Friday we received the news that the kids said no to being adopted.  Again.  Our hearts are sad and confused.  What we believed with all of our heart was God leading us to adopt the kids has turned into a no again.  All of the doors God opened, all of the money he raised, looks like a dead end street filled with grief.

There are no words to describe the confusion.  There is not a way to figure out the reasons why.  All we can do is trust what we know to be true about our God.  All we can do is trust and allow God to fight for us and the kids regarding this situation.

There are things going on that do not seem just.  There seems to be more to the story than what meets the eye.  We know that God will not let injustice prevail if that is a part of this story.  We know that his heart is for the orphan ( The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin. Psalm 146:9).  We know that this is a spiritual battle and that God already has the victory.

For now, we trust.  We trust and we wait.  We do not know what God has in store.  We do not know if God will choose to work a miracle.

What we do know is that the battle belongs to the Lord.  We know that we do not fight against flesh and blood but…against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places (Eph. 6:12).  What we do know is that he loves these kids more than we ever could and through all the wickedness in this sin cursed world, His plan will not be thwarted for their lives.

All of this is not a surprise to our God.  He will bring beauty from ashes and He will receive ALL of the glory.  We praise Him for being our comfort and peace.  We praise Him that He is in control of all things.  We praise Him for His love for the orphan and ourselves.  We praise Him that He is not a God of confusion but of peace (1 Cor. 14:33).

So in all of these things we choose to move our minds from confusion to trust.  We trust that His plan is bigger than ours ( For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  Isaiah 55:8-9), that His knowledge is unsearchable (Who has measured the Spirit of the LORD, or what man shows Him His counsel? Whom did He consult, and who made Him understand?  Who taught Him the path of justice, and taught Him knowledge, and showed Him the way of understanding?” Isaiah 40:13-14), that He loves the orphan, and that He is working all things together for our good (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28)

Through all of these things, we are choosing to trust and believe in the faithfulness and goodness of our God.

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;  therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for him!”   Isaiah 30:18

We appreciate your prayers!

I’m back! I have been delaying my post because we are not able to share many of the exciting things that I would like to write. Siting facts doesn’t seem like the most fun thing to read but I do want to keep everyone updated on what is going on! So…after not posting for a little over two months, I have a lot to update you all on!

FIrst, most of you know this but we were able to raise right around $7,600 dollars from the “GIve 10 dollars to bring A and M home?” back in June. We needed to raise $6,100 dollars to send our dossier to country. In typical God like fashion, God brought in above and beyond what we needed for that portion of our adoption. We now have the remaining $1,700 saved for the remainder of our adoption which will include fees such as flights, 2-3 weeks of lodging/food, attorney fees, etc. We serve an awesome God!!! Thank you again for all of you who contributed to support bringing A and M into their forever family. We feel so loved and completely blessed by your outpouring.

Second, we had an incredible summer! I wish that we could share pictures with you but unfortunately we are not able to share photos online at this time. Our time with the kids was more than we could have asked for. God answered multiple prayers time and time again.

During our five weeks, we were able to build a deeper bond with the kids than ever before. Their English improved enormously which opened up the wonderful world of conversation, thus keeping the hand gestures, translater and charades to a minimum. We were able to have many “deep” conversations with the children which gave us a pinhole view of their short lives and furthered our bonding.

Lastly, all of our paperwork is turned into country and we are awaiting our referral. Before we get our referral, the kids will be asked if they want to be adopted. Once we get our referral, we will accept it and then will wait to get our travel dates for our first trip ( three trips are required).

On our first trip, we will be there 2-3 weeks depending on the time required. Our adoption will not be finalized at this time but will be looked at as another hosting period. Our adoption is only complete about two weeks after our second trip. Our second trip will be 3-6 months after our first trip.

Please pray with us that the kids hearts will continue to be bonded towards ours and that they will say yes to being adopted. It is a big decision to leave the only place, people, language, and culture you have ever known without looking back. Please pray the kids will have supernatural wisdom and strength and that those around them will be supportive of them being adopted.

We will keep everyone updated as soon as we hear any news from our agency. Thank you for your prayers and support!

– Ang and James

Psalm 105:3-5
Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he uttered,

My ultrasound aka our dossier!  🙂  Got everything back from the secretary of state yesterday and it is ready to go!!! 🙂  This is a huge milestone as we have been working on this since literally last August!!!  We need $6,100 dollars to send our dossier to country and as of today we have $2,819 dollars.  Please pray for God’s provision!

