其實
合約會不會繼續
都說不準

把握時間
勇於嘗試
盡自己專業和責任
其他的都是附加值

可還是有一點點貪心
希望能為他們
也為自己
圓個小夢
延續更大的梦

我可以的
但
幾時能做到呢？

Like a child

No one likes to be treated like a child.
As if they couldn't do things on their own, for themselves.
As if they couldn't decide for themselves what is best.

As if they are helpless and powerless.

Not me.
Not my Bro.
Not my mom.

Stop with patronising actions, words, tone.
Stop with I-know-better attitude.
Stop with I'm-doing-you-a-favour mentality.
Stop with feel-good-about-myself-for-helping mentality.

Even when they are not capable enough to do something, they still can complete it ultimately with invisible, alternative, non-patronising support.

If you can do it with the kids, when why not your loved ones?

Do what you preach

Catalyst

越來越覺得... 我的角色是催化剂.

是怎樣的效果... 這...

很难說.

Repetition

Lately, her mind is occupied with thoughts of sweeping / mopping the floor.

In the morning, she'll ask at least 6 times about the floor.

Have I swept the floor?
Do I need to mop the floor?
Did I mop the floor yesterday?

Sometimes, she sweeps the floor again after sweeping the whole house.

Telling her to sit down and rest doesn't work. Because she'll ask again after her nap.

Sometimes I answer with patience. Other times with exasperation. Sometimes I answer like the robot. Other times like a mad woman about to pull out all her hair.

I think I need to create a mechanism for her, to check off the chores her mind has set for her to do.

But I'm predicting, her memory won't sustain long enough for her to do that.

人生无常。
下一秒会不会还健在，都是天意。

珍惜当下、珍惜所有，时时刻刻都用心体会，才是最重要。

And, please respect the patient's feelings even if you cannot understand them. Respect that they will need time to come to terms and accept their new reality.
Just support the person with patience and gentleness.

And look not on the person's illness/disability, because the person whom you knew previously did not disappear. They do not need dramatic changes to their relationships when their life just changed so.

Anti-establishment

So... The anti-establishment/institution side of me is pretty......

What's the word...

Strong?
Rebellious?
Self-righteous?
Egoistic?
Dominant?

Woo-kie...

I can't decide if it's going to be a problem or is already a problem.

Half a year since I returned

不知不覺返來已經有半年了。
話短，又唔短。話長，又唔係。

有啲事，适应返，就好似冇離開過。
譬如揸車，迟到10分鍾，對不公的事选择沉默。

有時又覺得，自己前兩個星期偅喺倫敦。過自己的生活，有更多時間、Freedom。主要生活更簡單、方便、低消费。

I still remember how divided I was about returning home. On one hand, I didn't feel like I was part of London/Europe. 只是一個過路客。But I did feel a sense of belonging there. After all, London was my home for a year.

And a huge part of me, the filial and loyal part of me couldn't wait to be home.

And now I'm back.

And more disappointed with the political scene. Even though anywhere else is no better.
But more so with pervasive narrow-mindedness, inefficiency, unethical practices, self-serving behaviour, tidak-apa-ness.

I can't help but feel agitated about all that. However, they have revealed to me what I stand for and hold dear. And I think my greatest life lesson begins here.

Thankfully family, work and spiritual life is as wonderful as I imagined. With just the right amount of adversity. It'd be too perfect otherwise.

Interestingly, I am no longer as attached to Korean entertainment. Not for lack of time. I just have less tolerance for them. Not even shows I watched regularly. Feels like they take away too much of my time from meaningful things.

Unfortunately, I have less time to bake. Especially sourdough bread. Have not been successful in finding the right rhythm to it. Been sorely missing the whole process and challenge.

That's when I seriously miss being back in London.

Baking sourdough bread

If everything can be solved with money, what then is the joy of putting in effort?
If I only factor in the cost, I wouldn't have baked anything.
If I only factor in convenience, then I wouldn't learn to cook.

You don't share my joy and peace and learning through baking.
But please, do not belittle my effort and heart.
Please, do not complain that my equipments are a nuisance.
Please, do not brush off my interest as nothing but fruitless.

I enjoy baking.
I enjoy the challenging process.
I enjoy the peace it brings.
I enjoy working my butt off to make better bread, cakes, puffs.

Your comments... However nonchalant or will intentioned... Hurts.
It grates my nerves and slashes my heart.

I do not bake for any gain.
I do not bake to cater to your taste buds.

I bake for myself. And for people who appreciates them.
You just have the fortune to taste them.

Now I understand why I'm reluctant to bake for you. And why I stopped caring about what you think of what I make.

More than ever, I want my own space. And my own kitchen. Now.