biting

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March 18, 2008

Physical.

Posted by almostmagic under bdsm, biting, Derek, dominance, femdom and fucking, feral, good sex, insecure doms, kinky sex, marking, sex
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I scratched him. I violated one of the first limits he ever gave me, and I only have a vague recollection of it. I also bit him so hard that he’s still bruised three days later. And I beat his cock too viciously.

I feel like an asshole. Granted, I only have the vaguest, orgasm-hazed memory of digging my fingers into his back while he pounded me into sweet oblivion with a dildo. But I know better than to break his skin. And I knew how much the other stuff would hurt and that he wouldn’t like it.  But the scratching – that makes me a bad dom.  That makes me less trustworthy.  And that breaks my heart, because violating his trust and hurting him that way is the last thing I ever wanted to do.  And everything else is pointless if he doesn’t feel completely safe giving himself to me. 

…But I have a confession to make:  in my heart of hearts, I like that I scratched him. I don’t like that I did something I had promised I wouldn’t. That part, I hate. But there’s a possessive, primal something in me that loves the idea of clawing, ripping, making a boy bleed. It’s a form of penetration, I think. And the evil, rape-fantasy-having part of me liked the nonconsensuality, the power, his helplessness, the violation inherent in doing something he specifically said not to…

And the biting. And seeing the toothmarks on him. That – that was hot. That was exciting. Satisfying and frustrating at the same time, sensual and sexual and animalistic and physical. The whole encounter was more physical for me than anything I’ve done in a very long time. Physical in the sense of really being engaged, physically present, touching him with more than just my hands, getting closer than I’ve allowed myself to before. And it felt good. It felt so good, and fulfilling. Not to mention the fucking. Which is what I was talking about in the other post, being just what I wanted. But I’ll have to leave the details for later, if at all, as it’s far past time to turn off the computer for the night..

 

January 23, 2008

tongue and teeth

Posted by almostmagic under bdsm, biting, bondage, cock, Derek, Kitten, oral sex, sex
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I think my hormones are actually getting back to normal since I stopped using the NuvaRing. It’s amazing how active my libido has been lately. Of course, now I’m trusting only in tissue-thin rubber to keep me childless each time I have sex. A one in one hundred chance is still more than I’m comfortable taking, considering what’s at stake. Though the odds are probably more in my favor than that, as my only current penetrative sex partner is probably pretty well chemically castrated by now.

But back to that increased libido thing… Derek was over on Monday night, for the first time in almost a month. I wanted to throw him down and fuck him so very much. Well, not really, because what I want to do (or not do, actually) is troublingly at odds with the role I want to have. I need to figure out how to maintain the feeling of power and control and all that while laying on my back with my knees up to my ears. And how to be touched without being felt or seen, because fuck-it-all but I still have some issues with my body when it comes to being touched or looked at by someone who hasn’t expressed an obvious, ardent interest in it.

So, instead of having Derek shag my brains out, I tied him up. I think I’m falling into a bit of a routine with him, unfortunately. I do that with Kitten too – our sex follows almost the same pattern every time. But anyhoo. Derek bought an exceptionally long rope, and I used it Monday to put him in a full body “cage” sort of thing, which turned out to be much easier than one would think. Not the most versatile tie-up, though it did leave his dangly bits nicely accessible.

And I have to say, again: God, I love giving head. That is my happy place, where nothing exists except the fantasticly erotic, delicious, teasing torment being delivered by my tongue and lips. It’s pure pleasure, literally a sex lollipop, except with the candy kind I always get impatient and bite them. Of course, I just remembered that I used a fair amount of teeth on Derek the other night, which I don’t think I’ve ever done before. He seemed to enjoy it though.

I’ve been really into biting lately. Feeling feral, and beastlike, and fierce. Every time I look at Kitten, I want to sink my teeth into the soft, creamy flesh of her upper arm, or the side of her neck, or the freckled back of her shoulder. I want to bite her hard enough that I’ll see the dark flash of a bitemark when she strips her shirt off after work the next day. It’s not even a marking sort of thing though – I don’t want to claim ownership with it, necessarily. It’s more of a vampire without fangs kind of feeling. She doesn’t let me bite her very hard, sadly. My girl is definitely not into pain of any sort. Derek probably has a bruise or two though..

 

July 12, 2007

old diary: "making my mark"

Posted by almostmagic under bdsm, biting, domination, femdom, feral, marking, old diary, sadism
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another diary-x entry:

Monday, May 17, 2004

His face looks so angelic when he’s.. at my mercy. He was here last night, stretched out in my bed.. Leather cuffs linking his wrists above his head, my collar around his neck. I told him I loved the way he looked like that.. “You look like you’re mine.” In a small, little-boy voice, just above a whisper he replied, “I am.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The toy came over last night. I didn’t let him come for the first time in a long time.

I feel good about that. He was originally supposed to help me move furniture around, but when the time came, I just didn’t feel up to it. I wasn’t intending to do anything hot n’ heavy, but we of course started making out on the couch.. He was rather close to coming I believe, and in that adorable little-boy voice that gives me the warm-fuzzies he said, “Will you tie me up?” (This is supposition of course, since he never really talks to me, but) He wants that so bad. I think he really wants to be helpless, truly at my mercy. I think he wants to really be able to let go, to really be controlled and dominated..

He wants the intensity that I so often hold back.

Near the end of our time together last night, I pushed him over and bit the back of his shoulder (that fleshy part where the neck, shoulder, and back meet.. god, I love sinking my teeth into that part of a boy.). I was a little rough, and I bit him pretty hard. Mmm.. {I have to admit, thinking about that right now is more than a little arousing.} After I took off the cuffs and collar and he was pouting because he didn’t get to come or stay longer, he said, “I really liked when you pushed me and bit my back. Do it again?” Hooray, feedback! He said once before that he could feel that I was holding back, and he wanted me to be able to let go and really do what I want..

I like biting him, and boys in general, because it satisfies this very deep, almost feral part of me. It’s the same kind of feeling with leaving bruises or scratches.. marking him, in all senses of the word. It’s claiming and overpowering and devouring and owning.. It’s physical and primal and real on a deeper level than most people live in. That’s the beast in me, and she’s only had a little taste.

I’m getting rambly and somewhat obtuse here.. This is something that I want to ponder and need to put into words, to record. In leather&lace She talked about “the pull of the dark.” Thinking about that entry of hers and also slaveheart.. Fuck, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.. It is nice though to read about others’ experiences of this sort of feeling. (Oh lord, if only I could have a soundproof room with adequate equipment, and a few hours with the toy.. That’s not too much to ask for, is it? :P)

 

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