We are excited to announce that all $6,200 dollars of our hosting money has been raised!  We give glory to God who is the provider of all things!!!  Thank you to everyone who has supported us as God has placed that on your heart!

Today I listened to a sermon on Matthew 6 which I found very fitting for not only today but our upcoming adoption process.  God is the provider of all things and we can trust him for all things.  I am continuing to learn not to be anxious but to rely on God by faith, trusting that he loves us and will take care of us as we follow him.

Matthew 6:25-34  

²⁵“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?²⁷ And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? ²⁸ And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, ²⁹ yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?³¹ Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. ³⁴ “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Update on our yard sale:  We had our yard sale last weekend.  Some of our friends were kind enough to invite us to have it at their house as they were having a neighborhood yard sale.  It wasn’t a great day for the sale as it was raining on and off pretty much the entire time.  We packed things up early and have a lot of items left to sell.  We are planning on having another sale June 1st at our house.  Thank you to everyone who gave towards the sale.  If you would still like to give towards the upcoming sale let us know and we’d be happy to try and come pick things up or meet you somewhere!

Please continue to pray:

– For the kids hearts to be knit together with ours and have a desire to be adopted by us

– For us to continue to bond with them during the hosting period

– For the kids to come to know Christ as their savior

– For us to be able to raise all the necessary adoption funds

With love,

Ang and James

*Most of you that are reading probably know where our story left off.  If not, check out the blog post previous and “About Us”*

I sit here trying to write and do not even know where to start.  God is a God of wonders.

Luke 18: 27 “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”

Two weeks ago, as I was checking my email, I saw a subject line titled “Madars and”.  My heart skipped a beat at first glance but I quickly reeled myself in.  “It’s probably an email pertaining to our past hosting situation”, I told myself.  As soon as I read the email my heart exploded!  There was no way to contain my excitement.

Our Latvian coordinator has been contacted by the orpan court asking if you would like to consider re-hosting the children you hosted in summer 2012, the situation change a little bit.

We can’t give too many details other than that, but after finding out more, there is now the opportunity to pursue their adoption into our family again as well.  Just know that everything is positive and hopeful!

This is a HUGE answer to prayer.  Madars and Anna have continued to be on our hearts although we did not think we would be the family to adopt them.  James and I have been praying that God would bring them to salvation and give them a Christian forever family.  I have family members who have never stopped praying and have been more faithful prayer warriors than James and myself.

The fact that Madars and Anna are even available for hosting is a miracle in and of itself.  We had given up hope that we would ever see them again in this lifetime.  We no longer prayed that we would be able to adopt them but that God would use them in powerful ways, give them a Christian forever family, and protect them.  We had no hope they would be with us again.  We would have never imagined that we would have this opportunity.  We truly believed God had closed the door to our adopting them.  I am reminded of Ephesians 3:20 ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  We serve a God who delights and has the power to do what we cannot imagine.

*Why are you hosting if you are trying to adopt?  I figure we may get this question a lot.  We are hosting for multiple reasons.

1.  We have not seen the kids in almost one year and would like our relationship to be fresh in their minds and hearts as we pursue them as our children.

2. We have sought wise counsel from various sources and have been advised to host.

3. Adoption is a long and tedious process and we have been told it will be six months at best before our first trip to their country.  We obviously have a long way to go.  Most adoptions have many twists and turns and take some time if they are successful.  We cannot say that Madars and Anna will 100% be in our family one day but we are praying and working to that end.  If we only end up hosting them then we will be thankful for that alone.  We know God is sovereign over all things and we are continuing to pray for His will as we move through this process.  We are excited to see how He moves!

Psalm 40: 5  You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you.  I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.

Psalm 77: 11-15  I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old.  I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.¹³ Your way, O God, is holy.  What god is great like our God ¹⁴ You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples. ¹⁵ You with your arm redeemed your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph.

Please pray…

– For the kids hearts to be knit together with ours.

– For the kids to want to be a part of our family and move to America.  This is difficult because they are leaving everyone and everything they know.

– For new relationships to be built with others in their country.

– For the necessary funds to host and adopt.

