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Tuesday, December 31, 2013 12:15 am
Clap listen, ♥Oh my, I was dying to know if I actually lived up to the New Year resolution that I set for myself in January. Apparently I have lived up to them. 1. Exercise to keep myself fit. (I lost 2kg for no reason and I can still run if you ask me to, minus the knee hurting) 2. Do my best in everything, especially school. (I finally got the results I wanted after struggling so hard) 3. Save enough money to go on a shopping spree/travel by the end of the year. (I left the country trice this year) 4. To be thankful for something everyday. (No matter how annoyed I am with things, I always am grateful for something else) 5. Read the bible everyday, even if its a short chapter, no matter the circumstances. (I'm almost done with it) I'm pretty proud of myself for living up to the resolutions set. :) I mean, it's like the first time I've ever bothered having a resolution, and I've live by it. *clap clap clap* I shall set another for 2014 and I hope to be able to finish reading the bible before my birthday. :)
Monday, December 30, 2013 12:35 am
Christmas listen, ♥
Merry Christmas Everyone! :)
I'm not late, there's 12 days of Christmas
I must say I had an awesome Christmas this year
and the gifts that I've received made it even better. I'm not saying that I need anything expensive to feel loved and such. I'm just touched by the love and affection that I, a mere individual can receive from the people around me. Thank you, really. I don't know how to express my heart felt gratitude, but I'm really happy. And I emphasize that it's not because of the gifts I've received, but because I got the opportunity to spend Christmas with the people I love, the people who matters most to me. :) Thank you for a great Christmas, thank you for all the love I've received. As the year comes to an end, and as I look through the countless diaries I've written in throughout the year, I begin to ponder and wonder if I've become a better person that I've strived to be. But yet, that don't matter as much. It doesn't matter what I think about myself It doesn't matter what others think about me. Somehow or rather, I think nothing really matters. The way I see myself, the way others see me, they really don't matter. As I grow older, like the world does, I begin to think and ponder more, about life and the things I have to go through, the things I have to consider more than I would ever have done. With the advent of 2014, I'll be celebrating my 10th year with the various cliques from Tanglin. And I'm in awe and absolute shock because so much time has passed. I'm no longer the weakling that goes around crying and being bullied by idiots and assholes. I'm no longer the annoying bully that goes around picking on others because I was afraid of being picked upon. A decade has gone by. Friends have come and gone from time to time. I've gained and lost throughout this time. And sometimes, I get tired. Tired of over thinking, tired of how things work out, tired of trying and pretending to be fine when I'm not, tired of forgoing something I really want for others, tired of giving in all the time. The sacrifices and compromises that we have to endure for the greater good, even if I don't think it's worth it. But what really matters at the end of the day, is how the people around feel. Because their happiness determines the overall sense of wellbeing. As I look back and take each step through the year once again, I am thankful for all that I have despite the many downs I've gone through. I've got my wonderful family that I can fall back on from time to time although we hardly ever sit down or to even talk about our problems. Whatever it is, I am eternally grateful that I have people I can run to. I'm thankful for the Partner-In-Crime who has walked with me through thick and thin and has never once abandoned me this whole time. Whether I was unreasonable, being mean or having my mood swings, she's always there to lend me her shoulders and to give me a pat on my back. I never want to wonder what university life would be without her, because if she's not with me on this journey, I would have given up already. I have a love-hate relationship with this whole year and I don't know if I really want it to come to an end or not. On one hand, I wish the year would magically extend on its own. On the other hand, I am looking forward to what 2014 would bring. I'm really undecided. I finally got the opportunity to prove my self-worth, that I am capable of doing well academically. I finally scored grades that I am satisfied with and I'm thankful. I'm thankful that someone like me can have such wonderful opportunities. I won't thank the lecturers because they did nothing for me to benefit. I would be thick skin and thank myself, alongside the people that I've worked with during this time. Whether they gave me a hard time or not. I'm finally happy and satisfied with my oh-so-crappy GPA that I've been struggling to pull up since the first semester. I can finally say, I did it! :) And I'm proud of coming this far. And from now on, all I ever have to do, is to prove what I've got and to further prove my point, that I am capable of achieving success. Thank you Jesus, this success is not mine alone. It's shared. :) As the year draws to a conclusion, I would like to thank everyone who has grown with me and made me who I am. Giving up selflessly for a undeserving person like me. :) I will always be grateful and stand proud of the things you've done for me. Thank you 2013, for being a better year than 2012 was. For making me believe that there would always be a better tomorrow. For enabling me to look forward to a brighter tomorrow, when everything is gloomy and despite all the negativity. I wouldn't say 2013 has been the best of year, but 2013 in itself hasn't been too bad. Thank you for being a relatively good year. Thank you for all the overseas trip I got to go for. Thank you for enabling me to achieve something throughout this time. Thank you for my family which is complete, and my friends that I can count on from time to time. Thank you for being better than 2012. Thank you, just thank you. :)
