…sometimes almost magic…

Can’t really write now, but just have to say how very much I’m looking forward to the upcoming weekend with Xel in NJ (ha, never thought I’d be excited to go to Jersey!).  Oh, the potential debauchery, how it makes my soul sing!

(It’s going to be odd going through the vendor area with Xel though, him being all anti-leather and me getting aroused by the smell of it, wanting to brush the tails of the floggers over my naked breasts and such.)

[It’s upsetting that I haven’t been able to coordinate schdules with Derek lately though.  Was hoping to see him before the long weekend away.  Still haven’t had a chance to try out my homemade toys with him..]

I’ve been incredibly tired lately, can’t even remember the last day I felt really alert.  It’s almost all my own fault, of course.  Watching too much Doctor Who, going to bed too late.  There’s so much I want to write about here, but this could actually be the night I get a full eight hours of sleep.

Soon though, I’ll write a proper post very soon.

I did end up going to the party Saturday night, and am very glad I did.  The people were very cool, and there was actually socializing!  I didn’t sit in a corner by myself all night!  And I almost got to play a bit with someone. She left before we did anything, but there was mention of the next party though.   

At some point, I will be writing a real thoughtful post here.  I even have one in the works.  So tired lately though.  Need to sleep more.

This is the first Saturday in 6 years that I’m not working or off doing something somewhere.  I was totally lazy, but couldn’t enjoy it, feeling all day like I should be doing something productive.  Even when I was being productive I still felt anxious or guilty.  Guess this whole weekend thing is going to take some getting used to.

Meh, my rsvp message from early afternoon isn’t showing up on the yahoo group for the play party tonight.  Dammit.  Party starts in less than two hours now.  It looks like I’ll be spending the evening with Kitn, which isn’t such a bad thing, especially since she’s been all sweet and wanting to spend time together, and she was disappointed that I was gone last night.

She’s going to be home soon.. I think I’ll do some quick cleaning so she can’t tell what a lump I was all day…

What a bummer.  Last night’s party turned out to be rather a waste of time and money.  The burlesque show was fun, but it lasted less than an hour, and then… nothing.  I think three couples used the bondage furniture, and three couples had sex in the not-very-voyeur-friendly swingers room.  None of the kink scenes was even remotely interesting to me (one spanking, one brief single-tailing, and one thigh-high-booted woman with a small middle-aged man on a cross).  And not a single person spoke to me all night.  I suppose I could have approached someone, but.. where?  The bar seats were full, and even in the other rooms, people were paired off or in groups talking amongst themselves. 

I was pleasantly surprised by the mix of people there, however.  Though that probably had a lot to do with the fact that it wasn’t a strictly kink event.  But there were a lot of people in regular clothes, and there was surprisingly little pro-dom inspired fetishwear. 

It’s always a quandary for me to figure out what to wear when I go out.  Masculine or feminine?  Dress up or dress down?  I want to meet people, especially people who would like to date or have some hot sex with me, and I want to look appealing to anyone who might lean that way.  People always say “just be yourself!” but… which aspect of myself?  ‘Cause I don’t know about you, but I’m not that simple.  There’s a reason I’m a queer poly switch – I like variety.  Hell, I am variety.  Usually I say “fuck it” and end up wearing something comfortable but trying to work the tomboy look, something not too masculine or too feminine. Last night’s cargo shorts, tank top, and button-down men’s shirt seems to have become something of a uniform for me. 

But anyway.  Being pleasantly surprised.. At play parties I’ve attended in the past, it always seemed skewed heavily toward white, hetero couples.  But even though there really weren’t very many people at last night’s party, there actually seemed to be a pretty fair mix of races and orientations – that alone makes me want to go back.  I wonder if that’s become typical of the local scene, or if last night’s event was just different.