Yesterday we got a call we never imagined getting. It was the director of our adoption agency. “The children you are hoping to adopt, Anna and Madars…they do not want to be adopted.” My heart sank as I listened in complete disbelief. She continued, “It is nothing you and your family did or didn’t do. They just do not want to be adopted. They could be attached to their current foster parents or they could just be scared to leave the only life they know…”. The conversation went on. A conversation I never could have imagined having.
We are shocked and heartbroken. We feel paralyzed by grief. We feel as if we are reliving our miscarriage just four months prior.
We love Madars and Anna.  We feel as though they were our children. We pray for them and prayed over them. We had our future planned with them. We imagined Anna’s wedding day and what a great mother she would be. We saw how determined Madars was and were excited to see how God would use him. We had hopes and dreams to see their lives unfold however God led them. We are now left with the memory of them and long to be reunited.
Our will is not always God’s will.  We are hurting but we know God is sovereign and loves us. We know his plan is perfect. We know he makes our paths straight. He has a plan for Madars and Anna and He has a plan for us. Unfortunately those plans most likely do not involve us as their parents.

Proverbs 3:5-6 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

God’s plans do not have to make sense to us. They are not always easy. Sometimes very confusing.  He is faithful and we praise Him for being our only hope. Our Savior who lived His life as the ultimate sacrifice. Dying on the cross for the sins of those who would reject him.
Despite all the pain we feel, the grief we are burdened with for Anna and Madars, and the rejection we have faced, we still know God loves us. He has experienced grief far worse than we can imagine. Rejected and scorned by those he died for and created.
We are confused and hurt but know God loves us because he died for us. This is where we find our hope.

…the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.  Job 1:21

Where this leaves us:

1. We may have the option to host the kids again this winter. We are praying for wisdom if this is even an option. We do not know if this is a road block or a clear closed door from God.
2 We are trying to find out more info on why the kids said no. This will help us make a decision on how to move forward/and or bring closure to this situation.

How to pray for us:
1. Please continue to pray for Anna and Madars. They still have a very bleak looking future. Pray for their protection and that they would come to know Christ as their Savior. Pray that they would find a forever family even if that is not us.

2. Pray for wisdom and healing for us.

We are so blessed to have the friends and family who support us like you do.  We are so thankful for our church family.  We thank God for all of you!  You mean more to us than you know.

We have had a wonderful weekend with family as my brother and sister-in-law and their kids are here from Pennsylvania.  It is so good to reconnect with them and see how our nephews and niece have grown!  We are so thankful for such sweet and loving children in our family.

Every time I look at our nieces and nephews, I can’t help but think how exciting it will be when we get together as a family and have Madars and Anna with us.  As I was taking a picture of the kids last night, I couldn’t help but imagine showing Madars and Anna the pictures down the road with their little faces missing from the photo.  I wonder what questions they will ask.  Where am I?  Why aren’t I in the picture?  Adoption, as beautiful as it is does involve loss in some form or another.  Loss of biological parents, the pain of infertility, not being able to carry your child in your womb, not growing in mommy’s tummy, wondering why your biological mommy and daddy didn’t keep you, etc.

As I thought about the photo I was taking last night, I couldn’t help but notice what a beautiful picture of redemption it will one day be.  Yes, feelings of loss will be involved but I hope and pray that these feelings will be supernaturally overpowered by redemption.  I pray that as our children look on at pictures taken before they were with us, they will remember the place they came from and how God has cared for them.  I pray that they will know and feel an overwhelming sense of God’s love and redemption.  I pray they will see their story as one God has written and perfectly planned out.  I pray that they will experience the love Christ has for them and feel His healing power.  I pray that they will not become bitter but will see God’s hand in their life from conception.  I hope and pray that they will know and believe deep down in their souls that God has written their story from the beginning, has a magnificent plan, and will redeem their hurt. Most of all, my prayer is that these pictures will point them to the gospel of Christ.

Ephesians 1: 3-7  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace…

Jeremiah 1:5  Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you…

I eagerly await the day when Anna and Madars are in these photos 🙂

Update on the adoption: We are continuing to work on our home study and are very hopeful that it will be done within a month.  While we are working on our home study, we will simultaneously be working on the documents for our dossier.  We were encouraged by one of the awesome people that we are working with that we could possibly travel sooner than six months.  Basically, the more we stay on the ball, and the faster we work on things, the faster things go.  We are moving along as quickly as possible and will continue to do so as long as we have the money to do so.

