Tuesday, June 30, 2009 9:04 pm

books

listen, ♥
one man's poison is another man's joy.

i wish i could take it all away.
i dun wanna study for literature,
i have a feeling i'll fail it so why bother?

okay, i'm sick and tired of this alrdy.
i need to stop whinning and try get bck to my books.
i feel so bloody suffocated now, i can just die.

Aiai, i knw you'll always be there for me.
thank you for all the support and stuff,
keep rocking too because you can do it. (:
i'll see you on friday, xoxo.

if life's nth but a sweet talk,
i'll rather die thn live by it.

you'll nvr be there like before.

MARTHA!

6:04 pm

sleep

listen, ♥
we'll be friends, through and through.

let's get this straight and set the standards.
we can only be friends and nth more thn that, get it?

10hrs of studying took its toil on me ytd
and my shoulders are aching so badly frm all the writing.
i didnt catch a wink at all last night and i'm really annoyed.
so much for trying to sleep at 10pm, df.

i'm screwed but i'm still crossing my fingers and toes,
praying that i will pass bth econs and chinese.
even if its just by a fraction.

i need to read wuthering heights but its shithole 150pgs,
hw am i to do so in like less thn 24hrs?
good luck Marty, so much for last minute work.

today we'll spell D-A-M-N
and thats what i wanna shout out loud now,
150pgs here i come.

idk if i'll ever get to sleep tonight.
i've been awake for 32hrs and i'm NOT tired,
nt bad uh? (x

you knw the words to say,
you've engraved yourself in my heart.

if you'll only let it be.

MARTHA!

Monday, June 29, 2009 7:39 pm

mugggggg

listen, ♥the dreams in our life.

high core mugging since 1pm,
i'm going bck to my books at 8pm.
T-I-R-E-D, D-R-A-I-N-E-D.

i dun have enough brain cells but i will survive this
and i have to do my best.

i havent touched chinese and idk anything thats in the book. ):
spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R today. ):

i think blogger's dying on me.
):

our love has died.

MARTHA!

Sunday, June 28, 2009 9:25 pm

gathering

listen, ♥
you knw hw it feels.

i thank the people who played me out ytd for idk what reason.
i didnt need empty promises
and if you couldnt make it or didnt want to come,
you could have told me somehow, it was optional frm the beginning.
pretty much disappointed and i'm sulking like a big baby. ):<
):

gathering with the others was way awesome
and i love every one of them, to bits. (:
thank you for the joy you've brought into my life,
i appreciate each and everyone of you. (:

i slept very late last night, talking and gossiping with Aunty. (:
slept at like 3, almost 4am. ):
i woke up at 530am, after Snoopy barked till the house came down
and thn at 8am to walk into Nannygrand's room.
i was dead tired and i finally woke up all ovr again at 1030am, for church.
spell T-I-R-E-D please.

as usual, i didnt study or revise.
i brought my freaking books for nth and whatever.
went to AhGong's in the evening for dinner.
tuition was T-I-R-I-N-G, actually the whole day was.

sometimes, i wonder why i have friends. ):

i'm very tired, i need a good night sleep.
i gotta wake up early tmr to S-T-U-D-Y.
fark that, i'm serious. i will study, i swear.

GOODBYE MICHAEL JACKSON.
REST IN PEACE!

you just gotta get a life.

MARTHA!

Saturday, June 27, 2009 1:11 pm

damn

listen, ♥
cause i'm just a retard to all of you.

i thank god for giving me many friends to pick me up frm my downfall
but i never seem to be able to stand up again.
but whatever the case, i'm tryingand i will survive this ordeal.

i've seen the misery in myself.
i've seen the facades of life.
i've seen the reason for my doubts.

smiles are really facades of one's misery i guess but life goes on.
i knw i'll survive this shit, i think i deserve better and so does my family.

thank you for being there for me and with me, BFF. (:
thank you for asking me out ytd Mum and co. (:
i had FUN! (:

you died and took my heart away,
i shld have hated you but my mind refused to.

this can go on forever.

MARTHA!

Thursday, June 25, 2009 11:00 pm

insecurities

6:50 pm

annoyed!

listen, ♥
your hope in despair.

you dun understand, you dun understand, you dun understand.
i feel as though i have no rights to blog abt what i want to at all
and its farking depressing, i thought it was MY blog. ):<

i dun wanna do this anymore, i dun wanna live anymore.
i feel like a depressed kid all over again.

BestFriend, why didnt you take me with you
whn you decided to give it all up?
you gave me tiny bits of hope here and there
only to make me crumble whn you're gone. ):
i miss you with every beat of me heart, i swear. ):

this is damn farking depressing, off for tuition in abit.
i need to find mood and inspiration but on the other hand,
i dun freaking feel like going.
thn whats the point of me doing my hmwrk thn?

it makes no difference if i'm there or not. ):
i dun wanna knw anymore, i dun wanna knw anything.

i hate the shit holes in my school and i really wish they would DIE
like this farking instant, like DIE DIE DIE, farking die faster luhs!

you just dunno hw i feel within, thats why you think its so easy to resolve.
you dunno what i'm thinking of, thats why you're asking me nt to think too much.

i'm doing so much to help myself and to prove my worth
but every farking person out there seem to be shithead putting me down.
wtf is wrong with people and their sanity? *points middle finger*

i really need a farking break i guess, this is retarded and hell disgusting.

you knw you can easily change my mind but you just refuse to. ):
am i suppose to hate you or what, i really DO NOT KNOW.
i dun wanna bother ANYMORE, period! ):<

the world can crash and falter for all i care.
i wish i was dead, like right freaking NOW!
i have a freaking issue with life.

too serious too soon.

