I finally found the words I’d been struggling with for the last week, and sent N an email yesterday.  It’s amazing how much better I felt afterward.

Derek came over last night for a couple of hours.  Finally!  It was fun, though I do wish I’d done more and been more focused.  It was a pretty casual scene, but we did try out the violet wand I got off of ebay, and I tried a new rope harness on him.  We came to the agreement that 60 feet of rope is far too much to work with enjoyably.  Maybe it was just the harness I did, but it took way too freaking long to get him untied, ’cause there was just so much damn rope.

I made him clean for me.  It really made me smile to see him naked, with the harness gag on, on his knees under the dining table with a hand broom.  Just something about that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. *grins*  I like that it’s servitude, it’s something he almost hates doing, it’s something that’s truly for my pleasure.  I had him do that at the very beginning of the evening.  I wanted to start things out by.. putting him in his place, in a way.  I also made him drink out of his dog bowl when he was thirsty.  I love that.

I really like him on his knees, I like the way it puts him lower than me, I like the way it’s a physical, visceral demonstration of the power dynamic, I like that the position alone is vaguely humiliating or degrading or something.

That was the real scene for me, that beginning, with him cleaning and drinking out of the bowl on the floor.  The rest of it was fun, but didn’t quite have that power.