May 18th

I am finding it difficult to write today without crying!!! In my heart I know that no matter the outcome that nothing changes the fact that these are my children!! At this point I feel like I was made for them and they for me(smile). My journey to Ethiopia last year was in search of an infant girl. I ended up falling in love with a 4 yr old boy and later a 7yr old girl. See....here I go again...tears!!! So I am just going to post one of my favorite scriptures, I learned it a long, long time ago!!!


Beatitude is a possession of all things held to be good,
from which nothing is absent that a good desire may want.


"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Gospel of St. Matthew 5:3-10

Amazed!

The most wonderful news that I could ever get was to hear that my son will have his May 18th court day after all!!! It has now been 24hrs since I learned that since Selamu was not abandoned, his case will be heard. I can hardly believe it!!!! Amazing!!!!

Learning to be still....

For most of my life I have tried to fix things that I do not like. I am always quick to try and turn a situation around. I get told that my adoption is falling apart, I jump on a plane to Ethiopia to try and fix it! I get bad news about my nephew I run out and buy him the most expensive gift!!! Today there is no way to fix the fact that on May 18Th my court case (along with others) will not be heard. I have no way of changing this outcome and there is no expensive gift or plane ticket that will make the courts change what is happening in Ethiopia right now. To say that I am deeply saddened would not touch the emotions that I am feeling right now. Not only is it the cancelled court date, it's also the uncertainty of just how long it might possibly take to get this all cleared up--so worried. It's completely out of my control. For the first time ever I will have to face that I can't do a dang thing about this!!! I must be still...!

I think about the children that this new rule may help and I cling to the hope that for them life will be brighter. I pray for the day that the adoption world will be without corrupt people that prey on children and adoptive parents. Tonight I am also holding my two children a little more close to my heart knowing that I would not be feeling so much disappointment and sadness if they were not truly already mine. I am their mother.

The room

Selamu's room is finally coming together! It has taken some time and I still have more things to purchase, but so far I like what is happening in there. I had a lot of fun making the huge palm trees(got a little carried away)!!! I have not found a bed that I really like for him yet(my mother is purchasing and thinks that she can decide too!!!). I need to hang this green mosquito net from Ikea that is actually really big(my mom told me so) but I plan to make it work. I really hope that he will love his room!!! I am excited to start putting Meron's room together next. It is so fun having this to do while I wait for them.

For Selamu and Meron

If you believe
Within your heart
You'll know that no one can change
The path that you must go
Believe what you feel
And know you're right because
The time will come around
When you'll say it's yours

Believe that you can go home
Believe you can float on air
Then click your heels three times
If you believe
Then you'll be there
That's why I want you to
Believe in yourself
Right from the start
Believe in the magic
Right there in your heart
Go ahead believe all these things
Not because I told you to
But believe in yourself
If you believe in yourself
Just believe in yourself
As I believe in you

(from The Wiz)

Ten more pounds in the next 10 days!!!!

Selamu's court day is in 10 days! I am feeling so excited about it, however it is tinged with a little bit of worry. There have been so many court cases that have ended up in limbo that it just makes me so worried. I know that I am not unlike anyone else when I say that it has taken so long to get to this point...but it has!!! On two occasions I have held babies in my arms believing that they were my children, only to have it not work out the way I had hoped. Being so close now is truly a miracle. I just want the miracle to continue. I realize that no matter how long it takes Selamu and Meron are my children. Still I just don't know if I could handle a case that just lingers on and on. I am just amazed by the ap's that deal with this daily, it has to be heartbreaking.

God, pleeeeeeez let Selamu just pass court!!!!!!!! Horrible time to try to kick a McDonalds habit...!!!!

Weighing the issue

So, for the last few years I have been battling my weight. Well...maybe "battle" is too strong a word since there has been no real struggle over what I eat. I have started and ended countless number of "eating better" plans and have gained more weight in every attempt. I am totally a McDonald's addict!!!! McDonald's is my crack! A habit that I have not been able to kick. However now with the adoption of my two kids I really want to do better. I know this weight is no good for me, it may even prevent me from having a full life with my kids. Thinking of my children honestly makes me want to just start eating salad...until I pass a McDonald's!!! My will to be a more healthy mommy for my children has to start kicking in like right now. There are only 14 days until my sons court date!!!! I will start tomorrow... promise!!!!