Where the hell have I been & Summer Birth Family Visits

Hey Y'all, so I haven't written for a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time. I can't really go into it but the truth is that this last period of my life has been one of, if not the most difficult emotionally strenuous, intense, and wearisome months of my life. I can only take it one day at a time, try to do the next right thing, and do the things that nurture my soul so that I can continue to love and serve my family amidst it all, a wise man told me that you can't give what you don't have. I'm learning to listen, trust, and wait in new ways and I have found that the whole experience is forcing a reboot of my inner man if you will. Today I find myself in a much more united body, mind, and soul place but I know that I have only begun the marathon that will be the rest of my life. The same wise man told me "progress not perfection." So I take it day by day and trade old destructive behavior for the positive life giving activities of exercise, prayer, and time with friends. Whew. Well enough about me.

Things never really worked out to visit Firefly's birth father, Kevin, but Hero and I know that down the road when the right situation presents itself we will be ready to make the connection. As a family we went on a road trip out of state and just happened to be passing through the town that Kevin's mom lived in. We had had a good phone conversation with her and so called her up again and asked if we could swing in for a visit and maybe have a meal with her. It turned out great. We met her husband, her sister, and by the end of the visit Firefly (Our super shy daughter) even let her Grandma hold her, give her a hug, and take some pictures with her. The highlight was at the restaurant when Firefly sat between Hero and Grandma and listened to her sing song after song. Firefly smiled the whole time.

Towards the end of the road trip we were able to meet up with Puppy's birth dad, Ray, and spend the morning with him at an amusement park which was a blast. Later that day we met Kelly, Puppy's birth mom at a community park where we all played in the water fountain together. It was great and good to reconnect.

A couple of pictures of our kids with their birth family from our visit have been posted on Hero's website. Go check them out. I believe they are password protected but she gives the password to anyone who asks.

http://www.productionnotreproduction.com/

Hope your summer ends well and that you join me in taking the time to be super thankful for the things that we do have. Its all just an abundance of blessing.

Reaching Out: An Update

Well so far things are going well. Firefly's birth dad received the card today and called me right away. I only got his message but it seemed warm and he was eager to see Firefly. I'm hoping to call him back tonight and get something on the calendar.

I'll let you know how it goes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, Hero recently let me know that (A)Dad was listed as one of 101 Best Blogs on Adoption, Loss, and Infertility. Her blog, www.produtionnotreproduction.com was also listed. Now it made me feel two things when I heard this. One, wow, how neat it is to be included. Then two, dude, why is mine on the list? My theory is that there are not a lot of male points of view on adoption blogs out there, but I'm not sure. I visited some of the other blogs on the list and they were quite thoughtful and excellent. Still the fact that some are finding what I right meaningful motivates me to continue.

Thank you all.

The link to the site is and the full list is:
http://www.growninmyheart.com/101-best-adoption-loss-and-infertility-blogs

Reaching Out

Hey y'all, here's my once a year apology for being the lamest and most infrequent blogger you know....

Things have been crazy, I've been working my tail off taking on additional responsibilities at work, I just finished coaching football for a team of 15 year olds (we lost all 9 of our games but had a great time together) and I'm getting ready to coach a track and field team off high school boys and girls in a month, its going to be a blast. Through it all I've done my best to drop my work at 5pm and hurry home to spend the time that Puppy, Firefly and Hero deserve. I'm forever grateful for them.

In the adoption world, things are a bit foggy right now. Its been important to Hero and me that we put in the time and effort to establish real relationships with our children's birth parents now while we are in the beginning of their lives believing that it will pay big dividends to their healthy well being in the future. Our adult relationships with their birthparents will hopefully evolve into relationships that they can enjoy and thrive in as they grow up.

Unfortunately, it's just not always that easy. One of the birth parents, Firefly's birth dad, has been distant from the start, but recently has expressed an interest in time with her. I think he sees the relationship we've created with Firefly's birth mom and maybe feels that he's entitled to the same relationship right now. Now it is my hope that we can have a similar relationship with him, but unfortunately we don't, largely due to his choices so far.

So this month it is my goal to take the baby steps necessary to move our relationship with him in that positive open direction. I've tried calling him on his cell and I seem to be unable to get through, so now I'm going to send a postcard with my cell number on it. We'll see if it works. If all goes well and we have a good phone conversation, we plan to drive to his town and spend some time with him by the end of the month. This month Firefly turns two, oh my goodness.

I anticipate a whole lot of awkwardness and a real need for trust to be established. Here's to family not always being easy, but always being family. I'll keep you updated on what happens.

Tonight I will drink a tasty local microbrew in honor off all parents who work through those awkward moments and conversations for the love of their children. May your pursuit of openness bring you all a healthy sense of belonging and wholeness.