…sometimes almost magic…

I need to have more sex so I’ll have more to post about. And you know, so I’ll have more orgasms and naked happy time. But mostly so I can keep up blogging.

The idea of posting an ad on craigslist keeps popping into my mind. But every other time I’ve done that I procrastinated emailing the few promising prospects and nothing ever came of it.

I guess I could actually talk to the decent person or two who’s answered my ad on collarme. Maybe I shouldn’t be invisible all the time on Yahoo.

Ok, really I just need to talk to people instead of bookmarking them and forgetting, or procrastinating for ages.

Though the more I think about it, the less it seems like I actually have time for another relationship. There’s Kitten, and Derek who I don’t see often enough, and the fifty million projects I need to finish, and the whole finding a new job thing.

I could make time for some sex though. But there’s all that pesky getting-to-know-you crap that has to go beforehand. Most inconvenient.

Ah well, perhaps I should try seducing Kitten sometimes.

I think my hormones are actually getting back to normal since I stopped using the NuvaRing. It’s amazing how active my libido has been lately. Of course, now I’m trusting only in tissue-thin rubber to keep me childless each time I have sex. A one in one hundred chance is still more than I’m comfortable taking, considering what’s at stake. Though the odds are probably more in my favor than that, as my only current penetrative sex partner is probably pretty well chemically castrated by now.

But back to that increased libido thing… Derek was over on Monday night, for the first time in almost a month. I wanted to throw him down and fuck him so very much. Well, not really, because what I want to do (or not do, actually) is troublingly at odds with the role I want to have. I need to figure out how to maintain the feeling of power and control and all that while laying on my back with my knees up to my ears. And how to be touched without being felt or seen, because fuck-it-all but I still have some issues with my body when it comes to being touched or looked at by someone who hasn’t expressed an obvious, ardent interest in it.

So, instead of having Derek shag my brains out, I tied him up. I think I’m falling into a bit of a routine with him, unfortunately. I do that with Kitten too – our sex follows almost the same pattern every time. But anyhoo. Derek bought an exceptionally long rope, and I used it Monday to put him in a full body “cage” sort of thing, which turned out to be much easier than one would think. Not the most versatile tie-up, though it did leave his dangly bits nicely accessible.

And I have to say, again: God, I love giving head. That is my happy place, where nothing exists except the fantasticly erotic, delicious, teasing torment being delivered by my tongue and lips. It’s pure pleasure, literally a sex lollipop, except with the candy kind I always get impatient and bite them. Of course, I just remembered that I used a fair amount of teeth on Derek the other night, which I don’t think I’ve ever done before. He seemed to enjoy it though.

I’ve been really into biting lately. Feeling feral, and beastlike, and fierce. Every time I look at Kitten, I want to sink my teeth into the soft, creamy flesh of her upper arm, or the side of her neck, or the freckled back of her shoulder. I want to bite her hard enough that I’ll see the dark flash of a bitemark when she strips her shirt off after work the next day. It’s not even a marking sort of thing though – I don’t want to claim ownership with it, necessarily. It’s more of a vampire without fangs kind of feeling. She doesn’t let me bite her very hard, sadly. My girl is definitely not into pain of any sort. Derek probably has a bruise or two though..

[Two and a half years ago, I met MJ for the second time. (I met her for the first time two and a half years before that, funnily enough.) This is what I wrote in my paper journal the day after we parted.]

I need to write, because I don’t want to forget. There are so many things, so much gorgeous detail packed into three days of living.

The biggest, most vivid thing is the night we went to Madame’s. MJ was radiant. She was so excited, thrilled to be out. Her eyes were just glowing the whole time, and she was practically vibrating. So happy and I am so glad to be the one to do all this with her.

She really is gorgeous. Big brilliant blue eyes, big brilliant smile that lights up her whole face – that’s [boyMJ], too of course. I know he hates his smile, because it’s so big, but I love it. It’s funny, the things he doesn’t like about himself are the things I think are lovely.

Anyhoo, back to [girlMJ]. It’s hard to put words to what I want to say, oy. I loved taking her out. She was… so much less nervous than I would have thought. She had surprising confidence, poise. She’s beautiful, elegant. Adorable.

This writing is going too slowly. There are so so many things – big things and tiny details, and I don’t want to forget a single bit of it. Perhaps it will be easier, faster if I don’t try to be organized or cohesive.

From the trip two years ago, the sensation I remembered so clearly was the curve of MJ’s waist and hip when she was laying in bed. Even two years later I remembered so vividly how it felt to slide my hand under the flannel pajama shirt and over that warm skin. The strongest tactile memory from this trip is similar. For such a slender person, MJ has the softest little belly. Skin as velvety soft as flower petals. I couldn’t keep my hands off her. Even walking down the street, putting my arm around her waist was a sensual pleasure. Even her feet on my legs in bed felt good. I love the way she slept curled up in my arms. Her head pillowed on my arm, my cheek to her forehead, her legs hooked over mine, my arms around her waist, or her shoulders, or caressing the soft flesh of her belly, her waist, the bones of her hip. Dropping kisses on her forehead, her ear, the tip of her nose.

She was so delighted with Madame’s. Terry, our waiter with jeweled eye makeup, glittering chest, red beret. They served us salad and the most luscious warm chocolate cake with ice cream, even though the kitchen was closed. Everyone there was really friendly and welcoming. The tiny stage with red lights around it and the little curtained alcove next to it. They sat us right in front of the stage. We were the last customers there, and they still performed for us. MJ had a sour green apple martini and got drunk – I had to help her walk out of the restaurant to the car, amidst much laughter (ours and the staff’s XD). I found out that she loves beets, esp. pickled ones. She was nervous at first, and kept shaking her leg. She was giddy, and told me she was in love, those gorgeous eyes shining at me.

We got lost on the way there. I drove home in the giant pickup truck while wearing my huge boots and sitting too far from the steering wheel.

We kissed a lot in the restaurant. I really liked that. I liked that we were happy lovers, I liked that she was mine. I liked showing the people around us that she was mine. But mostly I liked it because she was so open.

She slept for a few hours yesterday after I penetrated her and made her come all over her little plaid skirt. She was curled up in the nubbly blue blanket with her head on my arm. I didn’t sleep at all, just held her and petted her, and watched her sleep. I whispered in her ear that she’s beautiful. I wish I could have photographed her like that. Her profile in the dim light was achingly gorgeous. And she purred while she was sleeping. ^_^

I wish I could write more now. I wish I could infuse these pages with every memory, every sound, taste, touch, sight. I wish I could put down every word that was spoken, every inflection, every smile, every sigh. Every emotion stirred by those things.

Yes, I’m smitten, though I know it’s not wise. It’s worth the tears.

Fuck being sick. I haven’t seen Derek in weeks, since before Christmas. First he was sick, then I was sick. Now Kitten’s getting sick, so I can’t host a play session, and I’m still not really over whatever illness I’ve had. *sigh*

‘Tis the season, I supppose. I’m looking forward to some snow. Maybe if it finally feels like winter’s really here, the sick phase will seem more worthwhile somehow. It seems silly to get a cold when it’s barely even cold outside.