~~~PROUD~~~

         

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tp8Az13Olws

Sometimes if you are lucky in there are moments in your life that simply take your breath away. And by take your breath away, I mean, knock your socks off, make your heart swell with pride, cause tears to just stream down your face until you just have to give in to the sobs of joy and finally you just realize that ,"THIS," is what you have worked so damn hard for.  Last Friday night was that moment in time for me.  Watching Brinkley stand in front of nearly 250 police officers, giving a speech on the impact of an impaired driver hitting her father while he was at work was one of the proudest moments of my life.  To see my little girl stand before these big tough men and women, watching this tiny little girl, bring them to tears, watching her bring her Daddy to tears, was awe inspiring.  She was tough.  She was brave.  She was knock down drag out strong to get up there and belt out her speech without as much as one, "um," or, "uh."

I knew my little girl was a good public speaker but little did I know just how great she would be under these circumstances.  I must have had 50 or more people come up to me to compliment just how eloquently my daughter speaks in public. The biggest surprise was when one of the Arizona State Representatives who is a member of the House of Representatives and the chairman of transportation appropriations banking and insurance asked if Brinkley would please come down to the State Capitol and present her speech to the house of Representatives.

Like they say, a picture is worth a thousand words..... the way Tommy is looking at his baby girl in these photos is worth more than a thousand words.... and completely priceless to me!!!  I am so proud of this little girl.  I sent an email to her teacher explaining how grateful I am for the gift of teachers and their constant teaching of public speaking in her school.  Today I got the chance to have a quick conversation with her before lunch about the email.  Brinkley's teacher told me that she cried when she read the email, which made me cry.  I showed her Brinkley's speech from the task force.  Miss Pekara had tears running down her cheeks.  I know how proud she is of Brinkley.   She plans to share my email with the staff just to make sure that they know that all their hard work does get noticed, by more than just the parents.

Miss Binky, we are so proud of you.  You can see it in the way your Daddy is looking at you in these photos. We all know that Daddy would never cry in public unless it was something that meant the world to him!!!! You did something that not many adult are capeable of doing and you should be so very proud of yourself young lady!!!!  We love you so very much!!!!!!  We can't wait to see you present this speech in front of the people at the State Capitol!!!!!        

REALITY~ OR SO THEY SAY

REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE AND YOU DREAMED OF THE BUTTERFLIES YOU WOULD FEEL WHEN THE PERFECT LOVE CAME AROUND?  HOW YOUR HEART WOULD SKIP A BEAT WHEN YOU FIRST SAW THAT LOVE? HOW YOU YOU WOULD BECOME BREATHLESS WHEN THAT LOVE CAME TOO CLOSE TO YOU?  WORSE YET, DARE THEY SPEAK TO YOU, ASK YOU OUT.....OR  KISS YOU LIKE TOMORROW'S WERE ONLY A DREAM AND YESTERDAY NEVER EXISTED?  WHAT THEN??

Fairytale?
Fiction or Non?
Fantasy?
Familiar?  

Which would it be? 

If you are a girl, most likely, your fantasy is the butterflies that last forever with passion that never fades.  The perfect mixture of interlaced fingers, racing hearts, simple whispers in candle lit rooms late into the night. The digital age brings on sweet texts that offer racy promises but handwritten cards or simple little love notes will still make ones heart skip a simple beat back to day one when you fell madly in love at first sight.

If you are a guy, maybe the same, with more hands on and visual attempts at racy raunch.  After all, you are human, and male right?  But who doesn't want a life of passion and love and laughter and happiness?

The problem begins when you realize you have started to grow apart in any way what so ever.  Work status, health, fitness level, at the point that the value of ones life begins to outweigh the value of the others life.  It happens day in and day out.  One week into a relationship or 10 years into a marriage.  One has to wonder, what makes the good ones good and the great ones even better????? or the simple ones just fade????

What does one do if they have been, ever so kindly,  invited to exit the so-called, fairytale, if it is not what they thought it was what they really signed up for in life?  What do you tell that princess or prince that grew up believing in that dream of passion and romance and everything  love....?  How do you even begin to teach the magic of long, slow, deep, wet kisses that last for days, when they no longer exsist because life has moved on and somehow, well, that is just everyones excuse in society today? 

