Oh wait! Before you judge me and spew abuses, I mean this Wife of mine, whose ‘husband’ I am, whose subtlety is unimaginably minuscule 😀

She and I met at work in 2012, and shockingly, have been friends ever since. I say shockingly, because…

1. She is a fashionista, while I’m forever in my check-shirt, jeans and sneakers.
2. She knows every makeup brand’s every product, while I know nothing of it nor use any except for a Shringar kajal and a Maybelline mascara (both of which, by her standards, are ‘ugh’).
3. She is all about pink, while I hate the mere mention/sight of that colour, much less having it on/near me.
4. She is all about displaying her affection, while I am all about ‘I hate being hugged!’.
5. She is all about nothing-more-than-unintelligible-conversation-sounding English ‘music’, while I’m all about real, legit ‘music’ 😛
6. She is all about selfies and Insta-moments, while I always choose to stay behind the lens.
7. She is all about Hollywood and Bollywood, while I know nothing — esp about the Kardashians 😛
And the list goes on…I’ve asked her this in 2012, I still ask her this in 2025: ok, tell me this…how’re we friends, again? 😀

But we’re still friends, 13 and a half years later. If there’s ONE thing we have in common, it is that we can laugh uncontrollably at the jokes we’ve shared from 2012 😛 Jokes that only the two of us find funny 😛

So, we were talking about some of those in general, and I realised there were so many more ‘Queen of Subtlety’ stories that I had not documented (for future use, of course!) here. So here are some of those.
P.S: This is more a journal entry for her and my sake, than for any readers who still come on this page (which I seriously doubt) 😛

So, continuing from the four most famous stories on the Queen’s subtlety skills here…

The Queen of Subtlety’s… Story #5

We once went to Goa, sometime is 2013 or 14. If I remember right, it was a 5-day trip. I had one standard cabin-luggage sized suitcase, while sae has two huge ones AND a small one AAAAND a bulky handbag. Seeing how she’s packed her entire wardrobe, I did double check the tickets to make sure we were indeed returning in 5 days 😛 Anyway, we reached, we checked in, we went out to the beach and had a lot of fun laughing at everyone, everything, and ourselves. Day 1 went as planned — no muscles were put to work. On Day 2, we woke up early for no reason, and decided to enjoy early-morning beach-time. That’s where the plan fell apart. We were walking, talking about random stuff when suddenly I hear a nearly orgasmic “Oh!” and see her running in the opposite direction! I called after her, but to no avail. And she returned sometime later, panting, clutching her sides, and said “Oh my God, that was Arunodhay Singh.” and I go “Who the hell is that?” for which she berated me and explained. From then on, her vacation turned into this waiting-for-Arunodhay-to run-by-so I can-run-behind-him-hoping-he’ll-see-me-and-fall-in-love-with-me thingy, while I sat around and laughed at her and what she saw in Arunodhay Singh 😛 All that running she did in those four days would put Usain Bolt to shame. If only Mr Singh had seen her even once. Well, rumour has it that the man was running for his life from the crazy woman chasing him down the beach and has never visited any beaches since 😛

The Queen of Subtlety’s… Story #6

The Princess (as she likes to be called) was always found to be munching on something or the other. mind you, she has the fittest body in that entire 8-floor office building, if you ask me. And a mind strong enough to keep to her ‘healthy’ diet. And yours truly was always found to be spewing out one PJ after another. Once, while she was having her daily dose of yogurt, I said something funny and…all that yogurt from her mouth sprayed on to me. No kidding! And, she did it again another day with biscuits. And both times, we were caught blaming each other saying th exact same thing: “This is all your fault…you’re always cracking some stupid joke or the other”. “No, this is all YOUR fault because you’re always eating something so you can spray it on me!”

The Queen of Subtlety’s… Story #7

The Princess loooooves Mariah Carey…and butterflies…and pink…and shoes. And she loves throwing surprises on birthdays. So for her’s, I decided to surprise her: with hand-painted canvas shoes that had Mariah, butterflies and pink! A friend of mine was doing this as a business, so I thought two birds, one stone, etc. After weeks of planning with the artist, identifying the right shoe type, imagery, design and all that, I gifted her a pair that cost somewhere about Rs 1600/- (in 2013, that was a lot of money for m :P). She was all awwww, oooh, yaaay about it…before it struck her that it was SHOES. Panic! “You dumbo, don’t you know that gifting shoes can kill the friendship forever!?” While I’m stunned and trying to make sense of this absolute ridiculousness, she says “It’s ok. I can just pay you for it and we’ll continue to be friends.” Guess what she paid me? Eleven bucks. Yup. INR 11. That’s it. Surprisingly, we’re still friends, despite the loss I suffered. And, I’m sure she threw it away to be doubly sure the shoes don;t kill our friendship, ‘coz I’ve never seen them again, despite practically living at her place so many times after.

The Queen of Subtlety’s… Story #8

Later that day, the entire office gang (we were an all-girls team) had planned a surprise part for her at her apartment. We asked her boyfriend (who we collectively hated) to take her for a movie and keep her out until 8 pm or so, so that we could decorate the apartment, get the cake in and hide ourselves. It took us all a lot of time to get the apartment decked up, especially with lots of pink balloons. By the end of it, we were all so tired, we just wanted to have her home, yell surprise and just plonk down and rest 😛 Anyway, when Princess arrived and we heard the key rattling against the door, we all hid. The door opened, we heard hr go “Oh shit, I got the wrong door!” and the door banged shut 😀 We meant to surprise her, but got VERY surprised ourselves. As we all dissolved in laughter, she sheepishly opened the door again, having realized she won’t be unlocking other apartment doors with HER KEY! While both of us don’t remember why, it was also the day she broke up with that boyfriend of hers who we all hated. Good day, indeed!

And there are a lot more.

How she first came to me at work in 2012 and said “Hi. You look like Sridevi. Can we be friends?” Apparently, me looking at her warily with my expression screaming NO did not waver her resolve to befriend me. 😐

How she once told me “Let’s go to Daddy’s Deli for lunch” and I said “Ok, but next week we go to Mummy’s Mumbai” and she said “Ooh, where’s that!?” 😐

How she is always thinking about food: wondering what to have/make for lunch in the middle of breakfast, planning what’s for evening tea while wolfing down her lunch, and worrying about dinner while sipping on tea 😛 In 2025, her own words about 2012-14: “this food thing was funny when I was skinny and starved. Now it’s just like bitch wtf how much will you eat” 😀

How I’d crack a PJ, she’d go “Hey Bhagwaan…” in exasperation, I’d respond with a “Hey right back!” and get either whacked or eye-rolled at. 😛 How I’d crack yet another PJ and she’d go “Jack!” (short for jackass) and I’d say “Oh, Rose!”and get mouth-farted by her, or sprayed by whatever is getting chewed in there 😀

How for her birthday, a colleague, her sister and I gave her some fake gifts that we made a big show about (a pen, 3 color pencils, a boring diary and some other crap of that kind), she went “Oooh, these are so cute, I love them, thank you girls…”, nearly cried trying to cover up her huge disappointment and then screamed “Oh, thank God those were fake gifts, I hated them” when we finally gave her the real stuff 😀

How when she showed up for my birthday without informing, saw my perplexed expression (which was the introvert in my trying to come to terms with her sudden appearance) and thought to herself “Oh my God, I’ve become so fat she doesn’t recognize me!”

Ok, I think this is enough for today. I’ve been sitting here laughing loudly by myself this entire time, and my maid’s been giving me strange looks. Am sure she thinks I’ve got a few loose nuts and screws in my head.