Hold still!

I seem to remember my mother continually telling me to 'hold still'. At the time I couldn't figure out her obsession with moving...or the lack of moving. It was hard to 'hold still', especially if you were unaware that you were moving around in the first place.
So now, I find myself easily bothered by my son's continual motion. Not all the time. Just when I am trying to 'hold still'.
So the other day I observed a funny conversation between Carson and his Dad while watching a movie. Carson was practically doing the potty dance!
Dad-"hold still"
Carson- wiggling around
Dad-"hold still please!"
Carson- holds still for one millisecond
Dad-" Carson, what is the problem? Will you please hold still?"
Carson- with a big sigh " Dad, I'm just not the 'hold still' kind of guy".
Me- laughing, because I know it is the truth.

Laughter and pregnancy....?

"It is always more fun to laugh"

I am beginning to see that my ability to laugh at myself is one of my blessings from God.  There are just so many times during 'motherhood' that you have to laugh.... or cry.  There is no middle ground.

It begins long before the child is even born.

I have chosen to recount these stories on my blog for your entertainment, and because my dear husband specifically requested that some of them did not make it to the blog :)

  1- a complete stranger asks me if I am pregnant. I look down at my ginormous belly, 

then back at the lady with a puzzled expression and say "no, why do you ask?".

2- While dropping of Carson at school, he says "good-bye" to me... and my belly.

3- I ran into a friend from work while on a bike ride with my family.  We talked for a minute.  

When I rode away in an attempt to catch up to my family, I heard him yell 

"you need a bigger bike seat!"

4- I officially count as 2 people with our student loan company.

5- I have recently had to start wearing compression stockings. 

Which is a good laugh for the whole family.  It takes me about 10 minutes to put them on, 

and leaves me tired and sweaty.  They go from toe to waist and allow very little bend.

 It is impossible to bend over anyway, but now I have to do it without the use of my knees!

6- I am developing Touretts syndrome. My round ligament is stretching, and causes a sharp pain in my side every 30 seconds.  Which is fun and all, but it also causes me to jump,gasp, groan, moan, swear, and other wise express my surprise and pain.  When my husband expressed his annoyance at this behavior I decided that the perfect solution was to poke him in the side every time I felt the sharp pain.  Problem solved!

7-The laugh Curtis will NEVER live down.  I was valiantly trying to get my dear husbands attention one evening.  I had planed and prepared, just short of leaving a trail of rose petals.  He walks into the room... laughs.. then says "I just need to go take out my contacts".

To his credit, he did come running back to beg forgiveness, saying he didn't mean it like that. 

We did laugh and I promised to tease him about it FOREVER. 

The day it all started

 

Its true.  I remember the day it all started.  I doubt my dear husband would recall the event, I was decidedly more distraught than he was.  Our first child was about 8 months old and I was worried that we were pregnant again.  However, all the home pregnancy tests were coming out negative.   I made an appointment  find out what was going on. The nurse at my doctor's office smiled at me like I was an idiot when she handed me a urine cup.   It was only a few minutes later that she came back apologizing about not believing me, and that their test had turned out negative also.

As upset as I was about a surprise pregnancy it was only a few months later that we were seeking medical assistance to get pregnant.

It went on for years.

 

Every step was a little more expensive than the last.  Every step was a little more painful than the last.  Our insurance company would require several rounds of each treatment before allowing you to try the next. It started with a simple pill, then they increased the dose, and increased the dose.  I went to an infertility clinic with doctors that specialized in my condition.  I was quite positive that my problems were about to be solved and that I would be 'knocked up' in a matter of months.... that was 3 years ago.

We did round after round of IUI's (intrauterine insemination). Each round required multiple blood tests and an ultrasound every 3 to 5 days all month long.  Carson became really good at attending these crazy appointments.  He always sat patiently behind the curtain and would help the doctor by turning off and on the lights.  I cant remember him complaining about any of it.  Our Nurse and Ultrasound Tech knew him by name and were always impressed by what a good kid he was.

There was only one time that I decided to give up.  It wasn't just a "I need a break", but a real true "I QUIT!!" mad at God,  hate my life, moment.  Our latest round of IUI hadn't worked. I sat staring at the tiny vile of medication that couldn't hold 10 drops of liquid but cost $500, and had a wee bit of a melt down.

I began my secret/not so secret investigation into adoption.  I would have done it in a instant... if I could only convince Curtis.  He has always been a big supporter of adoption, but just didn't feel like it was time for us to pursue that option yet.  He kept telling me "not yet" every time we talked about it.  

He was eventually able to convince me that I was not the walking money pit, and that our efforts and high medical bills would all be worth it one day.

As of January of this year we met the qualifications with our insurance company to try IVF.  Oddly enough , as of January of this year our insurance company also changed its rules, thus not requiring any of the IUI treatments. 