What if you don't buy that excuse?  And you want to fight for that passion everyone keeps downplaying and has made you forget, even though you know so deep down, somewhere, it still simmers.    

What if the  invitation to exit the fairytale irrevocably crushes ones spirit and rips out another reason to believe in that fairytale.  In any fairytales?   What if that invitation is your own fault and you know that, you own it and you can feel your own guilt eating you alive?????

Tonight, the only advice I have is to hug the ones you love and remember what it was that really, really, brought you and those in your kingdom together!!  And cold towels on swollen, tear filled eyes.

To Be Continued........

THE NEW HAND

Our latest visit to the orthopedic surgeon went as well as can be expected.  We really love our physicians assistant, Melissa.  She has just been so wonderful to Jax.  Jax had numerous options once his temporary cast came off.  After seeing and feeling the pins that were exposed from his hand, Jax opted for the hard cast to cover the pins.  I had to agree.  He could have left them completely exposed or put a removable splint on it, but between all of us, I think we were both pretty freaked out at seeing those darn pins.  The bones are healing remarkably fast and he is doing wonderful!!!  I couldn't be happier with this patient!!!

It was a very painful visit.  His doctor was pretty rough with his fingers but I know he needs to get them moving. His homework assignment, play the XBOX 360 as much as necessary to get the movement back into his fingers.  He was pretty much over the moon excited about that!!!  Justice isn't complaining about that either!!  He has his buddy back so they sit together, for hours, "STUDYING!!!"

THE PRICE OF FOOTBALL (SO FAR $19,281 THIS SEASON)!!!

BROKEN

 

And so the the season ends after Jax played his best PEE WEE game of this season with an interception that he ran in for a touch down, another reception that he ran in for a touchdown, 4 amazing tackles, forced groundings, numerous assists and just amazing play after play after.  With three plays left in the game Jax took on one last tackle and then took cleats to his right hand and ended up with what is referred to as a, "boxer's break" to his 5th metacarpal.  The bone on his hand, just above his pinkie, is supposed to be straight.  Tomorrow we see the orthopedic surgeon to find out if a pin is needed or if the can reset it by just squeezing it back into place.  I have not explained that option to Jax yet.  We are taking it one day at a time right now.

*UPDATE*
After seeing the orthopedic surgeon this morning we made the painful decision that surgery was the best and only option to repair Jax's hand. He is a very tough young man, but the fear gave way to tears after the doctor left room and the unknowns actually frightened him and I enough that the tears started flowing.  I thought for a split second that it might be because he was ending his season.  I was wrong.  He just needs to know all the intricacies of the surgery. That is how he rolls. It is all about the details.  So tomorrow we face a new hurdle...  sports injuries.  The first of many.  With that, I am left to ponder a lot of other things......

Jax takes things very much to heart.  He listens, he watches, he files everything in the back of his mind and remembers everything.  Much to my dismay, he pulls things out of his files, at the most random times and uses them against me to keep me in check as well.  He is the, "old soul," that all his teachers tell me he is and so much older than his years, which scares the hell out of me.  I have watched him closely this season.  It has been a rough one.  Not physically.  Mentally.  Jax does not do well with yelling, or screaming or being talked down to or demeaned.  He is easily reasoned with and when you level the playing field or discuss things rationally, you will move mountains with him.  When you yell at him, he rolls his eyes and you crush his spirit.  I have watched time and time again as play after play has been called at practice and the screaming would begin. One by one you could see sets of shoulders fall forward, heads bow down and my heart would sink.  While I am not a coach of football by any means, I can motivate when it comes to physical activity. Sports are my thing.  Motivation and Inspiration keeps me going day in and day out. I can motivate like it is nobody's business and when I watch adults scream at 11, 12, and 13, year old boys about a game that these boys adore, they live for and will eat, sleep, and dream about if you just say the word, it kills me to see egos take over.  Egos that are taking over in adult coaches that are living out lost high school dreams on the field today.  The "what could have beens" seem to just linger in the words they yell on the field at some of these children.