MARTHA!

this is shit head depressing. ):

3:25 pm

farkkkkkkkk

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 11:20 pm

fark

listen, ♥
like no one else before.

i feel so farked up and sad all ovr again. ):
i need a life and a massive break.

FARK EVERYTHING, including sanity.
whn will the end of the world ever come?

i hate planning for everything!
i feel like a freaking flop. ):

sorrow becomes his soul mate.

MARTHA!

1:19 pm

meanings

listen, ♥
striking fear frm within.

so at this point in time, i'm still nt sure if i'm going out with Girlfriends.
but in any case, i'm just a call away, so yeahh. (:

i hate it whn i always say i wanna go for a run
because it'll rain. ):
i'm a sad sad kid. ):

still waiting for people to get bck to me
so that i can confirm the number of people going.
damn, some people just need to work a lil harder
and try nt to be an ass. like seriously!

okay, i need to do my tuition hmwrk and study.
i hope i dun go online until evening or night
so that i can concentrate on my work.

till then, goodbye. (:
thank you for reading.

Bunny, TOMORROW! :D
BalqisLove, you made your blog private. ):
Voda, 9 more days! :D

OMG, i CANNOT wait for SATURDAY! :DDDDDDD

the crowd goes BOOM!

MARTHA!

1:09 am

empower

listen, ♥
you've empowered me.

i'm reluctant to go out in the aftnoon
cause i havent finished my tuition hmwrk. ):

iloveyou man was awesome and i enjoyed it. (:
thank you for spending the evening with me Sunshine. :D
starbucks and thn home. (:

i'm finally done with what i have to,
just need to get more details and stuff for the bbq/pinic.
we'll have a BLAST! (:
5n1o8' please get bck to me ASAP.
it'll be good if we have a stayovr. :P

hopefully everything goes out fine. (:
i'm happy for now and i'm heading to sleep
with my growling stomach soon.

meeting Girlfriends at orchard tmr. *yawns*
i hope i'll have fun, no camera though. ):
haha, but it'll all be good.

i need to go on a diet.
i need to run so badly.

okie dokie, i'll have to do my tuition hmwrk tmr
and scan through revision.
i need to study soon, like so badly?
exams are coming but i'm still going out. :X

okayy, goodnight and goodbye.
thank you for reading, have a great day! (:

day by day,
you make me feel more alive.

the silence in your eyes.

MARTHA!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 12:02 pm

tormenting

listen, ♥
help me find myself.

i seem to have lost myself in the midst of everything.
cluttered, clustered.
life aint bringing me through anything but pain
and its tormenting me. ):

i need you so badly.

MARTHA!

12:04 am

sacrifice

listen, ♥
i'll be that sacrifice.

Brother refused to run with me earlier on, meanie poopoo. ):
i have no appetite to even eat, i feel like dying.
5hrs of studying has left my brain drained and dead,
i need more brain cells, booster anyone?
i'm being bugged to do so much and i'm tired.

school starts on monday officially
but i return only on tuesday.
screw it, i wish it was extended.
someone just needs to die, i can be that sacrifice. (:

i wish i could take it all away.
as much as i wanna be your pillar of support,
i have my limits and expectations.
try to see things frm my prespective and nt only yours?
i promised to be there and i will always be
but this is too much to ask for.
i'm sorry all i can offer is to sit there in the silence,
waiting for you to come bck being yourself once again.
you'll pick yourself up frm whr you fall,
thats the only way you'll learn.

nw that you've betrayed me time and again,
hw do i trust you?

if only you could understand.

MARTHA!

Monday, June 22, 2009 9:17 pm

books

listen, ♥
once in awhile.

i finally S-T-U-D-I-E-D again!
E-C-O-N-O-M-I-C-S is driving me crazyyyy
but i'm almost done with it! :D

i need to start on H-I-S-T-O-R-Y
and freaking L-I-T-E-R-A-T-U-R-E
before i start dying during the exams.

i wish the holidays would be E-X-T-E-N-D-E-D
since everyone is polling at channel news asia.
but would it really matter or are they just testing the market?

whatever the case, it doesnt really matter.
its still time to S-T-U-D-Y, nt much of a difference anyway.

please, send me to B-O-O-T-C-A-M-P.
take my laptop and handphone away so that i wun have any distractions.
crap, i think i'll die without my H-A-N-D-P-H-O-N-E.
like just drop dead. (x

i've given up on C-H-I-N-E-S-E
since i knw i cannot make it. ):
hw depressing, so much for being H-A-L-F chinese.

shhhhh, just stay silent
and take me A-W-A-Y with Y-O-U.

its pretty good taking a L-O-N-G walk once in awhile.
i wish Y-O-U were here with me, T-O-N-I-G-H-T.

when the sun refuses to shine,
i knw you'll be there to make it through the night.

be there for me just like before.

MARTHA!

12:59 am

wonder

Sunday, June 21, 2009 9:57 pm

depressing

listen, ♥
i shld have known better.

days been dull and gloomy. ):
things aint going smoothly as i expected it to. ):
i'm in despair and i wanna die. ):
insomia is killing me slowly. ):
theres something wrong with me but idk what. ):

its freaking depressing to be me.
like wtf is going on with my life?

out to study with Sweethearts tmr. (:
like finally my motivation and booster to study.

supper with the Guys♥ ytd sucked so badly
because the food was like -.-
nvrmind, theres always another day to find better food. :P

i'm no longer the dinosaur,
eating my life away. ):

praying for a week or two holiday extention.
*crossing fingers*

i need all the support you can offer
but i knw i can nvr count on you for that.

so long, goodbye.

