Busy, busy, busy...

So life around here has been very busy lately.

Last week we celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. My mom kept all 8 children overnight and Al and I enjoyed spending some time alone. 3D movie, bowling, mini-golf, shopping, dining, and listening to some live jazz music. It was nice just to have some fun time alone.

Al has also been struggling with sleep apnea for sometime. The last few weeks I have been spending quite a bit of time researching and working toward getting him treatment. He had a sleep study done 2 weeks ago which did confirm the sleep apnea. And next week he will get his new machine. Hoping and praying this will help to get some much needed rest at night!

The beginning of the month was spent on vacation. This was the first family vacation we have had in years (other than just long weekends). It was wonderful and some much needed fun time together as a family! Al had 10!! days off from work. The kids LOVED it. We had a family reunion with swimming, fishing, camping, campfire, food, and games. We also went to 2 different museums. And then we came home to enjoy getting some things done around the house. And we finished up with a Kids Triathlon. The five oldest competed and everyone finished. Monte got 3rd place in his age group.

As for grieving, I honestly haven't had much time lately to stop and grieve. I still wonder if I might not still be in shock. There's a lot I can't seem to consciously remember from the past 3 years right now. It makes me sad that I can't remember everything about Ali, but I also understand that maybe that is God's grace to me right now because when in those rare moments when the memories do flood back, they are extremely overwhelming and consuming.

I have a lot planned still that I would like to do to remember Ali. I have her gravestone finally designed and I am hoping to get that ordered soon. I'm very excited about how that is turning out!  I have the molds of her hands and feet that I would like to get framed and hung on the wall. I have a 3 dimensional photo frame for the dining room table to stain and fill with photos. I want to get the recording from her funeral service uploaded to share. I also have a book that I have been working on for years literally which combines this blog and lots of pictures and emails and comments from friends all into one book. It contains so many of my important and treasured memories of Ali and God's grace to us throughout her life.

So we've been very busy and I have lots still do. Now if I could just stay focused and stop feeling quite so restless. :-D

Old message from a dear friend

I was searching through old emails for something last week, when I unexpectedly came across a very old one sent by a dear friend right after Ali had been diagnosed with trisomy 13.  It is difficult to describe how much more meaning these words took on reading them after Alegria's death.  With my friend's  permission, I am including it here...

Tue, May 5, 2009

{{{{{Jill}}}}}

What difficult news to hear, assimilate and then live out.

After I read your post I wondered what words could I possibly have to tell you how sorry I am that you have to walk this road and what could I possibly say to encourage you in this walk. I thought to myself....Nothing! There is nothing I can say. Then what came to my mind was the meaning and story behind Alegria's name.

Alegria, Joy or Jubilation, is the name the Lord chose for your sweet little girl. I believe that He intends for her to be just that in your life. Your gift of Joy.

May you and your family see, feel and live His Joy with Alegria. May you see His Joy in Alegria. While she may have been made "differently" than your other children, God has a special purpose for and in her. Joy.

Joy can be found in the midst of trials and difficult valleys, though that seems like such an oxymoron. Joy in times of trial can really only come from Him, with Him, therefore, receiving the praise for the Joy.

I know the road will not be easy, but the Lord has given you your little bundle of Joy. Remember His Joy each day as you love, cuddle, hold, feed and take in little Alegria.

What do I say?

On vacation this week, a sweet lady approached me and commented on how blessed we were. She then asked how many children there were.

What do I say? It literally hurts to say only 8. But it is so hard to explain if I answer 9.

Can I just not answer?

I know it may seem silly but I dread this question right now, and it is a question we get FREQUENTLY asked with such a large family (almost every time we go out). I know that there isn't a right or wrong answer, and both answers are true, but I really just don't know how to answer. Neither answer is easy for me.

I am praying God will help me be prepared to give an answer because honestly right now I'd rather not.
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Jehovah Jireh... Continued

We just returned from vacation in our NEW-to-us van!!! We continue to praise God again for his provision! I promised to share all the details, so here is the story of our new red van...

Our old van has been rapidly deteriorating for some time. It was honestly to the point we were seriously doubting the safety of continuing to drive, but we did not have the funds to replace it either.

We have been given numerous generous gifts in the recent weeks since Ali died and had a small surplus, but still we didn't expect to be able to save enough for van for another couple months. I had been browsing the classifieds and craigslist not expecting to really find anything reliable AND affordable, but just watching for a great deal.

Wednesday I saw several that caught my eye. Wednesday, I really thought I should be packing and cleaning, but I was also concerned about putting 400 plus miles on our old van.

The kids and I went to look at a local van with a motivated seller. The more I looked at it, the less I liked it. It just didn't look like it had been well maintained.

