Lord would translate land, kings, wells, into the modern, Singaporean context.
I suppose I was just thinking in a straight line when I thought of mud-huts and hand-hewn wells :P I guess He was speaking of status when He spoke of kings and of hand-hewn wells He meant "works of our hands".
I have just realised that God has answered my wonderings with something very material and very worldly. Which verifies what my pastor has been saying for years - that God is more than willing to bless us with material things even though we think God's main concern is spirituality. Rightness. Purity.
Not only is He willing to bless us, He makes sures that we get every good thing we deserve and those that we do not even have to strive to attain.
I guess this is often creation's viewpoint of the creator: Narrowed because where would we know to begin if He was not the beginning of our understanding?
In the light of the recent developments I pray that He will continue assist me to centre myself in Him and that I remember His voice in the still of the night in the midst of the thundering storm to come.
- 2 October 2010 8:36am -
Saturday, October 02, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Astringent
As Rz and I continue our busy-ness, we are still being continuously amazed by how self-centred and self-important people can be.
We really do not wish to be tactless and uncouth in any way, but there have been times when we think that such people would do better minding their own business, and finding ways to solve their own issues, instead of poking their noses and demanding to be assisted or spoon fed.
Although we live in a mostly-Asian culture, I feel that this is not an excuse to intrude on anybody. Yes we should have ethics and an idea of community but it does not mean that an individual has any right to judge another person's behaviour.
I now dislike speaking much to anyone who has judgmental views lest I sound judgmental myself. I do however, draw the line when it concerns someone dear. And this, stubborn loyalty, is also a fault of mine.
In my mind this week, everything just sort of added up. It doesn't help that lately, there have been some developments that have been very trying at work.
I just felt very tired of the games people play everywhere they go - in the office, at church, wherever. Coupled with the fatigue of recent weeks, I was ready to cave in and hide at home sometime around Thursday.
So on Friday I dragged Rz along with me to our Church's bookstore and bought whatever Nourishment we needed.
God was very kind, we managed to get there in time and were their last customers for the day :P I supposed this is what God meant by meeting us halfway whenever we seek Him or reach out to Him and His Word lol :)
I ended up with a Women of Faith devotional, a Lucado inspirational book, and Patsy Clairmont's Kaleidoscope. Rz also bought a few of pastor's DVDs.
I feel more refreshed after having partaken of some of these this afternoon.
As it has been a few weeks (months?) of endless rushing, I said to Rz very seriously that we really need a holiday. And that we REALLY do need one this time.
I've been watching (and doing dreaded covering work) on the sidelines as the majority of my colleagues have gone travelling overseas, some of them for the third time this year, and back.
I can sense the mechanisms in my mind heated up and creaking from overuse. And I can sense that if I don't take time to get away and regroup, everything will start crashing down.
So today's quiet time made a very big difference to me. It sort of helped to clear the toxic cloud that was accumulating in my cramped brain. The Lord's word, as poignantly and brilliantly filtered by the likes of Clairmont and Lucado, is a fantastic astringent.
Also I am glad that our renovations are going on very well and that our running around seems to be paying off somewhat. We continue to thank God daily for His provisions and for His helping us to pick a fantastic contractor for our renovation project.
We can truly sense God's hand in the matter and God's desire to fulfill His promises to us.
I hope that we never lose our focus, nor tear our eyes away from what matters. I pray that we will always find our centre - in Him.
- 19 September 2010 6:40pm -
We really do not wish to be tactless and uncouth in any way, but there have been times when we think that such people would do better minding their own business, and finding ways to solve their own issues, instead of poking their noses and demanding to be assisted or spoon fed.
Although we live in a mostly-Asian culture, I feel that this is not an excuse to intrude on anybody. Yes we should have ethics and an idea of community but it does not mean that an individual has any right to judge another person's behaviour.
I now dislike speaking much to anyone who has judgmental views lest I sound judgmental myself. I do however, draw the line when it concerns someone dear. And this, stubborn loyalty, is also a fault of mine.
In my mind this week, everything just sort of added up. It doesn't help that lately, there have been some developments that have been very trying at work.