MARTHA!

9:35 pm

burdened

listen, ♥
all i wanted was to hold you tight.

once again, the world has turned its bck on me.
aft so much of ups and downs,
i still dunno if you're the one i can count on.
shld i give up or continue being nice?

i'm reluctant to put on a brave front time and again,
letting things seem as though its alright.
i wanna realise the importance of many things
but i just cannot do that.

i wanna pin all my hopes on you
but you always fail me time and again
so what am i to do?
you cannot assure me of anything, so hw am i to trust you?

you betray me time and again,
thinking that its okay.
but you nvr seem to realise hw hurt i am within,
i wanna let things get better, can i?

all i wanted was you to be there,
is it too much to ask for?

there's silence in the air.

MARTHA!

Saturday, June 20, 2009 2:33 pm

cassandra

listen, ♥

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY CASSANDRA! :D

thannk you for being such a good friend indeed. (:
all the times we've spent together
and our petty quarrels whn we were in our younger days.
who would have known, enemies could turn out fine as friends. (:

thank you for being such a dear and so fun being arnd. :D
you've been GREAT. (:

its your day, enjoy yourself. :D
keep in touch and we'll hang out soon. (:

xoxo,
MARTHA!

2:24 pm

booooooringgggg

listen, ♥
sometimes i wish i could save you.

i'm born this way, so be it.
hate me, dun come to my hse.
carnt stand me, stay away frm me.
i nvr set myself any expectations to be of service to you,
so shut up and die if you want to comment so much on me.

oh my gwad, chinatown tonight.
i'm gonna grow fat just going for supper every week. ):
and i dun wanna grow fatttt. ):<

i'm bored to tears nowwwww. ):
i read my book till 330am, tired.
i wanna sleep again, LOL!

inspiration come my way, i need to complete all my work.
motivation come my way, i need to studyyy all the way.

okay, this is crap.
pardon the retarded post.
GOODBYE!

theres so many things that i want you to knw.

MARTHA!

LAZY PIGGGG! :P

1:00 pm

chinese

1:16 am

boringggggg

listen, ♥
i wish i could take it all away.

facebook is getting more and more boring.
i'm wide awake nw and idk why, haha!

i slacked the whole aftnoon and studied in the evening
before meeting Victor. (:
i havent seen him in ages and we finally had the chance to catch up. (:
i miss you Buddy, see you soon. :D

i'm bored, i cannot sleep and i'm nt gonna study at this time.
and i swear i'll slap you if you call me at 430am again.

supper with thhe Guys♥ tmr again, LOL!
i hope the food would be good, unlike the last time. :P

that reminds me, i havent eaten dinner.
hahaha, i think i'm hungry. :P

thank you for texting me BalqisLove, i miss you alot.
thank you for the msg in facebook Bunny, i miss you too.

Voda, i miss you tons and gallons. ):
3rdjuly, 3rdjuly, 3rdjuly. :D

please extend my sch holidays. ):

cheer up FeliciaSweetheart, iloveyou.
just call/text me if you need someone, i'll be there. (:
xoxo.

i'll give you strength to pull through.

MARTHA!

Friday, June 19, 2009 3:05 pm

yawn

listen, ♥
in this city that has no end.

first things first, i'm nt whining abt Kunhao. (x

thank you for waking me up at such an unearthly hr,
complaining that you're bored and cannot sleep.
i wanna slap your facezxzxzx, it was bloody 430am. -.-

moving on, i was awaken before 9am again.
ROAR, but oh well i was gonna wake up soon anyway.

i have yet to study or do my hmwrk. ):<
i'll rather have e-learning at hm thn go to sch.
so much for a mth's holiday
and for staying less thn 10mins away frm sch.

Voda, i miss you.
Bunny, you're coming home SOON.

we'll make it through.

MARTHA!

Thursday, June 18, 2009 11:41 pm

mummy

listen, ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY! ♥

thank you for everything you're given said and done for me.
thank you for walking through both good and bad times with me.

iloveyouMummy,
and no one can ever doubt that. (:

its your day to shine
and i love you rain or shine. :D

xoxo,
MARTHA!

11:38 pm

sleeeeeeeeep

listen, ♥
you deserve the best.

i think i've gt no life having to do so much and nt be able to relax. ):
i woke up early this morning to work on my tuition hmwrk
despite sleeping at 3am in the morning. 9am, for crying out loud.

brainstormed like a complete idiot before getting it done.
i did a draft before penning the actual so it took me forever to complete it.
but its all ovr and done, i hope i score for it. (:

tuition aft the torturous workload and i was 30mins late.
good job Marty. (:
taught for only 1hr and i raised the white flag.
hahaha, i'll have 2hrs with Monster on sunday.
booooo sunday. ):

completed my tuition hmwrk, wrapped Mummy's present and left for the nxt tuition.
i was 20mins late, good job once again Marty.
above all, i made Huishi late alongside me.
Sorry Huishi, i owe you one. ):

tuition was funn and enjoyable especially whn MrsKhan is arnd. :D
aft tuition, i headed for wcp to meet Dearr who came 1/2 and hr aft me.
yes i hate waiting but i did.

walked arnd the boring old place and settled down at starbucks for a chat.
left starbucks abt 90mins ltr and went to the bakery to buy Mummy a cake.
gt the cake and left for home, i saw Brother on the bus and we took it hm together.

i'm really tired and stuff, i wanna have a good rest.
i wish holiday's extended so that i can have more fun and study, soon?
i need sleep, the lack of sleep is killing me softly. ):

alrighties, gotta do my tuition hmwrk soon
and get down to serious business, STUDY!
crap, i knw i'll nvr do that but whoooo cares. :P

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATRINA! :D

letting go isnt easy.