Jax had to have surgery to repair his broken hand.  He had pins put in to secure the bone back into place.  Thankfully the doctor was able to squeeze his hand and straighten the break without cutting into the hand to pull the bone.  I did not realize how painful the external pins were going to be.  He came out of the anesthesia crying out for Dr. Church, the anesthesiologist, who had promised to do a block in his hand if the pain was too unbearable after the surgery.  The few minutes it took to prep him, put him back under and get his arm numb, felt like years. The doctor actually let Tommy and I stay and watch the procedure.  I wasn't leaving once they had me back in the post op area so I think the doctor wasn't even going to TRY TO ask us to leave.  He was so amazing.  I have never felt more helpless in my life and would have done anything in the world to take that pain away from him.  I finally understand how MY OWN parents felt so many years ago with me.

I am so thankful for my father in law who came to spend the day with Binky and Justice while we were with Jax.  For my dear friend Sally who brought tea to the hospital and only spent 30 seconds with us before they took us back to recovery, but that 30 seconds meant the world TO ME!!!  For Shanen, who made Jax his absolute favorite cookies, even when you were leaving on vacation the next day.  And for everyone who has sent message after message after message to my little boy who, while big in maturity and size, was and is very scared and is still, MY little boy!!!!!

If it is one thing that I have learned this season, when adults that are in such a huge leadership role, such as a Coaching position that elicits respect with children who idolize these coaches, there needs to be mutual respect.  There needs to be mutual love of the game and concern that goes well beyond that of just a coaches title.  These coaches need to know how much these kids want to learn from them.  How much they hang on their every word.  How much they become part of these kids' families and our families, and how they can make or break our children with just a few words!

I know that Jax will recover totally from his injuries this season.  I know that his bones will be stronger and his grip will come back.  There is a slim possibility that he could play one of the final games of the season this year.  We won't push it.  We for sure don't want him to re-injure himself.  We will leave that up to him, when the time comes. 

For now, we start working on the mental motivation that has been missing this season.  And with that, we can prepare for a Titan Spring season!!!!!

"TITANS"

Today we start again.  The "beginning."  Even if our real beginning was way back in July.  The first official game is today.  We have been playing pre-season games.  Violent, pre-season games.  They are done and over and today starts anew!  So it is time to rock....  Let's hope that this season gets off to a good start with the games that count!! Because starting the season this way...kinda sucks!!!

GO TITANS!!!!!

Fixing It

I think I need to start blogging again.  It made me laugh and cry and everything in between and I felt better when I blogged.  But first I have to get something out of my head to move forward. 

I never thought things people said about me really bothered me... until now.  I was compared to a mom that I have very little respect for.  And the comparison was not a good one.    While we are complete polar opposites in all aspects of life except for the fact that we are moms..... she was said to be a better mom than me.  And this is grinding on me.  To the point of making me physically sick and angry beyond words.  The comparisons between the two of us are devastatingly scary...  I am a firm believer in angry words and words said with alcohol are words that are spoken with truth..... and I know that these words rang true in someones opinion, and that is fine.... but now I can't stop thinking about how awful this makes me feel as a person.

I work hard to be a good mom.  My kids do come first.  Their grades reflect that.  Their lives reflect that.  They may not have gourmet meals or what some may consider the "BEST" of everything, but they HAVE me, and they KNOW I am always here for them 24 hours a day 7 days a week. (which they readily take advatage of all hours of the day and night!!!)

And maybe that is the problem.....
Maybe I am the one doing everything too much and everyone is taking way too much advantage of that. Maybe I am wrong.... 
Maybe I have a lot of work to do....
Maybe I could live off maybes and get absolutely no where......
So,  ahhhh there...  feeling better all ready!
I think I can start to catch up on this lost in space blog!!!!! 

MACK AVE X-FITTERS

A few months back a friend of mine came to me and asked if she could come train with me instead of going to her gym for workouts.  She knew from talking with me that I was doing Crossfit workouts and had decided that she really wanted to try it out.  Something really clicked with us and we started training everyday.  Soon after she started coming, I convinced my favorite walking buddy to come try a workout with me.  I had been working her up to a Crossfit WOD for months, but she didn't know and I made her think that it was all her idea.  We slowly started training together and people took notice of our posts on facebook.  Soon, people started noticing the changes in our bodies and the questions really started coming in about what we were doing and when people started seeing the, "strange," group of people carrying balls over their heads around the block and running with weights...  I was getting messages and all kinds of requests to please let me join your workout group.  I never expected this type of response and since I don't see what other people do, but I was totally flattered and didn't know what to say.

