Hey. I can blog from my phone! Maybe I'm not a lost cause.

Hold still!

I seem to remember my mother continually telling me to 'hold still'. At the time I couldn't figure out her obsession with moving...or the lack of moving. It was hard to 'hold still', especially if you were unaware that you were moving around in the first place.
So now, I find myself easily bothered by my son's continual motion. Not all the time. Just when I am trying to 'hold still'.
So the other day I observed a funny conversation between Carson and his Dad while watching a movie. Carson was practically doing the potty dance!
Dad-"hold still"
Carson- wiggling around
Dad-"hold still please!"
Carson- holds still for one millisecond
Dad-" Carson, what is the problem? Will you please hold still?"
Carson- with a big sigh " Dad, I'm just not the 'hold still' kind of guy".
Me- laughing, because I know it is the truth.

Laughter and pregnancy....?

"It is always more fun to laugh"

I am beginning to see that my ability to laugh at myself is one of my blessings from God.  There are just so many times during 'motherhood' that you have to laugh.... or cry.  There is no middle ground.

It begins long before the child is even born.

I have chosen to recount these stories on my blog for your entertainment, and because my dear husband specifically requested that some of them did not make it to the blog :)

  1- a complete stranger asks me if I am pregnant. I look down at my ginormous belly, 

then back at the lady with a puzzled expression and say "no, why do you ask?".

2- While dropping of Carson at school, he says "good-bye" to me... and my belly.

3- I ran into a friend from work while on a bike ride with my family.  We talked for a minute.  

When I rode away in an attempt to catch up to my family, I heard him yell 

"you need a bigger bike seat!"

4- I officially count as 2 people with our student loan company.

5- I have recently had to start wearing compression stockings. 

Which is a good laugh for the whole family.  It takes me about 10 minutes to put them on, 

and leaves me tired and sweaty.  They go from toe to waist and allow very little bend.

 It is impossible to bend over anyway, but now I have to do it without the use of my knees!

6- I am developing Touretts syndrome. My round ligament is stretching, and causes a sharp pain in my side every 30 seconds.  Which is fun and all, but it also causes me to jump,gasp, groan, moan, swear, and other wise express my surprise and pain.  When my husband expressed his annoyance at this behavior I decided that the perfect solution was to poke him in the side every time I felt the sharp pain.  Problem solved!

7-The laugh Curtis will NEVER live down.  I was valiantly trying to get my dear husbands attention one evening.  I had planed and prepared, just short of leaving a trail of rose petals.  He walks into the room... laughs.. then says "I just need to go take out my contacts".

To his credit, he did come running back to beg forgiveness, saying he didn't mean it like that. 

We did laugh and I promised to tease him about it FOREVER. 

The day it all started

 

Its true.  I remember the day it all started.  I doubt my dear husband would recall the event, I was decidedly more distraught than he was.  Our first child was about 8 months old and I was worried that we were pregnant again.  However, all the home pregnancy tests were coming out negative.   I made an appointment  find out what was going on. The nurse at my doctor's office smiled at me like I was an idiot when she handed me a urine cup.   It was only a few minutes later that she came back apologizing about not believing me, and that their test had turned out negative also.

As upset as I was about a surprise pregnancy it was only a few months later that we were seeking medical assistance to get pregnant.

It went on for years.

 

Every step was a little more expensive than the last.  Every step was a little more painful than the last.  Our insurance company would require several rounds of each treatment before allowing you to try the next. It started with a simple pill, then they increased the dose, and increased the dose.  I went to an infertility clinic with doctors that specialized in my condition.  I was quite positive that my problems were about to be solved and that I would be 'knocked up' in a matter of months.... that was 3 years ago.

We did round after round of IUI's (intrauterine insemination). Each round required multiple blood tests and an ultrasound every 3 to 5 days all month long.  Carson became really good at attending these crazy appointments.  He always sat patiently behind the curtain and would help the doctor by turning off and on the lights.  I cant remember him complaining about any of it.  Our Nurse and Ultrasound Tech knew him by name and were always impressed by what a good kid he was.

There was only one time that I decided to give up.  It wasn't just a "I need a break", but a real true "I QUIT!!" mad at God,  hate my life, moment.  Our latest round of IUI hadn't worked. I sat staring at the tiny vile of medication that couldn't hold 10 drops of liquid but cost $500, and had a wee bit of a melt down.

I began my secret/not so secret investigation into adoption.  I would have done it in a instant... if I could only convince Curtis.  He has always been a big supporter of adoption, but just didn't feel like it was time for us to pursue that option yet.  He kept telling me "not yet" every time we talked about it.  

He was eventually able to convince me that I was not the walking money pit, and that our efforts and high medical bills would all be worth it one day.

As of January of this year we met the qualifications with our insurance company to try IVF.  Oddly enough , as of January of this year our insurance company also changed its rules, thus not requiring any of the IUI treatments. 

!@#$^%$#@

is the only thing that comes to mind.

The IVF process is very exact.  It involves very specific medication taken at very specific times (down to the hour).   I am not going to go into more detail about the process.  Just know that it really, really hurt.  I think this picture helps to describe what happens.

 

That. And the fact that I woke up after the procedure crying.  They were able to extract the astronomical amount of 36 eggs.  Nearly all of them survived to be embryos, and 9 are currently suspended in cryofreeze  as the worlds most expensive popsicles.

When it came time to put the embryos back inside the Mama (me) we went to the hospital fully prepared to have the them put back two. Twins.  However, the doctor had had bit of a tantrum.  He said he was willing to talk about it with us all day, but in the end he would only be putting one embryo back.  Instead of having a power struggle right there in the operating room we agreed to follow his plan instead of ours.  His was better anyway.

The good news is that we have 9 more embryos. What are the odds that they are ALL boys?