MARTHA!

2:51 am

gosh

listen, ♥

i miss my ice kachang boy who was suppose to have lunch with me the other day! ):<

its almost 3am and i shld get to sleep.
i'm nt done with my hmwrk, i only drafted what is to be written.
moreover, its nt completely drafted. its only 5/7 done.
i will continue whn i awake, i'm tireddddd.
i need a booster! ):

MARTHA!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 11:37 pm

workkkkkkkkkkk

listen, ♥
wave goodbye to ytd.

i'm brainstorming ideas for my tuition hmwrk. ):
its annoying to nt have any inspiration. ):<

i want a new sch bag and pencil box. ):

ghost of girlfriend's past was good but nt fantastic.
thank you for the treat and the gift, xoxo.

i wanna sleep so badly only because i have to do my work. ):<
this bad habit will kill me one day. ):<

i'm like so engrossed, talking to Dearr on facebook. HAHA!
okayyy, roll ovr. i need to get my work done if nt i cannot sleep.
i need more sleep cause its double tuition tmr. ):

the weather is a killer and i think i'm dying.
my throat is killing but i'm eating way too much chocolate. :P

okie dokie, gotta get bck to my books. ):
BYEEEEE and thank you for reading. (:

Voda, i miss you truck loads.
16 daysssssss to gooooo! :DDDDDDD

see you on tuesday Sunshine,
we'll watch land of the lost together. (:

xoxo.

we'll make it through.

MARTHA!

1:01 pm

eric

listen, ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIC! :D

you've been a good good friend,
thank you for being there. (:

best wishes always,
xoxo.

MARTHA!

12:02 am

rannnnnnnnnnndom

Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:31 pm

unproductive

listen, ♥
someone you can call yours.

i've given up studying because nth makes sense to me.
idk hw i'm suppose to pass my promos
and i'm praying the govt extends the so called holiday that we have.

everyday's a very unproductive day and its getting very annoying. ):<
i need to stay in a boot camp and study my ass off.

i'm just waiting for the time i'll say ;
okay, get down to business before i start kicking your ass.

facebook is driving me crazy, i feel like dying.
i'm tiredddd, tuition was rather productive cause Monster understood.

need to wake up early tmr and thursday. *yawn*
mugging day on thursday, i hope it'll be productive. (:

i wish i could always count on you
but circumstances proved likewise. ):
maybe, you're just nt worth it.

to promise you my love.

MARTHA!

1:01 am

late

listen, ♥
a lil too nt ovr you.

its so late at night but i just cannot sleep,
trying to get everything out of my mind.

i planned a 5n gathering just before promos
which would obviously kill me ovr time
and i'm praying that everything goes on well.
at least let me pass 2H2s and 1H1 and i'll be jumping to the skies.
*crossing fingers and toes*

i knw i've been lazy, i knw i've nt tried hard enough.
i'm hoping i'll survive.
i gt enough of setbacks to deal with alrdy. ):
and its so freaking fustrating to be me, living the life i am.

i've been thinking long and hard but to no avail. ):

promos kicking in but i'm nvr in the mood to study.
i nvr have time to study with the constant excuses i give myself.
day in and out, its the same old things i'm saying ;
tmr, i'll study and make full use of time.

tmr comes and goes but nth is done.
minus the fact that i drew 2-3 econs graphs
and tired to memorise facts.

my study plan aint working very well aft all.
i think i'm born stupid and so be it.
i'll be my parent's pride, someday.
this i promise you. (:

outing with the Girls♥ was terrific. (:
i enjoyed myself very much, just talking and talking.
i'm sure they did too.
Dearr was so reluctant to let me go
but she had to cause it was the last train home.
i'm sorry Dearr, another day. (:
Aiai called me as soon as she reached home. (:

i swear i love you Girls♥ frm the bottom of my heart.
thank you for always being there for me. (:
xoxo.

would you be my lullaby?

sometimes i wonder, what are you bringing me through.

MARTHA!

Monday, June 15, 2009 11:59 pm

dickhead

listen, ♥
the call you set aside.

truth to be told, i nvr meant to hurt you.
the lies and the betrayal was seen as an act.
you did this first to me, so why are you complaining?
i shld be the one whose hurt and in pain, not you.

who are you to say you understand me whn you dun actually do?
who are you to say i'm yours whn you're nt even there for me
whn i needed someone most.
who are you to say those things to my friends
and turn your back on me.

seriously, get a freaking dickhead life.
you so need one, i swear.
just get off my bck and you'll nvr have anyone
cursing you for the rest of your farked up life.
just stay away frm me, get lost!

you're more like a dickhead with the things you say and do.
you suck, its final. (:

more thn words.

MARTHA!