I just felt very tired of the games people play everywhere they go - in the office, at church, wherever. Coupled with the fatigue of recent weeks, I was ready to cave in and hide at home sometime around Thursday.
So on Friday I dragged Rz along with me to our Church's bookstore and bought whatever Nourishment we needed.
God was very kind, we managed to get there in time and were their last customers for the day :P I supposed this is what God meant by meeting us halfway whenever we seek Him or reach out to Him and His Word lol :)
I ended up with a Women of Faith devotional, a Lucado inspirational book, and Patsy Clairmont's Kaleidoscope. Rz also bought a few of pastor's DVDs.
I feel more refreshed after having partaken of some of these this afternoon.
As it has been a few weeks (months?) of endless rushing, I said to Rz very seriously that we really need a holiday. And that we REALLY do need one this time.
I've been watching (and doing dreaded covering work) on the sidelines as the majority of my colleagues have gone travelling overseas, some of them for the third time this year, and back.
I can sense the mechanisms in my mind heated up and creaking from overuse. And I can sense that if I don't take time to get away and regroup, everything will start crashing down.
So today's quiet time made a very big difference to me. It sort of helped to clear the toxic cloud that was accumulating in my cramped brain. The Lord's word, as poignantly and brilliantly filtered by the likes of Clairmont and Lucado, is a fantastic astringent.
Also I am glad that our renovations are going on very well and that our running around seems to be paying off somewhat. We continue to thank God daily for His provisions and for His helping us to pick a fantastic contractor for our renovation project.
We can truly sense God's hand in the matter and God's desire to fulfill His promises to us.
I hope that we never lose our focus, nor tear our eyes away from what matters. I pray that we will always find our centre - in Him.
- 19 September 2010 6:40pm -
Saturday, May 08, 2010
I am awake at ridiculous hours these days. Some mornings I wake up at 2:30am feeling ridiculously empty, tensed and thirsty.
The emptiness ranges between despair and loneliness and a sense of loss.
I am not sure where all this melancholy is coming from. It could be there is not but one source.
After the near-assault, I find that I am not bothered about what people say and nothing really frazzles me except close range contact. I move away from strangers when they close in on me now.
I know some people have been talking behind my back about the incident but I let them too. I am unwilling to really discuss much. I rather forget.
I want back my uninterrupted slumber more than I want the understanding of people who don't really matter.
Thankfully I have gifted superiors whom I trust to resolve the matter in the way they deem best. Leaving me with just one task: to overcome my afflictions.
Despite my incessant waking dreams I find I still love what I do. As I told a dear friend, perhaps it is a kind of litmus test to see if I'd still love my job if the ugly/feral side of it truly reared its head at me.
The apartment transaction is completing at the month's end. And we shall find ourselves indebted for a lifetime, or so 30 years seems to feel like to me.
We have decided on some things but wonder at others. And in between random acquaintances pop up and surprise us with their typical self-centredness as always.
We are not at your disposure, thank you. We have an apartment to plan for and work to keep us busy? I have deliberately not replied to some because I felt pricked by their blindness to our pressing priorities.
The ham brood declines as well. The hamstery owns far more bowls than hammies now. And I think it best to keep it that way until we can sort out the moving and the settling in.
Rz is stretching his organisational muscles in reviewing forums and putting together appointments with contractors. I tasked him to do so because he is free to surf at work whilst I'm stuck all day with clients. So far, he is managing excellently and I am so proud of him. Gone are his days of introversion and gone is the lack of confidence.
The boy I married has grown up and so have I.
- 18 July 2010 5:16pm -
The emptiness ranges between despair and loneliness and a sense of loss.
I am not sure where all this melancholy is coming from. It could be there is not but one source.
After the near-assault, I find that I am not bothered about what people say and nothing really frazzles me except close range contact. I move away from strangers when they close in on me now.
I know some people have been talking behind my back about the incident but I let them too. I am unwilling to really discuss much. I rather forget.
I want back my uninterrupted slumber more than I want the understanding of people who don't really matter.
Thankfully I have gifted superiors whom I trust to resolve the matter in the way they deem best. Leaving me with just one task: to overcome my afflictions.