Today, we have an amazing group of strong, confident women who are kicking tail and rocking CROSSFIT workouts every single day.  Healthy meals and healthy minds are a top priority for everyone.  We support each other through every single day.  We talk life and love and kids and marriage and school and cars and shopping and vacation and weather.  We have puked in front of each other and cried in front of each other and laid on the ground in front of each other in a heap of sore messed up puddle of sore muscle mess.  And we are all stronger as women for it.  I am so thankful for each and every single one of these women in my life. We have actually become stronger and grown leaps and bounds in an incredibly short amount of time.  Girls that could barely do crunches are doing hundreds of sit ups with weighted balls now..... and these same girls who couldn't even walk around my block without getting winded, and I mean seriously winded, are running around my block, carrying  wallballs over their heads.  It is simply amazing to watch the progress every single one of these amazing women has made.  Even more so...  how much progress....

We are all very incredibly individually different with different backgrounds and upbringings.  Some are stay at home moms, some have full time jobs and some have part time jobs.  Some are Catholic, some Mormon, some cuss like sailors or truckers.  Some are sweet as pies and sweet tarts.  Some have very physical backgrounds with degrees in training and some have absolutely no physical fitness backgrounds at all.   Every single one of us has the same goals in mind.  Work hard to attain our fitness goals.  It does not matter if it is to lose weight, gain muscle, get ripped, maintain our level of fitness we are at or continue on to a new level of fitness....  we are here to push each other...  support each other...  kick each others' butts when we can't do it alone and hold each other accountable....

The best part is...  we are here for each other when our families are not.  A few of us have families that are not 100% supportive of Crossfit.  Or were not 100% supportive when we they began Crossfitting.  I don't know if it was their fear of the unknown, their fear of their spouse becoming fitter than themselves or what..  but each of the ladies in my group that struggled with that non-supportive spouse or family member always knew they had each of us here.  We created a group on facebook just for them and it seemed to work.  After about one month, it seemed that every single one of my favorite ladies families' were 110% on board.  They soon realized that these ladies were not quitting, I wasn't about to let that happen, and these families had better get to backing the bad ass women...  because they were just getting stronger and stronger!!!!  (And I couldn't be prouder!)

Before I knew it, our group had grown...  we are growing and growing.  We have all set some amazing goals that we will be reaching by summers end.  For me...  I will be turning 40 in July.  That milestone will come with some photos. That is why my workouts are getting harder and my diet is really in check these days.  40 is going to look fab on me.... and I am going to be stronger than ever.

As far as my favorite ladies.......  I love them all more than they could ever know.  They have created a saving grace in my life that they don't even know exists.  It is for selfish reasons that I created this group.  To have adult interaction in my life with women that I trusted and had the same interests as me. It is because I absolutely love and adore you guys that I do it every single day... two times a day three days a week, now.... and because you are more than my workout partners....  you are truly my friends!!!!! I don't allow many people into my life or my family's life.... so you must know how much I love you ladies!!!!

(Pam...all your photos are blurry...... but I will search for more.... trust me..... I have hundreds and I want to show your progress!!!)

Football!!!

Gotta get this on the blog otherwise it just will get lost in the shuffle of pictures and thoughts.  This season is now in full swing.  Game one is in the books.  The jitters are done and over with, thankfully, because that was pretty nerve-wracking for the parents, as well as those boys.  They started out like beginning mighty mites....  kidding......well, not really.  With a few really good tackles and a very important sack under his belt up at the PW level,  Jax is ready to rock his first season.

They don't keep score, but who are we kidding,  WE DO!  Titans don't like to lose and now we find out that none of the GYFL teams will scrimmage us anymore.  Bummer!!!!

Every practice, they are learning and every game they are putting that into play.   Jax is running his tail off.... it is good to be back in the swing of it all!!!!!

DAY TWO...