12:33 pm

displeasures

listen, ♥
hear the wisdoms of your words.

i hate myself for nt being able to find motivation to study. ):<
i hate myself for nt being there for you whn you need someone. ):<
i hate myself for always listening to your honey coated words. ):<
i hate myself for always forgiving others but nt myself. ):<
i hate myself for being so nice to others. ):<
i hate so many things abt myself, i feel like a flop. ):

i need to get bck to my books. ):<
i need to study very hard for my promos. ):<
i need to learn hw to let go of some things. ):<
i need to learn hw to turn my bck on you. ):<
i need to learn hw to be enforce my beliefs. ):<
i need to do so much, i can just die. ):

i dun like the way you're treating me. ):<
i dun like the way you stare at everything i do. ):<
i dun like the way you always smile and pretend to be innocent. ):<
i dun like the way you contridict yourself infront of me. ):<
i dun like the way you treat me like i'm oblivious to the truth. ):<
i dun like it but i carnt stop it. ):

i wish i could take it all away.

its all in you.

MARTHA!

Sunday, June 14, 2009 4:56 pm

mood

listen, ♥
thats what she said.

i admire people with disabilities that try so hard to perfect their own little world.
they seem to find the essence and meaning in life
and the little motivation to push them forward.

sometimes, i wish i was like that.
disabled but with motivation and perseverance to live life as it is.
its nt abt finding the right person to spend forever with,
its abt finding someone who will always be there to love you.

sometimes i wonder if i'm able to break through my thoughts
and be a whole new person.
i feel so sick and suffocated living my life this way,
i feel so redundant everywhere.
i see myself everywhere, in everyone and i hate it so much.
i dun wanna be like everyone else, i wanna be different.

maybe this is what life is all abt.
i'm nt in the best of moods.
i dun wanna attend the dumb wedding dinner because idk anyone.
i wanna feel out of place but i definately will
and i'm annoyed even to begin with. ):<
i hope i wun screw up then and there.

i need a break, a longer one thn this.
one that doesnt require me to study but be free.
i need a life, i need a break.

what an irrinonying life.
):<

baby, theres no love.
we'll groove to the beat tonight.

the music of the night.

MARTHA!

2:07 pm

misses

listen, ♥
with you in mind.

today i am nt going to study, tomorrow i might study.
today's nt my day, tomorrow might be mine.
today i'll dread the night, tomorrow i'll enjoy.

argh, crap. i'm so annoyed. ):<

supper with the Guys♥ was good. :D
we had a good time despite the Guys♥ being tired.
aft all, they were the ones who asked me out for supper. (:
thank you for the ride home. :D

i'm so bored, i dun wanna study.
i'm so tired, i dun wanna sleep.
i wanna runnn soo badly. ):

okay, i need a break.
i wanna finish reading Run and thn continue with my other books. :P
Tess of the D'Ubervilles and Wuthering Height can go to hell. *roll eyes*

i suddenly miss prom night so much. ):
i miss the times i spent with my SecondarySchoolFriends. ):
i miss all of youuuu. :\

i will be there in the midst,
in the silence to catch you whn you fall.

whn you say nth at all.

MARTHA!

Saturday, June 13, 2009 2:17 pm

unfilfiling

listen, ♥
tearing up my heart.

supper with the Guys♥ aft their work.
yummy, maxwell's oyster omelette. :D
omg, fat fat fat. ):

i havent studied cause i woke up 2hrs ago, HAHA!
i had my fill on sleep like finally. :P
i need to work harder. ):

monday with the Girls♥
i'm gonna have fun fun fun! (:
but i need to study first. ):

okay, theres nth much to say.
i miss my SecondarySchoolFriends. ):
i miss my Clique. ):
i miss Voda. ):

okay, byeee.
thank you for reading. :D

only you,
can make that difference in my life.

tomorrow, tomorrow.

MARTHA!

Friday, June 12, 2009 8:10 pm

study

listen, ♥
strive for perfection.

i had a long day, nt studying at all. ):
i went arnd with Mum cause she was sick and to get everything done
paying the bills that's pilling up.

i havent done my hmwrks and revised and i wanna die.
i'll do it ltr, i hope i dun get lazy.
i'm nt meeting DesireeSweetheart tmr to study. ):
have fun in malaysia FeliciaSweetheart, i'll miss you. xoxo.

the day has been pretty good though a lil tiring. (:
i miss going out with Mum so much
though we didnt get anything, it was time well spent. (:

okie dokie, goodbyeeee.
need to do research. :/

thank you for reading.
xoxo.

you're nt hot or cold,
you're just the forgotten one.

you're the missing pieces in my life.

MARTHA!

12:59 am

bored

listen, ♥
always be my baby.

i'm bored at this hour and i cannot sleep.
i'm abt to bang my head on the wall if i dun complete reading Run.
i just remembered i have tuition hmwrk and i will get it done.
i need to study so badly but aint in the mood. ):<
haha, dun you hate me whn i'm like that? :P

i need to remember what i need to do and schedule my time properly.
i need to pioritise everything and go according to plan.
oh goodness, hw is this possible.
i need to do sooooo many freaking things before the holiday ends. ):<
and its very annoying cause i'm down to 2 and less thn half weeks. ):<
i wanna burn the calendar, i wanna make time freeze but humans move
so that i have more time on hand.

i saw Alyssa earlier on and i miss my og mates. ):
on a random note, this is my 801st post. :D
hohoho, i'm waiting for my thousand one. :P

i shall not bum arnd and start reading my book
so that i can complete it and read the lit texted which are collecting dust.
homework and revision whn i wake up! ):

GET WELL SOON MUM! :D
iloveyou, xoxo.

you have your sweet moments but i'm sorry,
you're no longer my sugar rush.

you're the sweetest thing i've ever tasted.