!@#$^%$#@

is the only thing that comes to mind.

The IVF process is very exact.  It involves very specific medication taken at very specific times (down to the hour).   I am not going to go into more detail about the process.  Just know that it really, really hurt.  I think this picture helps to describe what happens.

 

That. And the fact that I woke up after the procedure crying.  They were able to extract the astronomical amount of 36 eggs.  Nearly all of them survived to be embryos, and 9 are currently suspended in cryofreeze  as the worlds most expensive popsicles.

When it came time to put the embryos back inside the Mama (me) we went to the hospital fully prepared to have the them put back two. Twins.  However, the doctor had had bit of a tantrum.  He said he was willing to talk about it with us all day, but in the end he would only be putting one embryo back.  Instead of having a power struggle right there in the operating room we agreed to follow his plan instead of ours.  His was better anyway.

The good news is that we have 9 more embryos. What are the odds that they are ALL boys?

Yes... I am Pregnant. Why do you ask?

Its time to come clean.

I'm Pregnant.

Shocking, I know.

Some of you who see me on a weekly/daily basis are having a good laugh right now.  It's not exactly a well kept secret.  I have had perfect strangers inquire about my current state of enceinte. So I have taken to wearing t-shirts that announce it to the world.

Some or my favorites are:

"knocked-up"

"What's Kickin"

"Does this baby make me look fat?"

and "We're hungry"

Our "Little Brother" is due on November 2nd.  I have waited this long to announce it to the world because of some worries I had about his health.  If I find the energy/emotional strength, I may expand on that another day.   I might also complain about the process we had to go through in order to even become pregnant.  Because after all the stress, expense,  pain, and time, doctor appointments, blood tests, etc,  I feel that it is worth documenting.  So that I can be reminded how badly we wanted him  in our family.... and, so one day I can remind him how badly we wanted him in our family too.

May the month of vacations

We went on two vacations during May.  I was gone from work so much that on one paycheck I had only worked two whole days.  It was a sad little paycheck, but totally worth it.

Our first vacation was a trip home to Utah.  It had been a long time since we were able to make it home and see some of the family.  The last couple of times we tried there was always a snow storm or something to prevent us from going.  

We had a great time, and kept very busy seeing all the people and restaurant that we missed.  Plus, Carson had cousins to play with every single day.

 We had a late Easter celebration, complete with egg dying and candy egg hunts.

 The Andrews family just before church.

 For some reason, Carson is a "one friend at a time" type of kid.  This vacation he latched onto his older cousin Isabel anytime the Langhaims were around.  However,  he still recognizes Taylor as his pen-pal cousin.

 The boys, hiding from...everyone else.

 Because taekwondo is best in church clothes on grandpa's lawn.

 Our second vacation was not so far away.  My parents and siblings meet up with us on Cape Cod for all family filled fun we could stand.

 Our first day was a little chilly, but not enough to keep us from the beach.  We spent most of our time that day chasing 4 little boys down the beach.

 

The second day we drove back to Boston for a day at the Children's Museum.  It was very cool!

 They did warn us to bring a change of clothes... and its a good thing too!

At the beach Grans and Papa style.

 Two of my brothers and Curtis played catch for awhile.

 Crazy kids! They had to prove that they could get into the water, even though it was ice cold.

The light house. We went on a light house hunt.  By the end of the day we had seen five, but there were tons more that we didn't get to.

Its tradition in my family to take pictures looking into the sun.  No... the scrunchy face does not make us look better!!

 Plimoth Plantation... the entrance.

 ... the village

 ...the boat, aka the mayflower II

...and the rock. (while I was taking this picture someone drove by and yelled "Its just a rock")

he he he. yes. I can see that now. thanks.

  Thanks for the fun time guys!  We were so happy to have you come and visit.  I'm very sorry about the one bathroom thing :) glad you lived to tell the tail.

By the end... we were all exhausted. Just like we planned.

 I don't really get the "Cape" thing.  Everyone loves going to the Cape.  It has tons of history, great hiking and biking trails, sea food, great beaches, tons of fun things to do.  But... I still think I'm a tropical Island kind of vacation person.  Mostly one of the "all inclusive resort" type of person.  Where the only thing I do all day is reapply sunscreen to myself and the family.

Next time.

Tornado??