I called Al and asked if I should make the hours drive to see another with a very motivated seller. I had so much to be doing at home to get ready for our trip in 2 days. Al told me to go look at it and if it looked promising he would come look after work.

Wow did it look promising! The asking price was below the KBB price. It did have high miles, but it had very well maintained. It was another Chevy Express like the first one I looked at. This was great because it gave me a reference point to compare to.

There were a few minor things which it needed, some immediately. New tires, A/C recharged, driver's side mirror replaced. But of all these the most critical was an additional bench seat. It was only currently an 8 passenger.

But it started up beautifully. Very quiet engine. It had no rust on the body or undercarriage. It also had a nice exhaust system and a muffler unlike the big blue van :D.

Al came to look after work. He was just as impressed. He went over all the systems carefully. The lady that was selling it seemed genuinely honest and upfront. Telling us all the known issues before we even asked.

We decided to buy it. We offered her a little less than what she was asking after pricing the seat and tires and she accepted!

We spent most of the day Thursday and Friday doing the necessary things to make the van ready to drive.

We headed to the junkyard and picked up a additional seat. It was filthy but it was in otherwise good condition. The girls and I sent quite awhile detailing it. When we were finished, it didn't even look like the same seat.

It wasn't at all how I planned to spend the week preparing for vacation. Nor was it how I planned to spend the day Friday. But God had once again provided for our every need. He had given us beautiful, quiet, comfortable, and safer van to drive!!!

We headed out much later than we had planned, but driving a new van that we hadn't planned either!!!

Al and I spent much of the trip saying we just couldn't believe it. The van handled the 500 mile round trip beautifully!! God has been so kind and generous to us!!

Thank you Lord!!!
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Jehovah Jireh

Headed out on vacation in our NEW-to-us van!!! Praise God once again for his provision! We are utterly amazed at how He graciously provides for our EVERY need!!

More details to follow... :-D
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Fighting back tears at McDonald's

Today while I waited for our sandwiches at McDonald's, I saw a dear mennonite family with their son who had down's syndrome. He was probably around 9 years old and his 2 older sisters were in their mid to late teens. One loving rustled his hair and the other gently guided him in the line.

And all of the sudden I was fighting back tears in the middle of McDonald's. Oh how it stung to be reminded of all that I was missing with my dear Ali, and yet it made me smile to see that family enjoying their special boy.

Grief is strange and it often hits at the least expected (and sometimes inconvenient) times... Like the middle of the lobby of a McDonald's surrounded by a room full of strangers.
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Tributes and Eulogies written for Ali

Ali by Mateo (age 11)

We were hoping for a miricle

Looking for a Saviour

We were loving her together

We were hoping against all hope

We wer'nt suposed to get 2 1/4 years with her

We were hoping for more time with her.

 ~~~~

Ali

I remember when you

would dance when music

was played & when you

would eat my hair,

I remember when you

would bump into wall's

in your walker,

& when you would

laugh & play in your exersaucer

Love

Miguel Jeremiah Pool (age 9)

~~~~

Miguel's Speech (read at Ali's funeral)

my little sister Alegria was a great blessing,

I would have loved to have had her much much longer but God said it was her time to go,

Roman's 8:28 says “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose”

now we may not know how this is good but “God works in mysterious ways” 

~~~~ 

The Eulogy I wrote for Ali's funeral

How do I convey to you all what a great and awesome blessing Alegria was in our lives. It might seem as though it would be easy to sum up the brief life our precious 2 year old Alegria. It is not.

This little girl who never learned to speak a single word, spoke volumes. Her life was a constant testimony to the grace and mercy of our great God. Alegria showed us by example how to love, how to live, and how to serve. Her laugh was contagious. And her smile would just melt your heart.

I was blessed with the awesome privilege of being her mother and her caregiver. (And I will miss her terribly. )

The limitations in her weak body did not define her nor did they limit who she really was.

So today we grieve our great loss, yet we celebrate Alegria Elizabeth's great gain and rejoice at the goodness and grace of God! 

~~~~ 

The Eulogy Al wrote for Ali's funeral

My dearest Ali,

I will miss the sound of your playfulness in the morning.
The beautiful smile looking back at me across the table during breakfast.
I will miss watching you examining the silverware as the sun reflects on it.
I will miss the time you spent sleeping in my arms.
I will miss watching your siblings play with you and care for you.
Watching you chase them around in your walker.
I will miss how you woke up when I got home in the early morning hours.
How you spent time playing with us until we were ready to sleep.
I so will miss the sound of your playfulness that constantly filled the air.

But I am very grateful that God gracefully allowed us to share those times together.
Just like we trusted Him to care for you then,
We trust Him now, that His will is perfect and good.
We rest in knowing He cares for you now.
And we look forward to our reunion when the time comes.

You have changed our lives.

Love,
Dad