MARTHA!

Thursday, June 11, 2009 11:53 pm

books

listen, ♥
whn the clock strikes 12.

its almost the end of the day and its only now that i'm free.
i'm nt tired or drained surprisingly and i'm feeling fine.

woke up bright and early just to meet Sweethearts to study.
it was all good and rather productive.
i finally understood what econs is trying to bring across.
gotta have to study tmr to understand it in details.
last minute mugging KILLS, but i cannot kick the habit.

aft a whole aftnoon of studying, i left Sweethearts to meet Huishi.
i swear i'm gonna stay away frm macs for like months
cause i've been having it week aft week and this week is the worse!
i think i've consumed macs meal like almost 5 times alrdy
and i swear i feel like dying.

moreover, i'm nt any fitter thn before and i cannot run
thanks to my stupid toe that is recovering, like FINALLY.
i hope it'll get better sooner than soon. :P
i need to run sooooo badly that i feel like dying now, LOL!

i met Huishi to continue our mugging spree and to the library we went.
i read Huishi's book cause its oh-so-awesome and i wanna continue reading it.
i'm stuck with 'Run' and i'm completing it soon. :D
goodness, i havent started on Wuthering Heights or Tess of the D'Ubervilles.

with promos approaching with each new day, i feel like dying more.
we met Rachel for dinner and thn went for tuition.
tuition was good, i totally enjoyed myself. (:

thank you for reading. (:
xoxo.

it only takes a spark, to get a flowing going.

MARTHA!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 10:51 pm

things

listen, ♥
i had to fall, to lose it all.

okay, so i have to edit my post since so many things are changing.
we finally baked an oh-so-wonderful cake and we're cool and happy abt it. :D
i have to mug tmr for my promos which suck so badly cause its HOLIDAY
as stated on the calendar.
i'm meeting Sweethearts to mug before heading for tuition at night.

the love of my lifes have reached home, safe and sound.
Whinner is enjoying the cake with his family, thats good. :D

i'm happy that even whn we are so far apart, none of you have forgotten me. :D
thank you for spending your whole day with me, making me laugh
and forget the unhappiness that overwhelms me.

we may be in different schools, leading different lives
but i knw that i can always count on you to be there for me shld anything happen. :D
i love you people! ♥

i just took out the bandage frm my leg and i regret making this decision.
its stiff and difficult to move, i feel more restricted and itchy.
my toe is still hurting and i wanna finish reading my story book.

oh, did i mention that webcaming is FUN?! :X
shall have fun with my webcam again SOON. :P

Bunny, thank you for the email.
i knw you're suffering and i miss you alot. ):
i'm waiting for my live performace and hang on for just abit.
its gonna be ovr soon. (:

Voda, i miss you.
i'm waitingggg, o3Julyo9'
xoxo.

15Juneo9', i'm still waiting.
i'm gonna have a date with GunnyLove, Sunshine and Dear
before sch starts all ovr again. (:

stay strong Dear, your grandma will be just fine. (:
have faith in her and GET WELL SOON GRANNY.

you got me oh-so-disgusted with the things you say.
you degrade yourself so much in my eyes that i cannot help but despise you.
you make me see how much of bastard you are with the things you say.
seriously, i think you suck so much that i feel like screaming in your farking face
and telling you to fark off my life. but i cannot.
thank you for being such a farked up person in my life.
i nvr wanna be that close to you ever again.
seriously, you gotta think ovr all your shit actions before you comment on someone.
no one owes you their freaking life and you're no better thn others.
at least they have the heart, unlike you.
cold hearted, beast thinking. you make me see the true person in you
with all that you do and i really think YOU are DISGUSTING!
you're nt worth all the love anyone put in, YOU ARE NOT WORTH IT!

in the end, it doesnt even matter.

MARTHA!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 11:10 pm

quote

7:01 pm

shayne

listen, ♥
i love this song.

SHAYNE TAN LEONG AN. ♥
i bet i rock your world so much
that you owe me your life. :P
hahaha, you shld love me more okay. ;P

i spent my whole day with MrShayne :D
because he wanted to make a blog.
we thought abt his new english name till thy kingdom come
whn he finally settled for the name, Shayne. ♥
i love that name but i love the name Jayden more. :P
oh well, he didnt really like it but who cares? (:

MrShayne is coming over again tmr to bake his sister's bday cake
alongside Aiai and Dearr, xoxo.

i studied for econs while Monster did his lit essay i made him do. (:
i'm seeing him nxt week, LOL! :X

okay, i enjoyed today and i wanted to webcam but forgot. :P
i love webcam. :D

Voda, i miss you.
Bunny, i miss you.

i wanna enjoy myself so badly.
allowance on friday, YAY! :D

i'll never have you by my side
to walk through forever with me, again.

you make my heart skip a beat.

MARTHA!

Monday, June 08, 2009 10:38 pm

petatic

7:24 pm

study

listen, ♥
sorrow becomes his soul mate.

my teddy bear paw is nt getting any better. ):
its itching me soooo much but i cannot do anything to stop it.

i'm so proud of myself for studying all aftnoon.
though its only econs, i'm still happy. ♥
its better thn nth. (;

i'll get bck to my books aft dinner which is idk whn.
facebook is so freaking slow and its annoying me. ):<

i'm seeing Whinner tmr to teach him hw to make a blog. :P
i'm seeing Monster for tuition before Whinner comes.

i like long walks,
espeically whn its taken with you. ♥

the damage is done.