Despite my incessant waking dreams I find I still love what I do. As I told a dear friend, perhaps it is a kind of litmus test to see if I'd still love my job if the ugly/feral side of it truly reared its head at me.
The apartment transaction is completing at the month's end. And we shall find ourselves indebted for a lifetime, or so 30 years seems to feel like to me.
We have decided on some things but wonder at others. And in between random acquaintances pop up and surprise us with their typical self-centredness as always.
We are not at your disposure, thank you. We have an apartment to plan for and work to keep us busy? I have deliberately not replied to some because I felt pricked by their blindness to our pressing priorities.
The ham brood declines as well. The hamstery owns far more bowls than hammies now. And I think it best to keep it that way until we can sort out the moving and the settling in.
Rz is stretching his organisational muscles in reviewing forums and putting together appointments with contractors. I tasked him to do so because he is free to surf at work whilst I'm stuck all day with clients. So far, he is managing excellently and I am so proud of him. Gone are his days of introversion and gone is the lack of confidence.
The boy I married has grown up and so have I.
- 18 July 2010 5:16pm -
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Sunday Selah
I am so grateful for the peace and quiet of Sunday. I feel like my inner being has just slipped into a pool of cool, cleansing water after being parched and dry for the past 6 days.
It marks the end of a very crazy week. Everyday brought fresh drama. Rz and I are just barely coping from one event to the next. I was beginning to think there is no such thing as moderation in my life.
Anyway today I lift my writing heavenwards in praise. Rz and I have nothing at this moment to give thanks for in the natural.
In the natural, we have not enough funds. We have not enough time. We have not enough strength. A thousand things go wrong. We have just stress and more stress.
But the main thing is we have an amazing God. And the one lesson I learnt this week is that He is worthy of all praise even when things don't go smoothly in the natural.
And then after putting praise first suddenly I realise that there is so much more to life than all the stressors. I realise that the Lord has been blessing our lives already.
I realise again how much favour I have with my colleagues. Favour that comes not from my own doing but from the Lord. I draw this conclusion because I am the first one to admit that on my own, I could not have been appointed to head all these new projects simply because I lack specialised knowledge and based on seniority, a lot of other people should have priority. I just simply could not have made my superiors trust me on my own, based on any amount of effort I could have put in within this one year with them.
Certain things that were revealed to me through some dealings (both positive and negative) with my colleagues and these have utterly convinced me that whilst I am stressing myself out silly, rushing all over the place, it seems that God has assured my success in this current organisation. I will not elaborate here lest I breach any confidentiality issues.
I also realise how much Rz has been blessed. I think these few months have just taught us a lot. A lot about God. A lot about each other and a lot about sticking with each other and seeing things through.
So for the thousand things that go wrong, here's glorifying our Heavenly Father for the ten thousand things He makes go right.
- 14 March 2010 1:01pm -
It marks the end of a very crazy week. Everyday brought fresh drama. Rz and I are just barely coping from one event to the next. I was beginning to think there is no such thing as moderation in my life.
Anyway today I lift my writing heavenwards in praise. Rz and I have nothing at this moment to give thanks for in the natural.
In the natural, we have not enough funds. We have not enough time. We have not enough strength. A thousand things go wrong. We have just stress and more stress.
But the main thing is we have an amazing God. And the one lesson I learnt this week is that He is worthy of all praise even when things don't go smoothly in the natural.
And then after putting praise first suddenly I realise that there is so much more to life than all the stressors. I realise that the Lord has been blessing our lives already.
I realise again how much favour I have with my colleagues. Favour that comes not from my own doing but from the Lord. I draw this conclusion because I am the first one to admit that on my own, I could not have been appointed to head all these new projects simply because I lack specialised knowledge and based on seniority, a lot of other people should have priority. I just simply could not have made my superiors trust me on my own, based on any amount of effort I could have put in within this one year with them.
Certain things that were revealed to me through some dealings (both positive and negative) with my colleagues and these have utterly convinced me that whilst I am stressing myself out silly, rushing all over the place, it seems that God has assured my success in this current organisation. I will not elaborate here lest I breach any confidentiality issues.
I also realise how much Rz has been blessed. I think these few months have just taught us a lot. A lot about God. A lot about each other and a lot about sticking with each other and seeing things through.