Sunday, December 15, 2013 11:55 pm
Crazy listen, ♥I just realised how I'm not the only one who's crazy over Budget Barbie. HAHAHAHA! Quite funny actually. All along, I thought I was the only cheapo in the world. Then came Budget Barbie and then I found out my friends were also crazy over Budget Barbie. HAHAHAHHA! I cannot stop laughing actually. Can't wait for my trip to Bangkok! :D So exited for it, it's not even funny. I haven't packed no shit and stuff. I'm just being excited on my own. HAHAHAHA! I'm just tired I guess. BAHAHAHA. Am still waiting for the results for 305 and 349. *Praying for the best* I hope everything works out! I'm hungry but I should sleep. :) Goodnight! x,
Friday, December 13, 2013 11:24 pm
Tired listen, ♥I'm tired of hearing my parents quarrel, of hearing them fight, of them pretending that everything's okay when it obviously isn't. I'm not stupid, I'm not born deaf or dumb. What am I suppose to do when my world is crashing all over again? I thought everything has ended, all the lies and deception. But it never fails to go away does it? I've been so consumed in work that I've forgotten about the scars that I have. I'm so tired of listening to the endless abuse coming from every corner. It's jarring to my ears and I can only sit here and wallow in self-pity, praying that things will be fine all over again. What have I been doing this whole time? Why did it take me this long to figure that something was wrong? Have I been lying to myself or just turning my back on the situation? I'm tired, I really am. I feel so alone on this journey through life. There's no one to talk to, no one to listen and my world shatters, my heart breaks with every echo I hear. Do I continue to listen, or should I shut the world out? I'm tired, I really am. And I don't know why I'm holding back all these tears when I can easily just pour out my sorrow, the accumulated stress and the endless heartbreaks.
Thursday, December 12, 2013 9:57 pm
Gifts listen, ♥So, Christmas is around the corner. And the typical question of 'what do you want?' is going to surface. It's not that I can predict, but it happens every year. So, here's a list of things that I want for Christmas (if I can get them) 1. Polaroid films (Qoo10) 2. Polaroid album (Qoo10) 3. 2014 Weekly Diary from Kikki (ION, directly opposite the MRT station) 4. Laptop casing 5. Thumbdrive
Tuesday, December 10, 2013 11:39 pm
Whine listen, ♥I don't know what to blog about. I just felt the urge to write something here, but I've got no inspiration just yet. Never knew working on a module that no one bothers teaching can be this taxing. The need to search for answers, the need to get everything done before time, the need to constantly be on top of my game. I'm so tired. I wish it was holidays already. The six day break isn't really helping at all. What did I do the whole weekend? I've completed watching my drama like three or four times and I've been repeating the heart wrenching episodes because I feel like it. Sadistic, I know. Can't wait for the trip to Bangkok. Can't wait to get out of here, even if it's for a bit. Can't wait for the exams to end and to do all the little things I enjoy doing but have to inevitably give up time after time. Three essays down, one more long and taxing one to go. Can I just walk into the exam hall unprepared? I'm so sick of all these classical sociologist and what they preach. Whatever it is, I got a paper cut and I'm extremely upset about it.
Monday, December 09, 2013 11:39 am
Angst listen, ♥And so, a riot broke out last night and it caused such a ruckus. How unbelievable. I'm so appalled by the reactions of Singaporeans. Who do they think they are? What rights do they have to say such things about those who are risking their lives just to protect the majority at large from harm? All you're doing, is sitting in front of any possible screen you have, and to insult them. Who do you think you are? You might think I'm feeling like that because of my Brother, but it isn't solely just my Brother who's risking his precious life to save any sorry asses, my friends, the people that I hold dear to, those strangers who are fighting to stay alive so that they can greet their families after a tough night, those are the people you're insulting, and that is not right. You haven't done no shit, so shut the hell up. It's sad how people only think about themselves and not others. They think the whole world owes them a damn living when in fact, no one owes anyone a living. We lead our own lives, we have our own dreams, and those who have died, also had their own dreams. The location don't matter, the people don't matter, it's the reactions of those around. Who gives anyone any rights to take someone's life? If you didn't give life to anyone, don't even think of taking it away from them cause only God has such rights.
Friday, December 06, 2013 1:00 pm
Mourn listen, ♥ 
Today, I mourn the death of one of the most amazing man on earth.
He went through so much within his lifetime and deserves so much respect.
From his education to being a lawyer to being sent to prison and becoming the first black president of South Africa,
he did nothing, but to fight for the best.
The best that he can offer his people.
I've always seen him as my mentor and my guide.
The countless quotes that pierce through my heart,
time after time.
The motivation and inspiration to not give up
but instead, to keep working my way through tough time.
In some ways, he made me who I am today.
Someone who tries to stay positive no matter what life throws at me.
Sometimes it's difficult to cling onto his words,
but at many points in time, he makes perfect sense in his own way.
It's sad to hear and know about the passing of someone so precious.
Yet, there's nothing more than we can do
because this is a part of life.
We gain and lose in certain areas in life.
I know people find me ridiculous because I have impossible and people who are out of reach as my mentor.
But I'm sorry, I'm also entitled to my own opinion.
You might find me weird in any aspect, and that doesn't matter.