The attorney has requested for the court to ask the children if they want to be adopted by us.  If the court is willing to ask before our dossier is in, we could find out in two to three weeks.

God has amazed us again with his provision. He has provided the 1600.00 dollars for our home study and the first 1700.00 dollars for our first agency fee.  All praise and glory go to Him as this is NOTHING of our doing!   We are humbled by the generosity and heart of God’s people.

Please be on the lookout for some up and coming fundraisers 🙂

Please pray…

– For Madars and Anna’s hearts to continue to be connected to ours.  It is difficult to communicate with them without having the video aspect of Skype to help us.

– For Madars and Anna to want to be a part of our family if that is God’s will.

– For their continued protection.

– For the court to ask very soon if the kids want to be adopted by us.

– For continued financial provision.

Until next time…

Ang and James

Two days ago we took Madars and Anna back to the airport for their flight to Latvia.  Many tears have been shed while we also have great hope in our hearts that we will see them again soon.  These sweet children have stolen our hearts.  We are so thankful for God’s graciousness and kindness in bringing them into our lives.  They are a blessing beyond anything we could have imagined. Anna’s contagious laugh, Madars gravely little voice, Polly Pockets and baseballs strewn about the house, barbies in the bathtub, someone constantly asking to play the Wii (not always lovely at the time 🙂 ), hearing “please gum, please”, please swimming,  bingo games to learn english, hours at the pool, precious prayers in broken english to our great heavenly Father, kisses goodnight, big bear hugs, I could go on and on.

We miss them so dearly and the house is quiet without them.  We think about them constantly and everywhere we go there are always reminders of when we were there with them last.  How different our trip to Target would be if they were riding along in/on the cart with us, or what our plans for the day would look like if they were still here.  Don’t get me wrong, it was nice to have those rare trips to Target alone after hundreds of questions throughout the day, trying to communicate through Google translate, and cleaning up lots of messes 🙂  They are worth it.  Worth the messes, worth the language barrier, and worth whatever frustrations we may have experienced.  We love them, miss them, and cannot wait for them to be a part of our family.

As you have probably put together from our blog title, after six months of waiting, we finally found out Madars and Anna and available for adoption!!!!!!!  We have signed on with an agency and have started on the mounds of paperwork required for international adoption.  There are many obstacles to overcome on this journey.  The first major obstacle is that although Madars and Anna are available for adoption, at this point they are only available domestically.  This is a small process in and of itself.  There are a couple of things that could happen.  The first option is that the children will be asked if they want to be adopted internationally within the next month.  If they say yes, the required paperwork is completed and the process normally takes 30-60 days for the kids to be cleared.  The problem we are running into is that most courts will not ask the children if they want to be adopted internationally until the adoptive family has their dossier in to the country.  After being burned several times, the courts are reluctant to ask the children in fear that the family will back out and the children will be devastated.

This process involves/has several issues.  First, as I point out above, the choice to be adopted is up to the child.  Both children have to agree to being adopted by our family.  I understand this process in part but I also believe that a young child has a difficult time seeing his/her future and making decisions to that end. Madars and Anna seem to have wonderful caretakers and we believe they are in a good environment.  This place may have been the first time they have felt loved and secure.  Making the decision to leave the only stability they have ever known may not be an easy one.

Back to the two different scenarios above.  If the courts will allow the children to be asked before our dossier is in, we will not have to wait and wonder if our time and money is in vein.  If the courts will not ask the children, we complete all paperwork, send in our dossier, and the children will be asked then.  Even after this point, the children can still say no when given the option in the final ruling of the adoption.  Basically, nothing in set in stone until the final ruling when the children give their answer.

Where this leaves us:  We are continuing to pursue them and make them a part of our family and are in the process of beginning our home study.  If we get a “no” that is when we will stop.  Next week, the children will possibly be asked if they want to be adopted internationally.  We ask that you PLEASE be in prayer for Madars and Anna.  Please pray for them to be given Godly wisdom at this very young age, please pray for them to know and remember the love we have for them, and that God’s will be done.

We have been so blessed by many of you praying for and encouraging us throughout our hosting time.  We covet your prayers as we go through this journey of adoption.  If you feel God is leading you to support us financially, please click the tab above labeled “How to Help” or “Fundraisers”.  Here we go!!!

Love,

Ang and James