Recently I find my self wondering at work and in my social life....does anyone know about me? Does anyone suspect? Is there some morsel of thought or expression I left unchecked in my daily interactions with the people in my life? Did I give it away that I dig guys without intending to?
The answer, more and more as the days pass in my life, is I don't really fucking care.
Confidence in myself - the rightness of who I am and how I am meant to be - is blossoming. Anyone who is close to me who may have a problem with my sexuality is officially handed their hat and given leave. I am not going to obsess over it anymore. It has been such a long time in finding this clearing in the woods, but the light is shining through.
It has it taken me 40+ years to find this place.
I have been watching a lot of gay cinema recently. Initially I was drawn to the depictions of sex and soft-core porn aspects of it. Now, I find myself much more interested films that have great character and relationship development. Intimacy between two men has come to touch me deeply - much more than the thrill of seeing two naked guys roll around for a few minutes. Seeing love develop between men is so deeply mysterious and satisfying to me.