Day two was a full day at sea.  We happily slept in and then roamed the ship together to get the feel of where everything was.  Then we let Jax and Brinkley run loose like wild children.  We don't mind if they go off by themselves!  Some people think we are nuts but we trust them to stick together and watch out for one another.  After a few hours of checking out every deck, hitting all the buffets and ice cream machines... and our first workout on the ship....  the pool called our name!!! The weather was absolutely perfect.  The sun was shining and we were ready for some R & R!

Then we checked the munchies into Camp Carnival for mine and Tommy's one and only dinner "solo" on the ship.  It didn't actually  help that Jax and Brinkley had "check-out" priviliges from the Club O2.  Within 5 minutes of us checking them in, they were bouncing around ship again.  Silly kids!!!!  Thankfully they knew they had to go back at 9PM that night to be there for Justice when they would combine the two classes together.

After we had enough of the casino, we collected the kiddos and hit the ice cream machines and jacuzzi, once again...............  Day two.. in the books and of course.... IT WAS AMAZING!!!!

Day One......

It is absolutely never pleasant to wake up to an earthquake and tsunami in another country like we did on Friday, March 11. Especially when you have a cruise planned that is possibly going to be affected because of it!!!!! We had no idea what type waves or ramifications we would be looking at from the aftershocks on our boat....or if they would even be sailing the Carnival Spirit for our 9 day cruise.  A very long phone call awaited very early that morning.


Finally, we got word that the safest place to be during our vacation, would be, on the water.  Tommy and I discussed at length, ok, for like 7 seconds, that we were going on this cruise, and packed our kids up from grandma's house and headed to the San Diego Harbor.............The ship, The Carnival Spirit, was finally allowed to come into port over 2 hours late.  By that time we had to tell the kids that we had sort of "lied" about our vacation plans.  They were getting somewhat antsy and confused as to why were hanging out down by the docks and ports.......  Brinkley is less than thrilled, initially......... then it sank in.  WE WERE TAKING A 9 DAY CRUISE ON A GIGANTIC BEACH HOUSE....  A 1000+ ROOM BEACH HOUSE..........  YOU CAN'T REALLY BEAT THAT!!!!!


We had more than 4 more hours to wait.  Finally, they let VIP's sit inside the hanger.  Within 30 minutes of sitting down and filling out our customs paperwork, we were going through customs..... to wait for another 2 hours to board the ship.  I made great use of the time by standing in the women's restroom charging the
i-touches.  Very sanitary. 


Finally...IT WAS TIME TO BOARD...AND THEN WAIT FOR THE SHIP TO SIT SOME MORE!!!!!! 


I think the unknown of the tsunami was the worst part of all.  We just did not know what was going to happen with the waves and the aftershocks of the quakes.  Better safe than sorry!!!!!


Once we were safely on the ship, all checked in, after we found our balcony rooms, we started the roaming process.  We bounced around.  We got our first round of food!  We hit the bar for Jax's first Pina Colada, Pudgie hit the ice cream bar for his all you can eat brain freeze, Brinkley hit the jackpot with the french fry bonanza and I just breathed the fresh ocean air.  I think Tommy started his phone withdrawal.......Actually we both did...  It was time to start this vacation!!!!  Finally about 8:30 PM San Diego time, the boat backed out of port..... and our butts were in the jacuzzi when it did.  That was a pretty cool scene!!!!!!!  BEFORE WE KNEW IT.... DAY ONE OF BOARDING AND UNLOADING WAS DONE....... ON TO DAY TWO OF CRUISING THE SEAS!!!!!!!

Pudgie and Brinkley eating in the San Diego Harbor before we could even board the ship!

Jax and Binky eating on the ship............ SERIOUS EATING!!!! 

PUDGIE IN OUR ROOM!

PLAYING CHECKERS ON THE CHESS BOARD!

SUNSET!

THE NAVY SHIPS!

BRINKLEY WAS SCARED TO DEATH BEING HELD BY THE RAILINGS... SERIOUSLY...

I HAD TO BEG HER FOR THIS PHOTO... 

 

ABSOLUTELY ONE OF MY FAVORITE PHOTOS EVER!!!!!

SUNSETS!