As of Tuesday last week, I was unaware that Massachusetts can have tornado's. I was at work on Wednesday afternoon when I heard that we had a "Tornado Warning". I didn't think it would really happen. Several hours later I was watching the tornado through my kitchen window. Crazy? well...yes.
We were only a half mile away from where the destruction began. From my viewpoint it looked like a big dark cloud with some shingle pieces blowing around in the wind. There was no noise. In fact it was eerily quiet. I noticed that the gazillion squirrels that usually fill the backyard were absent, along with the birds. It went past the house very quickly and was gone form my view in less than a minute The whole thing was very strange... but I still didn't think it was a real tornado. When we got the first phone call from someone wanting to see of we were OK, I jokingly told them "Yes, but my lawn chair was knocked over and the power is out... so the ice cream is melting".
Since our power was knocked out so I didn't know the seriousness of the situation until several hours later when Curtis was unable to drive home due to the destruction. He was forced to park several miles away and walk home through torrential rain and lightning. Curtis was shocked by the mess the tornado left behind and kept telling me "you would never believe it, there are trees down everywhere".

It wasn't until the Friday that I saw the full extent of the damage. We went to Sister Robbins home to help remove trees. I now wish that I had brought the camera. There were whole homes missing and devastation everywhere you looked.
The schools were closed for 2 days and on Sunday our church services were cut short so we could get out and help some people. The ward organized 2 different groups and then sent us to work.
Each time we go out to help we cut and haul wood or branches until we are all to tired to do anymore. Carson has been right there with us learning to serve, and loving that he can help too. We had a person give us water bottles one afternoon and she was amazed that there were kids helping. I said to her "Why not? he can carry branches too. He wanted to be here". I guess she was very impressed because she came back later with snacks for the kids.

February-ish

 I say February-ish because some of  my post updates actually occurred in January.

Carson had his 6th birthday.  This year I decided not to have a "friend" party for his birthday.  They tend to be a ton of work and I just couldn't find the enthusiasm required.  So we had a potter-party and a birthday night with the 3 of us.

Potter-party : The last minute gathering of family/ friends in celebration of a birthday and/or group of birthdays.  Such parties ALWAYS occur on Sunday night.  No gifts are exchanged.  Ice-cream and cake is provided.   Little advanced warning is given to the guests...aka- while walking to your car after church on Sunday.

 Poor Carson has been sleeping on a pillow I made for him when he was 2.  It was a sad little pillow.  I thought he loved it.  Turns out, I'm the one that likes small lumpy pillows.  Curtis has informed me that I am the ONLY person who likes small lumpy pillows.

I have been promising pictures of our snow piles.   It has been a really long time since I have seen this much snow.  It just kept snowing, and the temperatures were sooooo cold that it just got deeper and deeper.  These photos were taken around the middle of January, since then we have had about 5 days with temperatures above freezing.  So now it is a few days from March and we still have most of this snow.

 A group of Residents were having a party at a ski resort in Vermont.   We didn't originally think we could attend because of work schedules.  We really wanted to go, so we crashed their party :)  So some friends let us sleep on their couch and we hit the slops first thing Saturday morning.

Curtis tried out some snow-blades... or short skis.  It was kinda funny looking, but he didn't fall once.

I will admit to falling...hard, several times.  My excuse - the snow here sucks and I didn't have time to sharpen and wax my board.

Carson had his first snowboard lesson.

(It was wicked expensive, and I could have done a better job!)

 But he loved it!

 Carson passed another belt test and is now an orange belt.  

He has been practicing a ton and is getting really good.

 And finally.  It is good to know that even though I feel like he is growing up fast, he still likes to play inside a box.  Some things should never change.

Real snow and other fun stuff

 It seems they finally got it right.  A real snow storm! a whole 22 inches of snow from a single storm.  This is the first snow storm we have seen where they were perfectly justified in closing the schools and shutting down the whole city.  Yesterday we received a phone call from the school telling us that classes would be canceled.... before it even started snowing!  (Not the first time!) Curtis and I just roll our eyes and smile. Wimps!

And then, a real snow storm.

We did some real shoveling several times today.  It feels just like home  :)

The good news?  No school again tomorrow!!

 The next few pictures are of Carson's newest favorite game... Hunt Mom.

This stack of pillows represent my "fort".

 While Curtis and Carson get to have this as their "fort".

 Did I mention that they also get all of the ammunition and all of the guns, except the 1gun and 3 bullets Carson has allowed me to use.

It usually ends up with the boys using me as target practice.  I have taken to using safety goggles during these "family fun events", because Curtis seems to find it extra funny when he hits me in the head.  I will admit that it is hard not to laugh when they seem to find it so funny.

 Carson and his new tie.  Just to prove that he and cousin Cole are twin-ers, even if they live 3 time zones apart. 

 Ohhhh.  Carson lost his first tooth!

 Correction.  Dad pulled his tooth out with pliers, but it accomplished the same goal.  His permanent tooth had already come in behind the baby tooth and we were anxious to get the baby tooth out.

 Ok.  So there is a good explanation for the last two pictures.  Mostly, it is just really funny.  Carson and I were home alone, and behaving a little goofy.  When we realized that his new magnifying toy could be used for entertainment.  We took pictures.  I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time.