MARTHA!

Sunday, June 07, 2009 9:01 pm

museum

listen, ♥
suffering is joy's displeasure.

night in the museum is like rocking the hse,
everyone's so into it and i'm nt an exception. :P
i need to laugh so badly cause i havent been very happy lately.
i'm very tired frm thinking and stuff, i need a break.

my toes are crying out loud and i feel very tortured.
telling my Parents would mean hell so i'll rather keep it to myself.
i'll sleep the pain away cause tmr will be another day.

hush little baby dun you cry,
everything's gonna be alright.

i wun be able to go for econs and hear the whiteboard
being bang for the countless time.

and i need to start studying because its monday tmr.
i need plenty of motivation to move this lazy mindset of mine.

i feel so tired, i wanna sleep but i knw i wun be able to
so i'm nt gonna waste much time.
gonna continue watching night in the museum. (:
i think its better thn 2. :D

okay, thank you for reading.
have a great day tmr! :D

nothing beats having you there
to be my sunshine aft rain.

to be by my side again.

MARTHA!

2:42 pm

mixed

listen, ♥
the turning point.

i feel so restricted nt being able to move my leg arnd like before
thanks to the stupid bandage stuck on my foot.
no running for god knws hw long. ):

Mum thinks i'm crazy cause i endured the pain for 5 days without complaining.
and i decided to go to the doctors because they asked me to
and i was sick of limping arnd.

Daddy was wondering what in the world my handphone theme was.
HAHA, i bet he hasnt figured out who and what it is yet. :P

i feel so weird kicking the blanket with only 1 leg
and my friendship band on the wrong leg. -.-
urgh, i wanna get better real quick and start running again. ):
i want my life to go be like before.

and nw i miss running so freaking much
i can just die this instant.
but i cannot do much with my leg this way.

oh my gwad, i freaking need to start studying hard for promos.
1 week down, 3 weeks to redeem myself. ):
energy flow = zeroooo,
my brain cells are DYING.

so much has happened within a short span of 1 week. ):
idk hw to feel, happy or insulted?

you were a dream come true
until nightmare poured in.

whn dreams come true.

MARTHA!

Saturday, June 06, 2009 3:51 pm

stood right by me.

3:51 pm

unsure

listen, ♥
stood right by me.

weekends are always the best time to unwind, i guess.
theres nvr a day which i can live like before.
my mind is racing so fast, idk if i've made the right choice.
i'm in utter dismay, idk why.
i feel so lost/dejected/depressed. ):

those times were clearly the best.
i miss you. ):

whats the point of saying sorry whn you dun mean it?
whats the point of giving me a promise that you wun fulfil?
whats the point of me believing everything you say, only to knw they're lies.

and it doesnt seem to really matter anymore.
another fool has come to take my place, enjoy bitch. (:

i gt my toe fixed but i still cannot walk properly. ):<
i hope it'll be all fine soon, i dun wanna limp arnd anymore. ):
i still feel the stinging feeling on my feet.
i swear i wanted to kick the doctor in his face so badly.

and its over now. (:
you made me believe in a dream
that will never come true.

through the tears and everything.

MARTHA!

1:11 pm

listen, ♥
its all in the mind.

my toe is screaming in pain
and i'm going to the torture chamber soon. ):

Voda will return in abt a month and YAY! :D
i get to see her and i get to stayovr at her hse. :D

Bunny will be back in like 19days. (:
and i'm STILL waiting for my live performance.

Aiai will be bck tmr. :D
haha, baking once again on wednesday. :P

1 week down, 3 weeks to go. ):
i havent really started studying
and my plans are all screwed up. ):

STOP TRYING, IT WOULDNT WORK ANY LONGER.

i tried to be perfect.

MARTHA!

12:45 am

cake

listen, ♥
the daunting effects.

i'm so tired but i enjoyed my day. (:
thanks to the lovely people,
see you people on wednesday again. :D

baking cakes with idiots like them
is such a wonderful experience.
not forgetting, the state of chaos my kitchen was in
and hw angry Nanny looked whn she saw the place.

i'm gonna sleep, gotta get my toe fixed in the morning.
its hurting so much that i'm limping arnd. ):
i'm a sad sad kid.

thank you for listening to my story BalqisLove,
i appreciate it sooooo much. (:

i miss you Voda, come home soon. ):
i miss you Bunny, come back faster!
i'm waiting for my live performance
and so is Marcus! :P

good mornight people. (x
sweet dreams.

as you can sense, i'm in hell load of a good mood. (:

be that light in my darkest days.

MARTHA!

Thursday, June 04, 2009 11:50 pm

haha

11:12 pm

disappointment

listen, ♥
you eternity and dream come true.

i was studying with Rachel and i gt bored ;

when things go wrong and the world starts to not make sense,
hold on cause anything can happen.
love won't bring you through but life would.
trust in yourself with whatever's left of you,
stand strong and carry on even if you know you are going to crumble and be defeated.
shout at the top of your voice, scream out your displeasures in life.
let it all flow away, just like the wave comes off shore.
be slient, hold still.
life will bring you through the ups and downs.

i sound like a spoilt brat,
whinning abt everything in life.
and oh my goodness, i cannot find myself. ):
depressed, depressed, depressed. ): ): ):

i think i'm a disappointment and am wasting my parents money. ):
i'm a bad bad kid but my every intention is to produce results! ):

tuition sucked because MrsKhan wasnt arnd
and we were told to do an essay. ):
i hate doing essays at the time because i'm all tired.
the worse thing was the lack of inspiration. ):
i'm so gonna die whn MrsKhan returns.

disappointment aft disappointment.
whn will i ever grow out of it? ):

i hate myself. i hate myself. i hate myself.

together we'll break all the rules.