And it doesn't change the fact that I am as such.
Thank you for teaching me so much throughout these few years,
Nelson Mandela.
It's been an honour and I'll always keep your words in mind.
(Not that I've ever met you, but because of the way you inspire)
#RIPNelsonMandela
You'll be missed.
Tuesday, December 03, 2013 10:23 pm
rants listen, ♥I think we've been so caught up with our own lives to bother about how others feel. At times we get screamed, shouted, mocked, and the list goes on. But, we bear with it, in colloquial terms, we suck it up. But is it enough? Is it really enough? Sometimes I feel so abused and hurt by others, but what more can I say? I know it's important to produce results in school, I know that for a fact and I know how it feels like to be a loser and a failure, all at once. But that doesn't matter. I'm not smart by nature, I never was and would probably never be. I work my way through situations because that's all I have. I'm not rich, I don't come from a family that has much to flaunt, but so what? I'm happy with what I have. I may not have much money, I might be struggling to get by because of the massive school fees that needs to be paid on top of all the bills and such, but am I wrong to pursue what I really want to go through? Why is it so difficult to just be able to attain a simple qualification? That's all I'm asking for, but yet, time and again, it proves to be of much difficulty. Grades have become such a big issue with everyone, but I don't like talking about grades. I don't like people asking me about my grades because I feel insecure. I don't want to feel like a loser in front of my friends. But time and again, I'm disappointed, because I never fail to look like a fool to others. Why should people treat me this way? I think people take my kindness for granted because they think that this is all that I have to give. But I'm sorry I showcase my capabilities only when it's necessary. I know I should be studying instead of ranting and thinking of all that is making me upset. But the weather isn't helping at all. I read about the 18 things that we should make time for again and I cannot help but agree with it because we've become so disengaged with the world, thanks to technology. (Only including what I agree with) 1. Writing things by hand - I think it's such a lost trait in society since all we do is text others. Writing brings back so much childhood memories. :) It's been such a long time since I wrote a letter to someone. We keep giving ourselves excuses and saying that we're too busy to do such things. But if we reduced the text messages we sent and the countless time we spend on our phones, I believe we can send at least one heart felt letter to someone each day. 2. Savouring time to do nothing - It's been a long time since I can even think or dream about doing so. Everyday is a challenge, with countless things on the 'to do list' that seems to be unending. We have become so preoccupied with others and the world that we've failed to see how we really need time for ourselves. To just sit and do nothing all day. I think it's time to really re-evaluate the way we live our lives. 3. Thinking before responding - So damn true. It's amazing how we no longer think before we make our point known. We've become so blunt and uncaring towards others' feelings that its really appalling to know how people are. There are many ways to bring one's point across and I think it's good if we could ponder before we give a response that hurts others because we all know how it feels like to be hurt by others, especially those who matter to us. 4. Books - Everything is found on the internet, even classics that we usually hold in our hands, they can be downloaded from any book application at the app store. It's sad how we no longer take our books out and read it when we're free. It's always the phone - whatsapp, twitter, facebook, instagram and the list goes on that is starting to overwhelm our lives. And, I'm guilty of that. 5. Answering things in a timely fashion - You see how we rely so much on our moods to get anything done. It's like our lives are dependent on our mood swings. If we're in a good mood, we entertain others and respond to them but when we're in a bad mood, we tend to ignore and put aside things that need our attention. The email someone sent out in desperate plea that you answer to it when you open the email but you choose to ignore and reply when you're in a better mood. The text someone sent because you're not in the mood to talk to them, the endless calls to your phone but you refuse to pick it up because you don't want to entertain someone. We're all like that and it's plain obvious. This is what technology has done to us. 6. Making sure relationships are actually based on time spent with one another - What's the idea of time well spent now? Endless texting of the other party instead of face to face communication? That's probably it. We sometimes feel that it is meaningless to physically be there for others because some things happen so often that you're so used to it. But sometimes, all the person needs is someone to be there. To listen to their rants and silent cries, without offering any advice or agreement, to just have someone present there makes a big difference. Our idea of spending with others seems to be texting instead of meeting to catch up with each other about how life has been a bitch, the good and the ugly that life has brought you through. We're so preoccupied with our phones and 'spending time' with others through such means that it no longer matters how others feel or are actually feeling. Technology makes the best façade of our feelings because it blinds the person whom you're communicating with. 7. Just sitting and listening to music - And it boils down to just spending time, doing nothing, with yourself. Ignore the world, block them out for as long as you can, and just relax. Easier said than done, I cannot agree more. It's the most difficult thing to do now, at this point in time and it kills me inside, to know that my life is going to be this way forward. I want to enjoy 'alone time' without anyone bothering me. |
♥  MARTHA KATHLEEN CLARE SOH RUILING! Bestf! ♥ Fareen Yeo ♥ Partner-in-Crime ♥ February ♥ Jung Yonghwa 정용화 ♥ CNBLUE! 씨엔블루 ♥ Tiffany Hwang 티파니 ♥ Reminisce,
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Applause, |
| Everything you want, is on the other side of fear. | |
