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Saturday, June 13, 2015 9:53 pm
#storyofmylife listen, ♥
Every single thing is on point.
Things that I try to bring across but am unable to.
This has got to be the best article I've come across.
There's a reason why my walls are built so high, and there's a reason it will take you longer than expected to bring them down. There's a reason why I'm guarded.
I'm guarded because I've been hurt before. We all have. My weakness is that I carry the pain with me as a constant reminder that it could happen again. And while this is such a cautious way to walk through life, while instead I could be wildly sprinting, the wild sprint has made me fall and trip before, and the scrapes and burns were painful. So painful that it takes a while to try and run that fast again. So I walk, and I walk carefully noticing my surroundings because I worry if I were to ever fall that hard again, I might not be able to get back up.
I'm guarded because I'm scared of what you'll think, but not scared enough to admit it. I fear your disapproval like a little girl fears the monster under her bed, and right now I will just keep quiet and avoid any disturbance.
I'm guarded because no one has ever protected me as well as I protect myself.
My own armour has been stronger than yours and it will continue to be until someone shows me otherwise.
I'm guarded because I'm no longer stranger to failure, and while it has made me stronger, it has also made me more aware of all that can go wrong.
I'm guarded because I've mistakenly invested my trust in those who took it for granted, and because of their disregard, I no longer hand that trust out so easily.
I'm guarded because I see the damage coming before it even happens, and I know that the lucky ones will tell me how unreasonable, pessimistic and sad this all sounds, but even when you try to tell yourself that this time is different, the reminder seeps back in.
Life will bring hurt and pain, and people will disappoint you, but no one has the ability to break down your walls except for you. I'm guarded because I've chosen to be that way.
- Nicole Tarkoff
Friday, June 12, 2015 10:34 pm
/// listen, ♥
I hate this feeling of disappointment.
I know I shouldn't be this way. I know I should have put my frustrations and disappointment aside. I know I should have kept my cool and brought my point across.
But I didn't. And I have failed.
And as much as I want to make things better, as much as I want to make things right, I no longer have the chance to.
The only thing I can do right now, is to wait and see. And to eventually prove that nothing will go wrong. And I pray with everything that I have, that nothing goes wrong.
I know the consequences of my decision. I know that this might not be the best option.
But I don't want to be living in regret, not being able to do whatever I want to now, when I have the opportunity to.
And I'm sorry. For bringing so much pain when I shouldn't.
All I'm asking is for your support, even if its difficult.
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Applause, |
| Everything you want, is on the other side of fear. | |