MARTHA!

3:12 pm

typical

listen, ♥
the whole world on my back.

i'll be that sunset in your eyes
and your new found hope for the future.

i have completely no inspiration or motivation,
i just wanna sleep the day away.
with promos coming my freaking way,
i cannot sit back and relax like i use to.

its nt holiday, its boot camp.
minus the fact that you can enjoy here and there
and be in your own comfort zone.
screw promos and hmwrk/tutorials.

oh, i still have tuition tonight.
off to meet Rachel in an hour to study,
for dinner and thn tuition. *yawns*
i've been bumming arnd for the last 4days
and i'm so nt happy abt it.
okay, i did some revision on econs BUT STILL!

tmr i get to see BalqisLove! *screams*
FazilaBunny's nt in singaporeee
so i dun get to see any performance. ):
i'm WAITING! :D

i miss Voda. ):
thank you for the text that made my day. :D

i'm just a little too caught in between.
i'm still contemplating getting my knee fixed
cause i have to change the appointment.
urgh, fark life. screw sanity.

& tmr's a brand new day, fark that.

let's ride the nightmare away.

MARTHA!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009 7:52 pm

hungry

listen, ♥
all at once.

I'M VERY HUNGRY!
):<
i can die this minute. ):

sense the misery.

MARTHA!

12:32 pm

memories

listen, ♥
hold on tight.

at 2am in the morning, you wake up to find that you're the only one awake,
wondering and thinking of what life is bringing you through.

you walk into the pitch dark living room, but on one is there.
you sit on the couch, in hope that someone would awake
for their toilet break or to have a sip of water.

you then walk into the kitchen.
on the light, pour yourself a cup of water, drink it
and return to the living room after switching off the light.

you know that no one is going to be awake
neither would anyone have their toilet break or have a sip of water.
you decide to enter their room, one by one to watch them asleep soundly
without making a sound or leaving a trace.

you start to wonder, why can't you be this way?
maybe because your parents have each other for company.
maybe your pet have your family members there always.
maybe your silblings have their own love life, ready to flaunt it any time.
maybe your grandparents needs their rest for a brand new day.

you stop to ponder about what life is bringing you through.
you start to reflect on your life all over again, on the couch.
you start to rant and get angry in your heart
because you don't wanna arouse or awake anyone in the middle of the night.

you snap back and then start thinking of the good old times you spent.
you start to reminisce and embrace the moment.

you come to realise that reality has its way of bringing us through life.
you start to think that life's not fair and you don't deserve such treatment.

you often find yourself, regretting the decisions you make.
you often find yourself, struggling to find your direction in life.
you often find yourself, thinking back when you are suppose to move on.
you often find yourself, oblivious to things around you.

and you fall asleep on the couch without knowing.
you wake up unexpectedly at 5am,
wondering what happened and why you are in the living room,
with tears rolling down your cheeks.

you run into your room,
slip into bed so that no one knows what you have done.
you think of all the joy and the pain that life have brought you through.
one tear at a time, it starts rolling until it becomes uncontrollable.

you find yourself crying to sleep.
you wonder if you are okay but am too tired to really know
and so you relentlessly fall asleep until 8am in the morning
to find your eyes all puffy and sore.

you don't want anyone to know what happened
so you force yourself to sleep once again.
you wake up at 10am, with eyes all bright and chirpy
awaiting the new day but your heart is bleeding as the second goes by.
you greet the people you see.

a new day has begun, the sun is out shinning and beaming
but all you see is darkness and the rain behind the clouds.

and then you start to understand that
life is a journey and its not gonna end anytime soon
because it's just the beginning.
theres more that's gonna happen, theres more that's gonna come.

you knw i'm there.

MARTHA!

Tuesday, June 02, 2009 2:25 pm

dull

listen, ♥
i believe that things will get better, eventually.

days been dull aft i've known too much.
things didnt get better aft i got you out of my mind.
lessons learnt with a high price to pay.
am i going insane or do i still have some sanity within?

setbacks aft setbacks, whn will i ever grow up and learn
that everything happens for a reason?
whn will i ever learnt that moving on is vital
and that i have to move on with my life no matter what?
i wonder, i stare so hard at the ceiling only to knw that it'll nvr collapse
cause its too stable, unlike me and the broken pieces of my heart.
sometimes it hurts so bad, not having you there.

NOTHING WOULD EVER ADD UP TO ALL THE LIES.

for you i'll bleed myself dry.

MARTHA!

11:58 am

daddy!

listen, ♥

Dearest Daddy,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! :D

you're another year older
but always the Daddy that i'll have by my side
to cheer me on and to love me. ♥

thank you for being there for me all my life,
being my support and showering me with endless love.
thank you for taking such great care of me,
nurturing me to become what i am today.
my every success belongs to you
and i promise to stay strong.

thank you for always being there
to catch me whn i fall.
its your day, i hope everything would go right.

ILOVEYOUDADDY! :D
best wishes always.

xoxo,
MARTHA! :D