So for the thousand things that go wrong, here's glorifying our Heavenly Father for the ten thousand things He makes go right.
- 14 March 2010 1:01pm -
Sunday, March 07, 2010
A couple of days ago I heard from an old friend about a mutual friend of ours, this other girl. So apparently a few months ago, they'd met up and one of the things they discussed at their meeting was me (of all things!).
My friend didn't tell me what exactly was said, but he had come away with the impression that I'd done something hurtful to this other girl. So he expected me to have more to my side of the story and asked me about it.
I didn't have anything to say for myself really.
I didn't recall doing or saying anything much to most of my friends except "Sorry, I'm going through a really busy period right now and I don't think I can meet up until things are more settled. Give me some time." In fact I told a lot of people this. Every inch of it is true - I have so little time to spare on my hands.
A younger me would have probably been somewhat affected by what A to B about me or what B told A I did or C told D I said.
I am a little surprised I hardly feel anything now. I'm not the least bit put off.
My mind is on other things. I have apartments to view and so many other plans to make. Plus I return to work tomorrow.
I shall just take each day as it comes and do whatever I can do, little by little. I place my cares in His hands.
- 7 March 2010 4:33pm -
My friend didn't tell me what exactly was said, but he had come away with the impression that I'd done something hurtful to this other girl. So he expected me to have more to my side of the story and asked me about it.
I didn't have anything to say for myself really.
I didn't recall doing or saying anything much to most of my friends except "Sorry, I'm going through a really busy period right now and I don't think I can meet up until things are more settled. Give me some time." In fact I told a lot of people this. Every inch of it is true - I have so little time to spare on my hands.
A younger me would have probably been somewhat affected by what A to B about me or what B told A I did or C told D I said.
I am a little surprised I hardly feel anything now. I'm not the least bit put off.
My mind is on other things. I have apartments to view and so many other plans to make. Plus I return to work tomorrow.
I shall just take each day as it comes and do whatever I can do, little by little. I place my cares in His hands.
- 7 March 2010 4:33pm -
Monday, March 01, 2010
Arcane Arcoxia
Despite the pain, I am so grateful for this time of restoration and rest.
I think it is the first period of consecutive rest I've had since starting work in February 2009. Up until Wednesday last, I was still caught up in the maddening pace. And it was only sometime yesterday that I felt my body completely relax.
I stopped taking the Arcoxia when it started giving me a small rash on my face. I feel a lot more sober but the pain is more acute. I feel the wounds a lot more now and my head hurts when my nerves twinge.
But I think I rather be stubborn (can't grin) and bear with it.
- 1 March 2010 3:47pm -
I think it is the first period of consecutive rest I've had since starting work in February 2009. Up until Wednesday last, I was still caught up in the maddening pace. And it was only sometime yesterday that I felt my body completely relax.
I stopped taking the Arcoxia when it started giving me a small rash on my face. I feel a lot more sober but the pain is more acute. I feel the wounds a lot more now and my head hurts when my nerves twinge.
But I think I rather be stubborn (can't grin) and bear with it.
- 1 March 2010 3:47pm -
Saturday, January 09, 2010
One More Dream
As the days wind their way into a new decade at such an alarming pace, I find myself on unfamiliar ground once again.
My maternal grandmother was called home to heaven on 7 February 2010. She was declared brain dead on my mom's death anniversary on 5 February 2010 and amidst rather weird circumstances, our family was rather shaken up.
Things have picked up normally since then but I quite wish my life were not so eventful.
I just went for dental surgery on 25 February 2010 to remove all four wisdom teeth. This is the 3rd day and I'm fine so long as I don't try to yawn.
- 27 February 2010 12:40pm -
My maternal grandmother was called home to heaven on 7 February 2010. She was declared brain dead on my mom's death anniversary on 5 February 2010 and amidst rather weird circumstances, our family was rather shaken up.
Things have picked up normally since then but I quite wish my life were not so eventful.
I just went for dental surgery on 25 February 2010 to remove all four wisdom teeth. This is the 3rd day and I'm fine so long as I don't try to yawn.
- 27 February 2010 12:40pm -
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