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Tuesday, February 26, 2008 7:35 pm
he said; take up your cross and carry me. listen, ♥  i miss you like crazy even more thn words can say. hey there! i finally found time to just breathe. lucky i didnt go and watch the movie. i really really really wanted to watch it. but i decided nt to. its nt that i dun have money. i have money. but i didnt want to. i didnt feel like it. i felt that i shld just stay home and think of her. think of out past. they joy and fun we had. why carnt i just get ovr her? i've tried. but i've failed miserably. each time i try to forget, the thought just comes in again. each time i remember, i try to forget. i try to conviince myself that i have to let go. i told my friends to let go. to love her in our hearts and let go. but i just carnt do just that to myself. am i really that petatic? i really wonder. i feel so heartbroken and lost. i feel ask though i'm losing myself. i'm losing my mind. i'm losing my life. i'm losing everything that belongs to me. what am i trying to prove to myself? what am i trying to show others? i put on a brave front all the time. but who really knws hw i feel deep inside? aft betraying myself the first time, i learnt a better way to deceive myself. i hide and supress my feelings. i did convince others that i am feeling much better. but and i really feeling just that? or am i just trying to lie to myself? i really wonder. whenever i think i her, tears just instantly flow down my cheeks. i really dun want things to turn out this way. but why must it? why carnt i have things my way for once? why carnt i convince myself that she is gone forever? why do i make myself seem to petatic? why carnt i just let go? i'm afraid i might end us losing myself. i'm nt afraid of failure . i'm nt afraid of dying. i'm afraid of losing myself. and whn ii'm nt in a sane mind, anything can happen. i really wouldn't want it to happen would i? i knw i shld let go. i knw she's happy somewhr else. i knw she has gone. but i carnt bring myself to end this relationship. help me someone. save me please! i really wish to let go. i wanna find a way out. i wanna do whats right. i wanna let go. i wanna find my direction once again. but i dun have to courage to just do so. i'm such a loser. i wanna end it all. i'm giving up on life! i'm nt using my laptop btw. its my brother's. thats why i can upload pics. I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH A SHADOW OVER HEAD. i've been living with a cloud above my head. CLARE! (:
Monday, February 25, 2008 7:09 pm
even till the ends of the earth listen, ♥ no matter hw far you are, i'll always be there. i feel so lost and depressed. i've lost something i've always cherished. i lost a friend, a companion. i lost my direction and my life. i surrender to fate. maybe this is the life i have to lead. i am born to live in misery. i feel so sadd ovr my lost. i feel so insecure and hurt. i feel so though i've lost my pride. something that i am proud of. i've lost something important to me. i've lost myself. what have i done wrong in my life? which wrong step have i taken. i wish i could turn back time. to the time whn i still had her by my side. the memories we shared. the love and joy we brought into each others life. the company we use to enjoy. the times we've shared can never be replaced. i would willing die in your place. you were all there everyone wanted. a friend who's always there. the one who'll walk through thick and thin with me. i've lost a friend. i've lost a direction. i've lost someone to love. i've lost everything we've shared. you were my everything. my worry and myh nothingness. my living and my dying. why did you leave me? why didnt you take me with you? how am i to live without you? i'm already so sadd and depressed. and now, i've just added onto this burden. the days we spent together will nvr be replaced. we'll never be apart at heart. now that you're gone. i'll try my best to make you proud. and i hope to see you once again soon. i hope i die today so that i can be my your side. i love and miss you my friend. in loving memories of my friend. you will never be replaced! cuts, cuts and more cuts. additional cuts. i'm bleeding myself to death, just like i'm crying myself to sleep. why must this happen to me? fark life. I WOULD HAVE NO SECOND CHOICE IN MY LIFE. i finally realise, all i needed was your love. CLARE! (:
Friday, February 22, 2008 5:29 pm
lying close to you feeling your heart beating listen, ♥ and i wonder what you're dreaming. blahhhhh. 8 down, 1 more to go. a maths on monday! SIAN LUHS! yays! topped class for history! yay yay! weisheng obviously topped the class as well. for the whole of combine humans that is. getting bck results on monday! bleahs! i hope i do well luhs. things hasnt seem to be going my way! I DID IT! i wallked home frm sch ytd! (: 2 hrs. (: west coast to bukit batok. tiring man! had to complete hmwrks and study!! shagg mann! i'm damn sick and tired of everything lerhs. i wish i could just end it all. but everything seems so impossible to even begin with. gotta go do my hmwrk and study. byeeeee! the test of time. the relationship couldnt withstand the test of time. how sadd. well, GOODBYE! bitch slapping sure rocked! (; stop lagging, asshole. WHAT IF I TOLD YOU IT WAS ALL MEANT TO BE? how hott can you be? CLARE! (:
Wednesday, February 20, 2008 7:57 pm
i just wanna hold you close listen, ♥ feel your heart so close to mine. i gt a petatic 34 for my chinese.all along i've only treated you as a subsititute. what more do you want? i'm sorry if you hate the way i treat you. you made me do it. i nvr wanted to make you sadd. i nvr wanted to leave you. you forced me into doing all these. dun blame me. you can hate me for all i care but you cannot blame me. goodbye to the old me. hello to the new martha! goodbye my friend its hard to die, when all the birds are singing in the sky. now that spring is in the air. little children everywhere. think of me and i'll be there. i'm very very very tired! tmr is physics and biology. i must jiayous! i must do well. gotta wake up early to study. sleeping early! like now? 8pm only. (x i dunno which direction i'm heading. i'm very lost in my own world. i've lost all my inspiration. theres nothing in thsi world that seems meaningful anymore. i wanna die. i wanna break down and cry. thank goodness i have a break off track. i'm very very very tired. i havent been myself. i havent been sleeping well. dammit! ): haiish. i wanna die lerhs! i realise i suck at chinese! oh my gwad luhs! -martha bangs head on the wall- what can i do? i dun even knw hw to read! ): i will NEVER take CLB! i wanna die. i wanna cry! what else can i do other thn numb myself? i wish there was more in life thn just what i'm going through. i wish i was dead! slashes and cuts numb me. but can the pain go away? i really wonder. AND JUST STAY HERE IN THIS MOMENT. for all the rest of time. CLARE! (:
Friday, February 15, 2008 7:52 pm
whn every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure listen, ♥ i dun wanna miss one smile. dotts. still carnt upload pictures. stupid laptop. i pray it doesnt have any virus luhs. lolololols! (x meoww. damn sadd can! we're suspose to go out for our valentine day today, but all you said was you're nt free. ): hw sad would i be? i was alright with you nt being free cause i thought you had something on. but the fact that you went off with others without me. ): it saddens me! UNFAIR UNFAIR! damn sadd, you left just because you wanted to spend time with someone else. i wanna cry lerhs! i hate copycats alrights! I DESPISE COPYCATS! be ORIGINAL can?! its damn irritating and disgusting can! it seriously pisses me off whn you try to be me. you CARNT make it! you CARNT be me. get it? stop being bimbos! stop flirting with him can! if you like him, just tell me luhs! i'm fine with it. i can let him go and let you have him. its alright with me. i dunno if i shld stick with you or let you go. i dunno what i want and need. i need support. but whn i need someone, you nvr seem able to be there. what else can i say? what more can i do? he said ; would you be my valentine? I DUN WANNA MISS ONE KISS. i just wanna be with you, right here with you. CLARE! (:
Thursday, February 14, 2008 6:33 pm
watch you smile while you are sleeping listen, ♥ while you're far away and dreaming. stupid internet nt working. blogger dun allow me to upload pictures again! bleahss! so super duper uper idiotic can! blahh. today's the 14 of feb. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! xDD very very very tired. thanks for the valentines day presents. today's maths is alright i guess. i hope i pass. blahhhh. BYE! xDD nothing more to say. ohhh, I WANNA DIE! I COULD SPEND MY LIFE IN THIS SWEET SURRENDER. i could stay lost in this moment forever. CLARE! (:
Sunday, February 03, 2008 8:46 pm
we're so close like honey to the bee. listen, ♥  and if you tell me how to make you understand. I'VE SURRENDERED TO FATE. everything doesnt matter anymore does it? HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFFREY! (: may all your wishes and dreams come true. good luck in everything you do, and best wishes always. (: its my birthday tmr. i dun seem excited nor happy. in fact, i feel very much out of place. i'm getting older but not wiser. thats sadd. biology test tmr. CRAP! damn siann. dun even understand anything. oh my gwad. i pray i dun fail. blahhhh! i'm sick and tired of everything! THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY GIFT PEOPLE! LOVE IT LOADS! i appreciate what you have done. (: i'm tired. i need space to breathe. work towards o lvl marty! YOU CAN DO IT! JIAYOUS! i'm tired just thinking of studying. running and studying can be a chore at times. DRATS! i wanna die. morning run tmr. siann luhs! must wake up early in the morning. i must make an effort! JIAYOUS! for my dream! i must wake up! i wish there was more thn 24hrs a day. its true that you cannot buy time. and its sadd. i regret never putting in effort to study in the past. i wish i was born talented. oh well. its destined. (: i'm fine. still alive and kicking. but i wish i was dead! i'm tired! i need a break frm everything! okayy. i really gt to study now. gt test tmr. and common test arnd the corner. fish head curry sotong ball. i wish i was freaking clever luhs! i feel as though i'm more of a pain thn help. i suck at everything. i'm feel like a failure. everything i do seems wrong. everything others do always seem right. how petatic am i? mr tham say every individual has their own attitude. true. but at times i would want things my way too. why must i always give in to others? why dun they give in to me? its so unfair. i feel so miserable! i feel so sadd. i want a better life! i feel so deprived and depressed! sick and tired. what else can i say about life? damn life. shit the differences! fark those insensitive people. chinese new year's round the corner. it really seems like a sadd sadd year for me. nothing goes right for me. ): BYE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFFREY! I'M MINOR IN A MAJOR KIND OF WAY. i could stay awake just to hear you breathing. CLARE! (:
Saturday, February 02, 2008 8:43 pm
whn i said go, i never meant away listen, ♥  you ought to knw the freaky games we've played. its about time i move on. thank you sweethearts and voda for coming. i appreciate it. (: I LOVE YOU GIRLS! (: thanks to my parents for making it possible too. (: I LOVE ALL OF YOU! (: anyways, i'm very bored and tired. i'm damn sadd i might nt be able to go for the class gathering. ): have to come home for renunion lunch. DRATS! -crossing fingers- hopefully i can go for the gathering. everyone's going and i was sooo looking forward to it. you shld knw hw shattered and disappointing it would be. homework! oh my gwad! i havent even started on anything! i got tonns of maths hmwrk. and i need to study for biology test. oh my gwad! DRATS! -freaking out- damn siann luhs! damn tired and sick of everything. hopefully everything goes well frm now on. my birthday is in 2 days. DRATS! i'm OLD! (x my biggest wish ; DEATH! would you be my sunshine aft rain? GOODBYE! (: COULD YOU FORGIVE AND LEARN HOW TO FORGET? come lead me on, follow you into the sun CLARE! (:
Friday, February 01, 2008 9:42 pm
well i may be dreaming, but till i awake. listen, ♥  i'll cherish all the love we share. we went through thick and thin together, but i guess we can only go that far. i'm dying and i dunno what i want. i dunno what i am holding onto. i'm damn sick and tired of everything. there doesnt seem to be a way out for me. i feel lost and so depressed. i wish i could forget everything. a new life is all i want. are you able to give it to me? who am i and what can i do in my own life? i never seem to be the person who is controlling myself. i seem to be another person. this is my life, i thought i was the one who's suspose to decide on everything? how did it land in someone elses hands? am i that petatic? or is this just the real world? i'm not happy with life. i'm not happy with what i have. people give and receive. i give but never receive. how unfair is that to me? how am i suspose to feel? how am i suspose to supress this feeling? what am i to do? who can understand me? and who actually knws how i really feel? i'm dying. i'm lost. i've lost my direction in life. education seems like a MUST do kinda thing. how long am i suspose to hold onto this dream? we've said goodbye to january 2008. and its february alrdy. 8 more months. freedom! freedom! it is really that difficult for me to reach to it? i really wonder. sometimes, i wonder if i've failed you, or have i failed myself. i've never questioned any move you take. because i knw you taske precautions. but somehow, i really need time off on my own. dun glue me to the book. i hate it. i'm dying and losing my passion. i'm losing this battle. i wanna die. what do you do whn death seems to be the only way out? surrender and just die? or live with it? i dunno if i've made the right decision but i chose to live with it. i dun wanna surrender to fate so soon. it'll be so meaningless to do so. and what am i suspose to do? i chose this path. i shld walk to the end. i must persevere. what could be the source of my motivation? what am i to do? i'm dying. i'm sad. i'm depressed. no one understands how i feel. ): am i born to be like this or did i make myself like that. i really wonder. cuts cuts and more cuts. what else can i do? i'm dying to find a reason to live on. maybe surrendering to fate isnt a bad thing aft all. i can hardly catch my breath. i'm celebrating my birthday tomorrow with my family. obviously touched. i knw they love me and i wanna do something in return. but nothing i do seems right. i feel like a loser. its gonna be a bitter 17. ): how petatic am i? i feel like crying. ): i feel like dying. ): rebecca's leaving singapore soon. ): i'm sadd. like obviously. haiish. ): get off my back would you! you're irritating the crap out of me! you're seriously pissing me off! I HATE YOU! stop bugging me! stop being a twit bitch! you're irritating the crap out of me. just the sight of you and i feel like punching your idiotic face! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! FARK EVERYTHING LUHS! waved goodbye to yesterday, wiped the tears thn i have faced. waiting for tmr. goodbye. tomorrow's gonna be another day. COULD THIS BE THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL? i wanna knw if you would catch me whn i fall. CLARE! (: |
♥  MARTHA KATHLEEN CLARE SOH RUILING! Bestf! ♥ Fareen Yeo ♥ Partner-in-Crime ♥ February ♥ Jung Yonghwa 정용화 ♥ CNBLUE! 씨엔블루 ♥ Tiffany Hwang 티파니 ♥ Reminisce,
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Applause, |
| Everything you want, is on the other side of fear. | |
